My, my, time flies

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My oldest kid turns 25 today. How did I get to be old enough to have a daughter that old? I only ask that question partially in jest, because there is a part of me that is really baffled about how fast time flies by. I remember holding her in my arms for the first time, her first words, and her first steps. Did all that really start a quarter century ago?

With age, time goes by faster. I think it has to do with reference to the length of our lives. To a 10 year old, 5 years is half of a lifetime; to a 15 year old, 5 years is a full 1/3 of a lifetime. To a 60 year old, 5 years is 1/12 of a lifetime. So that same 5 years is relatively shorter as we get older, and represents less significance to our overall lifespan.

I think about how much my life changed from ages 26-31… I moved to BC, met my wife, started my career in education, got married and bought a house. Then we started a family and the next 5 years are a blur of joy, stress, and core memories of our kids having first experiences.

In comparison, the last 5 years have felt a lot more like status quo, and have seemed to fly by a whole lot faster. I can remember the excitement of starting a new school year, and now it’s already just a week away from the Christmas holidays… where did the last 3 and a half months go?

I remember my mother-in-law saying to me that she didn’t know where the time went, and how she felt that she was a young person in an old body. I think of that now because about 26 years later I realize that I’m almost the age she was when she told me that. Is this just a cycle of life that the older we get, the more we recognize that time speeds up for us?

Today my oldest daughter turns 25. This is a reminder to me that I’ve got to value the time I have, and to spend it wisely… no matter how fast it seems to fly by.

‘Le-we-go-lime’

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A few days ago I wrote, ‘Create Experiences’ and said,

As time passes, and I’m looking ahead at retirement, I think about the time I have left with family and friends. I wonder how do I create experiences rather than just reminiscing? When we meet up, are we doing something together or are we reflecting and sharing stories of the past?

On Facebook Al Lauzon commented,

I don’t think you are wrong but we need to recognize that developmentally we revisit our past and tell stories as we are engaged in making sense of our life as we age. Even in the elderly the repeating of the same stories of the past is making sense of our life. We have tendency to attribute the repeating of the story to forgetfulness but that is not necessarily the case. It is our attempt to make sense of our life. We should also note that we are not always conscious of what we are doing when we are engaged in this developmental process. According to the psychologist Erikson successful development during this stage of life leads to integrity and peace. Failure to make this developmental transformation leads to despair. Revisiting our life is important just as engaging new experiences is important.

And I responded,

Al Lauzon well said. I completely agree. My thoughts while writing the post related to my friends at a distance that I don’t see often. I think it’s easy to get caught up in the mode of ‘catching up’ and reminiscing, without planning new experiences.
It’s wonderful to look back at old times fondly and conversations can fill with laughter and happy thoughts as old times are re-lived. You are so correct about the value here… but when you don’t see someone often and that’s all you do, then you are missing out on creating new memories to hold on to at a different, future date.

Then today I saw a clip of a podcast I heard not too long ago. It is of Trevor Noah talking to Steven Bartlett on Dairy of a CEO. The title on the clip is ‘The importance of Liming (Caribbean style)’. The clip describes hanging out with friends, with no agenda, just to be together.

It reminded me of a Bajan saying growing up, ‘Le-we-go-lime’, an accented, Bajan way to say, ‘Let us go hang out together’. Unlike a set plan, that statement could be said even before a destination is chosen. It’s not an invitation out, it’s an invitation in… in to a circle of friends that are just getting together to be together.

Al’s comment and Trevor’s video clip are reminders to me that although it’s important to create new experiences, it’s also important to find time just to be together with friends, and with good friends you don’t need to have an agenda, an activity, or even a plan beyond just being together.

Case in point, I haven’t seen Al in over 30 years, and if I had a chance to see him face to face, I really wouldn’t want to be doing an activity beyond sipping a coffee or a beer when we got together. I’d want nothing more than some good time to lime.

Invisible shield

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The reason casinos give you chips instead of using cash is because chips are not money. Losing a $25 chip doesn’t feel as bad as losing 25 dollars. The chip is a chip, it’s not money. I think there is a similar thing going on with rude comments on the internet and the brazen use of email, messaging, and commenting of the kinds of things people would never say face-to-face.

It’s like there is an invisible shield that people think goes up when they communicate online. People feel that they are given permission to say whatever (the ****) they want to say because they are not actually saying it to someone’s face. Like somehow it’s not a real insult because it’s not in-person. It’s once removed, like the poker chip, it isn’t ‘as real’.

But it is.

The invisible shield is not really a shield. It’s a facade, it appears to be a sort of shield or protection but it’s not. The rude and condescending email is an insult even if it wasn’t said directly in a conversation. The rude, misogynist, hateful, and/or insulting comment online isn’t funny, it isn’t appropriate, and it could have consequences. Anonymity is not guaranteed, and consequences can be significant.

There is no invisible shield. Words matter no matter where you say them. More and more people are finding this out the hard way.

Passion Project

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At Inquiry Hub we don’t just have genius hour where students spend an hour a week on a project. Instead we have a full for-credit course that students take to follow their learning passions and interests. Yesterday I got to see a couple progress presentations, where students shared where they are on their current learning journey.

I’m always surprised by the diversity of questions students choose to tackle. Students find both creative topics and also creative ways to express their learning. But what I enjoy most is seeing the enthusiasm with which they go about learning. Having a specific course that lets students pursue their interests and actually get credit for it, rather than it be something extra that they do, adds an element of purpose to the project.

Imagine being an inquisitive student who spends their entire day learning what is on someone else’s agenda. Go to class, get the work for that specific subject, then go to the next class and repeat. Then lunch, then repeat for two more courses. The courses could be engaging, the teachers can be fantastic, but the choice of what to study is completely predetermined.

I think genius hour is great when there isn’t a full inquiry course to take. So are assignments where students have choice to make the assignment follow their interests. But maybe students should have inquiry/passion project time every week, at every grade… Scaffolded more in the younger years, but provide to every kid, every week.

Who owns the learning in a school? Who should own it? If you think students should at least partially own their own learning, then at some point in the school day or school week, they should be allotted time to do so. School should be a place where students have a say in what they get to learn.

Create experiences

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This is something I’ve thought a bit about over the years. As time passes, and I’m looking ahead at retirement, I think about the time I have left with family and friends. I wonder how do I create experiences rather than just reminiscing? When we meet up, are we doing something together or are we reflecting and sharing stories of the past?

This isn’t to say reminiscing isn’t enjoyable, but simply identifying that this shouldn’t be what we do every time we get together. Are we doing something active? Are we doing something novel? Are we creating opportunities to experience something new? Are we designing our time together or just letting time pass.?

It’s easy to live a life of ‘rinse and repeat’, going through the day-to-day routine and taking both people and time for granted… ‘they will always be there’… ‘there will always be more time’. There is comfort in those beliefs, but also caution. Are we just going through the motions of life with little emotion? Or are we creating experiences that will give us future reasons to reminisce the next time we meet?

New adjustable weights

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I’ve had adjustable weights for over 15 years and I have been using them extremely consistently for the past 6. Those weights can adjust from 5 to 50 lbs, in 5 lb increments, with the twist of the handle. Yesterday I got my new updated weights. These require twisting a dial on each side of the dumbbell, but they can adjust from 10 to 90 lbs, in 5 lb increments.

The reality is that I’m not going to be using the full 90lbs much, but I’m excited to be able to extend my home workouts beyond a 50 lb limit. To be able to have access to such a variety of weights in my tiny home gym is amazing. I know that I’m going to see some positive gains.

The one challenge is not getting too excited about the new weight possibilities, and pushing myself too hard. I don’t have anything to prove to anyone, and I think I’ve matured in my thinking enough not to try something stupid and hurt myself. Now I just need to prove this rather than just saying it.

The Saying – Hearing Gap

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“Communication is about what is received, not what is intended. If there is a gap between what you are saying and what they are hearing, you have to find a new way to say it.” -@JamesClear

This quote reminds me of the NLP saying, ‘The meaning of your communication is the response that you get.’

When there is a gap between what your message is and what a person hears, it’s easy to assume that the mistake is on the receiving end, but in reality, that becomes a game of pointing fingers and blame. The better thing to consider is how to improve the message. How do you convey intentions more clearly, in a way that the listener can better hear?

This acceptance of responsibility for the message empowers the speaker. This responsibility to better express what was miscommunicated allows for clarity to prevail. But this doesn’t mean you speak louder. It’s not about enunciating words more clearly. No, it about understanding the perspective of the other person. It’s about having empathy for the viewpoints of the person you are communicating with.

The gap between what you say and what is heard is ultimately your responsibility, because if the message you say is not the message that’s heard then who miscommunicated? If you don’t take at least part of the responsibility, then you are not solving the problem.

Decorating the Christmas Tree

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It’s officially the first time that I listen to Christmas music… while decorating the Christmas tree. Usually it’s a bit earlier than this, but our weekends have been a bit busy these past few weeks.

I still remember the first Christmas with both of my girls. I remember decorating my tree as a child. I remember the first year my wife and I bought matching Christmas decorations… a tradition we keep to this day, adding our daughters in as well.

We aren’t religious, and we don’t have a lot of family traditions, so little events like this feel pretty special.

Aliens, aliens everywhere

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Fake videos on social media, news about aliens living in our oceans, even congressional hearings… It seems everywhere I look there are reports about aliens from outer space.

Disregard the click bait title, and watch ‘The UFO Movie THEY Don’t Want You To See’.

It’s a full dose of scepticism, based on science. Whether you believe there are aliens visiting us, aliens too far away to visit, or that we are alone in the universe… it’s worth an hour and a half of your time to watch this documentary.

Fog and clarity

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I have a very short commute to work, 7-8 minutes. My drive there is almost all down hill. On the way, there is a specific hill that allows me to see part of the neighbouring city up on another hill. For the past couple days it has been foggy and that city has looked like it is in the clouds.

I look out at this skyline every work day unless clouds, fog, or rain hinder the view. I mostly don’t pay attention to what I’m seeing, it’s just a background view to my drive. Then something like this fog makes me look again. I notice that it looks like a city in the clouds, and I re-examine the skyline. I appreciate how pretty it is.

This makes me wonder what else I ‘miss’ because of familiarity? What don’t I appreciate enough? What do I not see, despite it being right in front of me?

And no, I’m not just wondering about the view.