Tag Archives: Life Lessons

The examined life

“The unexamined life is not worth living” is a famous dictum supposedly uttered by Socrates at his trial for impiety and corrupting youth, for which he was subsequently sentenced to death. The dictum is recorded in Plato’s Apology (38a5–6) as ho dè anexétastos bíos ou biōtòs anthrṓpōi (ὁ δὲ ἀνεξέταστος βίος οὐ βιωτὸς ἀνθρώπῳ). Wikipedia

Taking away the life or death scenario, and focusing more on the pursuit of wisdom or understanding of ourselves, why is an examined life so much more meaningful, and worth living for?

‘What is the examined life?’

I don’t think the answer is navel gazing and the pursuit of knowledge. It’s not just about analyzing the wave, it’s about getting on the surfboard. It’s not about understanding the nutritional value of food, it’s about enjoying the taste, and even finding joy in the preparation of a meal. It’s not just about the absorption of information but the joy of learning something new. And it’s not just about psychology or understanding the behaviour of others, it’s about being in a loving relationship and the companionship of family and friends.

An examined life is as much about the living of a good life as it is about the examination. Because examination itself does not create value unless the examination leads to living a life worth living.

An examined life isn’t just the life of an examiner. It’s living a life that when examined is viewed with a desire to give, to share, to contribute, and/or to strive to be accomplished at something. The examined life is one of action not just thought, of participation not just observation. This is what makes it worth living.

In preparation

How much time do we spend in preparation for something that is coming up? A simple example is a meal, and all the prep work that needs to be done before the meal is made. There is also tidy up time before guests arrive, reading to do before a meeting, personal grooming, and travel time. It occurred to me that we spend a lot of time preparing for events, and in some cases we spend more time in preparation than we do at the actual event we prepared for.

Two thoughts come to mind. First, we ought to find joy in preparation. Cooking is an excellent example of this, it’s not just the consuming of the final product but the joy of getting all the ingredients cut and cooked that we can savour. Can a fun event start for us as we shower and shave, and get ourselves ready? If we are going to spend so much of our lives in preparation for something upcoming, how can we find more joy in this time?

The second thought is about daily exercise. When we aren’t athletes training for, preparing for, an upcoming event, how do we perceive such activity? Exercise is really just preparation for a better tomorrow. It is the accumulation of a healthy lifestyle that pays dividends in the future. It is the preparation for a future life that is more active and vibrant than a sedentary life would promise.

We spend a lot of time in preparation for something else, this preparation time is an opportunity to find joy, to feel accomplishment, and not just a chore to get through on the way to something else. Cooking prep isn’t work, it’s putting love into the food you make for people you care about. Workouts are work, and if done right they are hard, but you can find joy in pushing yourself to new goals, and feel the endorphins a good workout can bring. Life is not about preparation for other things, life is found in the preparation.

Old friends

It doesn’t matter if you haven’t seen each other for months or years, when you connect with long-time friends both time and distance melt away. There is no awkward silence, no getting up to speed, the friendship just moves forward as if it was just yesterday that you last connected.

I don’t have many friends like this, but I cherish the ones that I have. They are my family, just not by blood. As I get older, I value these connections more… Maybe because they happen less frequently, maybe because I see how precious such friendships are. Moments spent with good lifelong friends are moments that accumulate to keep life feeling rich and fulfilled.

The trick is not to wait for special events to get you together. Find opportunities to meet, to holiday, to connect for no other reason than to be together. Special events don’t happen often enough, and while distance and time may disappear when you connect weather it has been a short or long time apart, the longer apart you spend, the less time you’ll have together. So, make the time for the friends that matter.

Being rudderless

The idea of being rudderless suggests being at the whim of the tides; of not being in control. But have you ever meet anyone who just goes with the flow and everything just works out for them? One person has something challenging happen and they become a ‘Karen’, whining and complaining, and making a scene. Another person has a very similar situation occur, and not only does it not bother them, but they end up getting better assistance or service than would be expected.

For some people bring rudderless means floundering and being a victim of circumstance. For others, being rudderless means they get to ride the waves and travel to places most others only dream of going.

Our societies and cultures teach us to be driven and to steer our way through life, but sometimes I think we spend too much time trying to steer and not enough time going with the flow. We need to have a rudder, but maybe we don’t need to use it so aggressively… Let the universe lead us where we need to go.

Changing Perspectives

I’m lounging in a hammock under a couple trees:

When I look up, I see the tree that my feet point to:

Although the tree is vertical and I am horizontal, I am cocooned into the hammock and can’t see the ground, so my perspective is that I’m standing and I can just walk along the horizontal tree in front of me. This shifts the entire world 90 degrees. It looks like I can walk the tree plank over the sky. I simply raise my head to see the ground and this perspective just disappears.

In how many ways can we intentionally do this to gain new perspectives on our world?

That person at work or that student at school who you find annoying, what if you knew more about the struggles they face?

That traffic jam slowing you down, what if it was your car that was rear-ended unexpectedly and you were going to have to deal with months of physiotherapy?

That chore you hate doing, what if you found some pleasure in doing it? What if you could also use that time to listen to something interesting while you completed the task?

So many experiences can be more tolerable, interesting, engaging, or enjoyable, simply by changing perspective. The world doesn’t need to shift 90 degrees to achieve this. In fact, the change can be minor, but the experience can be significantly different… Changing our breathing, tilting our head, looking up, listening intently, smiling, seeking rather than settling, questioning rather than accepting. Everything is a matter of perspective, and perspectives are not hard to change, if change is what you seek.

Reducing Complaints

I heard this on the Daily Jay, with Jay Shetty, on the Calm app this morning:

“Complaining is like chewing the same bite of food long after it has lost its taste. You’re just expending energy, for no positive purpose.”

Have you ever noticed that complaints live in your head far longer than you spend sharing them?

There is the initial thought that brews in your mind, percolating and flooding your mind with frustration. Then the complaint pours out of you, and you want to share every detail, fill other people’s cup with your bitter tasting brew. Then it chills down in your brain, but not immediately, it takes a while for the steam to be released, and your thoughts remain on your cup full of objection and protest.

“I can’t believe what she said.”

“The nerve of him thinking he could get away with doing that.”

“The worst service I’ve ever dealt with.”

The moment is gone, but the complaint lingers. With an opportunity to share it again later, the full emotional turmoil reruns.

“That was so upsetting!”

It was upsetting, or it is upsetting? Did it happen again? The verbal complaint makes it feels so.

What is it that the person who upset you the most deserves? Do they deserve your future attention, energy, and time complaining? Do you deserve to relive and retell, and expend time and energy on them?

If you’ve truly been wronged, do something about it and feel good about standing up for yourself. But if you’ve been annoyed and the moment is gone, let it be gone, because ‘I could have…’ or ‘I should have…’ didn’t happen, and complaints are nothing but wasted energy brewing in your mind, and also in the minds of those you complain to. And neither you nor they need to spend time sipping that bitter brew.

Moments in the day

Do you ever go through a day where every moment seems like you are getting ready for another moment?

You aren’t doing a morning workout, you are starting your day off with exercise. You aren’t working, you are checking things off your ‘To Do’ list so that you can get to the next item. You aren’t enjoying a meal, you are eating on the go because it’s lunch time and you know that you need to eat.

Take a moment… breath deeply… more than once… be still.

Now plan a moment in your day that is about that moment and that moment only:

A long hug.

A walk outside.

A phone call with a loved one, or a good friend.

A delicious snack.

A favourite song played just a little too loud with headphones.

A moment to breathe, to meditate, to fully appreciate your surroundings.

Take a moment, rather than just letting moment after moment slip away.

Unscheduled meeting

I got a text message from my buddy Mark this morning:

I figured one of two things, either a fun opportunity or he needed some help, maybe moving some furniture or something? Either way, I responded as soon as I saw the message. I then got invited to go kayaking. And despite having a planned agenda for my day, I agreed and met him an hour later. We had a wonderful couple hours on the water.

This got me thinking about two things: First of all, I don’t see enough of my friends. Secondly, when I do see them it is always an effort to coordinate and plan everything. Besides meeting my buddy Dave weekly to walk up the Coquitlam Crunch then have coffee, I really don’t see anyone unless it is planned well in advance.

Meanwhile, I live in an amazing place with so much to see and do around us, and I almost never take advantage of my location or see my friends.

My advice, call a friend you haven’t seen in a while and connect to go do something. I thank Mark for doing that with me!

The purge

Our garage was a mess before our big renovation, and since then it has been an absolute disaster. A couple days ago we threw out a lot of garbage. Yesterday I started cleaning out boxes I’ve had stored for years. The last time I did go through them, I just went down a nostalgic path and kept everything. This time I purged.

I was pretty ruthless. I took a few photos of things, but I also dumped a lot, including photos too. I realized that if these things have stayed in boxes for 15 or 20+ years already, why keep them in a box for another 20? It’s not going to get easier moving them around at 74 years old.

Besides, I just don’t feel attached to ‘stuff’ anymore. Here’s an example:

I wore #13 in high school, and when the school got rid of the reversible caps and got a set with ear protection, the coach gave me my number… that was 1985 and I still have it. The blue & white #9’s and red suit were from the Maccabiah games in Israel… that was 1993. Well now I have that photo above and the items are off to the dump. These, and many other items that would otherwise end up in a box for many more years, have now been tossed out.

Some of the more unique items I dumped: the rough start of a script for a water polo movie; A collection of tacky owls that my grandmother bought for me over many years because she knew I liked owls (these were sold by my wife on Facebook marketplace for a whopping $40); Wedding albums I used to promote my wedding photography business (I gave enlargements of any photos I kept to the couple, and they got all the negatives, so I wasn’t throwing away anything unique); Animal bones… So, this probably needs an explanation… No I wasn’t a kid who tortured animals and kept their bones, I travelled all through the southern US with my dad and kept some pretty neat skulls I found on our adventures.

Stuff.

Stuff I’ll never use. Stuff I don’t need. Stuff that doesn’t need to sit in my garage for another decade or two.

I’ll keep a few items. Books I find hard to part with, and other nostalgic articles, but what was 6 or 7 boxes will probably become just one. Still just stuff, but a lot less of it.

Easy distraction

I’m finding my phone to be a painfully easy distraction that’s sucking away too much of my time. I need it to write this post. I need it to meditate. I need it to listen to music while I work out. I need it to listen to my book. These are all legitimate reasons to ‘need’ my phone.

I don’t ‘need’ it beyond that, but it still ends up in my hands, it still takes my attention. It still sucks time out of my day.

I’m realizing that I need to put it down more, tuck it away more, leave it alone more.

Less phone, more life beyond the screen.