Tag Archives: teens

Attention and distraction

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Do you ever look at the length of an article or a video before deciding if you’ll bother reading or watching it? Do you ever stop what you are doing to read an incoming message or notification?

How many notifications do you get in a day? How many times is your attention on a task taken away by digital distractions?

After years of these interruptions, how are our brains being re-wired? However much the distractions affect us, they are distracting our younger generations more. I have many notifications turned off on my phone, and I’m not using apps as a means to communicate with friends regularly. Teens today are in constant contact with friends, and even parents, and the interruptions are continuous.

I recently had a lunch at a restaurant with family and no phones came out the entire meal. This is normal for us, but not what we see around us. My daughter mentioned a dinner we had on holidays in Whistler, where a family of a mother and three girls sat next to us. The youngest had headphones on and barely looked up from her iPad. Another was glued to her phone. The third was drawing and had one earphone in. None of them had a single conversation with their mom that any of us witnessed.

I have to wonder, are our attention spans shrinking? Are digital distractions affecting our ability to hold continued focus without interruption? Are we no more than Pavlov’s dogs, salivating at the sound of the next notification?

This isn’t new. TV used to interrupt our shows for commercials. Kids shows like Sponge Bob don’t hold the same camera angle for more than 4 or 5 seconds, giving constant stimulation even when nothing is happening. So, interruptions aren’t new, but they are exponentially worse on unlimited data, social media packed phones.

We are, as Neil Postman suggests, ‘Amusing Ourselves to Death‘. We are slowly destroying our ability to sit focused and uninterrupted on a single task. More than one notification came up while I was writing this, so I’ve obviously not figured out how to reduce the distractions myself. How many years of these distractions before we become incapable of staying on one task for any extended period of time?

Year-end Message to Parents

Yesterday I sent an email to our students and parents with our updated calendar for next year, and all the year-end and September details they need. Then I sent the email below just to parents:

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Greetings Inquiry Hub Parents,

I just sent a message to you and your child, but I wanted to take a moment and send one just to parents. I have been thoroughly impressed with the resilience of our students during the pandemic. They have put on a brave face and held together at a time when it seems the entire world has gone a little mad. When I see news these days, I often wish the adults would act with the maturity of some of the students at our school! That said, this will be a summer when students might be trying to let loose a little and want to push the envelope as restrictions are lifted. Quite frankly, they deserve the opportunity to have a little freedom this summer… but what that looks like will be different for different students and their families.

One of the biggest challenges that I have found being a parent is that through the teen years there is no perfect balance of our kids wanting more freedom and us wanting less control. Our kids always think they are old enough to do the things they want to do, and we are always worried about letting them make more and more grown up choices on their own… Be it spending their money on things we don’t think are smart, staying out later than we think they should, and everything from alcohol use, to friendships, to boyfriends and girlfriends, to technology use. It’s not easy to figure out, and what’s more baffling is that what works for one kid, doesn’t work for another, even in the same household. Kids don’t come with instructions, and if they did, I am certain they would be translated from another language and hard to follow anyways. 😉

Below I’ve shared two resources that will take a total of 3 minutes of your time. Each will take a minute and a half, the first being a Facebook video and the second being a short read. I hope you enjoy them both, and maybe they might help you the next time you are faced with a challenging moment with one of your children.

It has been a year of loss and challenges for many, and at this time, I hope you all enjoy the time you have with your kids. Mine are 19 and 21 now, and while our relationships are wonderful, I do look back and wonder where the time went? I wonder what more I could have done with them while they were still part of a family under one roof. This is my way of saying, have a safe and wonderful summer with your kids, and as old as they think they are… they are still your kids, make the most of it!

Regards,

Dave 

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You are the roller coaster safety bar for your teen. 

By Josh Shipp

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Dear Mom and Dad, Please Stick With Me

by Helene Wingens (Source)

 

Dear Mom and Dad, 

Please stick with me. 

I can’t think clearly right now because there is a rather substantial section of my prefrontal cortex missing. It’s a fairly important chunk, something having to do with rational thought. You see, it won’t be fully developed until I’m about 25. And from where I sit, 25 seems a long way off. 

My brain is not yet fully developed

It doesn’t matter that I’m smart; even a perfect score on my math SAT doesn’t insulate me from the normal developmental stages that we all go through. Judgement and intelligence are two completely distinct things. 

And, the same thing that makes my brain wonderfully flexible, creative and sponge-like also makes me impulsive. Not necessarily reckless or negligent but more impulsive than I will be later in life. 

Please stick with me.

So when you look at me like I have ten heads after I’ve done something “stupid” or failed to do something “smart,” you’re not really helping.

You adults respond to situations with your prefrontal cortex (rationally) but I am more inclined to respond with my amygdala (emotionally). And when you ask, “What were you thinking?” the answer is I wasn’t, at least not in the way you are. You can blame me, or you can blame mother nature, but either way, it is what it is.  

At this point in my life, I get that you love me, but my friends are my everything. Please understand that. Right now I choose my friends, but, don’t be fooled, I am watching you. Carefully. 

Please stick with me. 

Here’s what you can do for me

1. Model adulting

I see all the behaviors that you are modeling and I hear all of the words you say. I may not listen but I do hear you. I seem impervious to your advice, like I’m wearing a Kevlar vest but your actions and words are penetrating. I promise. If you keep showing me the way, I will follow even if I detour many, many times before we reach our destination. 

2. Let me figure things out for myself.

If you allow me to experience the consequences of my own actions I will learn from them. Please give me a little bit of leash and let me know that I can figure things out for myself. The more I do, the more confidence and resilience I will develop.

3. Tell me about you.

I want you to tell me all the stories of the crazy things you did as a teen, and what you learned from them. Then give me the space to do the same.

4. Help me with perspective.

Keep reminding me of the big picture. I will roll my eyes at you and make all kinds of grunt-like sounds. I will let you know in no uncertain terms that you can’t possibly understand any of what I’m going through. But I’m listening. I really am. It’s hard for me to see anything beyond the weeds that I am currently mired in. Help me scan out and focus on the long view. Remind me that this moment will pass.

5. Keep me safe.

Please remind me that drugs and driving don’t mix. Keep telling me that you will bail me out of any dangerous situation, no anger, no lectures, no questions asked. But also let me know over and over and over that you are there to listen, when I need you. 

6. Be kind.

I will learn kindness from you and if you are relentless in your kindness to me, someday I will imitate that behavior. Don’t ever mock me, please and don’t be cruel. Humor me-I think I know everything. You probably did as well at my age. Let it go. 

7. Show interest in the things I enjoy.

Some days I will choose to share my interests with you, and it will make me feel good if you validate those interests, by at least acting interested.

One day when the haze of adolescence lifts, you will find a confident, strong, competent, kind adult where a surly teenager once stood. In the meantime, buckle in for the ride. 

Please stick with me. 

Love,

Your Teenager 

A Life Consumed

Overstimulated, over stressed,
Anxiety heightened but not addressed.

Faces lit in a constant glow,
From a device, in hands, below.

Palms cup, thumbs type,
Or click, or ‘Like’, or swipe.

Acceptance measured by affirmation,
But never enough for self-appreciation.

Pressure builds to levels previously unknown,
From always being connected, yet always feeling alone.

A-Life-Consumed-2020-10-30-Poem-David-Truss

The not-so-normal path ahead for young adults

It’s challenging to look ahead these days and try and imagine what the new normal will be?

My youngest daughter is in Grade 12. In a month and a half she was supposed to have a lead part in her spring musical. I don’t think that will happen as we imagined it would. Next up for her is graduation. Will the dinner/dance happen? Will she cross the stage with her peers? Will parents be invited?

Imagine being in senior year of NCAA basketball and you are a starter. You aren’t good enough for the NBA, so this is your final season playing for huge audiences, and your season is cut short because of a virus?

In the grand scheme of things these might seem like trifle thoughts compared to exhausted health care workers, or people on ventilators and their concerned family members. But to a young adult this is a crushing blow to their plans and aspirations.

The new normal ahead is not one that will be kind to young adults in our community. Let’s remember this when they get restless and feel down. Let’s remember this when they are connecting with friends digitally. Let’s remember this when they join us in talking about the challenges ahead.

Everything we do to bring normalcy to the coming weeks will still be far from normal, and not all young adults are ready to cope with that. Let’s try to be helpful and supportive of them.

Vaping epidemic

It’s sad to me to know that nicotine use in teens has been going down for years, but with the growth of use of e-cigarettes and vaping, that statistic is now going up. And if it isn’t bad enough that vaping is increasing nicotine use, these little machines are heating up oils and vaporizing them into droplets that are inhaled into the lungs.

“Federal authorities consider the ingredients safe to consume as food. But our lungs are only equipped to inhale clean air.” Vaping heats up oils but “Our lungs are never meant to have fat in it.” This is “a chemical insult to the lungs,” according to What are vaping-associated illnesses and why are doctors concerned? – CBC News

Here is some interesting information, in infographic form, from The National Institute on Drug Abuse: Teens and E-cigarettes

The last time I went to the movie theatre there were two ads for vaping, one for a vaping product, the other to promote vaping marijuana. The legalization of marijuana has probably created a spike in teen use here as well. A few days ago, I read an interesting article on the teenage brain, and this was the section on smoking and pot smoking:

“Other studies have linked smoking in teens to alcohol abuse, which itself has a devastating effect on both memory and intelligence. And it turns out smoking pot may be far worse for the teen brain than previously thought. Recent studies have linked regular marijuana use in adolescence to smaller brain volume and more damage to white matter. Smoking daily before the age of 17 has been shown to reduce verbal IQ and increase the risk of depression.“

I think that things will get worse before they get better. More than ever, advertising deploys strategies of influence that we didn’t even understand a decade ago. And while advertising for cigarettes is banned, that’s not the case for vapes and now marijuana. Vaping flavours like cotton candy and cherry entice young kids to get used to vaping. Peer pressure doesn’t help. Add to that the fact that vapes are designed to be easily concealed, made to look more like USB drives rather than cigarettes, and you have the makings of a major problem.

Teen vaping is on the rise… so are the negative effects of inhaling oil droplets, nicotine, and marijuana into the young, developing lungs, brains, and bodies of our youth.

What do you want to know about teens and social media?

Danah Boyd asked this very question, last June, and here was my response: 

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I’m interested in knowing more about:

1. Gaming: As it relates to socializing with others vs isolating & playing on their own.

2. Friendship: Actually two things here, first, definitions of online friendship by teens, and second, more about the duration and quality of friendships teens are creating. I know that as an adult I have created some very meaningful online relationships (in my case with other educators) with people I have never met f2f, is this happening with teens as well?

3. Content creation (trends): What are teens creating and sharing online? Here I’m actually interested in the bleeding edge, where are they taking content creation to a new level? How are they ‘mashing’ things up?

4. Learning: How are teens taking learning into their own hands, what are they doing outside of schools to educate themselves and learn new things?

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I’m still interested in these things… who can help me learn more?

Empathy, Not Technology, Is Core of the Problem and the Solution

danah boyd | apophenia » “Bullying” Has Little Resonance with Teenagers

[…] When I first started interviewing teenagers about bullying, they would dismiss my questions. “Bullying is so middle/elementary school,” they’d say. […]

[…] Of course, teens do take it seriously. And they do misinterpret when people are messing with them. And they do take minor social infractions personally. And then things escalate. And here’s what makes bullying so difficult to address. So often, one person thinks that they’re not at fault and that they’re simply a victim of bullying. But those who are engaged in the bullying see it entirely differently. They blame the person and see what they’re doing as retaliation. None of this is communicated, of course, so things can quickly spiral out of control without anyone really knowing where it all began.[…]

Empathy, Not Technology, Is Core of the Problem and the Solution

[…] We need interventions that focus on building empathy, identifying escalation, and techniques for stopping the cycles of abuse. We need to create environments where young people don’t get validated for negative attention and where they don’t see relationship drama as part of normal adult life. The issues here are systemic. And it’s great that the Internet is forcing us to think about them, but the Internet is not the problem here. It’s just one tool in an ongoing battle for attention, validation, and status. And unless we find effective ways of getting to the root of the problem, the Internet will just continue to be used to reinforce what is pervasive.

via zephoria.org

– – –

Finally, a well said and researched article that recognizes that the Internet is not the problem… It just amplifies the issues already present.

The bullying that Ann and her brother endured was as cruel as anything that happens on the internet and back then, before cell phones, cell phone cameras, MSN, Facebook and YouTube, it didn’t matter if the information didn’t go beyond the class or the school because that was the scale of the ‘whole world knowing’ anyway.

Blaming the internet or technology for making bullying worse is like blaming a gun for shooting someone. It’s not the tool, but how you use it that matters.

We need to develop empathy from a young age, infuse caring across the curriculum, and as Dana says, stop validating negative attention and start breaking the cycles of abuse that escalate into hurtful scenarios, (both on and off the internet).

“Empathy, Not Technology, Is Core of the Problem and the Solution!”