Tag Archives: time

My, my, time flies

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My oldest kid turns 25 today. How did I get to be old enough to have a daughter that old? I only ask that question partially in jest, because there is a part of me that is really baffled about how fast time flies by. I remember holding her in my arms for the first time, her first words, and her first steps. Did all that really start a quarter century ago?

With age, time goes by faster. I think it has to do with reference to the length of our lives. To a 10 year old, 5 years is half of a lifetime; to a 15 year old, 5 years is a full 1/3 of a lifetime. To a 60 year old, 5 years is 1/12 of a lifetime. So that same 5 years is relatively shorter as we get older, and represents less significance to our overall lifespan.

I think about how much my life changed from ages 26-31… I moved to BC, met my wife, started my career in education, got married and bought a house. Then we started a family and the next 5 years are a blur of joy, stress, and core memories of our kids having first experiences.

In comparison, the last 5 years have felt a lot more like status quo, and have seemed to fly by a whole lot faster. I can remember the excitement of starting a new school year, and now it’s already just a week away from the Christmas holidays… where did the last 3 and a half months go?

I remember my mother-in-law saying to me that she didn’t know where the time went, and how she felt that she was a young person in an old body. I think of that now because about 26 years later I realize that I’m almost the age she was when she told me that. Is this just a cycle of life that the older we get, the more we recognize that time speeds up for us?

Today my oldest daughter turns 25. This is a reminder to me that I’ve got to value the time I have, and to spend it wisely… no matter how fast it seems to fly by.

‘Le-we-go-lime’

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A few days ago I wrote, ‘Create Experiences’ and said,

As time passes, and I’m looking ahead at retirement, I think about the time I have left with family and friends. I wonder how do I create experiences rather than just reminiscing? When we meet up, are we doing something together or are we reflecting and sharing stories of the past?

On Facebook Al Lauzon commented,

I don’t think you are wrong but we need to recognize that developmentally we revisit our past and tell stories as we are engaged in making sense of our life as we age. Even in the elderly the repeating of the same stories of the past is making sense of our life. We have tendency to attribute the repeating of the story to forgetfulness but that is not necessarily the case. It is our attempt to make sense of our life. We should also note that we are not always conscious of what we are doing when we are engaged in this developmental process. According to the psychologist Erikson successful development during this stage of life leads to integrity and peace. Failure to make this developmental transformation leads to despair. Revisiting our life is important just as engaging new experiences is important.

And I responded,

Al Lauzon well said. I completely agree. My thoughts while writing the post related to my friends at a distance that I don’t see often. I think it’s easy to get caught up in the mode of ‘catching up’ and reminiscing, without planning new experiences.
It’s wonderful to look back at old times fondly and conversations can fill with laughter and happy thoughts as old times are re-lived. You are so correct about the value here… but when you don’t see someone often and that’s all you do, then you are missing out on creating new memories to hold on to at a different, future date.

Then today I saw a clip of a podcast I heard not too long ago. It is of Trevor Noah talking to Steven Bartlett on Dairy of a CEO. The title on the clip is ‘The importance of Liming (Caribbean style)’. The clip describes hanging out with friends, with no agenda, just to be together.

It reminded me of a Bajan saying growing up, ‘Le-we-go-lime’, an accented, Bajan way to say, ‘Let us go hang out together’. Unlike a set plan, that statement could be said even before a destination is chosen. It’s not an invitation out, it’s an invitation in… in to a circle of friends that are just getting together to be together.

Al’s comment and Trevor’s video clip are reminders to me that although it’s important to create new experiences, it’s also important to find time just to be together with friends, and with good friends you don’t need to have an agenda, an activity, or even a plan beyond just being together.

Case in point, I haven’t seen Al in over 30 years, and if I had a chance to see him face to face, I really wouldn’t want to be doing an activity beyond sipping a coffee or a beer when we got together. I’d want nothing more than some good time to lime.

Full schedule

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For the last few days almost every minute of my day has been scheduled. It’s Friday morning and I’ve just decided to skip a breakfast meeting that I usually enjoy going to because instead of it felling like a good way to star the day, it feels like one more thing I have to run to and get back from. As it turns out, my weekend is almost as booked up as my week.

One simple indicator of a full schedule is when I’m constantly playing phone tag with people. When I’m having to constantly juggle trying to call people while listening to their messages and reading their texts, I know things have been busy. Less subtle is the fatigue, it sneaks up on me. I feel run down, my fitness routine goes into maintenance mode. My meditations are filled with distraction and a constant need to remind myself that I can think about the upcoming day later. And did I mention the fatigue? I feel tired and ready for bed before dinner, and the day is far from over.

I’m actually writing this at 6am, on my treadmill… One hand gripping the support rail, the other typing. I’m just skipping my meditation today, it won’t be meditative. Instead I’m going to listen to some soft music and really get a good stretch in. On the way to work I’m going to buy myself a triple shot Americano and maybe some egg bites.

I’m going to build in a slow start to my day, before my feet hit the metaphorical spinning hamster wheel, and I’m going to find my center. The more I think about it, the more relieved I feel about missing my breakfast meeting. My schedule is still a bit crazy for the next few days but at least this morning I have some control over it, and I’m grounding myself.

Then it’s head down and off I go!

It’s the little things

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Sometimes the path to a big goal gets in the way of the small moments along the way.

Sometimes the scheduled events in your calendar rob you of the time in between meetings.

Sometimes you have to just stop thinking about what’s next, and focus on what’s now… because sometimes the little things you do in a day, with others, are more important than anything coming your way.

Appreciate the little things happening now, don’t let them slip by while looking ahead. Those moments yet to come are not lost yet, but the little things you didn’t pay attention to earlier today… those are gone now.

Social media algorithm

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Sometimes I get sucked right into the death scroll. I am pulled into the vortex of swiping to the next video and being fully engaged entertained by what’s on my phone screen. I laugh out loud, I share with friends and family, I am amazed, I am enlightened. But mostly I’m entertained and distracted.

There is a love/hate relationship to this scrolling. I find it a healthy escape, better than watching a half hour TV show that has less than 22 minutes of actual show, and an often painful laugh track. Why watch something produced for the masses instead of a stream of vignettes that an algorithm caters to me? I also despise the time suck sometimes, wishing I got my butt off the couch because the 30 minutes I thought I was going to spend ends up being longer. Or worse yet, a quick check of the phone leads me into a direction I wasn’t planning on going.

I think my use is mostly healthy, but if I’m honest there are times when it’s really not. My week days are pretty manageable, with my scrolling primarily happening after dinner, but weekends tend to be a different story. Sometimes I can spend way too long staring at my phone. The algorithm figures me out and feeds me a continuous flow of entertaining distraction.

I don’t need to go on a social media diet, it’s not a problem, but it is something I need to pay attention to. Am I using the algorithm to provide a bit of entertainment, or is it merely a time-sucking distraction? Am I in control or am I letting the algorithm control me?

Distraction and Focus

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I spent spent 45 minutes on social media. That wasn’t my intent, I have a to-do list that will take me a fair bit of time, and I haven’t don’t my normal daily routines, like writing here, yet. Now that I’m here, I’m focused. I have my headphones on, and my ‘Writing’ playlist playing softly in my ears. I know that I won’t be distracted, and I won’t get up from my laptop until I hit the ‘Publish’ button. I know how to focus, how to stay on a task until it’s done. The issue isn’t the doing, it’s the getting started. Once I’ve started, it will get done (usually) efficiently and (usually) effectively, (I’m far from perfect).

But the world is full of distractions. My phone is probably the biggest one. But so are things like feeding the cat, doing the dishes, television, and tasks that are easier to do than getting started on something bigger. Social media algorithms are designed to keep me engaged, learning from me, and pointing me to things that will keep me scrolling, liking, sharing, and wanting more. I’m not the only one. I love when my wife has to do report cards, suddenly she finds the time to bake, and I get my fill of things like chocolate chip cookies and banana loaf. As a 30 year teacher, I can tell you that she writes amazing report cards that really show that she has put thought into every report… every kid. But before she spends hours on the task, she bakes, cleans, and finds many reasons not get started.

Distractions can be useful, after all the cat does need to be fed and the dishes won’t clean themselves. But distractions can also be a complete waste of time. They can suck time up like a vacuum. A vacuum only sucks what you point it at, and likewise if you point your distractions towards a time-waster, that’s all it takes in. Part of me knows that I work a bit better when I have a deadline, and today I have one with a family commitment in a few hours that will take up the rest of my day. So, after being distracted for 45 minutes, I’m now wondering if I’ll get everything done that I hope to finish. How much less stress would I have placed on myself if I had used that 45 minutes better? Or would I have done the same amount of tasks but simply spread them out to fill the time?

I’ll never get rid of all the distractions I have, but I do think often about how to reduce the ones where I don’t use my time well. I battle with the joy I get from death scrolling on social media, and the thoughts I have about how much better I can use that time. What if I used that time for more writing? What if I spent that time with family and friends? What if I actually started doing archery again? Those are not things I would consider distractions. Those are things I’d like to focus on. Will they give me the same dopamine kick social media gives me? Probably not, but the dopamine spike doesn’t seem like something I should focus on.  That just seems like an empty distraction.

Meetings and spaces in between

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Have you ever gone to a meeting and wondered, “Why am I here?” Or questioned why the meeting wasn’t just a memo or an email? Are there ever times when your schedule can be filled with meetings such that there is almost no time to get anything done? Then one day you look at your schedule and you notice an entire day with no meetings.

If that happens to me, the first thing I think is, “I’m going to get so much done!” And that ends up being half true. Why only half true? Because the void in the calendar gets filled. Interruptions, distractions, and work getting done but stretching to fill the space faster than you imagined.

There is a sweet spot where the spaces between meetings is ideal. If the gap is too small, it’s hard to get anything meaningful done. If the gap is too big, it needs to be filled with intention… there needs to be a goal that is calendared in the space. Or the space gets inefficiently filled. That’s not to say I’m wasting time, but I’m not getting bigger, more ideal, tasks done unless they are planned.

It’s easy to fill time doing stuff that needs to get done, but not necessarily doing the things that really move me or my team forward. It’s easy to fill the in between spaces with tasks, not goals, with busywork not work that I want to do.

The things I must do crowd out the things I want and hope to do. My calendar fills, the spaces in between get filled. I stay on top of what needs to be done but struggle to get the things I hope to do done. Those items often get rushed or not done at all. Unless I fill the spaces in between with intention, they get filled with tasks. necessary tasks, but not the only tasks I want my day filled with. The key is to fill my calendar with intentions, not just meetings.

You can’t make old friends

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In the past couple weeks I’ve spent time with a friend I met on the first day of university, a friend I met in a class at the start of high school, and (via social media) the brother of one of my first friends when I moved to Canada. I’ve known these guys for 38, 41, and 47 years respectively. Add to that the only other friend I’ve spent time with recently, and he’s someone I started my career with 26 years ago. And just over a month ago I got to connect with some lifelong friends I hadn’t seen in a while. A commenter on my post about this said, “You can’t make old friends.”

It has made me realize how the bond of friendship transcends time. It takes a while to make a good friend, and then they last a lifetime. It makes me think of the good friends I’ve lost touch with, or don’t get in touch enough with. They are too valuable to let go.

I’m going to reflect on this a bit and try to reconnect with some people whom I’ve really valued over the years… friends and family I don’t see or talk to enough. It’s hard to make old friends at my age, so I need to take care of those long term friendships I already have.

Scope and sequence

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As a principal of two very different schools, I juggle a lot of timelines and deadlines that are different for each school. My ‘regular’ school isn’t so regular, being very small and having year-long courses unlike the rest of the district high schools that have 2 semesters. My online school has thousands of part-time students, and 3 different funding periods compared to just one for all the other schools in the district. For that school, I have over 30 teachers in the 8 other high schools that have to meet different funding criteria for me compared to what they have to do for courses they teach in the high school… Everywhere I turn, I have timelines, expectations, and differentiated learning opportunities that are not the same in other schools.

As I approach retirement in the next few years, I realize that my position would be somewhat overwhelming to come into. This is true mostly around understanding the timing of everything needed to be done. The reality is that there are many people I know that could step into my job and do great things… but they would also feel like the first year was only about managing all the pieces and not about actually leading.

So, I’m starting the year with a focus on scope and sequence. It’s time for me to track all the timelines that for me are on autopilot, and I just get done. I’m going to lay out a year long plan for items and procedures that I normally just do, with a specific focus on the things that are not part of the usual processes that happen in other schools.

I enjoy the environments I’ve worked in with these two schools. There is a lot of opportunity for out-of-the-box thinking. With that comes some diverse needs and skills that really fit outside of ‘normal’. A detailed scope and sequence will help make the transition into this role much smoother than it would be without one.

Lifelong friends

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I’m back in Ontario and I was invited to my friend’s cottage. He specifically invited friends that I’ve known for years. Most of them I met in 1986, one of them I met back in ‘83. One I hadn’t seen in over 25 years, another one I’d last seen close to a decade ago.

Every one of the boys, in the photo I’ve shared, I’ve played water polo with. All of them have also coached. There was a lot of reminiscing today. A lot of teasing, and a lot of mutual respect and admiration.

There is something so special about lifelong friends whom you can have long breaks from and still easily connect with. The time we spend with them is priceless!