Monthly Archives: March 2023

Aware of blame

Today I was driving and I missed a light because the person in front of me was too slow to follow traffic speed. I yelled a profanity or two as I watched the yellow light turn red and the car before me finally crossed the line into the intersection. 6-7 minutes later, and one light from my turn-off the car in front of me was driving the speed of molasses on a cold day, and while cars in the left lane sped through the light, I was left yelling profanities yet again, while me and the slow poke in front of me slowed and stopped in our lane… while the light hadn’t quite switched to red from yellow yet.

It took this second over-the-top-loud-yelling-in-a-car-just-to-myself swearing of profanities to make me realize that I wasn’t that upset at the other drivers. No, I have been suffering back pain for two solid weeks and this is what was really getting to me.

It wasn’t bad driving, it was a bad back. Neither traffic event warranted my overreaction. Both were minor inconveniences rather than major affronts to common sense or to me personally.

It makes me wonder:

How often do we discount how much our mood can affect our reaction to events?

In this case I made a proverbial mountain out of a couple mole hills. And recognizing where the blame lay allowed me to rebalance myself so that I didn’t continue doing this for the rest of the day.

Missed a day

I think I missed my first day of blogging since I started writing daily in early 2019. I’m making up for it by posting twice today. It was a pretty good streak and I’m basically just going to continue on with no intention to let this minor slip change my commitment.

First thing yesterday morning I went to the hospital to visit my dad, came back to my parent’s house at about 5pm with my back/shoulder nerve pain at a high level. I self medicated and then my buddy picked me up to go out for dinner where I had a couple Guinnesses to add to my self-medicating. When I got home I fell asleep on the couch and slept through the night fully clothed from the day.

I’m not sure I could have written anything if I tried at the end of the day. Not blogging first thing in the morning for more than a weekend has made it a bit easier to forget, and I’ve written a few posts just before midnight this past week.

Still, to respect the commitment, I’ll blog again later today… my way of keeping the streak alive. But missing yesterday makes me ask myself, should I keep doing this? Do I need to blog every… single… day? The answer that comes to mind is ‘Yes’. I still find joy in being forced to to think and be creative daily. Like my blog byline says,

“Writing is my artistic expression. My keyboard is my brush. Words are my medium. My blog is my canvas. And committing to writing daily makes me feel like an artist.”

It’s not about the streak, it’s about daily practice, and committing to a task. And so… onwards with the blogging. Apologies to those that receive these via email for the double hit to your inbox in a single day.

Relations over time

I connected with a cousin yesterday. The last time I saw her was at my sister’s wedding 25 years ago. I saw her at 16 and then not again until 41. She’s married, has an 8 year old son, and has been working at the same company for 20 years.

I grew up surrounded by cousins. A typical Friday night at my grandparents could be a gathering of 16-20 with half of them being kids. A couple cousins who didn’t live in the province would come and visit for 4-6 weeks in the summer. As we grew up, we saw less and less of everyone. Then I took off from Toronto to Vancouver 30 years ago so rarely see any cousins including, (I must admit embarrassingly), one who only lives a 45 minute drive away.

When I consider how many really great cousins, aunts, and uncles I have, it makes me a bit sad that I’m not as connected to them as I used to be. I also appreciate that I had such a rich experience growing up surrounded by cousins. Not everyone has that opportunity.

Time well wasted

That’s the title of a comedy show and podcast: Time well wasted.

It makes me think, what do we waste our time on? Monday to Thursday I have a time limit set on TikTok because to me 30 minutes on TikTok is entertainment, but more than that is wasted time on a school/work night.

Is binge watching your favourite Netflix series time well spent or wasted? Is a 30 minute nap time well spent or wasted?

I can make a hundred suggestions of things we do, and then ask, “Is this time well spent or wasted?” And in almost every case the answer would or could be “It depends”.

For example: A 30 minute nap could be ‘needed’ to be more productive, or it could be a way to avoid work, or it could simply be a simple pleasure that is absolutely worth doing.

The question is, how good are our rationalizations? Because if you are anything like me, time well wasted isn’t often well wasted, it’s just wasted… and our time is valuable.

The stories we tell

I was taking my weekly walk with a buddy last weekend and I told him a story about the first time I watched a show we both enjoyed in our youth. He then told me that this was the third time I’ve told him that story, but he knew I enjoyed sharing it so he liked hearing it.

I’m visiting my parents and I’ve heard a few old stories from them and my sisters, and I’m sure they’ve heard a few repeats from me. It’s interesting the way our old stories define us.

Do we remember fond moments or frustrations? Do we reminisce about family gatherings or family disagreements? Is it acts of kindness or malice that we weave our stories around? Are these stories of joy, laughter, sadness, or scorn?

What do we hold on to? What shapes the memories that matter, and ultimately shapes us? If these memories don’t serve us well, can we change them? Can we redefine these memories? Can we give them less or more power over us?

I believe we can. And if we happen to hear our family or friends share happy stories more than once, hopefully we can have the same grace my buddy had to listen and enjoy (again).

Fully integrated and invisible AI

We are moving into a new economic revolution. Not since the Industrial Revolution have we seen technology that will change the nature of work so drastically. Artificial Intelligence is about to be weaved so deeply into our lives that we will not know where it starts and ends. And while it’s not completely new to have our work enhanced by AI, the depth of influence and ease of use will make it transformational while also slowly becoming invisible.

What do I mean by invisible? We already use simple forms of AI in everyday life without thinking about it: We have autocorrect correcting our spelling; we have cars that warn us when we drift outside our lane or flash in our rear view mirrors when it’s not safe to change lanes; and, we trust autopilot to do the majority of flying on plane trips around the world. The leap to self-driving cars might have seemed incredible a few years ago, but now you can board a self-driving taxi in San Francisco.

Chat GP3, and now Chat Gp4, are going to change the very nature of work for many people in the coming months and years. Have a look at what Microsoft Copilot is about to offer:

More specifically:

Soon tools like this, aptly named Copilot, will become as useful and integrated into what we do as autocorrect is today. Take meeting notes? Why bother, just record the meeting and ask AI to generate both the notes and the next step tasks. Create a PowerPoint to present new information? Instead, share the information with Copilot and have it create the PowerPoint. Create a website? How about sketching it on the back of a napkin, sharing a picture of it and having Chat GP4 write the code and build the website.

AI is going to redefine the work of many people faster than any time in history, and the technology is going to be so integrated into the things we do daily that the use of AI will quickly become invisible… ever present, very useful, and unnoticed.

Pain and perspective

Over 25 years ago my back was in bad shape. I was so compressed that I lost almost two inches of height, and I was in pain every day… for 9 months. An amazing Physio changed my life in two sessions. I still remember the day I woke up without pain, two days after my second Physio appointment. I was in the shower trying to figure out what was wrong, and it was only when I was brushing my hair later that I realized what was ‘wrong’ was that my back wasn’t hurting.

For the past week and a half I’ve been feeling a dull but constant ache in my back and neck. It has affected my sleep, and almost every waking moment. Just having a conversation can be mental gymnastics as I try to pay attention to the subject matter and not be distracted by the ache of my back… an ever present dull roar that steals my attention away.

While I’m feeling a bit better tonight, and actually fell asleep for a few hours without interruption from the pain, I am reminded of the respect I have for people who live with pain daily. I know that while I feel this way now, I will have a time in the next week where my back issue will be resolved and this dull roar will go away.

For some people pain is a permanent part of their daily lives. Dealing with this constant ache reminds my to be more thoughtful and caring for those who suffer daily without the possibility of pending relief. Between my stint of 9 months in pain mentioned above and a later 6-month bout of chronic fatigue, I’ve had 2 moments in my life where I’ve thought, “Is this what my life is going to be like for the rest of my life?” In both cases the answer was ‘No’, but how different my life would be if that wasn’t the case. I’m reminded of this for a third time now, even though the pain I’m experiencing now has only been around for less than 2 weeks.

For anyone who lives with daily pain, I truly empathize. And for those who live the luxury of a mostly pain-free life, remember to be kinder and more thoughtful towards those that do suffer. Chronic pain is a horrible master, and we aren’t built to be servants to it. So when we are faced with daily pain, it takes a lot of energy to live a happy and fulfilled life. It’s challenging to stay positive and to have gratitude. Pain management is challenging with long term pain in a way that is hard to understand by someone who has only experienced short term pain. This past week and a half has humbled me and reminded me of this.

Give them hugs

I don’t usually share personal things like this, but it’s the only thing on my mind.

Just a friendly reminder to call your parents, and if you are close enough, visit them and hug them. I flew in to visit my parents yesterday, in time to see my father have a medical emergency, and I have spent most of my visit so far at a hospital. He’s looking a lot better this evening but will be in the hospital a few more days. I’m so glad that I arrived when I did, and it’s wonderful to have my sisters here too.

So take this as a public service announcement: Call your parents. Visit them. Hug them. Tell them you love them. And while you’re at it, do the same for your kids too!

Pain again

It’s close to 2:00am and I’m up with pain in my back and shoulder. My alarm is set for 4:15am for my flight, and the last thing I want to be right now is awake. For the past week I’ve been struggling with a pain in my back, the last 3 days the pain moved more into my shoulder. I’ve been taking it really easy and thought it would slowly disappear.

Instead, my shoulder aches so much that I can’t sleep. I’ve had a painkiller and a muscle relaxant, and still the ache persists. I’m now on the couch sipping some scotch and trying to find a position where the ache subsides a bit. As someone who struggles with back pain, I normally avoid self-medicating, for fear of getting accustomed to the pain relief… but this powerful and constant ache has me willing to try anything so that I can sleep.

I’m still not able of sleep, but I know that looking at this screen won’t help. So it’s time for a meditation, and hopefully a little nap before my alarm goes off. If not, I hope that I can pass out on the plane.

May you always find relief from your aches and pains… cheers!

Off to T.O.

I’m off to Toronto tomorrow. Just me, going to visit my parents. It’s not a very long visit and so I won’t be doing any visiting other than my sister and one buddy. I’ll mostly be in Oakville, and won’t be leaving my parent’s house too often… although I hope more family will visit while I’m there.

The hardest part of going home is not getting a chance to visit with people. I’d love to sneak off to Guelph for a few days and visit friends. I’d love to catch up with a buddy just outside Kitchener. I’d like to have a reunion with ‘kids’ I played and coached water polo with. But more than that I want to spend time with my family.

I used to get home then hardly be home, but as the years go by, I just want more time with my folks. And as much as people in BC make fun of Toronto, I love the city. It’s so multicultural, with food like no other city in Canada. It is a great city, and there is a lot to do. But I’ll be a bit of a turtle this trip and my parent’s home will be my shell.

I’m not really visiting the city, I’m just visiting my family.