Tag Archives: healthy living

Not Firing All Cylinders

When your body isn’t working as smoothly as it should it’s hard to stay motivated. My back and neck issues continue to plague me, and I find it hard to give 100% to anything I do. My workouts have become mostly cardio and stretching, but at least I can do this maintenance. However it’s not just physical, mentally the injury is wearing me down.

It’s hard to keep my attention on something other than the discomfort and pain I feel. Moments like right now are rare, where I’m not actually aware of my shoulder or arm. I feel normal. But I’m going to get out of bed and slowly the pain will creep in. Still, I’m lucky because yesterday pain is what woke me up, and there was almost no break from it all day.

I have such sympathy and empathy for anyone and everyone that deals with pain regularly. I’m approaching 6 weeks of this and I’m finding it very hard to stay positive. Yet I know this will eventually pass. I know I’ll get all my cylinders up and running again. The trick is to care for myself now, and let my body heal. But until it does, it’s hard to think about other things clearly. When the pain is deep, the pain becomes topical… it sits on my mind and reminds me of its presence… it stays on my mind and doesn’t let me do anything without a reminder that my body is uncomfortable. When my body isn’t running well, neither is my mind, it’s not like they are separate operating systems, they both need to be working well. And that needs to be my main focus.

Maintenance mode

I’ve been struggling with an upper back injury that has involved shooting pains down my shoulder and neck pain and stiffness for over a month now. It’s frustrating. Regular massage and physiotherapy help but so has pain medication. I try to avoid taking painkillers (with chronic back issues there is almost always a reason to take something, so I only do so when the pain is restrictive and unrelenting), but I’ve had no choice the last few weeks.

This has made my fitness routine hard to follow. But I can still get on an exercise bicycle and not hurt my back. I can walk on a treadmill, and my hand movements help loosen my back. Running is out of the question. Still, I can also do leg workouts that don’t involve weights. And of course I can stretch… and need to be stretching.

Fitness isn’t just about constant improvement, it’s also about going into maintenance mode and doing *something* to take care of your body. Fifteen years ago my back would crash and it would takes months to recover. Now, this issue I’m dealing with is the worst I’ve dealt with in years. I know that a focus on fitness is what has reduced my down time, my days feeling hurt enough that pains and discomfort are constantly on my mind. However, the lack of these experiences over the last few years amplifies just how much this bothers me right now.

Yet while the pain is bothersome and pretty consuming, I am thankful that this is now an anomaly and no longer the norm. I’m thankful that I can still get some exercise in and maintain my fitness enough that I’m not having to start over when I recover. A commitment to exercise even when I’m struggling, and to be smart enough not to overdo it or exasperate the injury, helps me stay focused on my long term fitness goals.

It’s not about giving 100% a hundred percent of the time. It’s about showing up every day and doing something to care for myself. Some days that means pushing what I can do. Some days that means choosing one part of my routine to do at maximum effort. And some days that means doing the bare minimum. What’s not a viable option is opting out.

Flaked out

I spent almost the entire day on the couch. I watched the NCAA Women’s Championship basketball game, the first full sports event I’ve seen on television in years. I slept. I left my phone charging away from me a good part of the day. I slept some more.

I finally got off the couch and got on the treadmill at 5:30pm, and I’m back on it an hour and a half later writing this. Now the day wasn’t a total waste, I had a great Zoom conversation with my uncle early this morning. And I had a bit of work that needed to happen, but beyond that the day was spent on the couch doing nothing.

Normally I’d look at this day and think of the time on the couch as wasted. But not today. I’ve had very little sleep the last few weeks thanks to a back and shoulder issue. I’ve felt like I haven’t been running on all cylinders, and I needed some flake out time.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to get back to doing a whole lot of nothing for at least a couple more hours. Maybe I’ll end the evening with a hot tub. Guilt free pleasures on a Sunday night. And I have no regrets for taking the time to do not much of anything… completely guilt free.

Sleep and pain

I’m waking up between 3 and 4am with back and shoulder pain. It’s wearing me out. I had a great Physio session yesterday. I felt wonderful afterwards. I enjoyed a hot tub before bed, and I felt pretty good going to sleep. Then the ache creeps in.

I’ve suffered back pain for most of my life, but it’s usually muscular in nature and a good deep massage is all I need to make things better. This nerve/shooting pain is different. It sits in my brain as a constant distraction, with spikes of discomfort that consume my thoughts. Still, in the daytime I can handle it. I can stay distracted with work, I can pay attention to other things.

But at night anything I do to distract myself also keeps me up. I end up being too comfortable to sleep and so I get up. I try meditation, I try to focus on my breathing, and then I resort to looking at my phone or listening to music. What I don’t do is sleep enough.

Napping in the daytime just makes me less tired at night then I go to bed too late. I’ve got to break this cycle soon. It’s really getting to me. I think that’s obvious by how much I’ve written about it recently… I can’t help it when it’s the main thing on my mind.

Ready or not

It’s hard to believe I’m back to work tomorrow. I just wish I was running on all cylinders. My back and arm have been bugging me for weeks now and when the pain hits it’s all I can really think about. I have such incredible empathy for anyone who has to deal with pain every day. I know I’ll get through this and move back to normal, but for some people chronic pain is something they can expect every day.

The challenge for me is that unlike my usual back pain this is a pinched nerve and I’m getting referral pain causing my arm to ache. When it aches, that’s all I can really think about. It sits with me, both physically and mentally, taking up bandwidth in my brain.

My energy levels go way down and so does my ability to deal with things other than the discomfort I’m feeling. Today was a wasted day. I’d hoped to get a head start in things but I just didn’t have it in me. I have a Physio appointment set for after school tomorrow, I just hope the day goes better than today.

I’m reminded that I don’t look any different than I would if I wasn’t dealing with this pain and that’s something to remember when I’m at school… ready or not, students and staff will be showing up tomorrow, and some of them won’t be at their best, just like I might not be. We don’t always know the pain people are carrying, physically or emotionally. And that’s worth remembering even when I’m feeling great.

Wacky weather

I’m back in Vancouver and went for my 8am walk with my buddy, Dave, up the Coquitlam Crunch this morning. It was slushy midway up and snowing at the top. Later in the day it snowed at my house.

Now, at shortly after 5pm, it’s gorgeous, sunny, and warm. It’s a beautiful spring day. That’s what you get in the Pacific North West near the mountains.

There are days when I’m scraping the frost off of my car in the morning, windshield wipers are going full speed at lunch due to rain, and I’ve got the air conditioner on or windows down in the late afternoon. I’m don’t know if I’ll ever get used to this wacky weather, it’s like experiencing completely different days within one day. It’s just wacky!

Pain and perspective

Over 25 years ago my back was in bad shape. I was so compressed that I lost almost two inches of height, and I was in pain every day… for 9 months. An amazing Physio changed my life in two sessions. I still remember the day I woke up without pain, two days after my second Physio appointment. I was in the shower trying to figure out what was wrong, and it was only when I was brushing my hair later that I realized what was ‘wrong’ was that my back wasn’t hurting.

For the past week and a half I’ve been feeling a dull but constant ache in my back and neck. It has affected my sleep, and almost every waking moment. Just having a conversation can be mental gymnastics as I try to pay attention to the subject matter and not be distracted by the ache of my back… an ever present dull roar that steals my attention away.

While I’m feeling a bit better tonight, and actually fell asleep for a few hours without interruption from the pain, I am reminded of the respect I have for people who live with pain daily. I know that while I feel this way now, I will have a time in the next week where my back issue will be resolved and this dull roar will go away.

For some people pain is a permanent part of their daily lives. Dealing with this constant ache reminds my to be more thoughtful and caring for those who suffer daily without the possibility of pending relief. Between my stint of 9 months in pain mentioned above and a later 6-month bout of chronic fatigue, I’ve had 2 moments in my life where I’ve thought, “Is this what my life is going to be like for the rest of my life?” In both cases the answer was ‘No’, but how different my life would be if that wasn’t the case. I’m reminded of this for a third time now, even though the pain I’m experiencing now has only been around for less than 2 weeks.

For anyone who lives with daily pain, I truly empathize. And for those who live the luxury of a mostly pain-free life, remember to be kinder and more thoughtful towards those that do suffer. Chronic pain is a horrible master, and we aren’t built to be servants to it. So when we are faced with daily pain, it takes a lot of energy to live a happy and fulfilled life. It’s challenging to stay positive and to have gratitude. Pain management is challenging with long term pain in a way that is hard to understand by someone who has only experienced short term pain. This past week and a half has humbled me and reminded me of this.

Realistic targets

Whenever I see people get on diets or start jumping into crazy workout schedules I think about how long they will last? Is this a lifestyle change or a temporary change? And often the ones that are temporary are focused on unrealistic targets that they are very unlikely to get to.

Have a listen to James Smith’s TikTok about ‘Optimal’ targets (oh, and be prepared for some f-bombs and colourful language):

I wrote a post recently about optimization rather than maximization, and it was somewhat similar, but this really hits the nail on the head.

Good habits, optimizing small patterns of behaviour, and living a good life without ridiculous sacrifices or hours upon hours of relentless dedication. Not 3 hour a day workouts, but at least 45 minutes five days a week. Not broccoli and chicken every day, but being thoughtful about junk food and making smart choices.

Not unachievable targets, but realistic goals over long periods of time where you’ve maintained good habits for eating, sleeping, and working out. Fit for life, not looking fit for my holiday bathing suit. Healthy living, not perfect diets and workouts. Because when the bar is set too high, when you believe the fitness magazines that tell you how to get a 6-pack in 6 weeks, you are not seeing thé tremendous sacrifices those abs require. We need to set a realistic destination, then enjoy the journey.

Pain and discomfort

For the past couple years my back has been pretty good. By pretty good I mean that I’m often feeling discomfort, but I’m not feeling pain. I exercise, stretch, get deep massages, and visit my hot tub to keep my back as healthy as possible. But sometimes I trigger some pain and it builds.

Yesterday was rough. My mid back felt like I was constantly flexing and all the muscles around it tightened to protect my back from crashing. Sitting or standing, I felt no relief. On the pain scale, I was only at about a 3/10, but on the discomfort scale it was a full 9/10. And while the discomfort scale can be more tolerable than the pain scale, I haven’t had this level of discomfort in a long time and it wore me down.

After work I had a chance to go out with some of my favourite people for dinner, and I went home after appetizers. I couldn’t even hang out with awesome people. Instead I went home to take pain relief and sit in my hot tub.

I feel better this morning. Today I will stretch for a long time, and hopefully my back won’t seize up again. It can affect my capacity to deal with things at work and at home. It wears me down when I’m in constant discomfort or pain. And although I separate the two, I think constant discomfort can be as bad as constant pain. It isn’t as acute, but it wears me down just the same. It’s just semantics really, discomfort and pain are both miserable scales when you have to deal with them.

Sometimes a push is needed

I’m not a fan of the cold. I share this fact openly. I’ve also shared that I do a weekly walk with my buddy Dave called the Coquitlam Crunch. Well here is my text conversation with Dave last night:

I’m going to be totally honest, I was fishing for the opportunity to skip the Crunch. But here’s the thing… it was fine! I dressed warmly, we had ‘clamp-ons’ to put over our shoes to grip the snow, and I’m really glad that we did it. That was crunch number 92 since we started back in January 2021.

It’s good to have friends that don’t let us have the easy out. So often our anticipation and avoidance is actually worse than doing the thing we need to do. And when we don’t want to do it, friends can either help us step up, or they can keep us in the ‘easy zone’. Easy to do and good for us are seldom the same path.

The right friend knows when to push… and that friend is far better than the one letting you off the hook, or worse yet, talking you out of the better path.