Monthly Archives: June 2020

Appreciating your family

Sometimes it’s easy to take advantage of the people that are closest to you; to leverage the fact that they are just ‘always there’. The very people that would do anything for you in a time of need are the same ones who you expect to be there without showing any gratitude.

Sometimes it is easy to get frustrated by your family; to roll your eyes and think ‘here we go again’, rather than seeing things from their perspective. The very people that most appreciate you for who you are do not always get treated as nicely as a stranger would be treated.

Sometimes it is easy to be triggered by your family; to be immediately upset by something they say or do, something that you would tolerate far more by someone unrelated.

There is the saying, ‘familiarity breeds contempt’, think of the first word in the phrase: familiarity. It is the family, that you are in close association with, that you know best, that can lead to a loss of respect, or lead to disrespect, from close awareness of faults or repeated behaviours that you don’t like.

It only takes an absence of these people in your lives, through time, geography, or death, to help you recognize that your familiarity also breeds love, compassion, and appreciation for those that love you, and that you love. Familiarity breeds love. Familiarity breeds compassion. Familiarity breeds appreciation. Or at least is should.

Who in your family can you show gratitude for today? What’s stopping you?

Finding the good in people and in situations

I like to think of myself as an optimistic person. In my job I deal with a lot of students, teachers, parents, and principals. I start these interactions with a simple premise: ‘these are good people, look for the good in them’. When someone is upset, they don’t tend to express that upset well. That’s not a measure of their character, it’s usually circumstantial.

Yes, there are some angry people in the world, but most people are good. Some are more selfish (both knowingly and unknowingly); some are more single minded about certain issues; some feel like there are injustices against them (and some of these are well justified, while others aren’t).

But coming back to people being inherently good, and my usual disposition towards others, I think that I’ve been in a bit of a rut for a while. I know where it comes from, I’ve thought about this a lot. I was stuck in a spot where I was running three schools and always felt like I was letting two of the down, if not all three. I was exhausted. Two years in, I felt like I didn’t want to continue. Then in February I was given a few different responsibilities and one school was taken away from me. It was a sigh of relief. I thought, not only can I do this, but I want to do this (again). Then the pandemic hit and my responsibilities escalated again!

Last week was a bit of a crescendo. On top of my own duties I had to spend a good eight hours on something that fell on my lap. I found myself complaining in front of a teacher and stopped myself. I called a good friend and ranted. Then I asked someone to get me some work to do before Friday when I had support. That work arrived Saturday. It’s done now, and I’ve put in proper supports going forward. But that same good friend checked in on me and I ranted again.Admittedly, ranting to someone in confidence did make me feel better. But it also made me think, why is that now a thing I need to do?

The ‘thing that fell on my lap’, well if I look at it from the outside, my lap made the most sense, and part of the time I had offered up. The ‘work to get to me before Friday’, well the person who asked for it on Saturday is doing his best in a new environment.

These things always happen. The difference that has me upset isn’t about them, it’s about me… and I have the power to change that! Maybe that’s the only thing I can change. I can manifest anger and upset, or I can recognize that people all around me are doing the best they can with the skills they have. I need to reflect on who else I can empower to do some of the things I do. I need to contemplate what I can and should say ‘no’ to. I need to find ways to frame things so that I don’t need to vent as often as I have recently.

It’s not what happens, it’s what you do that makes a difference.

Smile with your eyes

Seeing more and more people with masks, I’ve come to realize that some people know how to smile with their eyes and some don’t.

I’m not sure if this is something you can practice or teach, or if after years of smiling it’s just what you do or don’t do? But it can create a bit of an awkwardness when having friendly exchanges at stores… when you don’t know the person you are interacting with, and thus don’t know how they are responding to an attempt to have a fun conversational exchange.

Put your mask on. Take a photo, then smile and take another photo. Looking at your eyes, can you tell that you are smiling in the second photo?

~

On the bright side of mask-wearing, I don’t have to worry about the piece of food stuck between my teeth. 🤣

Ten Million

According to Worldometers.info as of today over 10,000,000 people have been diagnosed with COVID-19. Of those, over 5% or 500,000 (read half a million) people have died.

I don’t want to share commentary, I just want that to sink in.

This is a global issue. It has and will further impact the world. As we head into summer, be smart, be safe, stay healthy.

What could have been

I feel it every year.

It’s the last official day of school, an administrative day. Students picked up report cards yesterday and teachers wrap things up today. This is the day that I look back and think of what could have been. I think of the lost opportunities, the missed potential, the goals unmet.

I know I’ll look back and see the accomplishments as summer begins, but for some reason this day has always been melancholy, and sadly nostalgic (if that makes sense). It’s weird. I don’t tend to be the kind of person that holds regrets and wallows on missed opportunities, but this day always harbours feelings that the year could have been better. Specifically, on this day I look back and feel that I could have, and should have, been better and given more of myself to the school year.

It’s a feeling that’s hard to shake, through the goodbyes and the well wishes for a wonderful summer. It will go away, but today it sits with me, now and throughout the day ahead. Oh, what could have been! It sounds sad, but in a way, it holds me accountable and makes me want next year to be better. There are “promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep.”

While the past holds many successes, and the future holds much potential, today I sit with what could have been.

Life interrupted

A travel app I use just reminded me that tomorrow night I was supposed to be on a flight to California for the ISTE conference. Cancelled. The next trip on the app was to be 3 weeks from now, heading to Barcelona, where I was to get on my first ever cruise ship with two stops in Spain and three stops in Italy, then spend a week in Portugal. Cancelled.

Will anyone be planning a trip on a cruise ship any time soon? Is my trip to Europe delayed a year or altogether cancelled? ‘The best-laid plans of mice and men… often go awry.’ It is easy to wallow a bit in the shadow of what could have been, but I suddenly find myself making new plans to visit family. Unexpected, and pressing, the plans are thrust upon me, yet something I’m looking forward to. I very well might have been cancelling my ISTE trip anyways.

We tend to plan things like we can somehow control the future. We can’t. So many things can disrupt what we hope to do in the coming days and weeks. There’s nothing like a pandemic to wake us up to that reality! How many jobs have been lost? How many travel plans cancelled? How many concerts, shows, and sporting events put on hold?

Life often gets interrupted. Sometimes it surprises us with unexpected delights, and sometimes with disappointing or devastating news. We can be saddened by upsetting news and plans gone awry, or we can recognize that circumstances beyond our control will often dictate that our best-laid plans are just that, plans… and plans change.

Maintenance mode

For the last couple weeks my fitness regimen has been about doing the bare minimum. I have at least 2 days of working out before taking a day off, and when I come back from a day off, I double my knee Physio exercises to make up for the lost day. I do an abdominal exercise between Physio sets. I do my cardio, but don’t push it with respect to effort, (I do this before my Physio). And then I pick just one body part and do three sets of a single exercise for those muscles, and I’m done.

Sometimes we need to just maintain the habit of doing something, without worrying about constantly getting better. Because the alternative is breaking the habit and going backwards. That was my old pattern. Rather than playing the long game of consistently staying healthy and keeping a good schedule, I’d go all-in and dedicate a month or two to ‘getting fit’, then I’d get busy. I’d stop the fitness habit, and ‘let things slide’ until the next health-kick of one to three months comes along… until the next busy schedule when I can’t find the time.

Maintainance mode is tough. It isn’t just going through the motions, it’s an effort that’s actually harder than when you are motivated and push your body hard. It is more difficult to do just one set of something like chin ups, when you are doing it just to get it done, rather than feeling inspired. It’s challenging to not waste time between sets, and to keep going when your heart rate is elevated but your enthusiasm isn’t.

Convincing yourself that you are doing something good for yourself when all you are really doing is maintaining the status quo is uninspiring. But so is doing nothing. So are excuses. So is the feeling of disappointment when you let things slide. Letting things slide is easier. It isn’t better. Sometimes the hard work is just showing up.

The trick is tracking the habit and not breaking it. The key is that you make the cost of breaking the habit feel more painful than not doing so. My motivation to write this is that it’s 6:20am, I’ve been up for over an hour and I haven’t done my workout yet. I am procrastinating and yet I know I’m going to work out. I know that I must… even if my energy level is low. Even if I’m just going through the motions.

Motivation isn’t hard when you are inspired. Motivation is tested when inspiration is lacking. Motivation is easy when you feel enthusiastic, but not when it is driven by a desire to just keep the habit going. That’s when the excuses creep in. What’s one more day off going to hurt? Turns out it’s easy to make that justification in the moment, but it ends up being a deal breaker; It changes a habit into an old habit; It undermines future goals and possibilities.

Maintainance mode sounds like you are just turning on the cruise control and letting things happen on their own… just going through the motions. In fact, maintainance mode is a slog, it’s work, it’s staying the course when you want to drift. It’s the hard work of being motivated when motivation is lacking. It’s the difference between keeping a habit and remembering the habit you wish you kept.

Now it’s time to work out.

Final week of school

This time of year is always challenging. The days are filled with loose odds and ends being tied up, and I’m usually both nostalgic about the wonderful year it has been, while also disappointed that we didn’t do more. How did our little Grade 9’s of four years ago graduate so quickly?

I’m going to miss our graduating class next year, but in all honesty, I’ve been missing them since the March break, when remote learning began. This has been a whirlwind few months and while I usually try to hold on to these final days and cherish them, I find myself thinking, ‘Let’s just get this year over and done with!’

This isn’t a typical year-end feeling for me. I want to see yearbooks passed around. I want to see students hugging each other goodbye. I want to hear the exciting summer plans of students and teachers.

I want to feel like there is some normalcy to the end of the school year. Instead, I find myself being underwhelmed, tired, and wanting to reach Friday as soon as possible. Just admitting that makes me feel disappointed. I think part of this feeling is that so much effort was put into making last week special, that it already feels like the year has ended. The grad – celebrations, the final presentations, even a virtual brunch organized by one of our teachers.

It isn’t that this year wasn’t special, it’s just that it already feels over. And so admittedly, I’m ready for a break, and while I still have a couple weeks of finishing the year off, a part of me feels I’m already done.

I don’t think I’m alone in feeling this way.

No more Daily Ink posts on my personal FB page

If you read my Daily Ink post via my Facebook Story, or on my wall, please follow my Pairadimes Facebook page. If you read my blog post somewhere else, just skip to the last paragraph.

As I approach a year of Daily-Ink blog posts, after leaving this blog dormant for a while, I’m reflecting on the process. One thing that I like about when I hit “Publish” on my blog is that it gets auto-posted to Twitter, LinkedIn, and my Pairadimes Facebook page. Then I manually go to the FB post on my page and add it to my FB story and my FB wall. I’m no longer going to do this. The challenge is that I often write my post either the night before it gets posted or I write it in the morning over an hour before I post it, (I like to have it done before my morning meditation and workout).

So, daily I have this task that I need to remember to do… and it becomes a chore rather than something I want to do. It also makes me feel like I’m ‘plugging my blog’, saying “Look at me!” And while I love comments and engagement on my blog, I do find I write better when I focus on the writing itself and not an audience of readers. Having my Daily-Ink blog automatically go to Twitter, LinkedIn, and my FB page is enough. Please follow my posts at one of these sites if you normally read my blog on my Facebook wall. Today is the last day I regularly share my posts on my FB wall or on my story.

~~~

And as a special request to all readers, I do love your comments! Comments make the blogging experience better. However when I get a comment on Facebook or LinkedIn, or in a a tweet, they are fleeting. They end up on my timelines, never to be seen again. However, I go back to my blog posts often, and a comment there becomes part of a historical conversation that becomes part of the blog. So as a special request, please comment on my blog posts rather than in social spaces. ~ Thank you!

Setting up for summer

I hope that all the dads enjoyed Father’s Day today. I spent most of it putting together a 12′ by 22′ above ground pool. With our big summer trip to Spain and Portugal cancelled, we’ll be spending a lot more time in our back yard this summer. So although it wasn’t a typical Father’s day, I spent it setting the foundation for a good summer ahead.

That isn’t to say that I didn’t enjoy the day. I got a couple nice gifts and I enjoyed BLT bagels with a couple eggs cooked in bacon grease (a favourite meal for me), and my wife made delicious fish tacos for dinner too.

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I usually spend more of Father’s Day with my girls, but my youngest had to work today, and the pool needed to be put together. Today was about setting things up for summer, and it was a good day.