Tag Archives: anxiety

Disengaged

It’s apparent in schools, it’s apparent in the workforce… there are students and young adults who are disengaged with societal norms and constructs around school and work. They are questioning why they need to conform? Why they need to participate? There is a dissatisfaction with complying with expectations that schools is necessary, or that a ‘9-5’ job is somehow meaningful.

Some will buck the norm, find innovative alternatives, and create their own niches in the world. Others, many others, will struggle, wallow in unhappiness, and fight mental health demons that will leave them feeling defeated, or riddled with anxiety, or fully disengaged with a world they feel they don’t fit in. Some will escape this, some will find pharmaceutical ways to reduce or enhance their disconnect. Some of these will be doctor prescribed, others will be legally or illegally self-prescribed.

The fully immersive worlds of addictive, time-sucking on-demand television series, first-person online games, and glamorous, ‘living my best life’, ‘you will never be as happy as me’ illusions on social media certainly don’t help. Neither does unlimited access to porn, violence, and anti-Karen social justice warriors dishing out revenge and hate in the name of justice. The choices are fully immersed, unhappily jealous, or infuriatingly angry… and disengaged with the world. Real life is not as interesting, and not as engaging as experiences that our technological tools can provide. School is hard, a full day at work is boring, and it’s easier to disengage than participate.

The question is, will this disengaged group find their way? Or will they find themselves in their 30’s living in their parent’s basements or subsisting on minimal income, working only enough to survive, and never enough to thrive?

School and work can’t compete with the sheer entertainment value this group gets from disengaging, so what’s the path forward? We can’t make them buy in if they refuse, and we can’t let school-aged students wallow in a school-less escapes from an engaged and full life. I don’t have any solutions, but I have genuine concerns for a growing number of disengaged young adults who seem dissatisfied with living in a world they don’t feel they can participate meaningfully in.

What does the future hold for those who disengage by choice?

If I forget

I have a friend who knows everybody. I’m at a loss to remember the last time I was out with him and we didn’t see someone he knew. Doesn’t matter the city or even country we have been together in: San Diego, Cancun, Philadelphia, and local cities in BC. He likely has 3,000 plus people in his phone contacts, and could probably tell you something personal about 2,500 of them, and easily tell you how he knows the other 500. He doesn’t just add them to a pool of people he sort of knows, he can name them.

I’m not like that. I’m way too much of an introvert, and my memory issue with proper nouns makes it such that if I am at a social event and meet more than 2 people, it’s unlikely I’ll remember their names. It’s hard to remember thousands of names when you can’t remember the names of people you already know. I had an issue yesterday where I was with friends and bumped into someone I have known for a few years, and have had several exchanges online with, including 3 days ago, and I couldn’t introduce them. I had to go to a Microsoft Teams conversation to pull his name up.

The weird thing is, if I don’t see him for a couple months and bump into him again in an unexpected place, and especially if I have the added stress of having to introduce him, it’s likely that once again I won’t be able to retrieve his name. This is one of the few areas in my life where I actually feel anxious. I will even forget the names of the people I’m with when it’s time for an introduction.

The most panicked I’ve ever been in my life was when I was a vice principal and at a ‘meet the parent’ night the principal unexpectedly said to the audience, “And now Mr. Truss will introduce the staff.” I made it through but when one of the teachers I knew best was about 3 introductions away, I was completely drawing a blank and I actually started to sweat. When we were done I told him, “Never do that to me again!” and he was taken aback by my response. He and I did a lot of sharing things out and it wasn’t unusual for him to throw me a task like that, so he had no idea of the terror he put me through.

So if we meet and I don’t know your name, it doesn’t mean I don’t know you. It doesn’t mean I didn’t care enough to know your name, it doesn’t mean I didn’t try. If you give me directions and I ask you to remind me where a main/major street is, even if I travel on it regularly, know that I’m not being lazy, I’m actually in an anxious state where my brain is on overdrive, and the name or your name is not retrievable from my memory bank.

If I forget, please be kind and remind me.

Just show up

I shared this in an email home to parents recently:

While I know this has been a challenging year for many students and families, I think it’s important this time of year, as we head into a report card next week, to remind families of how important attendance is at our school. Students with significant absences tend to fall into a very unhealthy loop that includes:
Falling behind in work; Telling parents they work better at home, but missing key instructions to help them at home; Not getting the support they need; Not feeling good about being behind and finding reasons to avoid school.

Ultimately, we can’t help students that aren’t here at school, and the best ‘medicine’ for a student with too many absences is a dedication to getting to school as long as health conditions don’t prevent it. This isn’t a problem we can find a solution for without parent support. Please contact us if you’d like to discuss attendance further. I, or one of our team, will be contacting some of you after report cards go out.

—-

Report cards have now gone out and I will be calling a few parents to talk about concerns we have around poor attendance.

We live in a society now where there is so much pressure to do well; to be your best; to shine. It’s not easy. But sometimes the message doesn’t have to be ‘you are awesome’, ‘you have so much potential’, or ‘push yourself’. Sometimes the message of ‘just show up’ is all we need to hear.

  • Don’t plan an hour workout, just show up at the gym.
  • Don’t worry about how much you have to do, just start.
  • Don’t create a huge ‘to do’ list, pick 2-3 things you know you can get done and check those off… even if showing up is one of those things!

It’s easier to act your way into a new way of thinking, than thinking your way into a new way of acting. ~Richard Pascale

Just show up!

A quick thought on the new school year

For a large number of us the new school year brings excitement and possibilities. There is so much potential in a new school year, so many future opportunities to learn and grow.

It’s just good to remember that this is also a time of great anxiety and nervousness for some students. It’s a time of unknowns, and unfamiliarity, and fear.

It’s easy to get lost in the enthusiasm of students who are excited, and while this is wonderful and fully encouraged… remember that someone hesitant to join in an activity isn’t necessarily being difficult or noncompliant. Sometimes just coming to school is all the effort they can give.

We don’t always know what a kid is capable of, or what a kid needs, until we get to know the kid. And for some kids, it takes a while to get there… time they deserve to be given. A school year is a marathon rather than a sprint. Let’s make sure we give the slow starters the time, encouragement, care, and support they need to get to the finish line. Because it isn’t just getting to the finish line that’s important, it’s the journey there that really matters.

A Life Consumed

Overstimulated, over stressed,
Anxiety heightened but not addressed.

Faces lit in a constant glow,
From a device, in hands, below.

Palms cup, thumbs type,
Or click, or ‘Like’, or swipe.

Acceptance measured by affirmation,
But never enough for self-appreciation.

Pressure builds to levels previously unknown,
From always being connected, yet always feeling alone.

A-Life-Consumed-2020-10-30-Poem-David-Truss

Winning at all cost

One day I’ll share the story of how I got my nickname in water polo. It was in a game that didn’t matter in the standing at Nationals, but it mattered to me. I wanted to win.

I was a defensive player, not a playmaker, or a goal scorer. I wasn’t talented, but rather a hard worker… and I always wanted to win, and was willing to do what needed to get done. I’ll share the full details another time, but I was reminded of this today and wanted to bring this idea up.

I just finished Episode 7 of The Last Dance on Netflix.

‘The Last Dance is a 2020 American sports documentary miniseries co-produced by ESPN Films and Netflix. Directed by Jason Hehir, the series revolves around the career of Michael Jordan, with particular focus on his last season with the Chicago Bulls.’

I don’t know if anyone had both the desire to win and also the ability to put themselves into ‘the zone’ and perform at their peak like Michael Jordan did. This got me thinking about the athletes that I worked with as a coach. If they showed this drive during the game, they usually showed it elsewhere too.

In the past 20 years I’ve seen a drop in competition and opportunities to compete (beyond sports) in school. With most sports seasons cancelled this year, its even more obvious. I also see a huge increase in anxiety from students put into competitive situations. I’m not saying we need to create win-at-all-cost opportunities in schools, but I think we need to keep some level of competitiveness in schools. Things like the YELL Entrepreneurship Venture Challenge pit students from different districts against each other in a Dragon’s Den style pitch-off. The students put everything on the line and often aspire to pursue their ideas beyond the competition.

We need to foster teamwork and collaboration and maximize participation in schools, but we also need to create situations and scenarios where competition and competitive drive are encouraged. We need to allow the Jordan’s in our schools the opportunity to excel in their areas of passion, not just on sports fields, but in academics too.

Here come the kids…

School starts next week. Kids will be entering schools in BC after many of them have been absent since the start of March break.

Yes, some will be anxious, and many will be nervous. But I believe most students are (also) exited and looking forward to it! Let’s make sure adults, parents and educators alike, model the enthusiasm we want to see.

We can be cautious without showing fear. We can be safe without projecting anxiousness. We can show our own nervousness as excitement and enthusiasm.

What we project will be projected back to us.