Author Archives: David Truss

Around the global campfire

When I think about sitting around a campfire, I think of camping in the summer with family and friends. No matter the plans for the day, the evening brings everyone together, adults and kids, sitting around a crackling fire, with marshmallows, s’mores, and poking sticks stirring the flames. The fire is a communal event, with laughter and storytelling weaved into light conversations, in a common shared experience.

I came across this quote recently:

Technology is the campfire around which we tell our stories. –Laurie Anderson

Think about how technology has changed our storytelling! Books and movies have captivated our imaginations, and the internet allows us all to share our ideas around a global campfire. We have this amazing ability to communicate with each other now, and how is it being used?

Since we are truly at a stage where we can sit around a global campfire, what stories are we choosing to tell?

Be careful out there

If you want a lesson on overconfidence you need not look farther than Vancouver Lower Mainland drivers in the snow: Speeding, tires spinning, cars fishtailing, passengers pushing… and parked cars stuck on angles or with hazards flashing. A good snowstorm out here means mayhem on the streets.

However, if you ask people if they are a good at driving in the snow, probably 85% will say better than average, and at least half would say they are better than most. Do the math, that’s a lot of cocky, overconfident people! This reminds me of the ‪Dunning-Kruger effect:‬

‪In the field of psychology, the Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which people assess their cognitive ability as greater than it is. It is related to the cognitive bias of illusory superiority and comes from the inability of people to recognize their lack of ability. Without the self-awareness of metacognition, people cannot objectively evaluate their competence or incompetence.‬ (Wikipedia)

I’m not a perfect driver by any means, but in snow I slow down, I might gear down, and I look around… I’m far more aware of other drivers around me. I’ve hit black ice before, and for those that have never experienced this, it’s scary at any speed. It’s a humbling experience driving a car that you have no control over. It wakes you up to the potential danger.

Today I share a caution. Slow down! Be cautious. Be defensive. A few years ago I lost a dear friend, (who was the safest driver I knew growing up), to a snowstorm accident.

Be careful out there!

In the zone

I am not a natural athlete. A great coach once said to me after a practice, “Dave, there are two kinds of people in the world, the talented and the hard workers… you are a hard worker.” He was right, and I appreciated his honesty.

I played water polo. My first year, Grade 11, I was last off the bench and easily the weakest player. I was always the slowest swimmer on the team and my stroke efficiency was awful. But I worked my butt off!

I’m pretty sure not playing any organized sports before Grade 11 hindered my abilities. I had a lot of catching up to do to transfer pickup soccer and street hockey skills, and make them worthy of competitive team play. I worked hard and got better, but I played with teammates who understood the game, and some who had laser accuracy with their shots, and many who could swim much faster and more efficiently than me.

But sometimes I could get in the zone. Sometimes the game slowed down for me and I could see more action around me. Sometimes I could see the play forming and feel the rhythm of the game. I didn’t have a switch I could turn on, I didn’t know what I could do to put myself in the zone. I didn’t have control of it.

It has been years since I was in a similar athletic situation, but in a pickup basketball game on Friday I felt it again. It was wonderful to remember what it was like to be fully present in a game. It’s a pretty special thing when you can feel yourself in the zone.

I saw it again on Saturday night. I went to a WHL (hockey) game, Vancouver vs Spokane, and in the opening minutes a Spokane player got my attention. I pointed him out to my buddy and said, ‘that one has talent’. He scored 4 points in the game. He was in the zone.

I think the truly talented players know how to get there at will. I’m not sure if it can be trained into you through hard work, if it is a learned skill, or if it is talent? Does thousands of hours of practice help create this, or do you have to be pre-loaded with a natural ability? What do the best athletes do to put themselves in the zone?

Fed up with the news

I don’t watch the news, don’t listen to the radio, but I want to know what’s happening in the world. So I do two things on my phone, first I have the news App and Flipgrid set up on my phone… swipe right from my home screen and there are the headlines. Then there is always the search feature on the Twitter App with the news column.

I don’t spend a lot of time going past the headlines, but I do look a little deeper when major events happen. I also admit to metaphorically slowing down to see the accident at the side of the road, when a certain political leader tweets something outrageous, but the line between news and entertainment blurs here. It would be fully laughable if it wasn’t so unsettling.

This news-through-headlines (and trending hashtags) approach keeps me away from the painful aspects of the news that I’m fed up with, such as:

1. Headlines that belong in Tabloids such as, “This Facebook Post Almost Broke The Internet.” Or: “12 Products You Can’t Live Without.”

2. An overemphasis on Hollywood stars, musicians, and royalty.

3. An embarrassingly morbid focus on the macabre: Shootings, tragedies, and death.

But even this approach doesn’t allow me from escaping the idiocy of the news as described in this tweet:

It doesn’t stop the glorification of horrible people.

It doesn’t prevent me from seeing an onslaught of negative headlines about tragedies around the world.

Yes, some tragedies are relevant to the world, and a few need to make the headlines. But it’s time for news outlets to think of the turmoil and upset they leave behind when they use a ‘If it bleeds, it leads’ attitude. It’s time for news outlets to stop creating click bait titles. It’s time for news outlets to realize the influence they have, and to be more concerned with their influence, and less concerned about getting our attention at any cost.

In the mean time, I’ll try to do my part and avoid clicking on links that I think undermine valuable news sharing for the sake of one more view of advertising on a web page.

The paradox of increasing effort

If your motivation is low, and you are not accomplishing what you need to do, then more effort would probably improve productivity.

If you aren’t trying very hard, then increasing your effort can make things better. There are definitely times when we can put more effort in and work harder.

But more effort does not always mean better:

  • Athletes pushing themselves to their maximum could actually increase their speed by relaxing, rather than pushing even harder and tensing up.
  • Someone trying to meditate will not improve their mental state by working harder to relax.
  • Concentration can be derailed by more effort to concentrate.

If effort is low, increasing effort has great value. If effort is high, there is a diminishing return in adding more effort. And at a certain point greater effort can be detrimental. Sometimes ‘try harder’ should be rephrased to ‘try smarter’. We don’t always need more effort, we need the wisdom to know that effort alone has limits.

It is interesting that when someone is exceptionally good at a skill, they make that skill look effortless. I think this happens only after they have discovered that the work and effort has already been put into training, and maximum effort is no longer needed.

The land of giants

I remember a comic strip where a son and father in winter coats were in front of a house with big icicles on it.

Frame 1: The boy says, “Wow dad, look at the size of those icicles!”

Frame 2: The dad says, “They were a lot bigger when I was a kid.” And the kid responds, “Come down here”.

Frame 3: The dad is kneeling down, eye level with the kid, and the dad says, “Wow, look at the size of those icicles!”

– – –

It’s not always easy to see things from the same perspective as we did when we were younger. For me, I remember people around me being giants (in more ways than one).

My grandfather, Leon Bernstein or ‘Papa B’, was one of those giants. Last night on Facebook Messenger, I connected with my 2nd cousin Lee, his full name is Leon, named after my grandfather. He is my grandmother’s brother’s son, but Lee is only 4 years older than me. Still, growing up in Barbados as the oldest grandchild on one side and second oldest by 5 days on the other, Lee was so much bigger and older, and I looked up to him when we came to visit.

I feel blessed because when I was a kid, all the giants in my life were good to me. Wonderful parents, grandparents that spoiled me, aunts and uncles who treated my like their own, 2nd cousins who taught me football (soccer) and cricket.

Some people have to grow up with angry giants, and some with monsters, my land of giants were exceptionally loving and kind. I truly feel blessed, and I thank Lee for reminding me of this.

In whose eyes?

The term ‘firm but fair’ has two components. First, it suggests that if a child or a student, (in the case of a parent or an educator), is not acting appropriately, then a firm consequence is put in place. The second part is that the consequence is fair. This means that the consequence is fitting, rather than either soft or overly harsh, and it also means there is consistency in what the consequences look like for similar instances.

The often overlooked aspect of this is that fairness needs to be measured by the person who is receiving the consequence. It should be ‘firm but fair’ in their eyes. If you think you are being fair but the person dealing with the consequence does not, then that mismatch will undermine the value of the consequence, and likely not deter the kind of behaviour you are hoping to reduce.

For a parent, this can often be an issue where anger levels can undermine consistency, where the consequence is unfairly harsher because your kid was driving you crazy for an hour before the issue came up, compared to a less harsh consequence just because you are in a good mood. For an educator, this issue can often come up when consequences are not consistent between different students for similar issues.

An important concept to remember is that if you are wanting to be fair, fairness needs to be perceived by everyone involved. In whose eyes are you being firm but fair?

Eating Alone

Every now and then I used to enjoy eating out on my own. I would be alone with my thoughts. Now I’m not alone even when I’m eating by myself. My phone connects me to others, to work, to news, and to entertainment.

Now it seems that I’m always connected to others. Alway ‘on’. The next time I eat out alone, my phone is staying in my pocket.

What alone time has your phone robbed you of? What did you used to do alone that you no longer allow yourself to do alone anymore?

Breakfast with a friend

“Come gather around people, wherever you roam
And admit that the waters around you have grown
And accept it that soon you’ll be drenched to the bone
If your time to you is worth savin’
Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin’ ~ Bob Dylan

We sat at a booth chatting, breakfast done, bill paid. We had already turned down more coffee and the waitress was kind enough to fill our water glasses. The restaurant wasn’t full, we weren’t filling a potentially needed booth, and so the waitress didn’t mind that we were still there over 30 minutes after our meal was done.

We were reminiscing about our childhood, and how people would come for a visit and stay for dinner. In my family there were 4 kids so we made a family of 6, but my mother never cooked for less than 10. Someone’s friend (or 2), an aunt, granny, a cousin, even a neighbour might be joining us. If it was just the 6 of us, we had leftovers.

This doesn’t happen much anymore. Having friends over means a half-day of getting the house ready, and a half day of preparing food. Meeting for coffee? How’s next week Thursday? Breakfast? Pick one of these two Sundays. Dinner with a group of friends? We better use that appointment App to find a day that works for all of us.

Or maybe we just chat on the phone. Maybe we text. Comment on Facebook. Like a friend’s tweet… smiley face emoji:)

Gatherings used to be impromptu, spontaneous, and they extended past expected times. “See you soon,” not “See you later,” as in weeks or months later.

Things have changed.

I’m going to try to bring the old ways back a bit. I’m tracking my social connections this year. A dinner and a breakfast last week, a morning coffee and a minor league hockey game this weekend… A walk with my wife, dinner out with my daughter… I’m going to see if intentionally keeping track will inspire me to connect face-to-face more frequently with the people that are geographically available. That doesn’t diminish the opportunities to connect with people who I can’t always see. For those, we have spaces like this.

Kind eyes

I was having Pho (Vietnamese soup) with my daughter at a restaurant and I looked over at a table behind her. The closest man facing me was being served by the waitress and I noticed that his eyes looked so very kind as he smiled. I told my daughter to turn around and take a look at him and tell me what his eyes said to her, and she too chose the adjective ‘kind’.

My daughter then said, “I wish we lived in a world where we could tell people things like that, like just walk up to a stranger and say, ‘you have amazing hair’, without being creepy.”

And sure enough, I could not think of a way to tell this man, ‘Excuse me, I was sitting across from you and just wanted to say that you have the kindest eyes,’ in a way that wouldn’t just as equally creep him out as much as it would be taken as a compliment. The comment stayed unsaid. In fact, I’d completely forgot about it until after we left the restaurant.

I think it’s a bit sad that compliments like that are not socially accepted. Compliments don’t need to have an agenda. At the same time I can see how certain compliments can cross a line, ‘kind eyes’ is fine, but a ‘pretty nose’ might be weird. Still, my daughter got me thinking about this. If nothing else, we should at least take the time to notice the kindness in others, even if we are just projecting that kindness on them.

…And the next time you smile at someone, remember to start that smile with your eyes.