Tag Archives: family

Heading home

Tomorrow I leave for Toronto for my dad’s memorial. It will be the first time in over 10 years that my parent’s grandchildren will all be together. All 8 cousins under the same roof. Growing up I got to spend a lot of time with my cousins, but my kids have not had that opportunity. Now they are all young adults, the last time they were together as a full group they were kids. It’s amazing how time flies.

It’s hard to say goodbye to a parent, but getting together as a family makes it a bit easier. In the end our children are our greatest legacy, and so are their kids. My grandfather used to call us, his grandkids, his ‘second crop’. He’d frequently say about his second crop, “If I knew they were going to be this much fun, I would have had them first.” 😂

In the coming days my parent’s first and second crops will all be together. I’m really looking forward to this celebration of life, and legacy.

Closing the gap

There are people, both friends and family, for whom time between connections always seems small. You don’t see a friend for months, even years, and when you finally reconnect the distance that has passed disappears.

More lines on our faces, more grey in our hair or less hair, but the same person, the same relationship, the same bond remains. Time moves more slowly when the bond between friends is strong. It is as if the time between meeting is somehow time-shifted. Just as Einstein’s theory of relativity explains how traveling faster slows time down, it seems that gaps of time between friends meeting has a relativity to it.

The time gap travels closer to the speed of light. All other experiences between visits race by in the blink of an eye, and the time between visits disappears. Friendships have a relative time that closes the gap between visits. And when friends meet again it is as if the gap between visits was nothing but a passing moment.

There is a general relativity of friendship, and rooted within it friendship is timeless.

What’s cooking?

My sister was in town helping my aunt settle in after her move from Toronto Ontario to Richmond BC. This created an opportunity for a family gathering with my cousin and his family, and my nephew who also recently moved here.

I made 3 of my favourite dishes to make for guests, a rice stir fry, steak, and salmon cooked on the bbq on a cedar plank.

Two out of those 3 dishes posed a problem because they are both recipes that require a considerable amount of cilantro and my sister hates cilantro… so I sort of made 5 dishes, duplicating these two dishes with basil replacing cilantro.

It would have made sense to just make them with basil and skip the cilantro altogether, but I love cilantro and it’s not like I couldn’t just duplicate steps when it was time to add this wonderful herb that some people think tastes like soap, (these poor people really miss out!)

The food was wonderful if I do say so myself. My wife also made a couple yummy salads and our guests brought delicious chicken wings and cheesecake. We all ate to our heart’s content with generous portions of leftovers to be enjoyed at a later date.

The only thing better than the food was the company. I hadn’t seen one of my cousin’s daughter’s in close to a decade, which is a bit embarrassing when you consider how close we live. We could have had leftover pizza and it still would have been a great gathering… but sometimes it’s wonderful to cook up a feast, and share it with family.

(And yes, my cousin looks like he could be my brother!)

The photograph

Five unruly cousins on a park bench. Our uncle taking the photo. No chance of us all sitting quietly and smiling at the same time.

“Ok, here’s the deal,” my uncle says. “Pose for one nice one then I’ll let you do anything you want for the next picture.”

Here we are about 45 years later and only one of those pictures survived. Only one mattered enough to be blown up and framed. The smiles long faded to distant memory… but ‘anything you want’ was exactly want we wanted, and what we still want.

It’s amazing what you get when you let kids be kids.

Family from far away

Tonight we visited with my mom’s brother and family while they are in town. I saw them just before COVID, with 2 of their now 3 grandkids. Before that short visit, it had been over a decade since I’d seen them all. I also met some of my aunt’s siblings and one of their kids, now a full adult. I hadn’t seen him for over 30 years. I remember playing with him and his sister when they used to vacation in Barbados, my childhood home where my uncle and aunt, and their son and family still live.

It was so wonderful to reconnect. To reminisce, and catch up, and just be in the presence of distant family. There were times when we were all so loud, with kids being louder in the background that it was hard to hear the conversation. But instead of being a distraction, it was a reminder of family gatherings at my grandparents, where we had regular get togethers for dinner, in a large 2-bedroom condominium. For those dinners we’d have at least 20 and sometimes 30+ people filling the place.

I remember the first time I took my wife to one of these gatherings, it was absolutely overwhelming for her. She grew up with just her siblings and parents, with her closest relatives, her grandfather, living an 8-hour drive away. To her it was chaos, while to me it was a typical Friday night.

Tonight was a reminder of those gatherings. It was a reminder of how blessed my grandparents were to always be surrounded by loving family. It was a reminder that while geography can keep us apart, family are a treasure to spend time with.

Boxes and boxes

My father passed away in late April. He was a wonderful and complicated man. He spent his entire life reading and learning. And among many other things he was an inventor. He was a genius, and also very quirky. In addition to being brilliant, he was also a zealous doomsday prepper. This complicated his ability to focus on his inventions, which is a shame because he had some proven technologies he invented that never came to life.

I’m visiting my mom now, and one of my tasks is to sort through 500+ boxes of files my father amassed, in an oversized garage. He was quite OCD, and would make multiple copies of patents and other research, and put them in individual file folders and then put those in file folder holders, the kind with a metal edge to fit into filing cabinets. But he didn’t have enough filing cabinets so they went into boxes.

Most of what I’ve uncovered so far is going to the dump. It’s reams of paper copies of things anyone can find freely on the internet today. My dad filed them as a way to remember as opposed to a reference he continually went back to. That said, in the coming days I’ll share some stories about his amazing memory and ability to find files in unmarked boxes and file folders.

But for now I’ll be in a garage with hundreds at boxes looking through them and searching for some of his inventions. I think it would be sad to throw away things like the formula to mix diesel fuel and water in a perfect solution that runs more efficiently than diesel on its own… one of the inventions or rather discoveries of my dad.

It’s sad to think that his brilliance wasn’t shared with the world. I hope I can salvage something that can be valued and put to good use. I only have a few hundred boxes to search through, and I say ‘only’ with a lot of sarcasm. In many ways these boxes represent who my dad was far more than his ashes do. He was happiest when reading, printing, filing, and ultimately boxing everything he learned and found important.

And so into the boxes I go. It’s a daunting task, but I’m developing a rhythm, and will hopefully not have to spend my entire trip boxed up in the garage.

Off again

In a few hours I fly back ‘home’ to Toronto to visit my mom and sisters. It’s just me going, my family is staying back. It’s hard to believe that I’m already more than 2/3rds through summer and I’m basically back at work after this trip.

That said this has been a rejuvenating summer and will continue to be so on this next trip. I needed this. I really needed this.

Holidays are battery charges and I feel like I’ve already had a good charge. Last school year was filled with new challenges and new health issues and the loss of my dad. Sure I still have a long road ahead with my pinched nerve from a herniated disc, but I am not in pain and I’m on the mend… and I’m on the road again.

This is my third of 4 trips home this summer and the first one where I won’t be in agony, I’m really looking forward to it!

Packing up

It’s amazing how much time we spend preparing to go on a vacation and then preparing to go home. This is especially true camping, but also when flying somewhere.

Whether it’s packing the car or a suitcase, it takes time. Whether driving or flying, it takes time. Holidays are wonderful, but how much of the holidays are spent in transition… from one location to another and from closet to suitcase? Entire days are spent getting to and from a location, settling in, and preparing to leave.

One of our favourite family vacations was to Costa Rica. But we made one mistake on that trip. Three places we stayed at were for only 2 nights. Day one you are traveling, day two is the only full day, and day three you need to get out of your hotel before noon. A better plan is at least 3 nights in a location.

Give yourself two full days to explore a city. If not, you spend more time traveling, unpacking, and repacking, and planning your next stop, than you do actually enjoying yourself.

Our current trailer camping trip was almost 2 weeks, so we didn’t have that problem, but still I’m amazed how much time we spend getting ready to travel both to and from home. The good news is that we won’t be in a rush tomorrow, we are already 90% packed. I’ve enjoyed my trip and look forward to being home… at least I’m looking forward to it after we’ve completely unpacked!

Summer vacation

Three more days of work and then I’m off on holidays!

I’m only home for 10 days this summer. I have 3 very different trips planned, each with their own benefits. I’ll be staying at a resort, I’ll be camping in a trailer, and I’ll be visiting my mom. That’s over a month away from home, with a couple less-than-a-week gaps.

I’m excited about all 3 trips, and I know I’ll come back to work well rested. I also wish that I had a few more days to enjoy at home. It’s weird. I’m not complaining, and I wouldn’t want to shorten any of the trips, I just also wish I could spend a bit more time holidaying from the comfort of my house.

I say this is weird because I’m not really a homebody. I enjoy travel, and I’m not overly attached to my bed. Part of me is nomadic, and I can feel pretty at home away from home, even sleeping on a couch at my mom’s place. Maybe it’s our recent renovation, my home feels so much more comfortable now.

Regardless, I have a fantastic summer planned, and I haven’t looked forward to a summer this much in a long time. This school year kicked me in the butt, mostly but not only because of my health. I missed a lot of the year and felt like I was always catching up, always rushing things I am usually on top of, and even dropping things that I don’t usually drop.

I couldn’t pick a better year to jam pack with holidays. Sun and fun, rest and relaxation, and family… all squeezed into an amazing summer that happens to be mostly away from home.

Side trips

I went on a hike with my youngest today. We were headed to a falls that we never made it to. But we didn’t care that we missed it. On the way we passed a bridge over a small creek, and I’d explored that creek before. So, we went off the beaten path and took a little side trip.

There was a small path, we weren’t trail blazing, but it is not a main path, and quite secluded.

The side trip was the best part of the hike. That’s often the case. The unexpected detour, the restaurant off the main strip, or the unscheduled stop become the highlight.

It’s the same thing in education. You start a lesson. A kid asks a question and you venture way off your plan, but everyone is engaged and the learning is rich.

The important thing is that you create the conditions for the side trips to happen. You have a plan, but it’s not cast in stone. You have an agenda but you leave room for opportunities to arise. You explore, question, and follow your curiosity.

After our side trip we took the harder route that takes us to a lower falls then a steep climb to the upper falls. We saw the lower one, then didn’t realize we had higher to go for the high falls when we met the path downhill. 10 minutes later we realized our mistake but had to head home so my daughter could make her afternoon plans.

It didn’t matter. The rest of the hike was a fun father/daughter trek. The main falls will be explored another day, and the side trip became the main quest.