Monthly Archives: February 2020

What’s the third option?

It can be hard to make a tough choice. There are things that happen that can make you think, ‘Damned if I do, and damned if I don’t.” It might not always be a lose-lose situation, but it can be a situation where there seems to be no easy or good way forward.

What’s the third option?

This third option doesn’t have to be the answer. This third option can be worse than the original two options, (as long as it is a legitimate option). Giving yourself a third option removes the challenging dichotomy of the two original options. It removes your ability to put the first two options on a metaphorical scale, where these two options seemed equally balanced. The third option might be better, but even if it’s not it might create a comparison that lets you see the other two options in a new light. One of the original options might then seem better or worse than it did before.

This works great when dealing with students. When given a tough choice, some students make the good choice, others might choose to be defiant and choose the more painful choice as an act of defiance. Give that same student a third choice and they are less likely to choose the defiant option because there isn’t one other choice to be defiant against.

I’ve used this strategy many times with kids, but I sometimes forget that it’s a valuable strategy to use myself.

Stuck deciding between two tough choices? Ask yourself, ‘What’s a third choice?’

Incremental Improvements

For about 5 weeks now, I’ve been recovering from a shoulder injury. It’s nothing too serious, and I think it was brought on by hours of shovelling snow then doing some wide-arm chin ups for my workout the next day… I put together two activities I seldom do, and I overdid it. I recently wrote about how my physiotherapist stopped weeks of pain in one session. I saw him a second time last week and he put me through a regimen of exercises that I’m to do over the next 3 weeks until I see him again. Although he was able to quickly stop the pain I was dealing with, he thinks that it will be another 6 weeks before I’m able to do everything that I could do before the injury.

This is the hard part of injury recovery. Progress is slow and nothing comes easily. But if I don’t put the time and effort in, I delay the recovery time. Day-to-day the results are not visible. Yesterday felt less strong than the day before, today will hopefully be different. When this is the experience, it doesn’t feel like I’m getting better. I have to put that aside, focus, and keep my regular routine up, including pushing myself to work my shoulder, while also not overdoing it.

We are often enamoured by the quick fix, the easy answer, fast and obvious results. But these quick rewards are not always available. Sometimes it’s the slow incremental changes that make us better, stronger, and more resilient. Sometimes we need to work through things slowly and properly in order to see the results we really want.

It doesn’t always seem glamorous, but the day to day grind of doing things well, with positive intention, and dedication can be the key to success. Sometimes it’s not about what we can do to quickly fix a problem, instead it’s about what we can do consistently over time that brings results. Staying positive and keeping the end goal in sight is important. This isn’t always easy to remember when the results we want come from incremental improvements.

Spicing it up

My sister is visiting and she is a foodie. I can’t believe how much I’ve eaten this long weekend, and she is preparing pork chops for a late dinner tonight. I’m actually about to get on the treadmill before dinner… I need to burn some calories!

She also brought me 3 versions of a family pepper sauce that I love and I’ve already had a meal where I portioned Spanish rice into three sections to try each sauce. This made me think about how different people spice their meals. Growing up, I had a friend who added salt to everything he ate. He wouldn’t even taste the food before giving the salt and pepper shakers a shake over his plate. I do this with black pepper into any cream soup. And certain meals I add pepper sauce to without tasting it first. For example, pasta with a meat sauce always tastes better with some of our family recipe pepper sauce. I don’t need to taste first before adding spice.

How often do we do this, we add a spice before even tasting what we are about to eat? We layer on the sauce or the gravy, or we add salsa or cream cheese to a meal. We get accustomed to what we like and we spice things up out of habit. This time with my sister has made me appreciate what it means to enjoy food and eating, and to think a bit about how to spice up my diet. It has also made me question my portion sizes when I enjoy a meal. Spicing something up and enjoying it shouldn’t mean that I also consume much more… but this weekend I really overdid the volume of food consumed.

I think I need to spice up my workout too!

The future of the commute

My commute to work is 15 minutes, including going out of my way to drop my daughter to school. Other than my two years in China, since my wife and I moved to the city we work in 21 years ago, I haven’t commuted to work for longer than 15 minutes. I know this isn’t the norm. Many people must commute much longer than that.

Two days ago my sister came to town and I had to head to the airport and back during rush hour. Yesterday and today I travelled 40+ minutes to UBC to watch my daughter perform at Nationals for synchronized swimming. These trips are giving me a small taste of what many people face on a daily basis, although traffic today was light.

I know some people will always have to commute. A store clerk, a hotel concierge, a teacher, a factory worker, or a hospital doctor or nurse, all need to get to the building they work in.

Does a lawyer need to be in the office every day? An accountant? An architect? The list can go on… How many people commute to a building, travelling for over an hour-and-a-half a day, over 45 minutes each way, to get to a physical location that they don’t need to be at in order to get their job done?

What will the future hold for commuting when this every-day forced travel isn’t deemed necessary? What will happen when work weeks (potentially) move to 4 days a week? Will this reduce travel time, or will continued urbanization and densification of populations make traffic just as bad, even with the reduced number of trips individuals will need to take?

One last question is how automation of travel will change too? Will cars be able to travel more efficiently when they all communicate with each other, and can avoid accidents created by human error?

My guess is that in the coming years commuting days for many will be reduced, but commuting times on average will remain the same or worsen. The global shift towards large urban centres will necessitate that many people will need to live in the more affordable suburbs, where commuting time will be necessary. So maybe we should explore what that time looks like, rather than just trying to shorten it.

I know that I’ve moved away from listening to the radio to listening to podcasts and audio books during commutes and longer drives, I wonder what people will use this time for in the future? Will work start when you enter your self-driving car rather than when you arrive at work? What will the commuting experience look like?

The memories that make us who we are

What are the defining moments in your life? When asked a question like this, we often think of big choices, like choosing a university, a life partner, a house, or a country to live in. But what about the little moments?

  • Parents who hugged you when you fell and cut your knee.
  • Being read a bed time story.
  • Family vacations.
  • Visits to or from grandparents.
  • Sports teams.
  • Sleepovers.
  • Trips abroad.
  • Boyfriends or girlfriends.
  • Parties, camping trips, hanging out in basements, dances, night clubs, and concerts.

If you are lucky, each of these examples will bring fond memories, and smiles. For others, one or more of these could trigger a memory of abuse or neglect or of missing out. For some, the memories are mixed, a blend of joyous nostalgia and bitter reflection.

These memories accumulate and our choice to focus on them help define who we are now, and what choices we make in the future. We might like to think that today is a new day filled with potential, but that potential is determined by our past, and the patterns we have set for ourselves. If these memories and patterns didn’t matter, we wouldn’t need so many self-help books, and therapists, and seminars that are available to help us break the cycles we get stuck in.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could alter our past to help us better align with the future we want? Could we look back at past memories and make the painful ones more distant? Could we find the hidden lessons we need now and see the value from the hardships we faced? Could we alter our histories by deciding to focus on what has made us stronger, wiser, and more resilient?

Do we own our memories or do they own us? If this is a choice we can make, what’s stopping us? Do we not have the power to make the memories that make us who we are?

Learning Through Failure vs Failing to Learn

We talk a lot about learning through failure, but not a lot about failing to learn. When we fail because of lack of resources, lack of support, lack of knowledge, and/or lack of reflection, it’s just a failure. We do not necessarily learn.

When we talk about learning from failure, we are not actually talking about failure, we are talking about perseverance, and resilience, and tenacity. We are talking about coming up to resistance and unplanned outcomes and working through them to achieve a goal. We are talking about students learning significantly more than if everything went their way.

Who learns more, the person who follows the cookie-cutter curriculum and content-focused assessment, or the student who tries something really original, challenging, and maybe even epic? Even if both paths led to the coveted mark of an ‘A’, which path holds the most promise for deep learning?

We never want students to fail, but we also don’t want them to have such an easy path to success that the learning is forgettable. The struggle that potential failure can create is something that separates learning through failure from failing to learn.

(Image by Bill Ferriter)

Preying on your fears

It works because we don’t fully trust big companies with our data. It works because we value our privacy. And it works because it convinced people you trust to share it.

It’s a hoax. It’s fake. Versions of it have surfaced and resurfaced for over 4 years now, (see this article from June of 2016)

Here is what Facebook has to say:

I did a quick DuckDuckGo search for: Snopes “Facebook permission”

…and found this on the Snopes website:

“…In both cases the claims were erroneous, an expression of the mistaken belief the use of some simple legal talisman — knowing enough to ask the right question or post a pertinent disclaimer — will immunize one from some undesirable legal consequence. The law just doesn’t work that way.”

These kinds of messages play on our fears, and spread easily. Do your part not to spread fear… if you’ve already shared this hoax, don’t delete it, edit and add a note at the start of the post, and/or add the following image to your post so that it becomes a weapon against the spreading of such fear.

Thank you!

PS. I give you permission to copy all or any part of this post without needing to attribute or link back etc… Share this information any way that you please.

Stuck on the ’To Do’ list

I seem to be running out of digital ink right now. I’ve got well over a dozen drafts for posts started, but every one of them needs more time than I’m ready to put into them. I have a backlog of ideas without the ability to follow through. This kind of backlog doesn’t just happen for writing, it can also happen with ‘To Do’ lists.

How many of you have something on your ‘To Do’ list that feels too big to get done? Some of these can be broken into smaller parts but that takes time too. Some just need a big chunk of time to be dedicated to them. Some need other people to act as well as you. And so sometimes a week later, that big item is still on the list. It also sits on your mind.

Other things get added to the list, and they also get completed and removed from the list. Meanwhile the big task(s) remain. They loom. They weigh you down. The little things jump ahead because they are easier, and the reward of completing them is closer.

[[Insert strategies, advice, and wisdom here]]

The reality is that I don’t have any great strategies for dealing with these. I let them sit – procrastinating a bit too long – then I block time off, (or stay late, or come in on weekends), roll up my sleeves, and just get’em done.

I’m open to smarter suggestions.

The power of sharing digitally

I wrote something two and a half years ago. A digital colleague in Melbourne, Australia created a posterized quote from it. Yesterday an educator I wasn’t yet connected to shared the poster on Twitter. A digital colleague in Rochester, NY retweets it and tags me:

We live in an amazingly connected world, and sharing digitally allows us to collaborate and learn from each other. It’s collaboration on a global scale… and you will never fully know the potential of your sharing, unless you are willing to put your thoughts and ideas ‘out there’.

Adapt, Adjust, and Amplify

“Lose 25 pounds in a month.”

“Earn $1,000 a day.”

“Look 10 years younger.”

“Discover your potential.”

“Live the life of your dreams.”

“Anything is possible…”

…But none of it is attainable for the vast majority of people. The plans are made to look simple, but the goals are lofty, and the path to success is anything but easy. How many of us are excessively rich, looking and feeling healthier and younger than we are, and living our ideal dream life? We aren’t going to get all these things from some motivational speaker or some club membership or program. As Derek Sivers says,

“If [more] information was the answer, then we’d all be billionaires with perfect abs.”

It’s amazing how easy it can sound, but real, incremental, and meaningful change often takes two things:

  • Consistent effort.
  • More time than you think.

I’ve written about my healthy living goals, and the shoulder injury that I’m recovering from. In the past, an ice-pick-like stabbing pain in my shoulder would have been enough to derail my entire workout schedule. I would have stopped everything and gone into lazy mode.

Instead, my treadmill run, which bounced my shoulder too much, became a stationary bike ride; my weights set became a core strength set. My other routines remained as well. I think this happened because I am not on some crazy, unrealistic path to health goals I’ll never achieve. I’m on a slow, attainable path, that I want to maintain.

Here is the path that worked for me:

Adapt, Adjust, and Amplify.

It wasn’t easy at first, and it was not going to happen overnight. There wasn’t a romantic appeal, it wasn’t sexy or overly inspiring. It took patience. And unlike the fads and crazes, it lead to significant change over time.

1. Adapt – The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. If at first you don’t succeed, try something different. I made changes that were realistic and sustainable. Twenty minutes of cardio – totally doable to fit into my schedule. Before, I’d incrementally move that up to close to an hour. Now, I can put in over an hour on the basketball court, running hard, even though I haven’t done more than a 25 min. hard cardio workout in over a year. I won’t win any marathons, but I’m not dumb enough to ask my body to try. I adapted a workout schedule that optimizes my fitness in a minimal amount of time.

2. Adjust – My schedule had to adjust when I started writing this daily blog before my morning workouts. I kept running out of time. Now I’m writing this at 10pm, in bed on Sunday, rather than early tomorrow morning. I write longer posts on weekends, when inspired, and keep them short, with limited writing time on weekdays. I’ve adjusted a few things along the way, each time I do so, it’s to reduce friction and to make maintaining my wellness regimen easier. A great example of an adaptation is that when I felt I was stagnating a bit on my runs, I started doing some interval training. I increased my speed for minute or minute-and-a-half intervals, and I watched my top speed increase. When I got to a good speed, one that I used to run when I was in my 30’s, I made that my new maximum for my hard days… I adjusted again, rather than pushing myself to some unreasonable goals.

3. Amplify – When things are working, I highlight them. I’m public with them on my blog, and with family and friends. This isn’t bragging, it’s holding myself accountable. When I see results from interval training, I push myself to do this more often. When I got injured, I focussed on my daily calendar, and the things I could do, rather than the things I couldn’t. By amplifying the small successes, and the commitment I made to myself, I’ve created a positive feedback loop that inspires me to keep going.

As catchy as Adapt, Adjust, and Amplify may sound, it’s the other two tips that really make this work:

  • Consistent effort.
  • More time than you think.

Keep going, knowing that long term goals are more sustainable than flashy weight loss or instant muscles. Low motivation or injuries will happen, they don’t need to break the pattern of consistency, they will just slow down the intensity, and the timelines to the goals that were created.

There are times to aspire to be great, and to put everything you have into success and achievement. And, there are times to focus on self care… Times to realize that mentally and physically, we need to be consistent, show up, and maintain as well as tweak, the patterns and behaviours that make us incrementally better over time. It’s not fast, it’s not glamorous, it is achievable and rewarding, as long as you are dedicated and show patience.