Tag Archives: Life Lessons

The geography lottery

You don’t pick your parents. You don’t pick your country of birth. My grandfather was born in the Ukraine. I could have been too. My other grandfather escaped Poland before the second invasion in WWII. Much of his family that didn’t escape perished. I could have never come into existence.

There are children being born today that will have little or no chance of ever going to school beyond high school. Others who will start work before their 10th birthday. Still others that will know hunger in ways we never will.

We take for granted the opportunities we are given. We complain about things that others would consider a luxury… I wish my car had heated seats. I wish I had the latest phone. I asked for onion rings but they gave me fries.

Sometimes it’s worth pausing for a moment to appreciate that through sheer luck of birth, we have been given opportunities others will never get. We won a lottery that others dream of winning. Be grateful. Be thankful. Be generous. Be kind in thoughts, words, and deeds… Especially to those that have not been as lucky.

Sunny disposition

Maybe it’s from growing up in Barbados. Maybe it’s just human nature. When I wake up and know I’m going to see clear skies and a sunny day, my whole day ahead brightens.

No matter how much I want to be internally motivated, the outside world affects my mood. And so, while I can’t control the weather, I can control the people I choose to surround myself with… and I choose people who have a sunny disposition and/or people who bring the sunny disposition out of me.

There’s a reason why I call my kids ‘My Sunshines’. There’s a reason I call delightful students in my school Sunshine. It’s my nickname for people who brighten my day.

I hope you surround yourself with sunshine too… no matter what the weather.

Walking in one vs two worlds

I have shared that I’ve been blind to my own privilege. In the post I described how, “Despite my 1/2 Chinese father and my predominantly Ashkenazi Jewish roots, I have a look that Italians mistake for Greek, and Greeks mistake for Italian. I am neither. I’m used to not fitting into any box. In fact, whenever I have to fill out a survey that asked my race, I never check ‘white’. I always choose ‘Other’.“

But I am privileged. I pass as a white person even if I don’t identify as one. I am an immigrant, but that’s not something anyone assumes of me… meanwhile there are many second, third, fourth generation Canadians that might be thought of or assumed to be immigrants because of their appearance. I don’t have to live in 2 worlds. I don’t have to think about how others will perceive me. I don’t have to think about biases that people will judge me on based on my appearance.

This is why privileged people don’t notice their own privilege. When you live in just one world, you don’t know that you are missing another world that others have to deal with. The absence of something you’ve never had to deal with is not something that you know you are missing.

If you have never been hungry because you can’t afford food, you don’t really understand hunger. If your whole life you’ve seen a full spectrum of colours, you don’t know what it’s like to be colourblind. If you don’t have a learning disability, it’s hard to understand why someone with one can’t learn the same way as you.

Now flip it around, if you have gone really hungry, actually starving, and you’ve also seen people not ever face this, you understand there are two worlds. If you are colourblind and you are around people identifying things by colours you can’t see, you know that you are missing out, and likely always will. If you have a learning disability you get to watch others not struggle learning a relatively simple concept, while you do.

When you live in two worlds and you are disadvantaged in some way, it’s easy to see the privilege of not having to live in both worlds. When you live in just one, it’s harder to see the absence of the second world as being privileged. But it is.

How important is it?

It’s that time of year when students are applying for university, or college, or a technical institute, and the concern about their marks is at the forefront. Suddenly, a difference of 2% could matter. And while some schools want a personal profile, and want to know more than just marks, the marks matter a lot. But I wonder how many straight ‘A’ students head off to university and then drop out during or after their first year? I bet it’s a higher number than you would guess.

How many students have had their grades spoon fed to them with cookie cutter precision, doing exactly what the teachers want, but not learning what it’s like to manage their own time, or direct their own learning, or manage relationships with people outside the safety of their own grade and school?

Universities don’t find out a lot about a student when they determine entrance by small differences in GPA. How important is a 2% difference in grades, when so many other things factor into success? But if you are short 2% and your application doesn’t get looked at, it actually matters a lot.

Relationships can be the same. How important is: communication; money; sex; balance of responsibilities; work/life balance; diet & exercise; or support in a relationship?

If you are running a deficit in any of these areas, then it matters a lot. If you feel you have balance or your needs are being met, these things don’t matter much. If something is unbalanced or missing, then the level of concern increases. A simple example is money. If you have a little less money than you wish you had, you might not go on as expensive a vacation as you hoped for, that’s a minor issue and money isn’t really important. If you can’t pay rent or buy groceries for the week, then money is a major issue.

It doesn’t matter if it’s marks, or money, or any other concern I did or didn’t list, it’s when there is a deficit that these things become important. We often take advantage of the things that are working in our favour, because they aren’t a concern, and worry about the things that we are missing. While this is necessary for us to meet our desires and needs, it can often be at the expense of living a good life.

What is the price paid by a high achieving student who is so marks focused that they don’t enjoy other aspects of their lives so they can get a 96% instead of a 94%? What about a workaholic who is trying to squeeze out a few more thousand dollars by working a 65 hour week?

How important is it to meet the needs you have, and what’s the true price of meeting these needs? I’m sure in some cases the effort or sacrifice is important enough… but other times it really isn’t, and focusing on the deficits might make you lose focus on what’s really important.

Tiny little moments

Some days slip bye and when you look back, it’s hard to say what you did to fill them. On those days I try to think of small yet special moments:

A laugh with colleagues.

A good conversation.

A delicious snack.

A kind gesture.

A selfish moment.

A selfless moment.

A single accomplishment.

It doesn’t have to be a big thing, it just has to be something that I can identify that made the day a good day.

When you read quotes about life, you read things like, “Life isn’t measured by the breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away.” That sounds beautiful, but how many daily ‘take your breath away’ moments do you really live in your daily life?

No, life’s not just about the breathtakingly special moments… it’s about filling you life with, and appreciating, the tiny little moments that make life worth living.

Passion and Compassion

Had a chat with my parents yesterday for their 55th Anniversary. My dad was sharing that he spoke to one of my daughters earlier in the day and her gave her some advice.

“Live life with passion and compassion,” he told her. When you find a job you love, it’s not work, it’s a vocation. And so you can live a life of following your interests with passion. And then, don’t forget to have compassion for your fellow man.

Simple, thoughtful advice. Be passionate about the things you do, and be compassionate to those who are less fortunate or who could use your help or support.

“Live life with passion and compassion.” ~ Abraham Truss

Good advice at the wrong time

“Good advice at the wrong time is bad advice. 

Life is full of seasons and each season has different requirements. 

Know what season you are in, and you can better identify which ideas to utilize.” – James Clear

The first line in this quote really hit me!

“Good advice at the wrong time is bad advice.“

My immediate thought was parenting, and then I thought of teaching. You know when a kid screws up and you ask, “What were you thinking?” Well, pretty much anything you say after that, no matter how good, will not be appreciated or learned from. At this point one of two things is happening in the kid’s brain: Either they have already got your point and now you are rubbing it in, or they’ve switched off.

Ever get in an argument with someone you love and live with? When you are right, and you know that they know you are right, is that enough to let it go? Do you let it go?

When advice, lessons, corrections… no matter how wise… are tossed around at the wrong time, how effective is it?

“Good advice at the wrong time is bad advice.“

Internal batteries

You are really excited. A friend you haven’t seen in years is coming into town, and you can’t wait to connect. Three hours before the visit you get a phone call, your friend is very apologetic, but can’t make it today. A future date is set, but the gas is gone from your talk and you feel sad, even defeated, for the rest of the day.

—

You are upset. You just had an disagreement with a friend. You are stuck in your head, wondering how the conversation could have been better, but you aren’t thinking clearly. Anger, upset, and disappointment drain you. Then the friend calls. You suddenly feel better, you realize your faults in the earlier exchange and start to apologize, but you are interrupted by an apology offered by your friend. The conversation ends and you feel great, your tank is full and you are full of energy.

—

In neither of these cases did you add more energy into the system, you didn’t eat, you didn’t increase your heart rate and tap another energy system stored in your body. No, you just changed your perspective … or rather you had it changed for you.

Maybe sometimes we should spend a bit of thought, time, and energy changing our own perspective.

This time of year people get gifts where ‘Batteries aren’t included’, but your batteries are always there, and you’ve got the means to charge them anytime. And even if you feel you can’t, you probably know someone that can help. It doesn’t matter where the charge comes from, what matters is knowing that the battery tanks are there, and they can be filled at any time.

“It’s not what happens, it’s what you do that makes the difference.”

Sometimes all you need to do is change your perspective.

🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! May these times bring you a much needed battery charge… enjoy the time with your family.

Either-Or-And

Sometimes we make things an ‘Either/Or’ when it is actually easy to be an ‘And’. This morning was a simple example: one daughter wanted pancakes, the other wanted French Toast. To do both was just a few minutes extra prep.

Two eggs, a bit of milk, some garlic powder and black pepper mixed together and the French toast was prepped. Then quickly make the pancake batter while the large electric frying pan heated up with some oil. Then it doesn’t really matter if I’m flipping pancakes or French toast, and both meals are ready at the same time.

This is just a simple example, but it speaks to the idea that sometimes we don’t have to choose between two options, we can do them both. We can eat healthy and enjoy our food. We can be busy and also take care of our health. We can do a good job at work and find time to spend with family.

We don’t have to create as many dichotomies as we do… we can be more thoughtful and we can think in terms of ‘and’ rather than ‘either/or’.

The 65 percent that makes it happen

I’ve been up for almost an hour and a half. On a regular work day, I would have written this post, meditated, and would be at least half-finished my workout. I’m still lying down with my phone in my hand. I barely have time to write this before heading out to archery (which is good because this is another healthy living goal that I have), But dang, this messes my day up. I’ll need to set a timer for tonight or I’ll forget to meditate. And I don’t know if I’ll have time to work out.

Before imbedding these habits into my work days, I used to only work out regularly during the holidays and would always stop my good routines during my ‘busy times’… and I seemed to get busy a lot! Now I know that my morning routine prepares me for a good day, and sets me up for success during my busiest of times. Then a get on holidays and my routines all fall apart.

This no longer works for me. I need to update my thinking and my habits and routines on my breaks. Saying this ‘out loud’ is a first step, but follow through is important. If I’m occasionally going to skip a workout, that’s ok. If I’m going to miss a morning workout and think about trying to make it up all day, that’s annoying and not very restful. I’m not on holidays from my healthy living goals, and I don’t want to be.

Knowing this isn’t half the battle, it’s the first 10% of the battle. Committing to a routine is the next 65% of the battle… that’s the real work. And the last 25%? That’s the effort put into the routine, and that’s allowed to fluctuate. Committing the time and getting there, that’s the work that brings the rewards… and lets me start my day in a positive way, whether I’m working or on holidays.