Monthly Archives: May 2024

Leave a little undone

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Student leaders at my school planned a movie night and I ended up leaving school a little after 9pm last night. After I got home I decided to have a hot tub. With headphones on I slowly submerged myself, got comfortable, and put on some focus music on my meditation app. Why focus music? I was planning to do a meditation, but I was too tired and decided to reflect on the week rather than meditating, or listening to a podcast or to my book. I thought about a couple exchanges I had this week. One was feedback from a student. I love being in a school where students can give me candid feedback. In fact, we discussed radical candour and I have to say that the feedback he gave was very insightful. The other reflection is one I won’t share, because it would be too easy for the people involved to know that I was talking about them, and it’s not appropriate for me to share. 

That second reflection came shortly after I restarted my hot tub (after the 20 minute auto shut off). I thought I was going to sit for another round, but minutes later I felt too hot and that I was done. Yet, there I was pushing myself to stay in a bit longer. That’s when I realized that I was battling myself for no good reason. I was done, but I had just restarted the hot tub, and in my head it was my ‘duty’ to stay in it longer. This of course is a ridiculous thing to think, but I thought it. Then I reflected on how often we do this to ourselves.

We push to finish… almost everything.

  • Crappy movie? Watch it all anyway. Why? Maybe it will get better? Or ‘I’ve invested this much time, may as well see it through to the end’.
  • Eating a meal? I’m stuffed but there are still 4 more bites… May as well finish my plate. Or, ‘I don’t really want fries, but it was part of the meal deal, so may as well eat them’. 
  • An online survey. A game of solitaire when you know you aren’t going to win. A boring book. A career. A course you thought would be interested, but turns out to be boring and unfulfilling. 

There are a lot of quotes and adages about sticking with something, showing grit and fortitude, and not being a quitter… but there is a difference between quitting or giving up, and being smart about recognizing when something is no longer benefiting you. This is especially true for things where the only person expecting you to finish is you. Why force yourself to finish a book that you know you’ll end up being disappointed reading? Why stuff yourself with those last 4 bites? Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to leave a little bit undone.

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As an aside, the Northern Lights were out last night like I’ve never seen them before. (See my Facebook post.)

Walk in Silence

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Yesterday after work I texted my wife to see if she wanted to join me for a walk. Unfortunately she wasn’t available, but I decided to go for one anyway. Instead of heading home first, I decided to do a small loop that goes up a hill near my work. It is a short trail that is carved out in behind houses heading up to a nearby middle school. It’s short enough that I did the loop up and down the hill 4 times.

My walks tend to be on a treadmill with headphones on, or with someone. I almost never walk without a companion or without headphones. But I had neither.

It’s easy to forget how pleasant it is to walk in silence. On a stroll, alone with your own thoughts, not in a rush to get somewhere. We tend to spend so little time with ourselves these days. Our phones are our constant companions… constant stimulation… constant interruptions to the quiet of our own thoughts.

I saw a comedian talk about how he can’t take a shit without his phone anymore. He did this bit about how he’d have to go really bad, he’d get to the toilet, pull his pants down around his ankles and then realize he left his phone on the kitchen counter. He’d pull his pants back up and head down to get his phone just so he could return to the bathroom to do his business while scrolling.

A walk alone, with no headphones, no distraction or interruption to my thoughts, and while not in a hurry. This is a simple pleasure, but one I don’t tend to give myself anymore.

Blank Canvas

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It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve created something, there are times the blank canvas or the blank page is an exciting thing to look at, and other times when it is the scariest.

It amazes me how writing daily can be a fully inspiring experience: Today I get to create something novel, to share my view of the world!

And writing daily can also be overwhelmingly challenging: Start an idea… delete. Start another idea… delete. ‘Why do I even bother?’

I know the answer. If I don’t bother, I won’t write… at all. I’ll have great intentions, but intentions without commitment leads to inaction. Skip a day, and I create an excuse to skip another day. And another. And another.

Daily-Ink. Weekly-Ink. Occasional-Ink. Think-but-no-Ink.

The commitment involves hard days and easy days. Like I’ve said in reference to regular exercise, it’s the hard days that matter most. It’s easy to work out when you want to. It’s easy to write when the ideas flow. It’s the days when it’s challenging, when energy levels are low, or inspiration is lacking, that make the habit worthwhile. Because without persevering on the tough days, the tough days become excused days… and then the excuses keep coming.

The days when the blank canvas is daunting are the days when practicing your art are most important. The problem with ‘waiting for inspiration‘ is that waiting is not creating. Waiting is not really doing anything.

The days when the blank canvas is daunting are the days when you decide if you are a creator or a wanna-be creator: An artist, a poet, an athlete, a writer, or a procrastinator. The blank canvas holds a world of potential. But potential stays latent without effort. Either potential is developed or it is wasted.

Never walk away from a blank canvas. Create, don’t wait. Start, don’t postpone. Inspiration is created through action, and the longer you wait, the more ominous the blank canvas becomes.

Breaking Bland

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I don’t know what I’ll be doing today after work, but it won’t be what I’ve done the past couple days. For two days now I’ve come home, sat on the couch, and only really got up to eat leftovers and go back to the couch… and then to bed.

It’s easy. It’s lazy. It’s unproductive. And ultimately it’s unsatisfying.

It’s ok to do for a couple days, but I can’t let myself just default to this daily. Sometimes it takes intention to change. It takes awareness and also effort. A plan helps too, but honestly I don’t have one right now. That will have to change before I get home. If it doesn’t change I’ll probably choose the bland option of doing nothing much again.

~

Breaking Bland

Breaking a bland routine is to thrive, to feel alive, rather than satisfactorily survive.

It doesn’t need to be profound, exciting, or fun. It just needs to be an evening where I don’t get home from work and think, “I’m done!”

A walk, a talk, a task with a goal will do. A chore or ‘to do’ list item will suffice too. Perhaps a recipe with flavours that are new. A book, a podcast, a meditation, a conversation with you.

The experience need not be perfect, this I understand. I just want to choose something that is more than bland.

Disposition over position

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Listen to this wonderful quote by comedian Jimmy Carr:

“Disposition is more important than position”

I’ve only ever known Jimmy Carr as a one-liner comedian. His podcast with Steven Bartlett on Dairy of a CEO has changed my mind. There are so many gems that he shares and it’s worth taking an hour and a half to listen.

It’s fitting that wisdom like this comes from an unexpected place. Even with Steven’s glowing introduction my bar of expectation was still low and I was very pleasantly surprised.

Yesterday morning I listened to the last 30 minutes while on the treadmill, and when Jimmy said this it really hit me.

“You are not the worst thing you’ve ever done.” ~ Jimmy Carr

How many people are measured on social media by the worst thing they have said or done? I’ve written around 2,000 blog posts since I started sharing online 18 years ago. I think I have a pretty decent record of being a pretty decent person, and yet I am keenly aware that I’m one careless sentence or one unpopular opinion away from potentially being ‘cancelled’… of being attacked as rude, biased, or some other derogatory adjective.

I’m not famous and it might not be that big of a deal to others, but it would matter to me. I remember years ago when I was attacked in a comment for being racist. It was very upsetting. Ironically it was on a post that I still consider one of my favourite things I’ve ever written, and to this day it’s the only non-spam comment I ever deleted. But before I did, I checked with people to see if I was off base. I really questioned myself and my perspective. I found out later who wrote that comment, even met him, and I believe changed his mind, but that’s a story for another time.

Going back to the podcast, I enjoyed listening to this enough that I’ll probably end up listening to Jimmy’s book. He really is a fascinating guy and I think I have more to learn from him. On that note, take some time to listen to the Diary of a CEO podcast. Steven interviews some fascinating people and he is an excellent interviewer.

And finally, back to the quote above about disposition, I am reminded of another quote, “It’s not what happens, it’s what you do that makes the difference.” I learned this in an NLP class over 30 years ago, but it actually dates back to Epictetus: “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”

We all have an incredible ability to create our own reality… to take what happens to us and frame it in a way that is positive, that teaches us, that helps us grow.

“Disposition is more important than position. ”

Being tough vs having high expectations

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In your schooling you’ve probably had some really tough teachers that gave you no slack or leeway, and some of them you might have liked and others you didn’t. What made them tough and likeable versus tough and unlikable?

I think it comes down to high expectations, consistency, and connection.

• When a teacher has high, but realistic expectations the message is that they believe in you and your capabilities. But this is individualized, not every student can achieve the same thing, but every student knows the difference between a teacher wanting them to do better rather than just expecting results they know they can’t achieve.

• When a teacher is fair and shows consistency, students feel respected. Favouritism undermines morale, and invalidates the integrity of the classroom. High expectations can’t be mixed with greater strictness for some students without them feeling picked on.

• When a teacher connects with students and shows genuine interest in them high expectations becomes an honour not a challenge. Students recognize that the teacher wants them, expects them, to be successful… and believes in them.

Having high expectations, being fair and consistent, and genuinely caring and connecting with students can build a classroom environment where a teacher being strict comes across to students as wanting to get the best out of them, and believing in them. But take any one of these three things away and being strict can seem mean, unfair, or even vindictive.

It’s a pretty special classroom where students are all held to a high standard and they feel like their teacher sincerely wants the best out of all of them… and believes in them.

What Is There To Fear?

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Do you ever notice that people who have near death experiences seem to have a new lease on life? It makes me think that the fear around death is misguided. We shouldn’t fear death nearly as much as we should fear not living. Death is inevitable. And while I personally hope it is still quite distant, it really isn’t avoidable. What is avoidable is not really living. 

Not really living can be quite cliche. It’s living to work, not working to live; It’s counting the days to the weekend, your next vacation, or retirement; It’s eating for sustenance without enjoyment; It’s counting the minutes rather than spending them; It’s fearing to chase your dream; Wishing, but not doing; watching rather than participating; Wondering where the time went and lamenting; Hoping for different results, but not doing anything to get them. 

What is there to fear? It’s not death, it’s just not really living… which is something you always have control over. And if you take control, well then there really isn’t much to fear, is there? 

 

Dear Grocery Store

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It’s time to enter the 21st-century and provide intelligent search in your stores.

Create an App that is a shopping list that automatically sorts products by the aisle that they are in. Have sensors that the app detects so that once in that isle, you can see right where the product can be found.

Yes, I know you make a lot of extra money selling stuff because people are searching, can’t find their products, and see other products to pick up, but here’s a better way to do it!

You have an extreme amount of data about what people buy together. Instead of relying on them accidentally stumbling upon something as they search, use the data you have:

1. Put things together that people have bought together on their past shopping experiences. There are hundreds of millions of orders you have already tracked on every receipt you’ve ever printed and stored. Yes, that might be challenging for someone who doesn’t use the app, however, you’re going to design the app so that it would be stupid not to use it.

Who knew that people who bought tacos also bought mango curry sauce… you do because the data says so. So, why not put them next to each other in the grocery store?

2. Use the bottom 1/4 of the App to a) suggest related items when an item is added to the list, and b) show related items or data-suggested items while looking for the next item on the list.

3. Personalize suggestions based on individualized purchase history. If someone adds taco shells regularly, remind them about taco shells or salsa the next time they buy ground beef.

4. Make the App features great. Make it ideal for other lists too, make it indispensable. Add features that might suggest other items if you are on a diet. Or let a vegetarian know that a sauce has meat products and suggest another one that doesn’t.

5. Don’t game this too much. We aren’t stupid. If we see that every item you suggest is by Kraft, or we see the same items again and again that your App is pushing to us for advertising kickbacks, we’ll know the App is made for you and not for us. Here’s a magical idea, don’t just say you put the customer first, actually put them first!

The days of forcing people down every isle for them to buy more products are over… or they will be for you if you competitor takes this App idea before you do.

Antecedent to: Forever or a Failure

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Yesterday I wrote:

It’s Not: Forever or a Failure

Starting something and doing it for a while, then changing your mind is often seen as a failure. When in fact, it’s very possible that continuing on and being unhappy would be far more of a failure. Yet from the outside, sticking with it looks more like success than the person who changes their mind, and is ready to challenge themselves in new, interesting, and exciting ways.

Today I share an antecedent to this:

Stick to it! Don’t quit too early. The forever analogy above, and trying something new instead, relates to things you’ve done for a long time and feel committed to. But new things deserve time, effort, and some fortitude in times of difficulty.

It’s easy to make excuses why the new path you are on, or the new hobby you are trying, is too hard or to decide the learning curve is too big. It’s easy to rationalize giving up too quickly. Any new and worthy task or routine takes some grit to stick with. When you’ve given the new thing a few months, or even a few years, that’s when the idea that it need not be ‘forever or a failure’ comes into play.

Before that, when things are still relatively new, there needs to be a time commitment. After time has permitted a long term cost-benefit analysis, only then is quitting not a failure, and continuing forever could be more detrimental and less rewarding than moving on.

Doing new things can be scary, and it can be easy to justify or rationalize or even irrationally reason that continuing on in an activity is too hard, or not worth the effort. Leave a new habit or practice or hobby too soon and a failure is a failure. Continuing on too long, or not quitting because you are scared to vary from your comfort zone can also be a failure.

It’s a delicate dance of time… don’t be afraid to put the time into something new, and really give it a chance… and don’t spend more time on something than is necessary just because these are the same dance steps you’ve been doing for a long time.

It’s Not: Forever or a Failure

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Starting something and doing it for a while, then changing your mind is often seen as a failure. When in fact, it’s very possible that continuing on and being unhappy would be far more of a failure. Yet from the outside, sticking with it looks more like success than the person who changes their mind, and is ready to challenge themselves in new, interesting, and exciting ways.