Author Archives: David Truss

Breaking the streak… and starting a new one.

I’ve been meditating daily since January 5th, 2019, but yesterday I broke the streak. I’m aware from my use of an app that there might have been a few times I missed my meditation, but I count a meditation after midnight as being on the day before, because it’s still part of my day, and I’ve done that a few times in the past year. Yesterday was an unusually low day for me, and I completely forgot to meditate.

I woke up tired and went to join a friend for breakfast rather than starting my day with my regular routine. After a wonderful breakfast I came home and did nothing other than talk to my dad, eat lunch with my family, and sleep until dinner. I changed to go work out, but never made it. I wrote my Daily-Ink just before dinner sitting on the couch, and after dinner I flaked out on the same couch.

It’s the first Saturday (or any day) in a while that I’ve done so little. I give myself permission to have a low energy day. But I also need to get back to my routines. Yesterday was the first time ever that I didn’t earn a single sticker on my healthy living motivation chart. But as I shared in my year-end reflection of my healthy living goals:

The best time to start a new streak is RIGHT NOW.

Yesterday, I missed my meditation. I skipped my workout for the second day in a row (for the first time this year). And although I did my writing, I didn’t do my reading (audiobook), and this was missed for the first time this year. I also missed my time restricted eating window with my breakfast meeting, but I don’t usually try to do this on weekends anyway.

Today, after hitting publish on this post, I’m headed to meditate and work out, while listening to an audiobook. I might get a second workout and meditation in today as well. I’m not going to overdo it, but I might start my new streak with a bit of an exclamation point.

Permitting myself to have a day like yesterday doesn’t mean I have a new low point to measure myself against. It doesn’t have to give me permission to fall to this kind of low again anytime soon. It was simply a low day, and the inspiration to start a new, long streak. And that streak begins right now!

Live performances

Last night we went to see a play called ‘Noises Off’ at the Stanley Theatre in Vancouver. It was a clever, funny play, but I didn’t enjoy it very much. Still, I was amazed by some of the performances. It was a play filled with physical comedy and I could see the commitment to character by the actors.

I do not enjoy singing or acting, but I’m in awe of those that love it and are good at it. I love to see performers thrive in front of an audience, to watch them feed off of the energy a good audience. When I watch my daughter act or sing I see her in her element. I see a performer.

The applause wouldn’t be enough for me to do the same performance night after night. I don’t understand the appeal. I don’t even like watching my favourite movies over again without a long gap measured in years. Live performances are things I will attend, but not anything I’d ever want to do.

I tip my hat to talented artists that feed off of a live audience. I think that our desire to entertain and be entertained is part of what makes us a unique and self aware animal. The fact that I don’t want to be an entertainer does not take away from my admiration of those that do.

Hurt people hurt people

I have a sticky note on my computer monitor at school that says,

“Hurt people hurt people.

Healed people heal people.”

As a principal, I think it’s important to remember that those who harm others have themselves often been harmed. This helps me focus on resolution and restoration rather than retribution.

It’s harder to remember this with adults who harm, adults who have been hurt, and leave a path of hurt in their trail. I remember years ago, when I was a middle school teacher, dealing with a hurt parent. In a meeting, this parent used language in front of their kid like, ‘he’s useless’, and ‘I’ve given up trying’. The student sat motionless, staring blindly ahead, trying to keep the tears away. Nothing I said about his endearing qualities changed his empty look any more than his parent’s insults.

Hurt people hurt people.

It has been my observation that hurt people seek out other hurt people. They do so to continue the hurt, or to try to heal the the hurt they see. However those who are hurt and want to help lack the resilience to cope, and they lack the strategies to heal. Good intentions are devoured by ineffective strategies.

Healed people heal people.

I think people need to heal themselves before they try to heal others. This is easy to see in situations such as alcoholism. We know a recovering alcoholic can do far more to help an alcoholic quit than another alcoholic can. It’s much harder to see with someone who feels like a victim trying to help someone else who was victimized, or with someone who is dealing with mental health issues trying to help someone else struggling with mental health.

The people who are struggling and seeking to help are not healed themselves, but believe they can help others when they should be helping themselves first. Their intentions are good. They want to help, but when they can’t cope with their own hurt, it’s hard to honestly help with others.

“Hurt people hurt people.

Healed people heal people.”

In some ways we are all on journeys of healing. And many of us want to help others heal too. It’s just important for us to work on our own healing before trying to heal others.

______________________

Related: Hidden Pain on my Pair-a-Dimes blog.

Rinse and repeat

It was bound to happen. In fact, it might have happened before this and I simply didn’t notice. Writing a daily blog since mid July, I just caught myself sharing the same idea twice. It wasn’t until I published the idea that I caught myself rinsing and repeating the same idea.

Yesterday was the second time that I wrote about asking ‘What’s the third option?‘ when looking to make a tough decision. The first time I wrote about this was back at the start of November, three and a half months ago. The post, ‘Between a Rock and a Hard Place (and…)‘, was the original post, and it is an identical idea, except with greater detail than yesterday’s post.

I had no memory of sharing the idea before. In fact I would not have known that I did this had I not reread the post after publishing it. As I reached the end, I noticed the original title in the ‘Related’ posts section. Clicking on it, I realized very quickly what I had done.

What prompted the rewrite was a conversation with someone who refused to allow any suggestion of a third option. Why I started this post saying, ‘it was bound to happen’ is because part of writing is helping to formulate and express ideas in a concrete way. The process helps me put ideas together in a way that defines my thoughts on an idea more clearly.

However, over three months later, I’m not remembering whether I shared the idea through my writing, I’m just thinking about an idea that is in my head. At first, it was interesting to me that the second post was less detailed than the original. Then, I realized that the first post was written on a Saturday, and it made sense because I give myself more time to write on weekends.

I’m sure this will happen again. I will have moments when my creative juices are flowing and I’ll share fresh ideas… or at least fresh ideas to me. And I’ll have moments when I end up recycling or repeating older ideas. The process of writing every day will lead to some repetition, hopefully though, the ideas I choose to repeat are worth reading and thinking about again. I probably won’t re-share this idea of sharing my repeats again even if I catch myself, but if you catch me doing this, please feel free to let me know.

What’s the third option?

It can be hard to make a tough choice. There are things that happen that can make you think, ‘Damned if I do, and damned if I don’t.” It might not always be a lose-lose situation, but it can be a situation where there seems to be no easy or good way forward.

What’s the third option?

This third option doesn’t have to be the answer. This third option can be worse than the original two options, (as long as it is a legitimate option). Giving yourself a third option removes the challenging dichotomy of the two original options. It removes your ability to put the first two options on a metaphorical scale, where these two options seemed equally balanced. The third option might be better, but even if it’s not it might create a comparison that lets you see the other two options in a new light. One of the original options might then seem better or worse than it did before.

This works great when dealing with students. When given a tough choice, some students make the good choice, others might choose to be defiant and choose the more painful choice as an act of defiance. Give that same student a third choice and they are less likely to choose the defiant option because there isn’t one other choice to be defiant against.

I’ve used this strategy many times with kids, but I sometimes forget that it’s a valuable strategy to use myself.

Stuck deciding between two tough choices? Ask yourself, ‘What’s a third choice?’

Incremental Improvements

For about 5 weeks now, I’ve been recovering from a shoulder injury. It’s nothing too serious, and I think it was brought on by hours of shovelling snow then doing some wide-arm chin ups for my workout the next day… I put together two activities I seldom do, and I overdid it. I recently wrote about how my physiotherapist stopped weeks of pain in one session. I saw him a second time last week and he put me through a regimen of exercises that I’m to do over the next 3 weeks until I see him again. Although he was able to quickly stop the pain I was dealing with, he thinks that it will be another 6 weeks before I’m able to do everything that I could do before the injury.

This is the hard part of injury recovery. Progress is slow and nothing comes easily. But if I don’t put the time and effort in, I delay the recovery time. Day-to-day the results are not visible. Yesterday felt less strong than the day before, today will hopefully be different. When this is the experience, it doesn’t feel like I’m getting better. I have to put that aside, focus, and keep my regular routine up, including pushing myself to work my shoulder, while also not overdoing it.

We are often enamoured by the quick fix, the easy answer, fast and obvious results. But these quick rewards are not always available. Sometimes it’s the slow incremental changes that make us better, stronger, and more resilient. Sometimes we need to work through things slowly and properly in order to see the results we really want.

It doesn’t always seem glamorous, but the day to day grind of doing things well, with positive intention, and dedication can be the key to success. Sometimes it’s not about what we can do to quickly fix a problem, instead it’s about what we can do consistently over time that brings results. Staying positive and keeping the end goal in sight is important. This isn’t always easy to remember when the results we want come from incremental improvements.

Spicing it up

My sister is visiting and she is a foodie. I can’t believe how much I’ve eaten this long weekend, and she is preparing pork chops for a late dinner tonight. I’m actually about to get on the treadmill before dinner… I need to burn some calories!

She also brought me 3 versions of a family pepper sauce that I love and I’ve already had a meal where I portioned Spanish rice into three sections to try each sauce. This made me think about how different people spice their meals. Growing up, I had a friend who added salt to everything he ate. He wouldn’t even taste the food before giving the salt and pepper shakers a shake over his plate. I do this with black pepper into any cream soup. And certain meals I add pepper sauce to without tasting it first. For example, pasta with a meat sauce always tastes better with some of our family recipe pepper sauce. I don’t need to taste first before adding spice.

How often do we do this, we add a spice before even tasting what we are about to eat? We layer on the sauce or the gravy, or we add salsa or cream cheese to a meal. We get accustomed to what we like and we spice things up out of habit. This time with my sister has made me appreciate what it means to enjoy food and eating, and to think a bit about how to spice up my diet. It has also made me question my portion sizes when I enjoy a meal. Spicing something up and enjoying it shouldn’t mean that I also consume much more… but this weekend I really overdid the volume of food consumed.

I think I need to spice up my workout too!

The future of the commute

My commute to work is 15 minutes, including going out of my way to drop my daughter to school. Other than my two years in China, since my wife and I moved to the city we work in 21 years ago, I haven’t commuted to work for longer than 15 minutes. I know this isn’t the norm. Many people must commute much longer than that.

Two days ago my sister came to town and I had to head to the airport and back during rush hour. Yesterday and today I travelled 40+ minutes to UBC to watch my daughter perform at Nationals for synchronized swimming. These trips are giving me a small taste of what many people face on a daily basis, although traffic today was light.

I know some people will always have to commute. A store clerk, a hotel concierge, a teacher, a factory worker, or a hospital doctor or nurse, all need to get to the building they work in.

Does a lawyer need to be in the office every day? An accountant? An architect? The list can go on… How many people commute to a building, travelling for over an hour-and-a-half a day, over 45 minutes each way, to get to a physical location that they don’t need to be at in order to get their job done?

What will the future hold for commuting when this every-day forced travel isn’t deemed necessary? What will happen when work weeks (potentially) move to 4 days a week? Will this reduce travel time, or will continued urbanization and densification of populations make traffic just as bad, even with the reduced number of trips individuals will need to take?

One last question is how automation of travel will change too? Will cars be able to travel more efficiently when they all communicate with each other, and can avoid accidents created by human error?

My guess is that in the coming years commuting days for many will be reduced, but commuting times on average will remain the same or worsen. The global shift towards large urban centres will necessitate that many people will need to live in the more affordable suburbs, where commuting time will be necessary. So maybe we should explore what that time looks like, rather than just trying to shorten it.

I know that I’ve moved away from listening to the radio to listening to podcasts and audio books during commutes and longer drives, I wonder what people will use this time for in the future? Will work start when you enter your self-driving car rather than when you arrive at work? What will the commuting experience look like?

The memories that make us who we are

What are the defining moments in your life? When asked a question like this, we often think of big choices, like choosing a university, a life partner, a house, or a country to live in. But what about the little moments?

  • Parents who hugged you when you fell and cut your knee.
  • Being read a bed time story.
  • Family vacations.
  • Visits to or from grandparents.
  • Sports teams.
  • Sleepovers.
  • Trips abroad.
  • Boyfriends or girlfriends.
  • Parties, camping trips, hanging out in basements, dances, night clubs, and concerts.

If you are lucky, each of these examples will bring fond memories, and smiles. For others, one or more of these could trigger a memory of abuse or neglect or of missing out. For some, the memories are mixed, a blend of joyous nostalgia and bitter reflection.

These memories accumulate and our choice to focus on them help define who we are now, and what choices we make in the future. We might like to think that today is a new day filled with potential, but that potential is determined by our past, and the patterns we have set for ourselves. If these memories and patterns didn’t matter, we wouldn’t need so many self-help books, and therapists, and seminars that are available to help us break the cycles we get stuck in.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could alter our past to help us better align with the future we want? Could we look back at past memories and make the painful ones more distant? Could we find the hidden lessons we need now and see the value from the hardships we faced? Could we alter our histories by deciding to focus on what has made us stronger, wiser, and more resilient?

Do we own our memories or do they own us? If this is a choice we can make, what’s stopping us? Do we not have the power to make the memories that make us who we are?

Learning Through Failure vs Failing to Learn

We talk a lot about learning through failure, but not a lot about failing to learn. When we fail because of lack of resources, lack of support, lack of knowledge, and/or lack of reflection, it’s just a failure. We do not necessarily learn.

When we talk about learning from failure, we are not actually talking about failure, we are talking about perseverance, and resilience, and tenacity. We are talking about coming up to resistance and unplanned outcomes and working through them to achieve a goal. We are talking about students learning significantly more than if everything went their way.

Who learns more, the person who follows the cookie-cutter curriculum and content-focused assessment, or the student who tries something really original, challenging, and maybe even epic? Even if both paths led to the coveted mark of an ‘A’, which path holds the most promise for deep learning?

We never want students to fail, but we also don’t want them to have such an easy path to success that the learning is forgettable. The struggle that potential failure can create is something that separates learning through failure from failing to learn.

(Image by Bill Ferriter)