Tag Archives: healthy living

Routine-less holiday

It’s almost 11pm and I haven’t written my blog post or meditated yet. How strange that before I started my sticker chart tracking my habits two and a half years ago, my pattern was: Get busy and don’t do anything for myself, then go on holidays and work like mad to get fit and meet my other goals.

Now, my pattern is: When busy, start my day with writing, meditation, and exercise, and then on holidays I flounder. I used to struggle to take care of myself when I was in work mode, and thrive on holidays, and now it’s completely reversed. It’s so weird to me to see this switch. My two weeks away with my parents were my worst weeks all year for exercise, and I did my daily meditation several times after midnight.

I need to routine-ize my holidays and be more dedicated and consistent. My strategy will be to put tomorrow’s well-being schedule into my calendar for the next day. Tomorrow morning I will take my car in for servicing. Before leaving home I’ll do my exercises, and while waiting for my car I will write my post and meditate. Then I’ll schedule my next day’s activities so that this too becomes part of the routine. It has become obvious to me that I no longer thrive on holiday time, if I don’t have self-care planned into my day.

Breaking routines

The past few weeks have been challenging for me to maintain my healthy living goals. My exercise has been the bare minimum, I missed a meditation day, and I’ve only shot arrows twice in the last 2 weeks. Daily blogging is the only think I haven’t missed.

I can blame getting busy at the end of the year, but I know I could have done better. What’s worse is that I’m heading into a summer where my routines are going to be completely disrupted. For one thing, I’ll be out of town a lot without my bow, and so I’m going to get very little shooting time. Beyond that, I’ll be without my home gym.

I thrive on routine to keep my healthy living goals, and this summer is going to be a challenge and a test for me. I will need to figure out a routine that works, and stick with it, or I know my healthy living chart will be a disappointment. I have 2 months ahead that I need to show discipline… that I need to plan, such that my fitness is actually a priority and not just an afterthought.

This will especially be a challenge because my motivation has been low, and my workouts have been about maintenance and doing the minimum. I think I’ll have to find a new goal or two to work on. I should state those here because I know making my goals public pushes me, but the goals in my head right now aren’t ones that I think I’m actually ready to make and stick with. If I’m not honest with myself, I’m not ready to declare something I won’t stick to.

So I’m heading forward without a routine and without specific goals. This is not ideal. I’ll hit all 4 targets today, and I’ll do the same tomorrow, but if I don’t set up routines by my first trip at the end of this week, I know I’m going to disappoint myself. That’s not a great feeling, but it’s honest, and so this is a goal I need to set over the next few days. I don’t do well taking care of myself when I get off of my routines, and if I’m not careful, this is going to be a routine-less summer.

Early warning systems

I received word last night that a retired colleague and friend died yesterday. Cancer sucks. I know there will be a time in the future when we will be able to beat cancer consistently. Even before that, I think we will develop very early methods of detecting it. We might prick our fingers once a month and hundreds of health concerns might be detected early on, or maybe we just go to the bathroom and the toilet itself will detect concerns by doing a daily water test of our waste.

Essentially, early detection will help us detect the cancer early and we can knock it out before it kicks the hell out of us. This will likely happen before we actually beat cancer altogether… we just become really good at detecting it early. “Kill a snake when it is small,” my grandfather used to say.

My wife has an Apple Watch. In a decade or so, most of us will have a device like this that will monitor our health and do daily diagnostics for us. It will monitor our heart rate, blood pressure, temperature, sleep patterns, and a whole series of other biometrics that will create a baseline for us, and let us know when things aren’t at homeostasis. We will get medical feedback that will become an early warning system for us when our readings are off.

Imagine getting a little warning from a wearable device that tells us that our heart is doing something that has been detected in thousands of people a month or so before they got a heart attack, and suggesting you go for a checkup… and sharing this data with your doctor. Imagine learning that you have the flu before feeling the symptoms, and this device tells you to stay home and not spread your contagion.

We aren’t there yet, but I look forward to the day when we can count on an early detection device saving our lives, and extending the lives of those we love and care for.

Aches and pains

I do a lot to take care of myself and for the most part, I feel good about my progress. But today I feel old.

I usually take in the attitude that age is just a number. I’m as young as I believe that I am. Today my age wins.

Saturday on my 5km walk with my wife, she decided to jog for some of it. I enjoy jogging at my wife’s pace and thought nothing of it. I will run on my treadmill faster than this, and for longer than the two sections we jogged for. Sunday after my archery I did an 8 minute leg workout that I usually do, and added about 4 reps of an assisted pistol squat, because I’m very slowly trying to get myself to the point that I can do these.

But by Sunday night my knee was hurting. I don’t know why, but think it might be running on uneven terrain rather than on the treadmill, or trying the pistol squat after my 8 minute workout, when my legs are fatigued. Then I got a hip cramp that night.

After this my shoulders and back tightened up and for the first time in several months I felt shoulder pain. I only did one exercise with my arms that was slightly different than my usual routine, and I intentionally did it with light weights since it was new. Besides, it was a bicep exercise, not a shoulder one.

This ache caused me to tense up my upper back and the tension between my shoulder blades was so tight, I had to push my back into doorway jams to work the kinks out several times during the day… basically using the corners of the doorway to massage the knots out of my upper back.

Old. That’s the feeling this morning. I feel like the rust has formed on my joints, and the whole machine is seizing up. This morning I’ll ride my stationary bike for 20 leisurely minutes, do some stretching, and that will be my workout. Tomorrow I have a massage booked and it will be a painful one. A lot of deep tissue work on my upper back, and hamstring work because my tight hamstrings tend to be the root of my leg and hip issues.

Maybe after that I can remember why I work so hard to take care of myself, remember to spend more time stretching, and start to feel young again. Maybe I need reminders like this to refocus me. When I don’t exercise, my back pain becomes chronic. But I have to say that it’s not fun to ache in several places at once, and while exercise usually keeps the rust away, right now this machine feels old and rusty.

This morning my age is getting the best of me… but I’m not done feeling young. I’ll work my way back to healthy, and oil these joints back to fully operational again. The alternative to this is being lazy and letting myself fall back into a life of daily pain, and feeling even older than I do today. No, I’d rather keep active and find my way back to feeling young again.

Goals unmet

This is an observation, not me beating myself up. I’ve been on a good healthy living kick and in the best shape I’ve been in years. However today I looked at my healthy living calendar and I had a target weight written on it… I’m not close to it. I haven’t made any gains that I hoped to.

I’ve already realized that I need to reset goals, but now I think I need to just stop making goals beyond my calendar chart. That chart has been something that keeps me ‘on target’, while other goals leave me disappointed when I don’t meet them. There is a lot going on these days, with the school year ending and a visit home planned, and camping holidays booked… and yet I’m exercising 5-6 timed a week; I’m shooting arrows regularly; I’m enjoying writing every day; and I’ve only missed a couple meditations this year. These are mini celebrations that I don’t need to cloud with unmet goals that push me beyond what I’m prepared to do.

I’m getting stronger, I’m looking and feeling good, I’m meeting my targets I’ve places on myself. I don’t need to push, push, push, and add goals that are too much for me… I just needed to say that ‘out loud’ to convince myself.

Cycles of energy and interest

This was the first weekend all year that I didn’t shoot arrows. I could have made the time but I didn’t. I’ve also been going through the motions for my workouts, getting my cardio in, but not doing a lot more. I think I need to change things up a bit. I am also finding my daily blog a lot harder to get started each morning, the blank page feels daunting.

I tend to be an even-keeled person who doesn’t hit extreme highs and lows, and so it can be hard to know when I’m feeling low. Often it’s only after I recognize my own lethargy towards the things I enjoy doing that I realize that I’m in a bit of a funk. While there are disadvantages to not feeling the high highs, there are advantages to not feeling the low lows… I can identify where I am and make small adjustments to unstick myself.

I’m going to wake up a bit earlier so I feel less rushed. I’m going to shoot arrows after school 3 times this week. I’m going to give myself a physical challenge that reinvigorates my workouts. I’ve hit a low cycle and I’ve realized it. I’m going to act my way into a new way of thinking, because that’s easier than thinking my way into a new way of acting.

I’m lucky that I’m able to do this, I know many who struggle to do the same, some who simply can’t. They get consumed by anxiety or depression and can not (as opposed to will not) move themselves out of it easily. For those that struggle in this way, we are unhelpful when we tell them to snap out of it, or just to think of something else, or to cheer up.

For them we can be helpful by listening, not judging, by acknowledging, not instructing, and by engaging in active conversations, going for walks, being outside, and being social. We can share our energy and time. I think too often we don’t give people we care about our time.

For me, I need to give myself the time to do things I enjoy… and I need to remind myself that I enjoy these things. It’s like I need a reminder that I get joy out of the things I enjoy. I like shooting arrows, even if my score doesn’t constantly get better. I enjoy writing daily, it’s a positive outlet, not a chore. I enjoy getting my heart rate up and feeling the endorphins of a good quick workout. And I’m blessed that I can cognitively make this shift simply by thinking about it.

And so my workout beckons. I’m going to try my new headphones on my treadmill, then do a light all-around workout keeping my heart rate up the whole time, rather than pushing any one muscle group. And I’ll put my current audio books on hold and listen to some music today.

It’s time to shift into a good cycle, and I’m already on my way simply by writing about it today.

A One Dot Day

Starting January 1st, 2019, I’ve been tracking my healthy living goals. Four goals each getting a sticker, on a year long calendar, when I do them each day. This year the stickers/goals are:

  • Red – workout: 20 minutes cardio (10 if rowing), and some strength, core, and/or stretching
  • Yellow – writing on this blog, and some audio book time (usually while working out or commuting or doing chores)
  • Blue – minimum 10 minutes meditation
  • Green – Archery, with an original goal of 100 days this year, now updated to 125.

On Saturday, I had a 1-dot day, (one sticker on my calendar), for the first time this year. Then forgetting to meditate again Sunday (yesterday), I had my first back-to-back miss of mediation in over 2 years.

This made me look back and find a pattern I don’t like. I’m getting lazy on weekends. I’m not waking up early to start my routine, then I no longer have a routine. When I started these goals, I intentionally started them at the end of a holiday break when I was going back to a job that was the busiest I’d ever been. I told myself that if I could maintain these habits when at my busiest, I could develop life patterns of staying healthy. Before this I always had the excuse of “I’ll start again when things slow down.”

Well now I’ve been able to maintain my healthy goals through the craziest of busy times, but I’m becoming a bit of a sloth on weekends/breaks when I have more time. It’s good to notice the pattern and learn from it. No more one dot days for me this year, and I’m going to endeavour to always have three dots on days off work. This isn’t a chore, it’s a lifestyle choice, and my lifestyle is going to include lots of daily dots.

The hill

I have my car in the shop so I rode my bike to work yesterday. It’s a really easy ride to work, with about 5% uphill, 15% flat, and 80% down hill. It takes about 10-12 minutes and I couldn’t break a sweat if I tried. Coming home is a different story.

When I leave work to go home, I cross the street corner the school is on and BOOM… there’s the nastiest of hills I have to ride on my whole trip. It starts easy, then turns and gets harder, then a steep bend that stays steep afterwards, then a slight bend and steeper yet. But then you can see a 4-way stop and what looks like the end of the hill, but no. On the other side of the intersection is still an uphill climb. It’s not as bad as before, but having just got on my bike and started to sweat within 3 minutes, it’s still feels tough.

From there, a turn onto a flat, main thoroughfare street for half a block, and a turn at the lights onto my street almost 2 km from home… and with the exception of one small dip and a flat last 100 meters, it’s all a gradual uphill ride.

I remember now why, despite living so close, I have chosen not to ride to work often. That said, none of this ride is that bad. It’s more mental than physical. It’s the issue of starting right on the toughest hill, and that hill progressively getting tougher. And since I’m a lot fitter now than in past years, it didn’t wipe me out. So maybe I’ll ride more often now.

One nice thing that is no longer an issue that used to deter me was having to lug my laptop back and forth, but now with everything I need stored in OneDrive and OneNote, I really don’t need to carry anything home. I have to ride this morning, car is still in the shop. Maybe tomorrow too. After 3 days, I’m pretty sure I’ll decide if this hill keeps me from riding regularly, or if it gets smaller in my mind and riding to/from work becomes a regular thing.

The shade of our minds

My morning meditation included this quote:

“We are sitting under the tree of our thinking minds, wondering why we’re not getting any sunshine.” ~ Ram Dass

It’s interesting to think about some of the negative loops we play in our mind:

Self doubt – I’m not good enough. I can’t do it, it’s too hard for me.

Regret – Both for the things we’ve done, and the things we wish we did.

Sadness – for things we’ve lost, for uncomfortable moments that happened in our lives, and also just in our minds.

We put up our own shade while wondering why the sun doesn’t shine on us… and we do this without ever leaving our own thoughts. But we aren’t always in control. The dark spaces can grow, the shade can seem to be daunting. Grey, stormy clouds do not allow the sun through, even if we get out from under the tree.

“Smile.”

“Snap out of it.”

“Just think happy thoughts.”

It’s so easy for someone who sees sunshine to toss out simple advice to those who are stuck in the gloomy shade. But it’s so hard to have the advice of others penetrate the shade we cast on ourselves. When we are stuck in the shade, we do not feel in control of navigating to brighter spaces in our minds. If we did… we would, if only it were so simple.

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However it is important to remember that we are not our thoughts, our thoughts are not us. If we can recognize this, we can create some cognitive dissonance. We can separate the elements of shade we create in our heads from the shade we are experiencing. We can have doubts and still move forward, we can fake confidence and pretend we are more capable than we feel. We can act our way into a new way of thinking. We can choose to do something that reduces regrets from the things done and not done. We might not feel happy, but we can choose to see our sadness rather than live it, to observe it from a place where it does not grip us so tightly.

So easy to say, when one is not feeling down, when not depressed, when we see potential in ourselves and others… So far away from achievable when we are in the midst of shadow, gloom, and despair. We do not think our way out of bad thinking so easily, we do not break the loop from within the loop. When everything is spinning around us, it can feel like nothing stops moving even if we can stand still. We can’t un-think our own thoughts so easily.

Yet we can act differently, we can choose what to do when we can’t choose what to think. We can take a walk in nature, we can connect with a friend who makes us feel better. We can read a book that takes us to places our minds didn’t know we could go. We can dress in a way that makes us feel empowered. We can do a kind act for others and feel the endorphins that is the reward for selflessness… for not just thinking for and about ourselves.

We can exercise, not to transform our bodies but to transform our minds… not a gruelling workout to make ourselves more fit, but short spurts of activity to change our heart rate and clear some clouds. Activity vignettes that alter our physiology, and get us out of a rut.

We can pattern what we do to pattern what we think, rather than the other way around… Routines can be ruts, and routines can be grooves. We can find physical grooves that helps us out of mental ruts. We can act our way into new thinking when we can not think our way into new action… because the shade won’t think itself away, and sunshine does not fill the shadows when we choose to create our own clouds.

It’s not what we think, but what we do that makes a difference, and action is what moves us from underneath the shady trees of our minds.

Resetting goals

I have been very good at setting long term goals for myself. My healthy living calendar is an excellent example of this. Since January 2019 I have gradually increased my daily workouts per week, and I’ve also meditated almost every single day. My goal to read or write for at least 20 minutes daily has become read and write every day since July 2019. And my goal of shooting arrows 100 days this year will be exceeded because I have already shot on more than 60 days this year. My long term targets have been hit and surpassed.

My short term goals have not been as successful. A year ago I decided I wanted to do a 30 second unsupported handstand, but my shoulder kept bugging me. I recently wanted to bulk up 10 pounds, but my eating habits have not been healthy enough to do this. I’ve wanted to work my way up to 30 pull-ups, but was stuck at 20, and although I eked out 21 on Tuesday, these last couple attempts left my upper back extremely tight. My massage therapist thinks I’m undoing a lot of the progress I’ve made in moving away from chronic discomfort/pain.

Not many 53 year-olds can walk around doing handstands, or can do 20, much less 30, pull-ups. I’ve spent 2 and a half years slowly dropping 25 pounds, and I want to add 10 healthy pounds to that, at a time when I’ve already added more muscle mass than I’ve had in 20+ years. These goals don’t make sense. They are lofty goals for someone half my age, and not goals I should be setting for myself.

All that said, while I need a reset, I also want to push myself and make some improvements. I’m just not sure what they should be? I might go back to handstands but rather than trying to push too hard and re-injure my shoulder, I’ll progress slowly, tracking gradual increases in my ability to do the preparatory exercises. Maybe instead of 30 pull-ups, I’ll work towards 3 sets of 12. And I’ll stay happy with my current weight, and maybe do something healthier like add meditation time to each day?

These are just thoughts right now, I need to think about what I really want to do, then set realistic timelines that allow me to see injury-less progress. Setting goals that stress my body out too much don’t seem to work well for me, but setting long term minimum expectation goals have worked amazingly well, and so I should really stick to what’s working.