Tag Archives: attention

Meh

It’s 10:30pm and I feel like I’ve wasted most of the day. I did help my wife with some garage clean-up but we didn’t spend that long on it. I did have a wonderful dinner with my daughter, but then I came home and fell asleep on the couch. I started writing this and realized that I forgot to hit publish on yesterday’s post. I back dated it, hit ‘Publish’, and now I’m writing this before doing a meditation and a guilt-ridden workout, having not worked out yesterday.

This is the challenge of not having a routine. This is what scares me about the idea of retirement. I often need a schedule to be and feel productive. I can waste away time like it’s nothing and end up feeling like a day has completely escaped me. I didn’t even listen to much of my audiobook that I’m thoroughly enjoying. I didn’t take time to do archery, which I just mentioned enjoying yesterday (although I only published it tonight).

This is not me at my best. I’ve got to be present rather than simply let the present become the past without even realizing it. I’ve got to get active early in the day and set a personal goal or two to accomplish. It can be as simple as listening to my book, or writing this before 10:30pm… it’s not about needing to do anything great, it’s just about make moments of ‘meh’ into moments I value and appreciate. It’s interesting that my only two mentionable moments from today were with my family and my meh moments where when I was alone. I usually enjoy times of solitude, but now it’s obvious to me that I have to be more present and focused about how I spend my alone time, rather than wasting it away.

Attention, not convenience

If you share a post on Instagram, it can go directly to Facebook, not because it’s convenient, but because Facebook owns Instagram. That same link will create a link in Twitter, rather than sharing the picture, so if you want to see the picture, you must go to Instagram. Why? Because Instagram wants your attention. If they share the image you want to share on Twitter, then you don’t need to click on Instagram, see other Instagram images… and advertising.

Got a message from LinkedIn? You’ll get an email informing you of it (if you want to be notified). But that email won’t contain the message. Instead, you cave to click a link and go to LinkedIn.

They want your attention at the cost of your convenience.

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Update: I want to share this tweet by Laef Kucheran here:

“This observation is strikingly useful when trying to understand almost *anything* the social media giants do.

They want your attention. Convenience (or health, or democracy, or societal happiness) are always secondary concerns.”

Cloudy thinking

Yesterday at my archery practice my thoughts were my enemy. I got into a negative flow of thinking that I couldn’t break. It seemed as though every thought I had related to reasons why I would not hit the center of the target. My scores weren’t horrible, but they also weren’t anything close to what I’m capable of. It wasn’t so much the score that bothered me, it was my inability to get out of a negative loop of thinking.

I often wonder what goes through other people’s heads when they think. Are their minds as busy as mine? Do they have a constant internal dialogue that doesn’t shut up? For me, there is always a dialogue going on, and it isn’t always helpful. I sometimes wonder if I have some kind of attention deficit issue, with my mind bouncing from idea to idea.

Sometimes I feel like this is a super power, because I can make lateral connections to things others don’t see. Other times it’s more like a disability, with an inability to truly focus. And still other times (though less common) my thoughts can sink me into a zone of singular focus. This can happen when I’m writing, and I can start to put words on paper, intuitively knowing the beginning, middle, and end, before the world can get from my mind to the page. I love these moments, but they don’t come often.

What comes most often is a busy, somewhat clouded mind that is easily distracted. One that requires constant reminding to stay on task. I’ve figured out how to manage this, how to be effective, even when my mind wants to wander and wonder. But sometimes, like yesterday’s archery practice, I become my own worst enemy. I try to convince myself that I can focus and get away from the negative thoughts, but I can’t. Negative thoughts prevail. Negative internal dialogue persists.

I can get this way with meditation too. I can get so that every attempt to focus on my breath lasts only seconds before I’m fighting off distraction. And then the distractions become the only thing I can think of. These sessions don’t prove to be very meditative. They become 10 minutes of thinking that I need to be better at mediating, rather than actual meditation.

Yesterday, a clouded mind took over my archery practice. I didn’t practice archery, I practiced the art of negative thinking. The art of getting in my own way. The art of distraction. I need to learn a strategy to get my head out of these dark clouds when they come. I need to metaphorically clear the skies, and let the sun shine through… or at least pack an umbrella.

Still a rookie

I sometimes need to remind myself that I’m still new to archery. Yesterday I did something bizarre. Twice in less than an hour, I launched an arrow into the wall about 8-10 feet above my target, mid draw. My trigger release didn’t misfire, I somehow pulled back at a bad angle and let the string slip out of the release. Both times I was shocked. Both times I had no idea what I did to cause this. Both times I knew it was human error and not my equipment, but didn’t know what to do differently?

I spent the rest of that practice paying so much attention to my draw that I didn’t shoot very well. Today in practice I looked down at my hands just before I drew and I saw the problem.

Before I begin the draw cycle, I put tension on my bow string to get the feel of my bow into the right spot in my bow hand. I don’t know when I started doing this, but I was pulling on the release with my thumb up. However, the draw cycle involves drawing back with my pinky finger up. So, I’d put tension on the string, thumb up, raise my bow, and as I started my draw cycle I’d have to rotate my wrist 180°. In that process I must have twisted my pinky finger too far back allowing the string to slip out of the release… twice. Two arrows destroyed, and at the time, not a clue why?

Today I shot very poorly in my first round, then mostly much better the second round. Mostly.

I scored a 280 and my personal best is 281. But I don’t see the the good shots, I see the 7 in the red outer circle of the third target.

I don’t see the perfect score in end 2, I see the two 8’s in a row in end 6… the 7 after the two X’s overshadow the X’s in end 8.

Cognitively, I know that I need to ‘let go’ of the mistakes. To learn from them. To not let the previous shot affect the next shot. I like archery because it can sometimes feel like meditation. But then I treat it like a competitive sport and get mad at myself for not being better than I am… Like I’m not still a rookie, learning the ropes and shooting arrows accidentally, because I lack body awareness.

I’m my own worst enemy, placing too much pressure on myself, and not celebrating the successes. I forget that scores under 270 were a regular thing for me just 3 months ago.

I forget that the journey is what matters, and that I’m on a good path to getting better. And I forget that the path will be faster if I focus more on doing things right, again and again, rather than being upset and clouding my brain with unproductive thoughts and feelings.

I’m just a rookie, and I’ve got a lot to learn. 1,000 arrows from now I will be better. How much better? Well, that depends on if I can keep my expectations realistic, and focus on improving rather than beating myself up with unrealistic expectations. 280 is a great score, I only got 281, my personal best, a few days ago. I learned a valuable lesson today, and hopefully won’t ever release an arrow during my draw again. I am getter better!

In a rut

My mind is a flutter. I seem to be hopping from idea to idea. At work my secretaries and I joke about me having a squirrel brain when I get like this. I start a task, get interrupted, and then don’t remember the task until much later. A student comes to ask me a question, and I can’t remember what I was doing after they leave.

Today I had to redo my meditation because I fell asleep. Then the second time the 10 minute session ended I realized I completely failed to listen to the last few minutes or focus on my breathing, and had to go back to it again.

I don’t like when I get like this, because it’s like I’ve had too much coffee, and am overstimulated. But rather than fight it, for today’s post I’ll try to embrace it and I’ll throw ‘this and that’ out in a stream of verbal diarrhea, here goes:

I got my personal best score in archery, beating my old record by one… then repeated that score. I should be thrilled. My accuracy is way up. Yet I’m mad at myself because I started both record-breaking scores with two of three shots being 8’s. And in my second round, I ended with an 8, or I would have beaten my new record rather than tied it. Oh, and I’m also mad at myself because rather than celebrating my personal best, I’m upset about these things and can’t seem to let myself celebrate the success.

Workouts are still floundering, even now I’m writing this later than usual and will have to rush my morning routine. So much for getting back into it like I’ve shared here recently. I tell myself I’ll push harder, but I really don’t. I think I need to try something really different to break this cycle. I’m usually someone that can self-motivate, but right now I feel like I need someone else to light a fire under my ass.

I finally finished a 28.5 hour audio book. It was a wonderful story but it still took me almost three months to listen to, despite enjoying it. I listened to so many books the last couple years, and this year I’m listening at a snail’s pace. I’m also behind on podcasts. I just don’t squeeze the time out of the day like I used to.

I’ve been ‘working on’ a visual that puts together some of the things we do in order to share the Heroes Journey of a student at Inquiry Hub… except I’ve been too busy at work and am actually not working on it. It’s more of a decoration on the whiteboard behind me in my office than it is a work in progress. I look at it, I haven’t really added much to it recently.

My eating habits haven’t been great. My sleeping habits haven’t been great. I’m clueless as to what’s going on in the world because not only do I not watch TV, but I’ve tuned out of social media too.

I sound like a basket case reading this over, but I’ve caught up on my email backlog, and have been tackling my ‘to do’ list at work diligently, even if sometimes lacking focus. I’m functioning pretty well, yet focused on the things I’m not doing rather than the things I’m doing well. I haven’t laughed enough recently. I haven’t felt a sense of real accomplishment. I haven’t even enjoyed my distractions.

Yet, in the grand scheme of things I’m being productive, I’m staying healthy, my family is healthy, I’m listening to good books, I’m meditating, I’m improving my archery skills. There should be a lot to celebrate, or at least appreciate. Cognitively I understand this. But I don’t know how to give myself a break and appreciate all these things?

Well, I better get my butt to my home gym and go through the motions of working out. I’ll listen to a podcast while I do, and maybe some motivational music. I’ll get out of this rut soon, but for now I’ll just go through the motions, which is better than letting myself slip.

Habits vs Distractions

The kids that are perfectionists, work for hours on something that was good enough long before they consider the work to be finished.

The kids who loves to do research collect so much of it that it becomes overwhelming.

The kids who are easily distracted spends too much time catching up on work that should already have been handed in, and are perpetually putting off work that should be done now.

The kids that stress about the class they don’t like, spend less time and energy on the classes they enjoy.

The kids that work on more than one thing at once end up doing less of everything as they bounce from task to task.

The kids that should ask the most questions ask half as many as the kids that really don’t need to ask, but want to make sure they understand, or are doing things correctly.

It’s not always a lack of trying, it’s not always a lack of effort. It’s the lack of the understanding of where to put effort, what to do next, when to ask for help, and when to either remove distractions or remove themselves from distraction.

But the good news is that habits are learned. Success can provide as much serotonin and reward stimulus as distractions do… but only if the habits are in place to make the rewards consistent. Otherwise, video games, social media, and the illusion that multitasking is actually a thing, trump the rewards of good habits.

Sometimes we give kids too much choice, too much time, too many extensions. Sometimes what they need are high expectations, and hard deadlines. Sometimes they need a teacher checking in on them, asking to see work in progress, and giving timely and precise feedback. Sometimes kids need teachers to help them with their plan of action, and then hold them accountable to the plan.

Because sometimes the appeal of distractions are too strong, and giving a kid time to choose what they should do next isn’t really giving them a choice. Because sometimes distractions are too strong, and kids are not really choosing, they are falling back in the habit of doing the things that feed their brains with serotonin. They don’t get the same rewards from hard work, because they don’t have the habits to ensure that hard work pays off. Sometimes we need to make the choice for them, then instead of praising the work, we need to ask them how they feel getting the work done. Sometimes we need to help build good habits for them, because the alternative is to let the distractions win.

Stealing attention

Yesterday I received 3 spam phone calls. I also deleted a number of emails that were basically advertising products and services. Daily we are bombarded with unsolicited requests for our time and attention. Sometimes I take the time to block phone numbers and mark items in my email as junk and block the sender. Other times I just move on.

I wonder about the people behind these messages, especially the malicious ones designed to fool someone into giving up money in some form of scam. How do they rationalize their behaviour? What motivates them?

I can’t imagine waking up in the morning hoping to swindle someone as part of a successful day. I similarly wonder about jobs like paparazzi and gossip writers. And people who troll others on social media.

Our attention is limited, and there are people who spend their time trying to steal this resource (and other resources) from us. As much as we try to avoid it, it’s there. Sometimes it’s easy to skip, other times or I find these interruptions take too much energy.

If you want to be entertained, watch videos with a search like, “wasting scammer time”. It is entertaining to watch, and while somewhat vindictive, it feels like a worthy endeavour… not one I would do, but one I appreciate. I like to know that there are people out there making the effort to slow down and frustrate people who are malicious; people who are time and attention thieves. They deserve their attention being stolen too!

Web advertising vs micropayments

Right now, if you do a Google search for a product like an iPhone, above the link to Apple.com you will see ads to purchase a phone. Those ads are how Google makes its money.

Meanwhile, if the search you are doing isn’t a product, but an idea or concept, then those ads aren’t always about selling something, but rather about sharing content… and that content is usually surrounded by advertising. That’s how a website gets you to look at ads on their page, how they get advertisers to pay them for views and clicks on their pages. This race for your attention is not free, and what you see on the internet, at the top of searches, and on websites next to, above and below, the content you want to see is the price we all pay… the price of our attention.

I think that there is going to be a social media platform that will show up in the next few years that is going to figure out micropayments as a means to share ad-free content. Want to see a news article with no ads? Pay 1/10th of a cent. Find a great article you really enjoyed? Give them a hand clap or two (applause of some sort), each worth 1/10th of a cent. If you really like it, you can share 10 X of your applause… or a whole penny. Enjoying some art shared or creative writing? You decide how much applause to give.

You’ll have people not paying much, but others will be generous. And along with this will come a culture of disliking sites that embed advertising. We will see a lot more ad-free content. News sites might insist on a micropayment. The challenge is how to get people to ‘buy in’ to paying rather than seeing ads. I think this will happen with a social media platform that does 2 things:

1. Charges about $10 to join.

2. Gives you 9,500 ‘points’ to give away. (10,000 times 1/10 of a cent minus a 50 cent or 500 point fee.)

Basically, you will be given the points to give away through applause for websites you like. Because these points will be called something fun besides 1/10th of a cent, and because you get so many of them, you’ll think nothing of sharing a few of them on content you like. When you run low on them, you can purchase another $5, $10, or $20 more, but with a decreasing commission:

$5 gets you 4,250 points

$10 gets you 9,500 points

$20 gets you 19,700 points

The sweet spot will be $10, which isn’t a lot of money if the points last the typical person more than a month.

Some people will use their points miserly, others will spend over $20 a month. Overall, an economy of paying, or rather ‘applauding’ content that is shred ad-free will become something people are happy to do.

It will be interesting to see how micropayments will influence the content that is shared. Will we see sites begging for applause? Viral videos earning more money than advertising could ever get them? Sites donating their applause to charity? There are many ways this format could go, but I think one thing you will see is a genuine hate for websites that share ads embedded in content… and I’m looking forward to this!

Stop pig wrestling

Like my Papa used to say, “Never wrestle a pig, you both get dirty but the big likes it.”

I’ve shared that quote before and also said, ‘Bad ideas get unwarranted publicity when the battles get messy… and the weak-minded get fuel to oppose good ideas when those with the good ideas act in bad faith. You do not have to ‘turn the other cheek’ but you do have to act in a way that is decent and good, if you want to fight for things that are decent and good.‘

Recently, across many social media platforms, I’ve seen people using the strategy of sharing hurtful, mean, and ignorant comments from internet trolls, and doing one of two things: 1. Calling out the person for being mean (or essentially saying ‘ouch’ or ‘look at this idiot’). Or, 2. Sharing it to launch an attack.

While I get why, and understand that sharing like this can garner sympathy, or feel like a way to vindicate yourself, or attack the attacker… this is a bad idea! It’s pig wrestling.

These people aren’t worth your time. They don’t deserve you, or those who follow you on these platforms, as an audience. Don’t surrender your time and energy to them. They. Aren’t. Worth. It!

Delete the comment, block the idiot.

Let me say that again: You get a rude/mean/nasty comment on a social media post, so what do you do?

1. DELETE 2. BLOCK.

… and move on. They don’t deserve your time; they don’t deserve your attention; they don’t deserve your mental energy. So why give it to them? Why allow them more time in your thoughts than they deserve?

They are pigs. Don’t let them get you dirty just because they like to get dirty. And hey, I get that it’s hard to turn the other cheek sometimes, and if they threaten you in some way, then sure, take it seriously. But most internet trolls are playing a game, they are purposefully trying to engage and enrage you. To steal your time and attention, and to hurt your feelings. The act of mud wrestling with these losers helps them win.

You want to strike back at these mean people making mean comments? Diffuse their energy by not giving them any of yours: Delete. Block. And move on to spend time and energy on people that are better than them.

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Addendum: I’m not suggesting you delete and block people just because they disagree with you, this is only about comments with malice intent. We don’t learn from them but we can learn from people who disagree with us.

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I wrote this a decade ago:

I remember watching The Razor’s Edge years ago. Bill Murray plays Larry Darrell a taxi driver ‘in search of himself’ who at one point serves as an ambulance driver in World War II. His partner/co-attendant Piedmont is a sour man that is bitter and unpleasant.

If memory serves me correctly there are also two wonderfully optimistic, volunteer, British ambulance drivers that work with Larry and Piedmont. In a scene, these two happy-go-lucky ambulance attendants have engine trouble as they attempt to bring injured soldiers to safety while under fire. Stalled, the Brits attempt to repair their ambulance while enemy fire pinpoints their stationary location. Bombs get closer and closer until they blow up the ambulance, killing these two men. Larry is distraught and the bitter Piedmont says a few kind words about how nice these two were and then says, to Larry’s disgust, “They will be forgotten.”

Later, Piedmont is killed (I don’t remember how), and in a monologue Larry talks of this unruly, unkind and cantankerous man and then says, “He will be remembered.”

I was still a teenager when I saw this movie but it has a powerful lasting affect on me. I realized then and there that we tend to pay far more attention to people and things that are negative and annoy us than on the things we should be happy and appreciative about. I’d like to think that this is learned and not human nature. We don’t have to focus on the negative, and we are better people when we don’t.

Distractions and interruptions

Sometimes a work day feels like a constant flow of distractions and interruptions, and while I spend the day busy, it seems that little that I hoped to accomplish actually gets done. For the last couple (rather productive) days I’ve noticed a pattern of distractions that I seem to create for myself that slow down my ability to really get things done. Here are two of them:

1. I’m working on a task and some information comes to me (a message or a person) related to another task… and I task switch. At this point, I start on the task that distracted me, even though it isn’t something I can accomplish without more information or work, so it isn’t something ideal to do in that moment. However, from there I let other tasks or distractions keep me from prioritizing or completing the task I was on before the distraction.

2. I let incoming information, emails or Teams messages, derail my attention. That isn’t to say these messages aren’t important, simply that if I didn’t let them distract me, I could have been more effective at getting my original task done.

I have a job that tends to be filled with constant distractions and interruptions. I can’t allow these to derail those moments when I actually have time at my desk to get things done. There is often only a few precious times in the day where I have time to focus on a single task and feel a bit of flow as I get something done… when these moments come, I really need to ensure that I’m not creating my own distractions and task switches. This is a sure fire recipe to having a very busy day, and still nothing feeling completely accomplished.