When I moved to Vancouver, I lived a couple blocks from a corner market store that I went to regularly. I got to know the owner, and he treated me to day-old newspapers for free. Unsold papers were not paid for by him, he simply had to cut out the name and date on the front page to return and then recycle the rest of the paper… but he’d save one for me rather than recycle it. For a few months I was a regular reader of the paper news, something I’ve seldom done before or after that time.
In a box in my garage, I know I have a file with clippings I kept from that time. It has been 20+ years since I’ve even seen this file, much less read any of the articles in it. However, there is one article I clipped because at the time it seemed unsettling to me. It was an autobiographical article about an ambitious journalist who got married, had a kid, and completely shifted his priorities. He no longer had the desire to be a travelling journalist seeking news and adventures in foreign lands. Instead, he found joy and desire to be home, spending time with family, and walking his kid to school each morning.
The article was very well written, and convincing… And it bothered me. I remember putting the paper into the recycling bin, and a day or two later before taking it out on trash day, I decided to clip the article out. I was a single, 26-year-old and I decided to keep it as a sort of cautionary tale, a reminder to keep my goals at the forefront, and not ‘settle down’… Not let my aspirations go just because of family.
So why am I thinking of this now? A couple reasons. First, I was young and foolish and didn’t understand the joy of raising kids. But the real reason this came to mind is that now as I head towards the first September in 30 years that I’m not thinking about what I’ll be doing at school, I realize how much my priorities will change.
I recognize that so much of what I defined myself by was about being a teacher and a leader. And that’s gone now. Work defined a large part of my day, and that in turn structured how I identified myself. Without that, what am I? I can see this question getting existential for some retirees… but I’m seeing it in a really good light.
Family and friends, projects I’ve always wanted to get done, more time to write, and even time to cook. These are some of the things I’m going to settle into.
I thought I was keeping that article as a cautionary tale, but I kept it to understand the writer’s perspective, just not as soon as him. He wasn’t settling for less, he was getting settled with priorities that matter.
