Writing is my artistic expression. My keyboard is my brush. Words are my medium. My blog is my canvas. And committing to writing daily makes me feel like an artist.
It’s almost 11pm and I haven’t written my blog post or meditated yet. How strange that before I started my sticker chart tracking my habits two and a half years ago, my pattern was: Get busy and don’t do anything for myself, then go on holidays and work like mad to get fit and meet my other goals.
Now, my pattern is: When busy, start my day with writing, meditation, and exercise, and then on holidays I flounder. I used to struggle to take care of myself when I was in work mode, and thrive on holidays, and now it’s completely reversed. It’s so weird to me to see this switch. My two weeks away with my parents were my worst weeks all year for exercise, and I did my daily meditation several times after midnight.
I need to routine-ize my holidays and be more dedicated and consistent. My strategy will be to put tomorrow’s well-being schedule into my calendar for the next day. Tomorrow morning I will take my car in for servicing. Before leaving home I’ll do my exercises, and while waiting for my car I will write my post and meditate. Then I’ll schedule my next day’s activities so that this too becomes part of the routine. It has become obvious to me that I no longer thrive on holiday time, if I don’t have self-care planned into my day.
This is an observation, not me beating myself up. I’ve been on a good healthy living kick and in the best shape I’ve been in years. However today I looked at my healthy living calendar and I had a target weight written on it… I’m not close to it. I haven’t made any gains that I hoped to.
I’ve already realized that I need to reset goals, but now I think I need to just stop making goals beyond my calendar chart. That chart has been something that keeps me ‘on target’, while other goals leave me disappointed when I don’t meet them. There is a lot going on these days, with the school year ending and a visit home planned, and camping holidays booked… and yet I’m exercising 5-6 timed a week; I’m shooting arrows regularly; I’m enjoying writing every day; and I’ve only missed a couple meditations this year. These are mini celebrations that I don’t need to cloud with unmet goals that push me beyond what I’m prepared to do.
I’m getting stronger, I’m looking and feeling good, I’m meeting my targets I’ve places on myself. I don’t need to push, push, push, and add goals that are too much for me… I just needed to say that ‘out loud’ to convince myself.
I have been very good at setting long term goals for myself. My healthy living calendar is an excellent example of this. Since January 2019 I have gradually increased my daily workouts per week, and I’ve also meditated almost every single day. My goal to read or write for at least 20 minutes daily has become read and write every day since July 2019. And my goal of shooting arrows 100 days this year will be exceeded because I have already shot on more than 60 days this year. My long term targets have been hit and surpassed.
My short term goals have not been as successful. A year ago I decided I wanted to do a 30 second unsupported handstand, but my shoulder kept bugging me. I recently wanted to bulk up 10 pounds, but my eating habits have not been healthy enough to do this. I’ve wanted to work my way up to 30 pull-ups, but was stuck at 20, and although I eked out 21 on Tuesday, these last couple attempts left my upper back extremely tight. My massage therapist thinks I’m undoing a lot of the progress I’ve made in moving away from chronic discomfort/pain.
Not many 53 year-olds can walk around doing handstands, or can do 20, much less 30, pull-ups. I’ve spent 2 and a half years slowly dropping 25 pounds, and I want to add 10 healthy pounds to that, at a time when I’ve already added more muscle mass than I’ve had in 20+ years. These goals don’t make sense. They are lofty goals for someone half my age, and not goals I should be setting for myself.
All that said, while I need a reset, I also want to push myself and make some improvements. I’m just not sure what they should be? I might go back to handstands but rather than trying to push too hard and re-injure my shoulder, I’ll progress slowly, tracking gradual increases in my ability to do the preparatory exercises. Maybe instead of 30 pull-ups, I’ll work towards 3 sets of 12. And I’ll stay happy with my current weight, and maybe do something healthier like add meditation time to each day?
These are just thoughts right now, I need to think about what I really want to do, then set realistic timelines that allow me to see injury-less progress. Setting goals that stress my body out too much don’t seem to work well for me, but setting long term minimum expectation goals have worked amazingly well, and so I should really stick to what’s working.
In some ways this has been a long, challenging school year. Covid-19 has made the year a shadow of what is normally expected. That will happen with a global pandemic’s agenda undermining activities, events, and plans usually completed in a school year. Yet here we are at the start of May, with just two months of school left before the year is over. Normally at this time of year, I start thinking about what I’d hoped to accomplish in the year, and reflect on if I’ve met my goals. I also think about what I want to accomplish before the school year is over.
My mind goes to our Grade 12’s, thinking about our grad ceremony, that I want to be special for them despite greater restrictions than what was possible last year. I find myself thinking about our June PAC barbecue that usually comes after grade 8’s spend a day at our school, organized by our students, to help our future grade 9’s learn about what September will be like at our school. Holding this virtually doesn’t give the incoming students the experience we want, and doesn’t give our current students the leadership experience they want and enjoy.
I have never before entered the month of May thinking about what I can’t do, rather that what still needs to be done. No year end field trips, no student organized pot lucks, no gatherings of any kind. It’s hard to look towards the end of the school year without thinking first that it won’t be what I hope it to be, and second that it will be over before we realize it. It’s also hard to think that September will likely be quite similar, with few restrictions being lifted.
I’ve been saying since before the Christmas holidays, ‘Things will start to return to normal by January 2022″. This has given me some solace because I don’t find myself disappointed when the vaccine rollout is slower than I had hoped, or when there are promises of things being normal by September when I know that won’t be happening. The long horizon of waiting for the start of the next calendar year before we see movement towards normal has kept me from holding unrealistic optimism that would surely end in disappointment.
But here at the start of May, the disappointment is hitting me a little. I want to see an exciting year end. Our grad is usually an epic year end annual celebration, student run, with entertainment and performances by our student body. But for the second year in a row this won’t happen the way we wish it could. If I’m honest, I’m starting May without the excitement I normal feel. Normally I would see so much to do ahead and realize the year will be over in the blink of an eye, but this year I’m just hoping to end the year positively. I’m hoping everyone stays healthy, and I’m hoping my expectations for January 2022 come a little sooner than expected.
Before yesterday, my personal best in archery, on a Vegas 300 score card was a 281. (10 ends, on 3 targets, 30 arrows total with 10 being the highest score of an arrow, whether you hit the X-ring or 10-ring, for a maximum score of 300). I had hit 280 three times and 281 twice. Yesterday I scored a 285.
Today I shot two more rounds. In round one I got a personal best again, and I also achieved one more goal too… 30 arrows all in the gold (scoring only 9’s and 10’s). I thought I would have to practice a lot more before doing this. In the process, I scored a 286. I was on cloud 9!
I took a short break to prep some targets. Then on my first practice arrow back on the line I did this:
It was the ‘perfect’ return to the archery line because it stuck a little humble pie into my growing ego.
Then in my second round, I got a couple 8’s in my 4th and 5th ends. I knew that I was shooting well beyond that, but wasn’t sure how well? My final end started with an 8 after I struggled to keep my bow steady and stubbornly didn’t let down and reset. I was shooting alone and a profanity might have crossed my lips in a rather booming voice. Still, I took a deep breath, reset my breathing, and hit two 10’s to finish off my scoring. I still had no idea what my score was, and thought maybe that last 8 stopped me from tying my 286. I was wrong. I scored a 289.
TWO-EIGHTY-NINE!
A couple stats that I’m blown away by:
1. 22 of 30 arrows scored 10. For perspective, when I shot my 286 I only had 16 arrows score 10.
2. Although I scored three 8’s, my score on those ends were all 28’s, with me getting two 10’s for my other arrows, and those were my only 28’s. All other rounds were 29’s with two 30’s. That means I scored at least two 10’s every round!
Add these to the fact that I scored an all gold round, and I have to say that I’m on fire! I thought I was a month or two away from an all gold round, and many, many months away from a 289. So now my goal is consistency. I’m more focused on another ‘all gold’ round scoring in the 280’s than I am on a 290. That won’t come without consistency, and so reducing the bigger errors now will get me to both ‘all gold’ and 290 sooner than worrying about the difference between a 9 and a 10.
But that’s all in the future, right now it’s time to celebrate. I scored an ‘all gold’ round today, and then I crushed my personal best and got a 289!
About 4 years ago I was the heaviest I’ve ever been. I did 3 months of the Ketogenic diet and lost 15lbs. I loved how I felt but I hated how antisocial the diet was. It is a lifestyle that’s hard to keep. I also started intermittent fasting and that did wonders for my mood. I used to get ‘hangry’, angry when I was hungry, but intermittent fasting seemed to change that and evened out my sugar levels and my mood.
I’ve been on a fantastic healthy living journey since I started my sticker chart at the start of 2019, (here’s a post and video after a year on this journey), and I’ve kept this up. But at the start of the school year I dropped a bit too much weight and actually ended up lighter than my university weight, despite working out 5-6 times a week. So I started drinking a protein shake in the morning and worrying less about fasting.
Now, 6 months later, I’ve gained about 5-6 healthy pounds back, but considering how hard I’ve been pushing myself, I should have gained more muscle mass by now. So I’m going to change a few things.
My plan:
1. Eat more and more often.
2. Two protein shakes a day.
3. Add creatine monohydrate and BCAA supplements.
4. Train with a focus on strength and pushing my muscles to fatigue… but also giving different muscle groups more rest between workouts
5. Stretch more and make sure I maintain (and hopefully improve) flexibility.
6. Drink more water.
My goal: Gain 7-10 pounds in the next 6-8 weeks, then reduce my food intake and go back to lighter weights with higher reps, and probably lose 2-4 pounds. I hope plan to end up at least 5 pounds heavier than I am now.
That might seem like a lot of work for 5 pounds, but it will be 5 pounds that I want and that I know that I can keep on. I was the same body weight, give or take just a couple pounds from about age 26 to my mid 40’s, if I got fit or unfit, the weight just shifted but didn’t change. It was only when I approached 50 that the unhealthy weight gain started.
I should mention that I’m also going back to the challenge I had with my brother-in-law. The goal was 60 push-ups and 30 pull-ups. I got to 60 push-ups (barely and not prettily) but I had to stop the pull-ups for a while. I have started back and last night I did 21. I want to hit 30 in the next 6 weeks as well.
So now I have set goals. I’ve made them public, and I’ve started on my path. I’m putting a reminder in my calendar for every Sunday to weigh myself, and a reality check reminder with a link to this post on May 18th. I believe that I’ll achieve my goals as long as I remember my age, and be smart about not pushing my body (and especially my back) too hard. On with the plan!
“The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.” ~ Alvin Toffler
I love this quote, it speaks to the need to embrace change, and to understand that best practice is still just practice. However as easy as it is to understand this idea, it’s much harder to acclimate to. Especially the unlearning part.
I’ve been back into archery since the winter break, got a personal best score of 280 recently, and have been able to duplicate that score a second time. (Scoring is 10 rounds of 3 arrows, with a max score of 10 points per arrow, totalling 300 for a perfect score.) However, I was using a very bad technique with my thumb squeezing the trigger rather than using backward tension on my hand and arm to trigger the release. Since trying to do this properly, I’ve been struggling more and scoring between 267 and 274.
Today I scored a 267, but I was also able to score an X-X-10 three times while practicing. I had been unable to score a perfect 30 in a round for weeks. (An ‘X’ is 10 points but also signifies that I was able to get the arrow in or on the line of the center ‘X’ ring that is the size of a penny, shooting from 18m or 20 yards away.)
While trying to work on my release these past couple weeks, my scores have been lower, and my ability to hit the ‘X’ has been infrequent. But I know that if I continue to punch the trigger with my thumb, I will not shoot nearly as high of a personal best score in the future. My trigger pulling could show some short term gains, but those gains will limit me later on. The problem is, as I unlearn doing this, my scores have gone down.
Unlearning something is hard. Right now there are many things I need to focus on, and when I’m trying to change my muscle memory, my other muscles do funny things. For instance, my bow hand has been gripping the bow tighter, rather than being relaxed, while I think about my back-tension release. And when I relax my hand after drawing, I find it hard to not relax my arm, causing me to have less tension holding my bow ‘hard against the wall’, meaning keeping pressure on the bow’s cams at the back of a full draw.
Without talking about archery technique specifically: while I focus on unlearning a bad habit, my body, accustomed to doing things wrong, doesn’t know how to put all the good moves together. Unlearning one technique means not just learning something new, but also relearning other things as they related to the old vs new learning.
This dip in my scores is part of the unlearning process, and it’s not easy to go through. When we practice new skills, we want to see a quick payoff. But sometimes we need to recognize that unlearning isn’t nearly as easy as learning, and the payoff comes from the practice itself, and not immediate progress. I can focus on my technique, and unlearning a bad habit, or I can worry about my score right now… what I can’t do is both at the same time.
On January 19th my brother-in-law and I bet that we would be able to do a couple fitness challenges by February 19th. The first one is 60 push-ups, and the second one is 30 pull-ups.
I began at a point where I was regularly doing 25-30 push-ups and 10-12 pull-ups, and felt that 60 consecutive push-ups was easy to get to, but the pull-ups would be a challenge. I was right, and while a week ago I was able to do 60 push-ups (the last 15 very slowly and more vocal than I would have liked), I was only at 18 pull-ups and knew I would struggle to hit my goal by the 19th.
Then my upper back started to tighten up. I have always had to take special care of my back, dealing with issues since I grew 7.5 inches in a year as a teenager. I have mild scoliosis, and deal with discomfort daily, and pain when I’m not caring for myself, or when I do something silly or accidental. This upper back pain wasn’t an injury feeling, just an overall tightness that wouldn’t go away.
So, last week Wednesday I had a very deep massage that was one of the more uncomfortable ones I’ve had in ages, and came home had a hot tub after dinner. In the hot tub, finally feeling normal, I decided I needed to give my shoulders a break and I paused my push-up and pull-up regimen. I’ve kept up my cardio, I took Saturday off, I took it easy yesterday, and will do so again today when I head down to my home gym after writing this.
The reality is that I’m stubborn and I plan on meeting the pull-up challenge eventually. I’m fitter than I’ve been in a couple decades. I’m lighter than I’ve been in a couple decades. And half a life ago I used to do 3 sets of 28 chin-ups with a 25lb weight hanging off of me. I know 30 pull-ups is something I’ll be able to ‘pull off’. The challenge is that I can’t live my life trying to meet unrealistic fitness goals, and feeling like my back is in a constant state of flexing too hard. I can’t sacrifice my wellness for a fitness goal.
I’ve been on a 2-year healthy living path. My back has been better than it has been in years, but I would still be lying to myself if I said my back didn’t give me issues. Stretching and very deep massage help a lot. Staying fit helps a lot. But over-exertion and pushing myself doesn’t help. I can progress and improve slowly, but I can’t race.
At 53, I don’t plan on slowing down and taking it easy. I plan on reaching new fitness goals… but I need to be the tortoise and not the hare. Slow and steady progress is what will benefit me, while pretending I’m youthful and invincible will cause avoidable injury. This will hurt both my overall wellness and my ability to not just improve but also maintain my fitness. I won’t be doing 30 pull-ups any time soon, but I will work to get there, and I believe it’s achievable… without sacrificing the well-being of my back.
I’m on cloud 9 after shooting a 280 in archery today! I thought it would be a long time to get here. In fact, six days ago I hit my personal best of 270 and this is what I shared here on my blog,
So now I have set a new goal of 275, with no score of 7 or lower on any arrow. Next after that will be a 280 with no score of 8 or lower.
I did have five 8’s, so I didn’t completely jump to my second goal, but I leapt right over my first goal.
Here is today’s journal entry:
I don’t know how long it will take to repeat this, but I’m going to enjoy the moment and celebrate these victories while they are coming faster than expected. No new goals for now, just consistency. I still have to achieve this score without any 8’s. After that I know the improvements will slow, but for now, I’ll just keep this childish grin going… and celebrate a surprise success!
In the summer of 2016 I took up archery. It was a goal of mine for many years, but it took going through 6 months of chronic fatigue to convince myself to actually follow through. Before getting a diagnosis and path back to being healthy I had many, “Is this the rest of my life?” depressing thoughts, on exhausted days of constant tiredness. Recovering from this, I realized that if I didn’t start archery then, I probably wouldn’t ever start.
Fast forward to 2018 when my job intensified and I dropped archery, but at the start of 2019, started myself on a health kick. Now, for 2021, part of my healthy living goals includes 100 days of archery, (that’s an average of 1.9 days/week over the year). And today I shot my 11th day in the first 24 days of the year, so I’m well on my way.
A 300, or ten rounds of 3 arrows with a maximum score of 10 per arrow, would would be a perfect score. So now I have set a new goal of 275, with no score of 7 or lower on any arrow. Next after that will be a 280 with no score of 8 or lower. At that point I’m looking at only hitting the yellow circle of a Vegas target every time. (For scale, the yellow 9-ring is about 3 inches or less than 7¾cm diameter, and the tiny X-ring inside the 10 is about the size of a penny.)
The challenge now is that each goal is incrementally decreasing the range of error, while also being exponentially harder to do! Today was the first day that I scored 2 rounds in one day, and my first score was a lousy 250, with three 7’s and one complete miss (outside the blue 6-ring). I’m not consistent yet at 270 and while I might hit a lucky 275 soon, it could be weeks or months before I’m consistently hitting all shots inside the 8-ring.
As I get better, individual improvements will take longer and longer. Three things are helping me right now.
Improvements are still coming quickly, so I’m seeing rewarding results.
I have some good coaching from someone significantly better than me.
I’m exceeding my expectations around how often I’m practicing.
So, being keenly aware that things will get harder; that it will be more and more challenging to hit my targets, I am going to take the time and celebrate when I hit my goals.
