Author Archives: David Truss

7 Sins, Part 5 – Wrath

There is a distinct line between justice and vengeance. You wouldn’t learn this from watching movies. Moviemakers love to romanticize the idea of vengeance and wrath. Anger permits an eye-for-an-eye retaliation and wrath is accepted as a just and fair response to an injustice. But in real life does wrath provide solace and resolution?

Doesn’t anger beget anger? Doesn’t wrath produce wrath? How do we respond to hurtful people? This is not easy to answer.

I see much anger and wrath these days being pointed towards ignorance and ignorant people.

“You should know better.”

“What’s the matter with you?”

“You are a condescending jackass.”

And I also see far worse behaviour and wrath from ignorant people. Racism and intolerance is worse when coupled with wrath.

“You people are so… ”

“Your culture is so rude.”

“Why don’t you just go back home.”

I understand the nuance of how these examples differ, how the first examples can seem justifiable while the latter example seem inexcusable. My examples do not seem to be comparable, not deserving of equal footing. They are indeed not equal but my point is simply that wrath, no matter where it comes from, does not move us forward in a positive way.

Wrath is ugly. Responses can bring rage and retaliation or they can foster resolution. Wrath and anger do not solve problems. Wrath and vengeance does not bring peace. Wrath and vindictive behaviour does not inspire civility and neighbourly love.

When we are seething and seeing red, we can lash out in ways that are unbecoming of us. Wrath does not elicit resourcefulness. It does not inspire qualities we want to share, or that we want shared with us. Wrath is not a response we want, even to wrath itself.

Wrath can be fed, or wrath can be diffused. The power we have lies in our ability to respond in civil ways, that invite conversation and understanding rather than anger. However angry responses to wrath are easy, and compassion and forgiveness take effort. The effort is worth it if you do not want the wrath outside you to become wrath within you.

7 Sins Series

  1. Gluttony
  2. Envy
  3. Pride
  4. Lust
  5. Wrath
  6. Greed
  7. Sloth
The best time is now quote

Just Do It!

It’s really easy to say the words, ‘just do it’. But I bet that sometimes you feel more like this…

…than you feel inspired to get things done. Meanwhile, getting things done can be a powerful motivator, a self-rewarding accomplishment, that helps you get more things done. On this first day of the new year resolutions are made as people aspire to make positive changes for the new year. Some will stick, others won’t. Here is a great video to help you think about making good resolutions:

It’s 3am as I write this on New Year’s Day, having done my parental duties driving kids home, and I’m still thinking about my sticker goals for this year. I’m cautious not to make my new goals overly ambitious, while also wanting to up the ante on my 2019 goals that are now routine. For example, I might still give myself a blue sticker on my calendar for every day that I do my 10 min. guided meditation, and maybe a second sticker if I do 10 more minutes unguided.

But that’s enough about me. What about you? What is a goal that you have related to your family, your fitness, your friendship, or your work, that you want to achieve?

The 5 Key Tips that I shared might help you… but ultimately it is up to you. ‘Just Do It’ is an awesome slogan, what can you do to make it work not just for Nike, but for you as well?

The best time to start something new is now!

Resilience #OneWord2020

If I were to pick 2 words for 2020, I might pick “Growth Mindset”, but if I’m only choosing a single word, it would be:

Resilience

The world needs this word right now. Here are some specific places I see a need to pay attention to this #OneWord in 2020.

In Schools:

Student anxiety seems to be on the rise, and anxiety lowers resilience and the willingness to try new things. Words seem to ‘injure’ students in ways that victimize them rather than make them stronger. This is not to say that students should tolerate bullying or inappropriate language or slander, rather they should speak up, defend themselves, and report poor behaviour. Instead it seems that they feel wounded and do not act. This is a sensitive topic, but one where I’ve seen a greater awareness of adults who want to support students and at the same time I see students allowing words to hurt them deeply, giving too much power to the transgressor.

In Politics:

I said this in Ideas on a Spectrum, “In a civil society, dialogue is the one problem-solving strategy that should be sacred. To do this, free speech is essential. But right now there is a culture of ‘attack the opposition’ that is very scary.“ – We need to be resilient when hearing opposing views, and understand that, “…we must be tolerant and accepting of opposing views, unaccepting of hateful and hurtful acts, and smart enough to understand the difference.” When we can’t have conversations with people that have different political views, we don’t grow as a culture or as a society.

In Online Spaces:

People will make mistakes online. They will say things that are unintentionally hurtful, or blindly offensive. This is different than someone being intentionally biased and rude. If the slander is intentional, it should be reported. If it is unintentional, even to the point of ignorance, we need to be more resilient about what our responses are. When every transgression is treated with an attack, the most severe/bigoted/rude/biased transgressions are not given the heightened alarm that they deserve. With lesser errors and mistakes, we need to let people have a venue to recognize their errors and invite conversation rather than damnation.

Growing up, I heard the playground retort to taunts, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never harm me.” We are past the era of letting nasty people say whatever nasty things they want, and just turning the other cheek to pretend we are not hurt. This is a good thing. We want to live in a world where that behaviour is not acceptable. But it does not serve us well to treat the attacker like they can not repent or be sorry. It does not serve us to let the words said hurt us too deeply. By being resilient we can speak up, clarify our perspective, and engage in conversations that help us feel empowered rather than victimized.

Resilience allows us to be strong, flexible, and engaged in a society that is the kind of society we want to live and thrive in.

7 Sins, Part 4 – Lust

“Sex sells.”- We have grown used to this phrase in words and in visual form through advertising. Sexual tension and the fantasy of unreachable desire are invitations to lust… to the craving for physical intimacy that is not rooted in love.

Love is exploited in movies and television by intertwining it with lust, and making the two seem interchangeable. Storylines are fraught with sexual tension and the importance of the first physically intimate moments being consumed with lust. Plots are fast-forwarded by showing lust-filled intimacy to establish the love two people have before a plot twist. Infidelity is ‘explained’ by lack of lust and intimacy.

Action films are no better. If the action star is put into dire straits, it is likely for the love of a child, or if it is for a love interest then that person is as likely to betray the star as to find happiness. Infidelity is a plot developer, love is fleeting and easily lost.

What are the stories of lust, of unrealistic desires, of sensual intimacy, and of sexual passion that we are exposed to in story plots, magazines, and social media? How does that contrast with stories of love? For even stories of love suggest loss (think Romeo & Juliet) or betrayal (think Indecent Proposal or Fatal Attraction).

Sex sells. Lust sells. Romantic love is reserved for comedies and for overcoming the pain caused by lust. Romance, heartfelt caring, and devotion to a loved one are things to be destroyed and devoured in modern day stories.

Our media outlets and movie plots may not share this, it does not sell in the same way, but in the end, lust leaves one feeling empty and alone, while love prevails.

7 Sins Series

  1. Gluttony
  2. Envy
  3. Pride
  4. Lust
  5. Wrath
  6. Greed
  7. Sloth
Healthy Living Goals with tips by David Truss

My healthy living goals year-end reflection

Today’s daily post was shared on my Pair-a-Dimes blog:

My healthy living goals year-end reflection, with 5 key tips.

Here is the quick version:

My video from January:

My video follow-up that I filmed yesterday morning:

The 5 tips I shared:

1. A year-long calendar poster. You get to see at-a-glance how you are doing and you can motivate yourself to meet your goals at the end of the week if you are not on target.

2. The best time to start a new streak is RIGHT NOW. I mentioned this in the video, don’t wallow in disappointment. There are only 3 weeks (starred) in the chart below that show weeks that I didn’t get at least 4 workouts in. I didn’t let those weeks define me.

3. Reduce friction. Here are 3 examples:

  • My stickers and sticker chart are right next to my treadmill. I make it easy to track and see this.
  • I have a pair of runners and a shoe horn in my exercise room. I never have to look for my shoes, and I don’t need to tie them, the shoehorn allows me to slide my feet in while still being tight enough to run in. Also, my headphones, and all equipment are where I need them… Always ready, and I never need to search for them.
  • Don’t exercise at your maximum every day. Some days I push really hard, and some days I go at 75%. A day when you are feeling low, give yourself an effort break, but don’t give yourself a break from actually doing exercise. If you end up doing 3 workouts at a lower effort, you’ll have the drive to push when you feel up to it. Make the friction about how hard you work out, rather than if you are going to work out or not.

4. Share your goals with others. You are more likely to hold yourself accountable if you have made your goals public. That’s partly why I did my original post in January, and promised in that post that I would do this update.

5. Be vigilant at your busiest times. It is really easy to say, “September is too crazy”, or “I’ll get started as soon as things calm down.” There will always be an upcoming busy time to deal with. Things won’t calm down (sorry, but you know this is true). If you want this to work, make it work when you are busiest and the rest of the year will be easy.

My year long calendar I used to track my goals:

Summary of the percentage of days that I achieved my goals:

Workouts: 63% (57% would have been an average of 4-days a week. I only did less than 4 days a week 3 times during the year.)

Time Restricted Eating: 48% (71% would have been the max, or 5/7 days a week).

Meditation: 100% (possible that I might have missed a maximum of 2 days).

Reading & Writing: 86%, 26 books (listened to), and 168 blog posts (mostly through a daily blog since mid-July).

My challenge to you:

Grab a 2020 calendar from Staples, Amazon, or where ever you shop for things like this, and get the new year off to a healthy start!

Again, here is the full post:

My healthy living goals year-end reflection, with 5 key tips.

7 Sins, Part 3 – Pride

Pride in small doses can give a sense of accomplishment, value, and even self-respect. ‘Wow, look what I am capable of.’ This is not yet the sin of pride. The sin of pride comes with arrogance, self-righteousness, bragging, superiority, and disdain.

The sin of pride is ugly. It struts in front of the accomplishment, and steps into the limelight in full display. It steals attention from others that supported the accomplishment, and undermines teamwork.

Arrogance and superiority are allies of pride. Together, they blind one to the possibility that humbleness is endearing, that compliments can complement success, and satisfaction is better felt when feeling appreciative rather than smug.

Who got you where you are today? Whose support would you struggle without? Who inspired you? Who paved the way for you? Who did the work you could not have done on your own? Who deserves to share in the accomplishment? At least one of these questions should give you an answer that helps you see the selfishness of being smug.

Enjoy your accomplishments, but let them fuel you and those around you, rather than letting them fuel your pride.

7 Sins Series

  1. Gluttony
  2. Envy
  3. Pride
  4. Lust
  5. Wrath
  6. Greed
  7. Sloth

7 Sins, Part 2 – Envy

We start envy at a young age, with envy of possessions. We see another kid with a toy we want and we aren’t happy until we can have it. I can remember fighting over who had more Play Doh with my sister, and it got so heated that my parents brought out a scale to weigh our pieces. After divvying it up, and seeing that it was equal, I no longer wanted to play with it. This bugged me enough that it is still one of my youngest memories. I wanted to just give it all to my sister, but I was too angry. Then afterwards, I felt guilt and shame. It was a valuable lesson, I realized that I cared more about my sister than a stupid piece of Play Doh.

Later, we feel envy about other’s qualities, their popularity, or their looks, or their athletic abilities. They might exude another sin, pride, but we feel envy, wishing we had what they seem to have without effort. If it makes you work harder or appreciate talent, then it is no longer envy, but inspiration. If it spurs jealousy, hate, or bitterness, then envy creates a toxic environment of gossip, slander, and unhealthy interactions with those you are envious of.

Then there is the irrational envy of luck. If you believe luck comes to those that are prepared, then your envy comes from your own sloth. If you believe that luck is dumb, then how dumb are you to envy pure chance?

Envy is ugly, it provides no gain, it ensures only sadness and disappointment. Letting go of envy, can instil generosity, inspiration, and even an openness to favourable opportunities… maybe even luck? When envy strikes you, what can you do to reshape the ugliness into a gift that inspires you to be better, or to wish the other person continued success?

7 Sins Series

  1. Gluttony
  2. Envy
  3. Pride
  4. Lust
  5. Wrath
  6. Greed
  7. Sloth

7 Sins, Part 1 – Gluttony

The holidays seem to be a time when food comes in abundance. Snacks fill the table and side tables within all the living spaces, second helpings are an expectation, and when you feel absolutely stuffed then desserts come out. Leftovers fill the fridge and the eating continues the following day.

If this only happened once a year, it would be fine, but there is always a birthday or holiday celebration. What makes this challenging is that we have a gluttony of sugary snacks available in stores that make up some of the cheaper foods available. Worse yet, there are food deserts in poor communities that make buying junk food not just far cheaper but also much more accessible than eating something healthy.

Junk food is eaten in sinful amounts. The world is getting fatter. Diabetes is becoming epidemic. And sugary food is probably the addiction that affects more people than any other addiction in the world.

It is said that knowing the problem is half the battle. It isn’t. Acting on that knowledge is the hard part. Here are 3 suggestions:

1. Cut out snacks after dinner. Have a glass of tea, drink some bubbly water, or just go for a short walk instead of having a snack. I’m willing to bet that 99% of the snacks you eat after dinner are sugary and/or unhealthy.

2. Read the label before you buy. Ingredients are put in order of the largest ingredients first. If sugar is one of the first 4 ingredients, look for another choice to fill your shopping cart. If it doesn’t make it into your home, it won’t be able to tempt you later.

3. Eat on smaller plates.

You’ll enjoy the food just as much and can end up eating almost 1/4 less food.

Gluttony is easy to succumb to. It can take effort to overcome. Reduce the opportunities for food to tempt you and you will find pleasure in living healthier, rather than giving in to the sinful pleasure of eating too much.

7 Sins Series

  1. Gluttony
  2. Envy
  3. Pride
  4. Lust
  5. Wrath
  6. Greed
  7. Sloth

Good thoughts, good words, good deeds

For over a dozen years now my email signature has included the Zoroastrian mantra, “Think good thoughts, say good words, do good deeds.”

This 3,500+ year old religion is one of the oldest monotheistic religions (believing in just one supreme God) and likely had significant influence on Judaism, Christianity, and Islamic beliefs about a messiah, heaven, and hell.

As we head into the 20th year of this relatively new century, I wonder if the followers of some of these newer religions couldn’t take some time to pay respectful attention to the earlier beliefs in Yahweh… the supreme host, (God).

What if we started each day with good, kind thoughts?

What if we chose good, kind words before we spoke?

What if we chose good, kind deeds to do daily?

What if we were to nurture the good in any faith we have, be it a faith in God, a faith in humanity, or faith in ourselves to be loving, thoughtful, and kind. We are put on this earth for a relatively short time, how can we maximize the good that we do while we are here?

The winter solstice has past us, here in the northern hemisphere. As the days get longer and brighter, let us think of ways that we can shed our light on others.

Happy holidays!

Rhythm and Rapport

I felt it. I mean I really felt it. A rhythmic wave resonated throughout my body. Before this moment I had enjoyed music but I never had it consume me so completely. And I was surrounded by others who felt the same way.

It was the early summer of 1992, and I was 24 years old. My uncle had introduced me to an NLP teacher, paying for me to take his course, and I loved it. NLP or Neuro Linguistic Programming is about harnessing communication patterns, that we all use, in more effective and powerful ways. The course I was in was very interesting because it seemed as if half the people were there to learn to be more effective and the other half seemed to be there for therapy.

The 9-day course started on a Saturday and ran daily from 8am to 4pm through the week and into the second weekend. It was the Friday morning and we were told we were in for a treat. We were taken to a small room filled with drums, shakers, tambourines, cow bells and assorted traditional music makers. The lesson was on rapport and we were going to use music to demonstrate it.

I think there were about 18 of us in this small room and we were broken up into groups of 2, 3, and 4, depending on the number of similar instruments. I don’t remember if we ended up with 5 or 6 groups. Next, each group was given a different beat to play. For instance, the cow bell players got tap-tap, tap-tap, pause, tap-tap, while a few drummers got a beat of 1-2, 1-2-3, 1-2-3-4, 1-2. That second example would have been the most complicated of the options with most others being quite simple.

We got counted down and everyone started playing their own beat in their groupings. As someone that doesn’t have musical training, it was good to have other people playing the same beat as me so that I could follow along and not be too distracted by the other groups. That said it was a ruckus in this small room. To put it kindly, we were making noise, horrible and loud clattering, pounding, clanging, dinging noise. It was awful.

I understood that we were supposed to build rapport and the music was somehow supposed to come together but it didn’t. There was just noise. We switched instruments and tried again. Noise. We switched beats. Noise. We switched instruments again, and I was given cow bells. More noise.

We were tired, and we were overwhelmed with the echo of instruments clamouring out of synch, and then something interesting happened. A professional dance instructor that was taking the course had a big gourd shaker in his hand, he stepped forward into the middle of our circle and connected with an older man on drums. This older gentleman that the dancer connected with was a retired music teacher. They sped up the beat slightly and I could hear their individual beats come together as if they were one pattern. The dancer with the gourd shaker was dancing to their beat and my beat fell into synch with his feet.

That was the moment it happened for me, and it was obvious that it was happening for everyone else in the room… our noise became music. But this was so much more than music, it was a wave of sound that reverberated through my body. I watched the dancer and realized that his gourd and feet were the backbone of the beat. We were all following his lead. Then I looked at the retired musician’s drum and I realized that it was him driving the beat. Then I looked at my cow bells and realized it was me that was leading the beat. Then I really understood what was happening. We were in perfect unison, we were one.

None of us were in the lead. All of us were in the lead. This was full rapport. We were all connected, all one beat, all one musical experience. We built up the sound to a full crescendo, it was all-consuming, bordering on ecstasy. There was a countdown, 3-2-1, and we all stopped playing. The instant silence was a final exclamation on an overwhelmingly beautiful experience. For the first time in my life I had felt, truly and to my core felt, the sound of music.