Tag Archives: mental health

80 Crunches

In January of 2021 my buddy Dave Sands and I decided to do the Coquitlam Crunch, an uphill trek along the power lines on the north side of our city. It includes a segment with 450+ steps, and at the top we take a small circular detour that makes the walk feel more like a round trip than just up then down again. We started doing this at the height of the pandemic when we really weren’t socializing at all, and this was a great place to meet that was outdoors, or we would not have gotten together.

We enjoyed it so much that we made it a weekly event. Early on it was every Friday, rain, shine, and even snow. Later, we switched to Saturday mornings, and we treat ourselves to breakfast at Starbucks afterwards. Today we did our 80th walk together since we started.

That’s 400 kilometres we’ve travelled. But it’s not about the distance, it’s the time together that really matters. We naturally and unintentionally created a routine of ‘talking shop’ (talking about work) at the start of the walk, and usually ending that part of the conversation by the time we reach the top of the stairs, barely half way up. Then the rest of the walk is filled with conversations about life, the universe, everything, and anything.

When we started, this was like therapy. We had been bottled up with pandemic restrictions and just having someone outside our tiny family bubble to talk to was such a boost to our mental health. While it still serves that purpose, it’s also so much more. I’m looking forward to keeping this tradition going, and hitting milestones like 100 Crunches and 1,000 kilometres… and beyond.

What’s a tradition that you have with family or friends that you plan to keep for a very long time?

Nature’s Hug

I did my weekly morning walk with my buddy, also named Dave, this morning. We do the Coquitlam Crunch which is in uphill walk that includes 400+ steps and, for us, is a 25-26 minute walk up. We do a little turn-off on the trail just before the top. This takes us down a short hill then it goes up and over the top of the Crunch on a dirt path behind some houses and surrounded by trees.

I commented that I love this little detour we take and Dave suggested this was because it was like a hug. We go from a more open, paved path to a dirt path with tall trees all around us. “It’s like we are getting nature’s hug,” he suggested.

I like this idea. That’s exactly what it feels like. I’ve heard of phrases like nature or forest bathing, which is more of a full sensory experience of being out in nature, but this is different. It’s shorter and less about seeking an experience. Rather, it’s just stepping into a forest and momentarily feeling the path closing in, but in a gentle loving way… like a hug.

I’m going to be thinking about this every time we go on this walk now, and also as I enter the 5km walk I do with my wife in a nearby park that is filled with beautiful, tall trees. I’m not just getting a walk in, I’m also getting a hug from nature – nature’s hug.

Unrealistic expectations

It has been over 2 months since I shot an arrow. No surprise that my session today went a little rough. It was going to be a total bust until I decided to halve my usual distance and start shootings at 10-ish yards rather than my usual 20 yards (18m). Then I was able to relax a bit more and focus on the finer details of my shot rather than trying to hard to shoot well at a longer distance.

I lowered my expectations of what I could do and suddenly I shot better… still not what I used to be able to do, but I could hit the 10-ring consistently enough to relax my focus on the target and pay attention to my shot process. When expectations are too high only disappointment prevails.

I realize now that I need to think of my workouts the same way. Recently, while cleaning out my garage, I spent some time looking back over old photos. These included ones from the Maccabiah Games in Israel back in ’93. I trained the hardest I’ve ever trained and was the fittest I’ve ever been.

Seeing these photos, I looked down at the small donut ring below my belly button and it got me feeling crappy. I was literally thinking over the past few days, “I’ll never look like that again!” And honestly, it was getting me down a bit.

But the archery session has helped me reframe this. I don’t need to be the fittest I’ve ever been at 54, I need to be fit for 54. Big difference. It’s not about having low expectations, no, it’s about not having unrealistic expectations. I’m not going to be 26 fit. I’m not going to shoot a great round in archery after taking more than 2 months off.

I will have fun with my archery and make myself a little better each time. I’m going to keep working out and taking care of my aging body by keeping it fit and healthy… and again, have fun doing it. I’ll set goals for myself, but I won’t set myself up for failure with unrealistic expectations.

Easy distraction

I’m finding my phone to be a painfully easy distraction that’s sucking away too much of my time. I need it to write this post. I need it to meditate. I need it to listen to music while I work out. I need it to listen to my book. These are all legitimate reasons to ‘need’ my phone.

I don’t ‘need’ it beyond that, but it still ends up in my hands, it still takes my attention. It still sucks time out of my day.

I’m realizing that I need to put it down more, tuck it away more, leave it alone more.

Less phone, more life beyond the screen.

Weeding

I spent some time weeding my in-laws garden yesterday. I put on headphones and an audiobook, and just went to work for a few hours. It’s not a job I have to do often and so I enjoyed the process, but I wouldn’t enjoy gardening every day and weeding all the time.

It’s interesting to see how weeds can really blossom when they find a space to grow and spread. They can take over a section of a garden, spreading far faster and wider than the intended flowers, creating a root system that ensures their return unless the entire plant is removed.

I think addiction is like that in the mind. It takes over a part of the brain and takes root. You can try to remove the addiction, you can do some addiction weeding, but if there are roots of it left behind, you relapse and the addiction returns.

I’ve only ever met one person who had an addiction who I think got all the weeds out. He was not someone who had to fight the addiction daily, he didn’t have to do any more weeding. I asked him about this and he said he filled the space that the addiction held. He planted new seeds.

He found a way to fill the deep seeded needs the addiction gave him. For him it was love, of family and life, which brought him more joy than the addiction. He grew a new garden that prevented the weeds from taking root.

I have not dealt with addiction, I have not had to fight the battle that others fight daily… but I wonder if the idea that every day you must weed out the addiction is the best model? Are there ways to plant new gardens so the old weeds can’t take hold?

There are some therapies that seem to be able to do this, like the guided use of psychedelics, which seem to rip all the weeds out; Which rewire the brain so that weeds can’t grow where they used to take root.

I know programs like the 12-step program work and have saved many people from addictions, but they are designed to teach you that you must weed daily for the rest of your life… I wonder what other ways there are to weed, such that life can go forward with new healthy roots that reduce the need for daily work?

Any easy question to ponder when you aren’t the one that has to do the weeding every day.

Change of plans

Before covid hit, I was scheduled for a Mediterranean cruise, with stays in Spain and Portugal. One of my daughters had a semester abroad cancelled. And we are not the only ones that have seen all kinds of changes in plans occur.

Today I took a discretionary day off to assist with a family member having surgery, only to learn this morning that the surgery was cancelled. That’s the nature of what the last couple years have been like… The best laid plans of mice and men…

After build-up and expectations, cancelled plans are tough. I think they are taking a toll on people. It’s not a big deal when one thing doesn’t go as planned, but when plans are cancelled again and again, when rules and expectations change again and again, it gets to be mentally exhausting.

We need to give ourselves the permission to be upset and disappointed, we need to allow ourselves the opportunity to be pissed off. And then we need to take a deep breath and move on. It’s not healthy to stay in a state of disappointment. The reality is that remaining in a state of disappointment accomplishes nothing, except maybe to make us feel crappy.

Living through a pandemic is stressful, but the alternative is worse. We’ll get through this. There will be more cancellations. There will be more rule changes. There will be more upset people acting irrationally. But in the end, we’ll persevere, and as long as we are willing to adapt, and be as thoughtful and safe as we can, we will be stronger from the adversity we’ve faced.

Waves and fluctuations

I’m an avid audio book listener, and I usually get through almost a book a week unless I am reading something that’s really long, then it could be two weeks. But I just took three weeks to listen to a 5-hour long book, and didn’t feel I got as much out of it as I had hoped.

One of my healthy living goals this year was to shoot arrows 100 days of the year. I’ve far exceeded that target, but last week I only shot once, and I think I might only get to shoot once this week. The long gaps have led me to be more inconsistent and two out of the last three outings have produced some of my lowest scores in months.

I’ve been doing really well in the gym and have added a few pounds in the past few months, but the past couple weeks I’ve been missing a few workouts or I’m working out, but not really pushing myself.

I’ve missed more meditations in the last 6 weeks than I’ve missed for the rest of the year. When I do meditate, it’s more like I am am having a quiet moment to think about random things. I can’t seem to focus on my breath any more than I could when I started my daily meditation routine almost 3 years ago.

I know that I can’t always be doing everything at my best, but usually the fluctuations vary and I am doing some things well while struggling in other areas. The only thing I’m still doing consistently is writing daily… but I’m finding that I’m quite slow and everything else in my morning routine needs to be rushed.

This isn’t some bigger issue that I’m aware of, I’m not feeling depressed or sad. I’m just in the wave trough of effort and enthusiasm of my routines, and hopefully going to move up to the crest soon. It’s just unusual to find myself ‘down here’ in so many aspects at once. I tend to find some balance that is missing. The question is, what do I do to get out of it? Do I focus on just one thing? Do I wake up earlier and give myself more time? Do I just accept the fluctuations and allow myself another week of going through the motions, knowing that I’ll find my way back, knowing that I can’t always bring my ‘A’ game to everything I do?

My indifference to trying to get out of this rut suggests to me that I need to allow myself this time. I’ll make sure that I don’t miss another meditation. I’ll try to see if I can get an extra session of shooting arrows in this week, even if it’s for half the time I usually shoot for. I’ll start a fictional novel even though I usually wait for the holidays to choose a book that I’m not learning from. None of these are huge steps, but each of them offer me an opportunity to move from trough to crest in one of these areas that I seem to be under-performing in.

The Resilience of Students

We had our final PAC meeting of the year last night for Inquiry Hub. At the end of the Principal’s Report I did a quick ‘Thank You’ to parents, students, and teachers. One thing I mentioned when I talked about the students was resilience. I am so impressed with how resilient students were this year.

We’ve had students deal with family hardships that no kid should have to deal with. We’ve had students who have had their own struggles that they need to face. We’ve had students who have struggled previously that have stepped up and found ways to be more successful. These students are especially resilient, and may not even realize it.

We’ve also had many students who have come to school every day and just made the most out of this year. In many respects it has been a challenging year, one where things did nothing go as expected. But students have come together and created community. They have supported each other. They have found ways to thrive.

And they’ve learned so much! I’m absolutely impressed with some of the inquiry projects that were done this year. And when I’ve watched student presentations, I’ve seen slides that are so well put together that you would think they were going to a design school. They aren’t just putting information on a page, they are conveying a coherent story. While this is usually something we consistently see with seniors, this is now something that we are seeing at every grade.

And students are committed to helping each other. They have come together and showed how much they care for one another, and supported each other. The examples I can think of are plentiful, but also a little too specific to share here without asking permission. The point being that during a global pandemic, when I’d expect to see more individual concerns for student well being, I’ve instead seen resilient kids coming together to help each other.

We don’t always give kids the credit they deserve. They are amazingly resilient and at a time when many people are dealing with hardships greater than they normally have to face, our students, our kids, have been dealt a challenging school year and have made it through this year surprisingly well.

I can’t wait to see what these kids do when we are able to provide them a full school experience next year… it’s something I really look forward to. I’m already excited about what September will bring.

Aches and pains

I do a lot to take care of myself and for the most part, I feel good about my progress. But today I feel old.

I usually take in the attitude that age is just a number. I’m as young as I believe that I am. Today my age wins.

Saturday on my 5km walk with my wife, she decided to jog for some of it. I enjoy jogging at my wife’s pace and thought nothing of it. I will run on my treadmill faster than this, and for longer than the two sections we jogged for. Sunday after my archery I did an 8 minute leg workout that I usually do, and added about 4 reps of an assisted pistol squat, because I’m very slowly trying to get myself to the point that I can do these.

But by Sunday night my knee was hurting. I don’t know why, but think it might be running on uneven terrain rather than on the treadmill, or trying the pistol squat after my 8 minute workout, when my legs are fatigued. Then I got a hip cramp that night.

After this my shoulders and back tightened up and for the first time in several months I felt shoulder pain. I only did one exercise with my arms that was slightly different than my usual routine, and I intentionally did it with light weights since it was new. Besides, it was a bicep exercise, not a shoulder one.

This ache caused me to tense up my upper back and the tension between my shoulder blades was so tight, I had to push my back into doorway jams to work the kinks out several times during the day… basically using the corners of the doorway to massage the knots out of my upper back.

Old. That’s the feeling this morning. I feel like the rust has formed on my joints, and the whole machine is seizing up. This morning I’ll ride my stationary bike for 20 leisurely minutes, do some stretching, and that will be my workout. Tomorrow I have a massage booked and it will be a painful one. A lot of deep tissue work on my upper back, and hamstring work because my tight hamstrings tend to be the root of my leg and hip issues.

Maybe after that I can remember why I work so hard to take care of myself, remember to spend more time stretching, and start to feel young again. Maybe I need reminders like this to refocus me. When I don’t exercise, my back pain becomes chronic. But I have to say that it’s not fun to ache in several places at once, and while exercise usually keeps the rust away, right now this machine feels old and rusty.

This morning my age is getting the best of me… but I’m not done feeling young. I’ll work my way back to healthy, and oil these joints back to fully operational again. The alternative to this is being lazy and letting myself fall back into a life of daily pain, and feeling even older than I do today. No, I’d rather keep active and find my way back to feeling young again.

Cycles of energy and interest

This was the first weekend all year that I didn’t shoot arrows. I could have made the time but I didn’t. I’ve also been going through the motions for my workouts, getting my cardio in, but not doing a lot more. I think I need to change things up a bit. I am also finding my daily blog a lot harder to get started each morning, the blank page feels daunting.

I tend to be an even-keeled person who doesn’t hit extreme highs and lows, and so it can be hard to know when I’m feeling low. Often it’s only after I recognize my own lethargy towards the things I enjoy doing that I realize that I’m in a bit of a funk. While there are disadvantages to not feeling the high highs, there are advantages to not feeling the low lows… I can identify where I am and make small adjustments to unstick myself.

I’m going to wake up a bit earlier so I feel less rushed. I’m going to shoot arrows after school 3 times this week. I’m going to give myself a physical challenge that reinvigorates my workouts. I’ve hit a low cycle and I’ve realized it. I’m going to act my way into a new way of thinking, because that’s easier than thinking my way into a new way of acting.

I’m lucky that I’m able to do this, I know many who struggle to do the same, some who simply can’t. They get consumed by anxiety or depression and can not (as opposed to will not) move themselves out of it easily. For those that struggle in this way, we are unhelpful when we tell them to snap out of it, or just to think of something else, or to cheer up.

For them we can be helpful by listening, not judging, by acknowledging, not instructing, and by engaging in active conversations, going for walks, being outside, and being social. We can share our energy and time. I think too often we don’t give people we care about our time.

For me, I need to give myself the time to do things I enjoy… and I need to remind myself that I enjoy these things. It’s like I need a reminder that I get joy out of the things I enjoy. I like shooting arrows, even if my score doesn’t constantly get better. I enjoy writing daily, it’s a positive outlet, not a chore. I enjoy getting my heart rate up and feeling the endorphins of a good quick workout. And I’m blessed that I can cognitively make this shift simply by thinking about it.

And so my workout beckons. I’m going to try my new headphones on my treadmill, then do a light all-around workout keeping my heart rate up the whole time, rather than pushing any one muscle group. And I’ll put my current audio books on hold and listen to some music today.

It’s time to shift into a good cycle, and I’m already on my way simply by writing about it today.