Off again

In a few hours I fly back ‘home’ to Toronto to visit my mom and sisters. It’s just me going, my family is staying back. It’s hard to believe that I’m already more than 2/3rds through summer and I’m basically back at work after this trip.

That said this has been a rejuvenating summer and will continue to be so on this next trip. I needed this. I really needed this.

Holidays are battery charges and I feel like I’ve already had a good charge. Last school year was filled with new challenges and new health issues and the loss of my dad. Sure I still have a long road ahead with my pinched nerve from a herniated disc, but I am not in pain and I’m on the mend… and I’m on the road again.

This is my third of 4 trips home this summer and the first one where I won’t be in agony, I’m really looking forward to it!

Faces and stereotypes

I like to think that I don’t make snap judgments of people, but I do. Sometimes I see a face, or a haircut, or a mannerism, and I start to create a profile of the person’s life. Yesterday I overheard a conversation between a server and a very nerdy customer. Everything about his voice, dialogue, clothing, and even posture told me he was a geek.

That sounds mean. But here’s the thing, the profile I built for him was this:

He has a very small group of friends, but they are great friends that would go out of their way to help him. He loves board games, and prefers that they are cooperative rather than competitive. He isn’t involved in any organized sports but isn’t afraid to participate in sports with friends and comparatively he is as good as them and that’s good enough. He will go out of his way to interact with someone serving him and finds joy in those interactions. His sense of humour is as geeky as he is, and he isn’t afraid to laugh at his own jokes. He’s happy.

There are a lot of people who find it hard to be happy, I don’t think this guy has a problem being happy.

My judgement could be totally wrong. This guy might have been offended if he knew what I thought. He might lack confidence, or be quite unhappy. But I like my profiling.

On the other end of the spectrum, when I see someone grumpy or unhappy, I build back stories that give them reasons for this. I see them more as victims of circumstance rather than inherently angry or mean.

But in the end these are all fictions I create. I see faces and they tell me stories… not real stories but stories I create for them. Stereotypes are oversimplified, I tend to complicate them, individualize them, and create lives based on faces, looks, and mannerisms. I wonder what people see, when they see me?

Afternoon nap

I just woke up from a 2+ hour nap. I didn’t sleep well last night, but now I’m in jeopardy of a repeat, because I won’t be able to fall asleep until after midnight. I remember reading that an ideal nap time is about 20 minutes. This gives you the rest you need, without over-doing it. I really over-did it!

I wish they I lived in a country that had siesta times. I love late nights, I love early mornings. If I were to design my own schedule, I’d go to bed after midnight, sleep until 5:30, and have a 1-2 hour nap starting at 2pm. Unfortunately, that schedule would be awful for my wife, so I don’t think I’ll adopt it even after retiring.

Maybe with this lengthy nap, I’ll give that schedule a test run for tonight, and be back on a ‘normal’ schedule tomorrow. 7 hours is about my ideal length of sleep each night, 9 hours leads to a headache. I wonder if my idea of an ideal schedule is only that… an idea, and really I should just stick to 7 hours a night and maybe 20 minute naps on weekends.

2 hours is just a bit unrealistic, and probably going to mess me up. What’s your ideal nap time?

Heading home

It’s our last morning in Kelowna at Bear Creek Campground and it’s quite hazy with smoke. We actually had fantastic, clear days for our holidays, especially compared to 2 years ago when most days we could barely see across the lake.

A highlight of our trip was our daily 35 minute walk on the other side of the highway.

It starts with 149 steps and basically goes up and around a waterfall that you can hear, but not see, on the hike. Another highlight was the waterfall hike.

We love this holiday, and spending it with our friends 2 campsites over makes it all the more wonderful.

Now we are sitting and waiting for the trailer pick-up, (we rent it and have it delivered to our site), and then we start are 4 hour drive home. I find it humorous that Canadians are just about the only people who share distances as time travelled. Kelowna isn’t 373 kilometres away, it’s 4 hours. When you live in a huge country, it doesn’t matter what the kilometres are, it matters how long it takes to get where you are going.

Going home is always bitter sweet. There is a comfort in getting back to home base, but there is also a subtle melancholy about ending your vacation. I say subtle because it’s not as pervasive as the positive memories, but it is present. Unlike heading on holidays, there is no excited anticipation, no thoughts of what’s to come (other than unpacking and laundry), but there is still a positive feel to the journey. Like the cliche ending of a movie where the star rides off into the sunset, there are more stories to come, more adventures for another day, but first, the journey home.

Packing up

It’s amazing how much time we spend preparing to go on a vacation and then preparing to go home. This is especially true camping, but also when flying somewhere.

Whether it’s packing the car or a suitcase, it takes time. Whether driving or flying, it takes time. Holidays are wonderful, but how much of the holidays are spent in transition… from one location to another and from closet to suitcase? Entire days are spent getting to and from a location, settling in, and preparing to leave.

One of our favourite family vacations was to Costa Rica. But we made one mistake on that trip. Three places we stayed at were for only 2 nights. Day one you are traveling, day two is the only full day, and day three you need to get out of your hotel before noon. A better plan is at least 3 nights in a location.

Give yourself two full days to explore a city. If not, you spend more time traveling, unpacking, and repacking, and planning your next stop, than you do actually enjoying yourself.

Our current trailer camping trip was almost 2 weeks, so we didn’t have that problem, but still I’m amazed how much time we spend getting ready to travel both to and from home. The good news is that we won’t be in a rush tomorrow, we are already 90% packed. I’ve enjoyed my trip and look forward to being home… at least I’m looking forward to it after we’ve completely unpacked!

Not going to win

We are always told to look for the win-win. How can you help both sides of an argument feel like they are getting what they want? The flaw in this is when one side just doesn’t want anything that the other side would consider acceptable. When one side is fixated on a specific outcome, it’s not about working to ‘a’ solution, it’s about working towards ‘their’ solution… the one pre-set and pre-loaded as the only perceivable resolution.

I recently had to deal with a conflict that seemed like it was at a complete impasse. I heard both sides of the argument and was able to negotiate a solution that was acceptable to everyone. It worked because I suggested a much longer timeline. On one side, the person would get what they wanted, but on a slower timeline. On the other side, more work had to be done but in a much more realistic timeline. Easy enough to do, and both sides agreed. In all honesty, I didn’t think it would go as well as it did, and it wouldn’t have if both sides weren’t willing to compromise.

But sometimes one side will be a complete ‘stick in the mud’. Negotiations are halted before they even start because one side refuses to make any concessions. The term “stick to your guns” comes to mind. The thing is, that often ends up feeling like a lose-lose situation.

I’m not saying that people always need to meet in the middle. In fact the middle is seldom the best place to land. But holding a hard line to make a point, or expecting concessions with no compromise seldom leaves anyone feeling that they’ve won.

No click bait

Sometimes I write things that can be considered contentious. I started writing a post a while ago on ‘right and wrong’. I spent a good couple hours today editing and adding to it. And now I’ve decided not to publish it. Maybe later, but not now.

I feel like I’d be opening a can of worms, but I don’t feel like fishing. Writing daily can lead me into murky waters. I sometimes dip into the weeds, and write about things that would be better left under the surface. Who am I to talk about right and wrong? And if I do, what will be gained if I am essentially telling a large part of the population that their thinking, in my opinion, is wrong?

Maybe when I’m a bit older and care less. Maybe when I’m retired. But I’m not fishing for controversy. I don’t need to write click bait. I’ll just cast out the idea that maybe some things are better left unsaid… or said by someone else.

At least for now.

City on the Edge of Forever

I’ve been on a few hikes, but “City on the Edge of Forever” has to be one of my favourite hike trail names.

The views were spectacular and I connected with a friend whom I’ve mostly known online, in meetings, and at conferences. Yet every time we connect I feel like I’m with a lifelong friend. The one difference… each time we connect I learn something new about him.

We all have past experiences that are stories from another era in our lives. It’s easy to dismiss them as ancient, to share them as if they were ‘in a past life’. But these stories are the stories that made us. They are the stories that created the person we are today.

Sometimes people can get stuck on who they ‘used to be’ and I don’t think that’s healthy. But it’s also not healthy to reflect on those past experiences like they belong to someone else.

I’m no longer an athlete. Even when I was one, I was a hard working grunt, not a talented athlete… but I was still an athlete. I take care of myself now, but I’m no athlete, and honestly unlikely to be one ever again. But the skills I learned, the work ethic, the sportsmanship, the dedication to something I loved doing… those things I take with me to the edge of forever.

The scenery today was great, but learning more about my friend was even better.

The meaning of generosity

Conversation with my wife:

“Have you written your blog post today?”

“No… What should I write about?”

“How about being generous?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Like doing something just to be nice and not wanting or needing anything in return.”

“That’s great, yes, I’ll use that.”

—–

It’s not truly generous if you want or expect something in return.

—–

Being someone who does the right thing because it’s the right thing… that’s an honourable life.

—–

The willingness to give for giving’s sake is the essence of true giving.

—–

It’s fine to receive kindness for being giving, but the moment you look for, or expect, gratitude or appreciation for what you are giving, the less authentic was the giving.

Oh, can’t complain

Today on a stroll through a Saturday Farmer’s Market I passed an interesting character. He was on the obese side of heavy, in a motorized wheelchair, in loud checkered pants, and a colourful muscle shirt that revealed his diabetes monitor on his arm. Just as I was passing him, he bumped into someone he knew and I heard his response to her question, “Oh, can’t complain.”

I find it fascinating that people who suffer the most, and need the most, are often the most optimistic and generous. I worked in a school for very high needs students, many of whom came from very needy families, yet their parents were far more likely to donate their time to a shelter or volunteer kitchen than at any other school I’ve ever worked at.

My thought of the day, “Quit yer bitch’in.”

So many people have so much more to worry about and yet they live a life where they ‘can’t complain’… so really, what do we have to complain about?

Life is amazing, there is so much to appreciate, so much to value and cherish. Live, laugh, love, and for your sake more than anyone else’s… stop complaining.