Writing is my artistic expression. My keyboard is my brush. Words are my medium. My blog is my canvas. And committing to writing daily makes me feel like an artist.
My youngest is off on an adventure for the next 3 and a half months, and so my wife and I will be on our own in our big house from now until the day I return to work after the summer. I have to say that it feels a bit weird after 25+ years. The longest we’ve gone before this with both kids out of the house has been about 5 weeks.
My daughter will return from the trip and be back with us. Our oldest might be coming back as well depending on the school she selects for her next degree. So, we aren’t really empty nesters yet, and may not be for a while yet… but this is a wonderful first test of what’s to come.
Frankly, I’m perfectly ok with this being for just a few months and I’m happy to have our adult daughters who don’t mind being under our roof. In this era of soaring rent and house prices I imagine we aren’t the only ones who will see our kids staying with, and returning to, their parents for a large part of their 20’s. And although it will be nice to see what empty nest life will be like, there is no rush to get there on a full time basis.
Today marks a new era in my life. I’m going to my daughter’s friend’s wedding. This is the first one I’m attending from the next generation. While I don’t foresee my daughters getting married too soon, I recognize that after a long dry spell of not attending any weddings, this is something that will likely happen a bit more frequently in the coming years.
I’m reminded of my Firsts and Lasts post. This is a small first, it’s not my daughter getting married, but it’s a new era, a new stage in my life which I get to celebrate. And while I’ll have to wait a bit longer for one of my daughters to walk down the aisle, I see that this is the start of something new for my wife and I.
I haven’t voted yet but my oldest daughter sent us a photo of her walk to her nearest polling station today. My youngest daughter lives at home and will either vote early or vote with my wife and I when we go. They have been going to the polls since they were in strollers. They checked boxes for us before they were old enough to vote themselves. And both of them have voted in every election since coming of age.
I don’t know who they have and will vote for, but I know who they won’t vote for. They did not, will not, vote for the Progressive Conservatives. Not because their parents told them not to, but because they agree with us that the principles of the party do not align with the free and open democracy we want to live in.
I am unapologetic for my influence on this.
The global conservative wave, literally at our doorstep, is not creating a political environment I’m comfortable with. Pierre Poilievre does not share social or political values that I have. I believe he will undermine Canada’s multicultural and socially progressive values and he will weaken our country.
I cannot stay silent. Decades of non-partisan promoting of voting as a civic duty are over. I’m not just saying ‘Go Vote’, I’m asking anyone who reads this to Smart Vote.Go to the polls, find your riding, and choose the party most likely to beat the Conservative Party in your riding.
The only party likely to beat the Conservatives in this election is the Liberal Party. I would love to see them win a majority because this is not the time for a weak minority government. However, if you are in a riding where the NDP is more likely than the Liberal candidate to beat the Conservative candidate, then vote NDP. Same for a Green Party candidate. Smart Voting.
I see some of the non-democratic decisions being made south of our border and they scare me. Pierre Poilievre is a populist, slogan peddling, empty-promises spouting lifetime politician who has done almost nothing to better Canada. He rode the right wing wave to the south and only started backpedaling when he realized that this was going to potentially cost him the election. Unprincipled, shallow, and weak. Not what our country needs right now.
I’m not planning on sitting silent and then wondering why our country voted the way they did. I can’t. I won’t.
I’m visiting my sister (and mom is visiting too). It’s great to be together with family, and to be somewhere where a morning walk doesn’t involve rain gear. My wife and I are continuing our tradition of going for morning walks while on holidays. I love that this little vista is just minutes away from my sister’s house.
Holidays can be hard to maintain fitness habits, and I likely won’t be visiting any gyms while here, so these morning walks are going to be a good balance to offset my sister’s awesome cooking and restaurant meals. They are a great way to start the day with something physical, and with some pretty nice views too!
Today is the first day of Birthweek. My wife doesn’t just get a gift on her birthday, she gets a little something every day of the week leading up to her birthday. This isn’t a family practice. My kids and I don’t get it, it’s just birthweek for my wife. It started when we were dating and has been a tradition for almost 30 years.
For me it’s pretty special. My wonderful wife buys almost all the gifts for family events. She even bought a couple gifts for herself for this birthday. But be it Christmas or anyone else’s birthday, she is the one buying a thoughtful gift from both of us.
My job is birthweek. A small card with a few kind words, a scratch and win lottery ticket (I buy 7 a year, just for this week), and a small gift each day, with a nicer gift on her birthday.
You might think it has become a chore after all these years. I will admit the small gifts can be challenging, trying to not overdo it, but also not just get something tacky or frivolous. But there is a gift in being a gift giver. There is the thoughtfulness of trying to get something for someone you know they’ll appreciate. And since my wife does the vast majority of the gift buying, this is my chance.
I don’t remember how it all started, but I’m grateful for my wife’s birthweek.
Last year I overcooked the turkey. This year I baked the biggest bird I’ve ever cooked, weighing in at 25.8lbs, and it was cooked to perfection. All the food was delicious.
But more than the food, the company was great. Any time that we can bring family together for a meal is wonderful.
I started writing this in my head just over 7 years ago, in August 2017. We were all in Victoria, and had just finished moving Cassie into her tiny, very green, residence room for first year university.
I was sitting on her bed. As we chatted I thought about what a milestone this was… one of our babies was leaving the nest. I felt overly sentimental, and started thinking about all the ideas below. Over the years I’ve thought of different ways of saying this, always feeling like I’m not doing the ideas justice.
Today I decided that since you are already 25 and almost 23, I need to get these thoughts out. I’ve put off sharing this for too long. So here goes…
~~~~~
Firsts and Lasts
Dear Cassie & Katie,
I remember.
I remember the moment in the hospital when I first laid eyes on you; the first time I held you, and kissed your cheek. I remember your first smile, (that wasn’t just passing gas), your first laugh, and the first time you said, ‘Da-da’. I remember your first steps. There were so many firsts in those early days and, although they slowed, they still kept coming. From your first tooth to your first tooth falling out. From your first day at daycare to your first day at school. And from your first birthday to your last one as a teenager.
And so it is that I remember many firsts, but unfortunately I don’t remember too many lasts.
I don’t remember the last time you fell asleep on my chest or came running towards me and jumped unabashedly into my arms for a big hug. I don’t remember the last time we were walking together and you reached up to hold my hand. I don’t remember the last time I did a push up with you on my back, or the last time you danced on my feet, or the last time I gave you a piggyback.
And such is life that as we grow up together, parent and child, we carry with us these moments, momentous ‘first’ occasions, but we never know what other forgotten momentsdisappear as we get older. We remember the firsts, not the lasts. We savour the memories of so many special occasions, and we lament those things that we take for granted only after they no longer happen.
I won’t ever forget our Christmases in China and Spain. I will never remember the last story I read to you while you sat in my lap. Firsts… and lasts: Lifetime memories and forever forgotten interactions that fade away secretly. Photographs and movies that play in my mind as well as on film, photo paper, and digital jpg’s stay with me, like first school concerts, and graduations.
Meanwhile I’ll never remember the last time I fed you porridge, or tricked you into eating healthy baby food by burying it under a layer of dessert on the spoon. The fact that I can recall this interaction tells me the memories still resonate. Sure, it may not have been the last time, but I remember feeding you in your high chairs. I also remember the frustration of you trying to feed yourself. Sometimes it was your frustration because it was too much work, sometimes our parental frustration because feeding yourself took so long. But we wanted to give you your independence, and so we let you do it even when it would have been easier to just keep feeding you… and then you just didn’t need us to feed you anymore. It just happens… and after it happened one last time that time was not remembered.
It sounds a bit sad, and in a way it is, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I’ve watched my two girls blossom into wonderful young women. I see you as adults that I don’t just love, but love being around. I’ve seen you both develop amazing work ethics, and carry with you a kindness to others that I want to see more of in the world. These things do not happen without forgotten lasts along the way.
And now as you head into adulthood I look forward to many more firsts. You might not dance on my feet anymore but I look forward to my first father daughter dance at your weddings. You might not fall asleep in my arms, but I look forward to being a grandparent and having your kids remind me of that wonderful feeling.
Along the way there will also be more lasts, and while I know they will come too, I will only think of them afterwards, unable to recall when such moments came to an end. Such is life. And so as I look to the future, I can’t wait for more first, and yes, more lasts too. Moments to cherish, milestones to achieve, adventures to experience. Your mom and I are excited to see what our amazing girls do next. We cherish you, your firsts, and your lasts.
We spent a good part of the day shopping for ingredients for some food I remember from my childhood… a simple but delicious turkey stuffing (that doesn’t go in the turkey) and a Caribbean special, Peas and Rice.
And on that note, if anyone knows of a grocery store in Coquitlam that sells pigeon peas, please let me know, we are still on the hunt.
My oldest kid turns 25 today. How did I get to be old enough to have a daughter that old? I only ask that question partially in jest, because there is a part of me that is really baffled about how fast time flies by. I remember holding her in my arms for the first time, her first words, and her first steps. Did all that really start a quarter century ago?
With age, time goes by faster. I think it has to do with reference to the length of our lives. To a 10 year old, 5 years is half of a lifetime; to a 15 year old, 5 years is a full 1/3 of a lifetime. To a 60 year old, 5 years is 1/12 of a lifetime. So that same 5 years is relatively shorter as we get older, and represents less significance to our overall lifespan.
I think about how much my life changed from ages 26-31… I moved to BC, met my wife, started my career in education, got married and bought a house. Then we started a family and the next 5 years are a blur of joy, stress, and core memories of our kids having first experiences.
In comparison, the last 5 years have felt a lot more like status quo, and have seemed to fly by a whole lot faster. I can remember the excitement of starting a new school year, and now it’s already just a week away from the Christmas holidays… where did the last 3 and a half months go?
I remember my mother-in-law saying to me that she didn’t know where the time went, and how she felt that she was a young person in an old body. I think of that now because about 26 years later I realize that I’m almost the age she was when she told me that. Is this just a cycle of life that the older we get, the more we recognize that time speeds up for us?
Today my oldest daughter turns 25. This is a reminder to me that I’ve got to value the time I have, and to spend it wisely… no matter how fast it seems to fly by.
It’s officially the first time that I listen to Christmas music… while decorating the Christmas tree. Usually it’s a bit earlier than this, but our weekends have been a bit busy these past few weeks.
I still remember the first Christmas with both of my girls. I remember decorating my tree as a child. I remember the first year my wife and I bought matching Christmas decorations… a tradition we keep to this day, adding our daughters in as well.
We aren’t religious, and we don’t have a lot of family traditions, so little events like this feel pretty special.
