A hot dog and a story

“The shortest distance between two people is a story.” ~ Patti Digh

It was 1993. I had recently moved to Vancouver and I was looking for a job. I replied to this ad in the paper about selling sporting goods. The interview was a joke and I walked out on it. A group sales pitch to sell knives to your family and friends. I might share that experience another time but this is a story about meeting a Vietnam war veteran before the interview.

I arrived downtown almost an hour early for the interview, and 1/2 a block from the entrance of the building that I was heading to was a hotdog vender. I love ‘street dogs’ and decided to get one with all the toppings, hot peppers, sauerkraut, fried onions, and Dijon mustard. There was a water fountain or statue nearby and I sat down on the edge about 6 feet away from an elderly gentleman who was also eating a hotdog.

Now, almost 30 years ago, I don’t remember how the conversation started, but I ended up halving the distance between us so that we could chat more easily. This man was mostly bald with white-grey wisps of short hair near his ears, very pink in complexion, and overweight with a belly that looked more square than round. He had a cane, that sat next to his legs, which were showing between his white, pulled up socks and his tan coloured shorts. His shirt was just a extra large, plain white T-shirt with without a logo.

After some small talk he told me he was a war vet, and he shared that he saw things no one should ever have to see. Then he shared one of these stories.

He was in a sandbag bunker on the outside of a government building they were guarding and a young boy with a backpack was slowly approaching them. The boy couldn’t have been older than 12. His Sargent pointed to the boy and said, ‘Shoot him’.

He looked at his Sargent, puzzled, and the Sargent repeated his command louder, “Shoot him!”

He was still fairly new to this post and Sargent and was hesitant to shoot a kid. His delay angered the Sargent, who took out his side arm and pointed it at his head, “Follow my orders and shoot him or I’ll shoot you!”

And so he shot the kid… And the kid, still about 50-60 feet away, blew up. “I couldn’t believe what I saw, it didn’t seem real.”

Apparently, kids were being used as suicide bombers in the area and the Sargent saw something that made him suspicious.

He only lasted another few months at that post then he was hit with shrapnel from a missile. He showed me the back part of his calf, with an 5-inch scar that deformed the muscle, and he said it went up the back of his leg, but he didn’t stand up to show me. Then he said, “Another big piece got me here”, and he lifted his T-shirt to show me a huge scar that dented his brick shaped belly.

“When they hit you, all you feel is the burn, and you can smell your skin burning, the metal is so hot.”

In the 25 minutes I sat with him, I just listened. He had a lot to share, and he kept the theme going of, “The things I saw there, nobody should ever have to see.”

I didn’t want to leave, but I had an interview to go to. Had I known the interview was going to be such a joke, I would have sat and listened to this war vet tell stories all day. But when I left the interview the man was gone. Like me he just sat down to eat his hotdog, and to talk to a stranger he’d never see again.

The unwritten rules

I have three unwritten rules:

1.

2.

3.

🤣

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Jokes aside, there are certain unwritten rules and expectations we follow that have evolved over time. Here are 3 examples:

1. People used to pop by unannounced. There would be a knock on the door and the explanation would literally be, “I happened to be in the neighbourhood and thought I’d drop in.”

No cell phones, no way to give advanced notice. No social awkwardness that would surely come into play if someone did this now.

2. Don’t leave me a voicemail, leave a text.

Quite literally, the only time I leave messages now is because I’ve called someone and I’m driving. Besides that, the etiquette is to hang up when you hear the message, before you get to the beep, then text your message. Or don’t leave a message because you know the person saw your unanswered call on their call display. That’s enough to get a callback.

3. Don’t ‘Reply All’ to an email. I was tempted to say, “Don’t ‘Reply All’ to an email except when…” but just don’t.

Some people didn’t get the memo on this unwritten rule. I think it needs to be written.

—-

It’s funny how etiquette changes over time. I wonder what things we do today, that will just seem wrong to do 10 or 20 years from now? What new unwritten rules will there be?

The real numbers

In the last week and a half I’m aware of 18 people whom I personally know have caught covid-19, likely the Omicron variant. But of these 18, (half of which are 2 families), I think only one of them is reported. Others sat on 811 for more than 2 hours before giving up on the call. Others have mild symptoms, and here in BC they are asking people with mild symptoms not to get tested, because testing locations are being overwhelmed.

Extrapolating on these numbers, even if I overestimated the amount of cases in BC to be 1/3 reported (that would be 6/18 rather than 1/18), then the real number of new covid cases is a massive number.

This is surprisingly a good thing. First of all, our hospitals are not overwhelmed with serious cases. Secondly, at this rate of infection, we are moving quickly to heard immunity.

Well, that’s my hope anyway. I am only working with my own anecdotal evidence, and coronavirus has kicked my predictions in the butt more than once. Still, it’s good to look forward and see a little light at the end of the tunnel.

Maybe by spring everything will be open and masks will be optional. Maybe. Still, it feels good to have a little optimism right now. Even if we really don’t know the real numbers, I think they are looking good… Time will tell.

A cesspool of comments

Yesterday I popped into a TikTok Live event related to the pandemic, and I was horrified by the comments. The live event was a spokesperson from the Canadian government and put on by a news outlet account. I get it if there are a few hecklers unsatisfied with the way things are going, but these were the kinds of comments being shared:

“Are the side effects as low as ivermectin?”

“All these people need to be charged with Crimes Against Humanity.”

“You don’t need any shots”

“There’s no pandemic it’s a scam.”

“Wake up people.”

“Health Canada shifted to primarily pharmaceutical funding in 2018.”

“We listen to Malone!!!! Not you filthy animals!!!!”

“Time for a new government.”

“Not true!”

“The government is corrupt”

“I’m sick of these lies!”

“Evil pieces of 💩”

“We need to hire a hit team to take them all down.”

“There is no science, it’s called being bought by Pfizer”

“How can anyone believe there’s a pandemic?”

“this segment of propaganda brought to you by Bill Gates.”

“none of the vaccines work, it’s all a scam!!!”

“Hurry up you only have a 98.5% chance of survival.”

“Sorry, I don’t play medical Russian roulette.”

“Oh hey! It’s a terrorist speaking! Listen to your overlords, slaves.”

I cleaned up the punctuation a bit, and I didn’t put a few of these in all capitals, the way they were written. I also didn’t share them all, but none of them were positive. None.

How did we get here?

Ready for a new day!

Am I really? No. I want to stay under the covers for three days. I’m not sick. I’m not even tired. I’m just feeling like I want to stay home and do nothing. No things.

But I’m up. I’ll get the day going. I’ll start a little slow. I’ll start doing morning things. I’ll wind myself up like an old watch, and make sure I keep ticking all day.

If you ask me, ‘Are you ready for the new day?’ right now, I’d have to say ‘Absolutely not!’

But I will be. I’ll get my heart rate up. I’ll feel a sense of accomplishment getting this post done. I’ll meditate (poorly) but I’ll permit that to be ok. I’ll spend a bit longer in the shower, hot water soothing me, and a cold rinse at the end to shock my system a bit.

In a couple hours I’ll be at work, and ready for the new day. But right now I’m just using my routine to get me there. Because some days are tougher than others to get started, and I’m going to be honest with you, this is a tougher day to get started.

That doesn’t mean it’s going to be a tough day, just a tough start. I don’t have to let this morning feeling define me. And it won’t.

What a great day it is today

A few years ago the Ministry updated their student management system from something called BCeSIS to MYEDBC. I hated BCeSIS, which I affectionately called BC-Feces, and was looking forward to the change. But it wasn’t a smooth transition. What made it worse was that it did not take into consideration students working online, starting and finishing their courses outside of scheduled semesters.

As the principal of the online school this was frustrating for me, but even more frustrating for my secretary. She would spend hours updating student files, then the next day her work would disappear. Gone!

I wanted to do something for my secretary, and knew that she wanted a rainbow bowl to put candies and treats in on her desk. I had no idea how hard that request would be? I looked everywhere for a rainbow bowl and could only find something cheap and plastic, or something expensive and ugly.

Then I was ordering some mugs for the school and decided to make her a rainbow mug. At that time, with the frustration she was facing with the student management system, I had a Thursday morning tradition. On Thursdays mornings we had district principal meetings (that were not online) and I’d get to school after the secretaries. On this day I’d walk into my office and declare, “What a great day it is today!”

So, this might was born:

Every secretary has had one since, each one with a different colour on the inside, so we can tell them apart. I still use mine every day, and it will continue to be a gift I give any secretary I have.

Memory challenges

I was searching for a song on my phone and couldn’t remember the artist. That’s an issue with me, I struggle with proper nouns… not just people’s names, but street names, titles of songs or books, basically any noun that is specific to a person or an item. It’s not a fun thing to struggle with.

I can remember times in my teaching career when I’d look at a kid in my class in June, after seeing the kid every weekday for 10 months, and draw a blank on their name. I know them, I can tell you about their Grandmother’s pet dog’s surgery they told me about back in September. I know exactly who the kid is, but I’m cycling through the alphabet in my head hoping either a first or last name will pop into my brain.

I describe it as when a proper name gets filed away in my head, that file doesn’t get stored with all the other files related to that person or object. My family are used to it, they will try to fill in the gap when I have a long pregnant pause. One example is that we live next to a No Frills grocery store. It has been there for over a decade, and my daughter worked there for about 3 years. But the name will slip my mind and it’s just gone. I can see the sign with the bananas on it in my head but even the words in the sign don’t show up as part of my recall.

The worst is introductions. The closest I ever got to a panic attack was as a VP at a teacher night. My principal said in front of the audience of parents that I would introduce the teachers. This wasn’t part of the plan and I freaked out (on the inside). He and I were both comfortable in front of an audience and he knew that, and didn’t think anything of tossing this my way. But he didn’t know what a challenge this was for me. I was looking at the row of teachers and one name would not come to me. It was painful because I knew this teacher better than most of them. I was wracking my brain for her name from about 3 introductions before hers. As I was introducing the person that was just before her, it clicked and I made it through the list. I begged the principal never to do that to me again and explained how hard it was for me.

My wife knows that, in social situations, if I don’t lead with an introduction, to step in and introduce herself. It usually goes really smoothly because when she does that, I continue on and tell her what the connection is, because I know the person and it’s just the name that’s a blank. And so in this interaction I don’t come off as not knowing the person, instead it just comes off as my wife beating me to the introduction.

I’ve read books about remembering names, and I do all the tricks when I meet someone. And for that first interaction, it’s in my short term memory and I’ll remember the name. But a few days later I’ll draw a blank. The most embarrassing moment is when I forget a name and ask, and it’s David. That’s awful. Can’t even remember their name and it’s my name.

Of all the things that hinder me the most day to day, it’s not names of people but names of streets. Someone will give me directions and throw a name of a common street at me, and the map in my head would not include that street… a street that I might travel on all the time. Google maps helps me out with that though. And giving directions to my own house, I sometimes forget the name of the cross street right in front of my house, and I’ve lived here for 23 years.

I look forward to the time when I’m wearing glasses that will recognize people for me and project their name inside my glasses. Until then, if I blank out on your name, it’s not about you, it’s my issue. I know who you are, I just filed your name in the wrong place.

Oh, and that musical artist I was looking for, it was Tori Amos. I didn’t end up remembering myself, I described what I was looking for and my wife told me her name.

Weekend Blahs

Feels like a rinse and repeat kind of day. Motivation is low, couldn’t sleep past 5:45am, but haven’t done anything for a couple hours while up. Sure I’ll get this written, I’ll meditate, I’ll get on the exercise bike for 20 minutes, and listen to my audio book. Sure I’m entitled to have a lazy Saturday morning or a lazy whole day. That’s all well and good. But I have to say that coming up on 2 years of pandemic mode has me a bit worn out.

It’s like a heightened sense of being ‘on alert’ for longer than is natural. It doesn’t help that at work, I’ve had to read pages and pages of information about changes to how we need to operate, and there are new daily reports to run and to fill out. I feel more like a safety officer than a school principal.

I’m glad it’s the weekend. I don’t think this would have been a productive day at work. I’m just going to have a blah kind of Saturday, and I’m going to do it guilt free. On my agenda today after my healthy living routine is a whole lotta nothing. Yup, it’s going to be a blah day, but also a good day:)

Are our apps over-sharing our data?

My guess is, yes. I know that when I google search a product, I will likely see an ad for that item on Facebook. I know that information is being shared. But I’ve been listening to The Quantum Moment on my Audible App and today on my 30 minutes of TikTok (my time limit on weekdays) I ended up seeing 4 videos on: the Space-Time continuum (x2), an Einstein thought experiment, and the physics of light and heat vs dark and cold.

Now before reading this book, I did have a few science videos as part of my algorithm, but mostly related to space and the James Webb telescope. Now, from ‘out of nowhere’, I’m getting physics videos, after I start listening to a book about physics on a totally different app.

Part of me thinks this is great, after all I did enjoy the videos and found them interesting. That’s why I like TikTok, it feeds me more interesting content than any 30 minute show I could possibly find on TV. But part of me wonders, what other data is being shared? How much do my apps know about what I do on other apps? How targeted is the advertising I see? What about when I google medication, or symptoms? What about the health apps I use?

Is anything private anymore, or when I agree to use an app, am I agreeing to share my whole life? I might have enjoyed the videos, but I don’t think TikTok should know what books I’m listening to, unless I’ve explicitly permitted it to.

Out of sync

I wrote a post recently about my routine being disrupted, and a good friend read it then texted me saying, “Hey, be gentle with yourself around the whole routine thing. We’ve been thrown a huge curveball right now and it’s impacting everybody“.

I replied that I’m motivated by making my goals public, and I did indeed improve on my routine. However, my response neglected to really listen to the point he was making. In previous posts I’ve written about the fact that I tend to consistently wake up before my alarm. Last night I was in bed earlier than usual, and while I looked at the click far more often than I usually do, I needed to hear my alarm to wake up for the 4th day in a row. I find this frustrating because I wake up before my wife, and she is a light sleeper, so I know my alarm disturbs her sleep quite a bit.

But as I started to beat myself up about the fact that I can’t seem to do something that I’ve previously found easy to do, I thought of my buddy’s message. Nothing is normal these days. Everywhere I look, things are either disrupted due to Omicron, or someone I know, and/or their family members are dealing with Omicron. Schedules at work have changed, students are all in rows facing the front of the class, and people’s plans and lives are being disrupted.

Extending my buddy’s metaphor, we haven’t just been thrown a curve ball, we have been thrown a curve ball with a wiffle ball. 🤪

Yeah, I’m out of sync, the whole damn world is out of sync! And maybe I have to wake up in the morning with an alarm, like most people do anyway. And maybe my healthy living routine will get disrupted again. And maybe (likely) Omicron visits our immediate family. And maybe I be gentle with myself when I swing and miss the curve balls headed my way.

If you are living a life where things feel somewhat normal, you deserve a trophy. And if you aren’t feeling like things are normal right now, be kind to yourself and know that it’s perfectly ok to be feeling the way you do. Give yourself a break… you deserve it! (And so do I.)