Tag Archives: wisdom

Choosing not to act

There are moments in your life when doing nothing is better than doing something. These are seldom moments when nothing feels like the right thing to do, but then time and reflection allow you to see that you made the right decision. Here are a few examples:

  • You are in an incident where someone is displaying road rage. They get out of the car and want to confront you. You keep your windows up and doors locked and drive away.
  • You own shares and the whole market does a dive (not just your stocks), and rather than selling low, you do nothing. A week and a half later your stock prices are where they were before the crash.
  • Your child tells you about a very bad choice they made, but they chose to tell you rather than to hide it from you. You want to punish him/her but know that this could cost you the relationship where they feel they can come to you.

Choosing not to act is different than passively doing nothing. That’s the fundamental difference: One is a choice, the other is a lack of choice. Knowing and understanding the difference, that comes with experience, and a good dose of reflection. Because choosing not to act doesn’t always feel right, and only after looking back at the experience later can you truly see if non-action was the best, or at least a good, choice.

Balancing fitness and wellness

On January 19th my brother-in-law and I bet that we would be able to do a couple fitness challenges by February 19th. The first one is 60 push-ups, and the second one is 30 pull-ups.

I began at a point where I was regularly doing 25-30 push-ups and 10-12 pull-ups, and felt that 60 consecutive push-ups was easy to get to, but the pull-ups would be a challenge. I was right, and while a week ago I was able to do 60 push-ups (the last 15 very slowly and more vocal than I would have liked), I was only at 18 pull-ups and knew I would struggle to hit my goal by the 19th.

Then my upper back started to tighten up. I have always had to take special care of my back, dealing with issues since I grew 7.5 inches in a year as a teenager. I have mild scoliosis, and deal with discomfort daily, and pain when I’m not caring for myself, or when I do something silly or accidental. This upper back pain wasn’t an injury feeling, just an overall tightness that wouldn’t go away.

So, last week Wednesday I had a very deep massage that was one of the more uncomfortable ones I’ve had in ages, and came home had a hot tub after dinner. In the hot tub, finally feeling normal, I decided I needed to give my shoulders a break and I paused my push-up and pull-up regimen. I’ve kept up my cardio, I took Saturday off, I took it easy yesterday, and will do so again today when I head down to my home gym after writing this.

The reality is that I’m stubborn and I plan on meeting the pull-up challenge eventually. I’m fitter than I’ve been in a couple decades. I’m lighter than I’ve been in a couple decades. And half a life ago I used to do 3 sets of 28 chin-ups with a 25lb weight hanging off of me. I know 30 pull-ups is something I’ll be able to ‘pull off’. The challenge is that I can’t live my life trying to meet unrealistic fitness goals, and feeling like my back is in a constant state of flexing too hard. I can’t sacrifice my wellness for a fitness goal.

I’ve been on a 2-year healthy living path. My back has been better than it has been in years, but I would still be lying to myself if I said my back didn’t give me issues. Stretching and very deep massage help a lot. Staying fit helps a lot. But over-exertion and pushing myself doesn’t help. I can progress and improve slowly, but I can’t race.

At 53, I don’t plan on slowing down and taking it easy. I plan on reaching new fitness goals… but I need to be the tortoise and not the hare. Slow and steady progress is what will benefit me, while pretending I’m youthful and invincible will cause avoidable injury. This will hurt both my overall wellness and my ability to not just improve but also maintain my fitness. I won’t be doing 30 pull-ups any time soon, but I will work to get there, and I believe it’s achievable… without sacrificing the well-being of my back.

I understand, but I don’t

I understand that atoms are made up mostly of empty space, but I don’t understand how solids can feel solid when they are made up of atoms that are mostly just empty space?

I understand that we are all made of stardust, but I don’t understand how every atom that I’m made of has come from different parts of the universe?

I understand that our cells don’t live longer than 10 years, and that every cell that I was born with has been replaced at least 5 times, but I don’t understand how that’s possible and I’m still me?

I understand that the more I learn, the more there is to marvel at, and the more that I don’t really understand.

Free advice

I just read some advice for CEO’s, and this is what the 3 tips boiled down to:

1. Don’t risk bankrupting the company.

2. Don’t do something you’ll regret.

3. Make choices that will better society.

I usually site my sources, but there is absolutely nothing here to give credit for.

Let me give the same advice to anyone, making any decision, in any situation, but I’ll do so in two bullets:

1. Don’t be an idiot.

2. Make good choices.

Feel free to not give me credit for this ‘profound’ advice.

We are constantly exposed to tips and tricks given in list formats:

• 3 things to remember when…

• 5 ways to get…

• 6 reasons not to have a list with 6 points. (Ever notice lists never seem to total 6, 8 or 11?)

• 7 tips to help you…

• 10 videos that will change the way you think about…

• 12 lists that help you make better lists. 😜

To see some of these lists, shared online, you need to click ‘next’ to get to the next tip, so that the website can maximize the advertising revenue after the list’s click-bait title draws you in.

So, let me give you some free advice on taking advice. But first, I encourage you to ask yourself what you are hoping to gain when you click on advice lists. (Yes, the irony of that statement is not lost on me.)

1. If advice is worth taking… take it. (Channeling Yogi Berra)

2. If advice is worth taking, read it out loud. Hearing yourself say the advice is better than being told the advice by others.

3. If advice is worth taking, ask yourself how to make it actionable? Thinking, ‘That’s good advice’ is not as effective as asking yourself, ‘How can I implement that into my life?’ – or asking yourself a similar question.

4. If advice isn’t perfect, change it. Tailoring advice to fit you is a possible way to make it easier advice to follow. (Note the addendum below.)

5. When taking advice, be brutally honest with yourself. For example, watch out for tip 4 above. Are you changing the advice to make it easier to avoid taking good advice, or are you changing it to make the advice more meaningfully relevant or actionable? It’s easy to disregard good advice if it is good, but isn’t easy to do.

6. If advice is stupid, make fun of it. Being critical gives you perspective, and you might be able to learn something from inserting humour.

There you have it, free advice from me. Take it, leave it, add to it, make fun of it. I don’t take my-advice-giving-self too seriously, you probably shouldn’t either. 😃

The MASTER of LIVING

James-a-michener-master-of-living

This quote seems very Zen Buddhist to me and I think the image goes well with it. I don’t think this is about blending work and play, I think it’s about finding joy in everything you do, and if your work is also a joy, then it isn’t something you clock in and out of. I’m interested in what others think of this quote?

Photo, ‘Behind Buddha’, taken at the Famen Temple near Xi’an, China.