Tag Archives: personal growth

The blame game

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It’s easier to point a finger outward than it is to point it inward.

It’s more comfortable to see the faults in others than to accept the faults of our own.

It’s less work to hold others accountable than to accept responsibility.

Accusations are not as scary as being vulnerable.

It’s simpler to rationalize than it is to be critically introspective.

Accepting responsibility rather than blaming is hard work. Owning your own shit is hard work. Making things right when things have gone wrong is hard work… especially since sometimes right just means better, and no matter what you do, you can’t get back to the way things used to be.

But when you play the blame game nothing gets better. In fact, things usually get worse. Most punishment and discipline is about blame. Being restorative means sharing the responsibility to make things better.

Accepting ownership of your own actions and consequences, that’s when personal growth happens. That’s when we get unstuck. That’s when we begin to create an empowered reality rather than a sense of victimization.

How do we make things better? That’s not always an easy question to ask, and it’s usually very hard to answer. But the answer is never blame.

The Challenge of Incremental Change

Incremental changes are easy if you are a bee or an ant. Social insects contribute minimally to a greater goal and so collecting a droplet of nectar or moving a single grain of sand can quickly lead to incredible results. Incremental changes are hard if you are human.

Incremental changes rarely happen because incremental changes are seldom what’s really needed. You don’t get fit by adding one workout to your week. You don’t break a bad habit by adding one day of discipline before repeating the habit. There is usually a greater change needed to actually get the incremental changes you want. You aren’t going to make any significant difference collecting a droplet of honey or moving a single grain of sand.

What can you do on another logical level to achieve the incremental change you want as a positive by-product of doing something else? Example: You want to be less distracted but email eats up too much of your time. You can’t ignore email, it needs to be addressed, but maybe don’t open email until you do one thing on your ‘to do’ list that you want to do! Now you have a daily routine of focus, rather than trying and failing to be less distracted many times over the course of the day.

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Related: Leading Change – This is the post that I got the featured image from (above). It goes along with 2 other images. Together they focus on Embracing Change, Resisting Change, and Inspiring Change.

Stretching and flexibility

Right now, I’m sitting in an upright position on the floor, with my legs at about a 60° angle, my knees straight, and I’m trying to lean my body forward as I speak into my phone and doing voice to text for this post. I’m not very flexible and to do this I actually have to arch my back to keep me from falling backwards. For me flexibility in my hips and hamstrings has always been a major issue resulting in at the very least daily discomfort, and often pain in my lower back. And even though I know that stretching is extremely important, in my mind the discomfort of stretching sits on the pain continuum rather than on the discomfort continuum. I hate it. But at my age it’s a choice of doing it or losing even more flexibility and suffering more pain in my later years. So here I am, stretching the very muscles I hate to stretch, after warming up with some cardio on the treadmill for 20 minutes.

I was thinking about my distaste for physical stretching and flexibility and it made me wonder, where else in my life am I inflexible? Where else do I need to stretch? I can think of a few patterns in my communication that are ineffective. But I also think I’m blind to the areas I probably need to stretch more. Unlike my back pain that tells me I must physically stretch, the pain points in other areas of my life aren’t big enough to make me see them.

I think human nature makes us more likely to get defensive about our more inflexible areas of our personality, rather than openly seeing them as areas to stretch and grow. It hurts to admit our non-physical flaws, flaws we can’t see. But these flaws that we hide from ourselves, and get defensive about, are the flaws where we probably need to stretch ourselves the most.

What are the pain points that you experience? Are you stretching yourself in those areas?