Writing is my artistic expression. My keyboard is my brush. Words are my medium. My blog is my canvas. And committing to writing daily makes me feel like an artist.
Heard this a few days ago and it has stuck with me.
The definition of anger: An emotional punishment you give yourself for someone else’s behaviour.
Kinda makes my little road rage about someone not using their indicator feel a little stupid.
I think there are times when anger might be an appropriate response. But how many times is it just unnecessary self punishment? How often does it linger too long? How much mental energy is used to hold on to angry thoughts?
And who ultimately pays the price for being or staying angry?
Probably my favourite moment on any tv game show is John Carpenter on ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire?’ He received the final, million dollar question and had his 3 support lifelines still available to be used. He hears the question and says he wants to use his ‘Phone a friend’ lifeline, and so a call goes through to his dad. Once his dad was on the line John tells him, ‘I don’t need your help, I just wanted you to know that I’m going to win the million dollars.’ He then gave his final answer… and won.
Not directly related but on a similar topic, a favourite movie scene of mine is from the movie, The Town. Ben Affleck’s character, Doug, walks into a room with Jeremy Renner’s character, James, and says, “I need your help. I can’t tell you what it is, you can never ask me about it later, and we’re gonna hurt some people.” After a quick pause Jeremy responds, “Whose car we gonna take?”
If you needed help, not just a skill testing question but real help for a challenging situation, who would you call?
As I reflect on the year that has passed, I have a great appreciation for the connection I’ve made to my good friend, Dave. In January of 2021, with Covid restrictions in full effect, we had just come off of our winter break where we were mostly isolated and home bound. We decided we would do a walk called the Coquitlam Crunch, because it was an outdoor thing that we could do and actually see each other, and still maintain a respectful distance from each other.
This morning, we witnessed a beautiful sunrise over Mount Baker as we did our 158th Coquitlam Crunch since that first one back in January ’21. These crunch walks represent 158 opportunities, basically 40 times a year for the past 4 years, where we’ve had a chance to connect face-to-face. These would not have been a chance to spend time together if it wasn’t for our planned walk. We went from not seeing each other regularly to our visits becoming a committed routine.
(A beautiful sunrise on our walk this morning.)
In 4 years we have only skipped out on one walk after driving there on a cold, wet, miserable, sleet-blowing-sideways day. Just once despite many other miserable and even snowy days. These walks have been medicine for the soul. They have been ‘phone a friend’ kind of support, except with the joy of being in person.
So, to end the year, I’d just like to thank Dave for the opportunity to connect so often. It has been an enriching experience to have so much time together with a friend. It reminds me of how valuable friendship is, to have scheduled companionship, and to have someone that I need not have any filters or pretence to talk to.
These walks have been ‘phone a friend’ moments that have enriched my life… and I get to have them almost once a week.
If I could give anyone advice for the new year, if anyone is looking for a resolution, my advice would be to routinize connecting with friends. Do you want to build a relationship where you can phone a friend up and ask for anything at all? Well that kind of bond is created by spending time together. In this day and and age, if you don’t schedule time with people, you just won’t see them enough.
PS. Hey Dave, need my help? Just one question, “Whose car we gonna take?”😜
This is something I’ve thought a bit about over the years. As time passes, and I’m looking ahead at retirement, I think about the time I have left with family and friends. I wonder how do I create experiences rather than just reminiscing? When we meet up, are we doing something together or are we reflecting and sharing stories of the past?
This isn’t to say reminiscing isn’t enjoyable, but simply identifying that this shouldn’t be what we do every time we get together. Are we doing something active? Are we doing something novel? Are we creating opportunities to experience something new? Are we designing our time together or just letting time pass.?
It’s easy to live a life of ‘rinse and repeat’, going through the day-to-day routine and taking both people and time for granted… ‘they will always be there’… ‘there will always be more time’. There is comfort in those beliefs, but also caution. Are we just going through the motions of life with little emotion? Or are we creating experiences that will give us future reasons to reminisce the next time we meet?
Sometimes the path to a big goal gets in the way of the small moments along the way.
Sometimes the scheduled events in your calendar rob you of the time in between meetings.
Sometimes you have to just stop thinking about what’s next, and focus on what’s now… because sometimes the little things you do in a day, with others, are more important than anything coming your way.
Appreciate the little things happening now, don’t let them slip by while looking ahead. Those moments yet to come are not lost yet, but the little things you didn’t pay attention to earlier today… those are gone now.
It was a different kind of Thanksgiving this year, the first one where both of our daughters were not with us. We went to my sister and brother in-laws, who were also without kids, and we had paella. It was delicious, I can honestly say that I didn’t miss having turkey.
I want to take a moment and be thankful. Thankful for family and friends. Thankful for good health. Thankful to be living in a prosperous country by global standards, and thankful that it is a democracy. Thankful to live in a beautiful country that is very green and very clean. Thankful for a great job where I can contribute my services to a meaningful cause for a good wage. Thankful for access to delicious food any time that I’m hungry.
It’s when we don’t have these things that we miss them most. The fact that I do have them should not go without appreciation and thanks. I have much gratitude for the life I live, and the people I get to spend it with. 🙏
My Grandfather liked using the saying, “Kill a snake when it’s small.” He’d walk into your house and notice a loose tile, or drawer that didn’t fully close, or some other minor issue, and the next day he’d arrive with his tools and it would be fixed.
Deal with it while it’s a small issue. This is a great strategy, but one that’s often ignored in the world of health and fitness. Maybe ‘ignored’ is too harsh of a word, it’s more like not taken seriously enough… the small snakes are not payed attention to until they get quite a bit bigger.
Sore shoulder? It doesn’t hurt too much, I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing and stop later if it really hurts.
Hernia pain is back? I don’t need to go to the doctor, I’ll just monitor it for a bit and see if it goes away.
10 pounds overweight? I’ll watch my diet for a week before I go back to my normal routine.
Too busy to work out? I’ll just work out more when things calm down.
We ignore pain until it’s too painful to ignore. We watch our weight when it’s already a big problem. We give ourselves a pass on taking care of ourselves when we are busy, only to be busy more and more frequently. We ignore the small snakes, and wait for them to be bigger than we ever hoped they’d get.
I spent last night camping with a few teachers and students. A larger group of us spent a beautiful sunny day at the lake, and then a smaller group spent the night in a campground, a 5km hike from the lake. (Camping gear was delivered by car to make the trek easier after a full day at the beach.)
After bedtime it started to rain. At 3am the rain was so hard everyone woke up. I didn’t realize that a couple tents got flooded and the students moved under the shelter that was at the camp site. This morning the rain continued and really didn’t stop all day. We had planned a 9km hike, but shortened it because of the weather.
We played up the change a little because we knew some students didn’t want to hike at all in the rain. That mindset can be ‘adjusted’ a bit by making the task shorter. My PE teacher wanted to be ‘bad cop’ telling everyone that we were going on the long hike, and I could be the ‘good cop’ that shortened it, although I originally suggested the other way around.
It’s amazing noting how the difference in attitudes and mindsets framed the overall enjoyment of students on this very wet hike. We had a student leading the way and pushing the pace, despite not being someone that hikes much, and we had the ‘Eeyore’ student who continually wanted to know how much longer, and decided it would be a bad trip before the hike started.
Our mindset matters so much. We enjoy or suffer the day we have partially by the circumstances of the day, but mostly from the mindset that we set for the day. So no matter the weather, do your best to ensure your mindset isn’t wet.
On the grand scale of the universe our planet is insignificant. But being the only species on the only planet that can grasp what the universe is… for millions of light years in any direction… makes us perhaps the most significant thing in our part of the universe.
Is something beautiful if no conscious being is around to observe it? Does anything matter if there is no appreciation of significance? Does the universe beyond this third closest rock from our sun understand laughter, love, or happiness? Beyond the life on earth, where is there any meaning? Where is there any significance to the existence of the universe?
I’m sure in a universe with trillions stars there is, has been, and will be other intelligent life ‘out there’. But we are very likely the most intelligent form of life circling around one of the 400 billion stars in our galaxy.
We create the meaning for our galaxy and for the entire universe. We embody an understanding and appreciation for life, time, and existence. It’s compelling to think that our existence on an insignificant planet in an insignificant galaxy in an insignificant part of the universe might be the most significant existence in that same universe.
“What does it mean to live a finite, fragile life in an infinite eternal universe?“
It means whatever meaning we give it… it’s as significant as we make it. Let’s appreciate that and not take it for granted. Life is beautiful, special, and so fleeting that every moment should be sacred.
I got to go fishing with a couple different friends in the last few weeks. The first time we caught some trout and it was a blast. The second time, with a different friend, he caught a small catfish and I didn’t catch anything… This was also a wonderful day.
No one wants to spend a day fishing and not catch anything… that’s not the goal. But going fishing with friends isn’t just about fishing, it’s about doing something with a friend. It’s about having an experience and not just hanging out and reminiscing about past experiences. It’s all about the experience!
Yes, that experience might be more memorable if you hook a big one, but it’s not the fish that matters, it’s quality time with a friend that really matters.
The year has come to an end. Almost. Our grad is tonight night, I have a second grad to attend tomorrow night, as well as a couple luncheons… and the ‘To Do’ list seems endless.
There is always so much to do at the end of the year, but there are also celebrations and gatherings that need your full attention. That’s the trick, how do you squeeze everything in, and still give everything the time and commitment it all deserves?
You’d think I’d have it all figured out by now but I don’t. I’ll just put my head down and make the most of it. Friday afternoon will be here soon enough, and I’ll pick up all the pieces after the long weekend. The most important thing this week is fully committing to the task at hand and to the events I attend. Worrying about the next thing robs us of the joy and celebration of the end of the year. Go, go, go doesn’t work unless you spend time at each place you go to.
