Tag Archives: attitude

Not Firing All Cylinders

When your body isn’t working as smoothly as it should it’s hard to stay motivated. My back and neck issues continue to plague me, and I find it hard to give 100% to anything I do. My workouts have become mostly cardio and stretching, but at least I can do this maintenance. However it’s not just physical, mentally the injury is wearing me down.

It’s hard to keep my attention on something other than the discomfort and pain I feel. Moments like right now are rare, where I’m not actually aware of my shoulder or arm. I feel normal. But I’m going to get out of bed and slowly the pain will creep in. Still, I’m lucky because yesterday pain is what woke me up, and there was almost no break from it all day.

I have such sympathy and empathy for anyone and everyone that deals with pain regularly. I’m approaching 6 weeks of this and I’m finding it very hard to stay positive. Yet I know this will eventually pass. I know I’ll get all my cylinders up and running again. The trick is to care for myself now, and let my body heal. But until it does, it’s hard to think about other things clearly. When the pain is deep, the pain becomes topical… it sits on my mind and reminds me of its presence… it stays on my mind and doesn’t let me do anything without a reminder that my body is uncomfortable. When my body isn’t running well, neither is my mind, it’s not like they are separate operating systems, they both need to be working well. And that needs to be my main focus.

Aware of blame

Today I was driving and I missed a light because the person in front of me was too slow to follow traffic speed. I yelled a profanity or two as I watched the yellow light turn red and the car before me finally crossed the line into the intersection. 6-7 minutes later, and one light from my turn-off the car in front of me was driving the speed of molasses on a cold day, and while cars in the left lane sped through the light, I was left yelling profanities yet again, while me and the slow poke in front of me slowed and stopped in our lane… while the light hadn’t quite switched to red from yellow yet.

It took this second over-the-top-loud-yelling-in-a-car-just-to-myself swearing of profanities to make me realize that I wasn’t that upset at the other drivers. No, I have been suffering back pain for two solid weeks and this is what was really getting to me.

It wasn’t bad driving, it was a bad back. Neither traffic event warranted my overreaction. Both were minor inconveniences rather than major affronts to common sense or to me personally.

It makes me wonder:

How often do we discount how much our mood can affect our reaction to events?

In this case I made a proverbial mountain out of a couple mole hills. And recognizing where the blame lay allowed me to rebalance myself so that I didn’t continue doing this for the rest of the day.

Sometimes a push is needed

I’m not a fan of the cold. I share this fact openly. I’ve also shared that I do a weekly walk with my buddy Dave called the Coquitlam Crunch. Well here is my text conversation with Dave last night:

I’m going to be totally honest, I was fishing for the opportunity to skip the Crunch. But here’s the thing… it was fine! I dressed warmly, we had ‘clamp-ons’ to put over our shoes to grip the snow, and I’m really glad that we did it. That was crunch number 92 since we started back in January 2021.

It’s good to have friends that don’t let us have the easy out. So often our anticipation and avoidance is actually worse than doing the thing we need to do. And when we don’t want to do it, friends can either help us step up, or they can keep us in the ‘easy zone’. Easy to do and good for us are seldom the same path.

The right friend knows when to push… and that friend is far better than the one letting you off the hook, or worse yet, talking you out of the better path.

Holding on unnecessarily

Sometimes it’s hard to let go.

Someone asks you about your day, and the first thing that goes through your mind is the thing that bothered you most.

“How was your meal?” It was really good, but…

An inconsiderate driver doesn’t let you merge and you are agitated for the next 20 minutes.

It takes practice letting go of negative thoughts. We hold on to unhelpful experiences unnecessarily. We almost cherish them. ‘Look at me. Look at how I’ve had to struggle. See what I have to put up with. Recognize my hardship.’

The real hardship is self-inflicted.

It’s not what happened to you, it’s what you hold onto. It’s also what you let go of.

What was the best part of your day? What was your favourite part of the meal? Boy, I’m glad I’m not that guy that didn’t let me merge, poor guy probably isn’t living his best life… I’m grateful that most people I deal with aren’t like him.

When you are used to holding on to the hard parts of life it takes a bit of mental gymnastics to transform your way of thinking to a more positive outlook. Accept a compliment, don’t downplay it. Find someone to thank. Choose to let go of the frustrating part of the day that you want to bring up and relive, and instead remember a shared laugh, a kindness, a success.

It’s not what happened to you, it’s what you hold onto. It’s also what you let go of.

Dreams and goals

A few years back I had hoped to learn how to do an unassisted handstand for at least 30 seconds. But after a while I stopped training for it. I know I have the strength for it now, but I simply haven’t put the time in practicing the necessary skills. I could tell you all kinds of reasons why I never followed through, but the reality is that anything I share would be an excuse I could have avoided or worked around. So what’s the real reason? It was a dream but not a goal.

I like the idea of it, I’m just not willing to do the work. In the time since then I’m fitter, stronger, healthier, and I’d even say more capable. But I didn’t give it the time it needed. I didn’t put in the required work. Maybe one day I will, but not right now.

Sometimes it’s hard to admit to yourself that a dream was just that, a lofty idea about something that might happen, and not an actual goal. But admitting this is quite comforting in a way. I have hit a lot of health-related targets in the past few years, I’m happy with my progress. Sure I could beat myself up about failing to achieve a dream… or I could realize that not every dream is something I have to strive for.

This isn’t trying to make the point to give up your dreams, or to strive. On the contrary, it’s to recognize that when you have too many things you are dreaming about and trying to bring into reality the less likely you are to achieve any of them. I think the questions to ask are:

Do I really want this?

How hard am I willing to work for it?

What’s the next step?

And,

What’s the plan?

Because a dream won’t become an achievable goal until you can answer these questions, implement a plan, and develop the habits that dedicate time to your dream. Some things are better left as dreams, while others should get the time they deserve. But that shouldn’t stop you from dreaming… just know the difference.

It’s going great!

Ever find yourself feeling hesitant to say things are going well… or even worse, ‘Going smoothly’? You don’t want to jinx it, to turn your luck around. So things at work and home are going good, even great, but when someone asks you how thing are going you just say ‘fine’, or respond ‘ok’.

You might share that things are good, but preface it with something challenging. Or worse yet you might add that you are busy:

“How are things going?”

“Busy, but good.”

Like Dean Shareski says, Everybody’s busy. Busy is not a badge of honour. So, why mention it? Why preface your well-being with a statement about being busy or any other statement for that matter:

“How are things going?”

  • “Great, but have you seen the price of eggs?”
  • “Great, except for my favourite hockey team lost again.”
  • “Fantastic, if only I had one more hour of sleep.

It’s not bragging to say things are good, when someone asks. Be good. Be great. Allow things to be wonderful. It’s not going to last forever, so why make it unnecessarily conditional? Enjoy the fact that sometimes things are going well without adding stipulations and parameters.

“How are things going?”

“Great! How are things with you?”

Every single day

Some days it’s really hard to start writing. Today I stared at a blank page long enough that I realized I’d get nowhere stating longer, and so I did my meditation first. Then I thought, ‘I’m the only one that cares about my streak of writing every day, so what if I skip a day?’ And that was the right question to ask myself.

“So what if I skip a day?”

Well, it’s not just about breaking this streak, it’s the permission I give myself to be a streak breaker. It’s the identity that I’ve created that gets broken, not just the pattern. I’m a daily writer, I commit to writing, to putting something creative out into the world. Some days it won’t be great. Some days it will feel like a chore. Some days I’ll stare at a blank page for too long. But every day I’ll write.

“So what if I skip a day?”

If I do it intentionally, I’m opening a door to not being a daily writer. I’m giving myself permission to make exceptions every time it feels tough. Some days you just have to show up. It doesn’t matter if it’s going to the gym, dragging yourself to work on a day when you just want to stay under the covers, heading to a practice you don’t want to go to, or writing every day.

The blank page can be daunting, but it’s not scary, it’s just hard to look at. It’s not a beast, it’s a gremlin. And it’s not blank if you get one sentence down with a commitment not to erase that sentence until you are ready to replace it.

Daily writing is an identity based habit not a calendar based habit. I am a writer, and I can only say that if I’m writing. I live an active lifestyle, and I can only say that if I’m consistently staying active. It’s not about the act as much as it is about the identity. This is who I am. I show up, I get it done, and I know that I’ll do the same tomorrow. Skip a day? That’s a choice somebody else gets to make, not me.

Good head space

After writing History Repeats yesterday I’ve had a couple people ask if I’m feeling ok, or in a good head space? Reading it again today I can see how that post can be interpreted as gloomy and dark. But that was just a mood after watching Fidler on the Roof and hearing the dedication afterwards to the people of Ukraine. It isn’t an overarching mental state.

But being asked makes me realize that by sharing a daily blog, I probably give readers a sense of my overall head space by the tone and temperament of the things I share… and writing a post about how we are no more civilized than an ant colony can certainly come off as a gloomy disposition.

Well in this case it’s not. I’m in a good space. I’m getting over a nasty cold, and am slowly but incrementally better each day. As a result I’m exercising regularly again (something I couldn’t do without a coughing fit two and three weeks ago). And I’ve had some good quality time with my wife and friends that I haven’t had when I couldn’t talk without coughing.

So, yes, yesterday’s post was gloomy, but it was a momentary mood, and not a state-of-the-nation address forecasting dark and gloomy days ahead. It was a reaction to an experience, and even though it was kind of dark, the experience of seeing Fiddler on the Roof performed live, with friends, was wonderful.

Overall head space right now: pretty good! 😁👍

Soaking up the sun

It’s 3:35 in the afternoon and I’m sitting in my back yard with no shirt on, just soaking up the sun. This is absolutely amazing weather for October in the Vancouver mainland. It looks like this might be the last week of it before the temperature dips. But wow, what fantastic weather we’ve had for the past couple months.

I feel like we deserve this because we had the coldest May and June that I can recall in the last 25+ years of living out here. But the term ‘deserve’ suggests some sort of fairness and weather doesn’t play fair. So I’ll just say that we have been very lucky!

I feel like im dosing up on sunshine before the dole-drums of winter hit. November and February are historically the 2 months I hate living in a northern rainforest. Ahead of us are entire weeks where I won’t know where the sun is during the day. Cloud cover will mask the exact location of the sun and the sun sets before 5pm. December and January aren’t a lot better, but November and February are definitely the wettest and toughest to handle.

But not today. Today the sun feeds me natural Vitamin D, and I bask in the glory of a bright and warm afternoon. Today I charge my batteries for the dark days ahead. I’ll need to remember days like today when the rain comes and feels like it will never leave. And hopefully next year we won’t have to wait so long for the return of this wonderful weather.

Small gains

I’ve been doing some Physio stretches almost every day since I was given them to do in June. I have an Enya song I listen to twice, once for each leg, doing the same stretches. Then one more to do some lower back stretches and a couple rather painful roller stretches on my quads.

I’ve made some small but positive gains in my flexibility, and it occurred to me that I would never have noticed them if that was the goal. If that was the goal, I would have given up long before I saw the gains… they are too small and took too long to be realized.

I think that the mental shift from ‘I want to see benefits from this’ to ‘this is a good habit to have, and I want to be someone who commits to stretching as part of my health routine,” was a big part in getting me here.

I now stretch for 3 songs, 10 minutes, almost every single day. I probably won’t notice any new gains for a couple months, but if I continue this for a couple months I will indeed see gains. If I was doing it just for the gains, I probably wouldn’t make the commitment because the results are too slow and too small to give me the reward I would be seeking.

No, I’m just someone who values stretching daily. And hopefully I’ll have less back pain and back issues in the future… and some small positive gains along the way.