Monthly Archives: August 2019

Interrupting a Pattern

Recently, traffic has been getting to me. I know this because I speak out loud to the other drivers, in my car, with my windows rolled up. No chance of them hearing me, thankfully because I’m not being kind.

I didn’t notice my uptake of nasty remarks, my daughter did. “Dad, what’s with you? Chill.”

This reminded me of an event that happened about 25 years ago. I was driving my girlfriend’s car, she was in the passenger seat, and there was construction ahead. I was in the right lane, which was closing, and the cars started to ‘zipper’ into one lane, a car from the other lane followed by a car in my lane, back and forth.

As I approached the end of my lane it became obvious that the driver that should have let me zip in front of him was not going to participate in the established pattern. He kept his front bumper less than an arm’s length from the back bumper of the car in front of him, moving quickly as the car in front moved.

‘What a jerk’, my girlfriend said. She might have used an expletive, and her tone was upset.

I let him ahead of me, not that I really had a choice. And a few feet further we came to a stop due to the construction. At this point, I saw his eyes in the rear view mirror. I waved, gave him a thumbs up with a huge smile, and I dramatically mouthed the words, ‘Thank you’!

He stared at me through the rear view mirror, I repeated: wave, smile, ‘Thank you’. A little further down the road, I saw him look again, I repeated. He rolled down his window and flipped up his middle finger angrily. We laughed, I repeated: wave, smile, ‘Thank you’.

We got through the the construction and as luck would have it, I caught up to him in the reopened right lane. I looked at him through my window, smiling and waving. He clearly said a profanity and gave me a passenger-side middle finger. He was literally steaming red, his face and neck completely flushed. We laughed.

Then he beeped his horn a couple times as he moved ahead and switched into the left turn lane, sticking his left hand out of the car window in a repeated middle finger gesture. I couldn’t hear him, but it looked like he was yelling, and I’m pretty sure what he was saying wasn’t polite.

We laughed, and laughed.

I’ll openly admit that killing him with kindness was not a kind thing to do. We were having a wonderful time, fully at his expense. But it was a valuable lesson for me about how our disposition towards an event can change our experience. My girlfriend and I had a wonderful time laughing at a traffic incident that usually caused us upset.

Now, I don’t want to go around causing others to be upset, but I do need to breath and rethink how I’m coping with traffic. Hopefully my family members won’t be needing to tell me to ‘chill’ again any time soon because I’m throwing nasty commentary towards other drivers.

Idiots With Guns

It doesn’t matter where you live in North America or what news network you watch, if a violent gun tragedy happens in Somewhere, USA, well then that will be the lead story. If it bleeds, it leads.

I’ve written about this in A new tragedy of the commons,

“Turn on the news and what do you see? Tragedy. You might, in an hour long program, see one ‘feel good’ news report. You will see sadness, destruction and loss (of property, of profit, of freedoms and rights, of life).”

This quote caught my attention today:

But this is an arms race of sorts, with no network wanting to ‘lose out’ by not covering the story. So what can be done? Here are two suggestions that I have, that I think networks can do right now, based on the advice Dr. Dietz gives… taking it one step further:

  1. Do not share the killer’s name or photograph.
  2. Replace the killer’s name with, ‘Idiot with a gun’. Such as, “An Idiot With a Gun in Somewhere, USA went into a shopping mall and started shooting.”

Don’t interview his parents, don’t troll his social media, don’t show his picture, and don’t mention his name. His name might come out in a courtroom story, long after the event.

Right now, I could name a few cities, and you would likely be able to name the idiots that shot people up in those cities. That’s sad. These idiots do not deserve the notoriety, they don’t deserve the fame. We don’t need to live in a world where we empower idiots with guns! So let’s be realistic and while tolerating the ‘if it bleeds, it leads’ mantra of the networks, remove some of the poison being spread by these idiots. Take away their identity and fame… a small price they deserve to pay for taking away people’s lives.

Building in the habit

I start work again this week after a wonderful summer. This was a summer where I really ‘let go’, I even deleted the mail app from my phone and only checked in weekly. I felt I needed a full break.

Today that changes. I’m ready. I’m looking forward to the new year.

So now I find out if this #dailyink can work? I have a few drafts started for the slow days, I have a few more titles in my notes. But can I maintain this like I have other goals? This has been an amazing year for creating good habits, can I keep that going?

I don’t watch TV, I don’t watch sports, I don’t read newspapers. News highlights on my phone and Twitter keep me connected to the world, but I don’t dwell on all the negative things pushed through my feeds.

Meeting my minimal commitments for fitness, reading (mostly audio books actually, writing, and meditation have taken me between an hour and an hour and a half daily. Most people spend more time than that watching television. But I need to figure out a a schedule that works for me. My guess is that this blog will be an early morning part of my routine, but I haven’t locked in a schedule that I know I can commit to. I have 2 weeks to figure that out before my real schedule starts.

Writing is a pastime that I enjoy. It isn’t work, it is my television… except that I’m the script writer. Reading is a pastime that I love, but my eyes fatigue easily and audio books provide a great opportunity to continue to learn from books. Meditation is new for me this year, and I haven’t missed a day since I started in early January. The journey has been slow, but I’m learning to settle in faster, and I’m sure other benefits are forthcoming.

Just recently I missed my workout target for the first time this year, having only 3 workouts in a week rather than at least 4… but the next week was the start of my new (positive) streak!

It has been a year of building new, healthy habits, and I managed to do this during the busiest school year I’ve ever had. For the coming school year, I hope that I can keep the good habits going!

Poor Visibility

Our destination was 40 feet away, we just couldn’t get there.

I was in Montreal for a water polo tournament, and three of us decided to stay an extra couple nights, so that we could ski at Mont Tremblant. When the ski day arrived, we woke up early and began the drive to the mountain. Unfortunately the snow started around the same time and visibility was horrible.

The Honda Accord I was driving was good in the snow, but my windshield wipers were on their last legs, and I had to constantly use the washer fluid to help with visibility… then we ran out of this fluid and things got bad. Visibility was awful, but the snow wasn’t wet enough, and my wipers smeared the dirty windshield and the wipers started to tear. Visibility was so bad that I had to pull off the highway.

This was not an era of cell phones and GPS, and the map we had was a brochure, with basic highway instructions, which didn’t include the small exit we just took. We had no idea where we were or where we needed to get to in order to remedy our visibility problem.

Then we got lucky. The first road we took ended at a ‘T’ intersection and as we were pondering which way to go, we saw a Honda dealership just to the right of the intersection. What luck! We drove in and picked up new windshield wipers, but they didn’t have windshield wiper fluid. We asked directions to the nearest gas station and used a few plastic cups of water from their water fountain to help us clean the windshield. It also stopped snowing so other than very slippery roads, our situation was much improved. At least we could see!

It only took us about 5 minutes to get to the intersection of the gas station, and that’s when the trouble started. The gas station was at the top of a very small hill, but the grade of the hill was pretty steep and I couldn’t get the Honda up it. My all-season tires were no equal to this snowy incline.

My friends got out and pushed. No progress. I gave one of my friends a chance at the wheel and I pushed. No success. My other friend took a turn. The gas station remained 40 feet away. We weren’t going to get the car there.

We weren’t going to get the car there… That was my defeated sense, before the very simple realization that you, the reader, have probably already come to. But for me it was both a stroke of insight and also a moment to laugh at myself and my dejected friends.

I walked 40 feet up the hill, purchased the windshield wiper fluid, and brought it to the car. Minutes later we were on our way to the mountain with new windshield wipers and a full talk of washer fluid.

Batteries not Included

It used to be that when you purchased an item, a major inconvenience would be that batteries weren’t included. Now there are whole other elements that can be inconvenient in many ways.

It starts before you even leave the store! For the last 3 times that I did a self-checkout, I’ve had inconvenient delays: Additional approval for an item; An in-store discount coupon not working; A machine freezing. – This is not a great ‘last experience’ before leaving a store!

‘Some assembly required’ used to mean clicking 3 pieces together, then came IKEA’s version of ‘assembly required’. If I add a measly $15 an hour for my assembly time, I can understand why the product costs so little. And my experience with IKEA assembly is embarrassingly slow.

Online sign-ups: Why do you need my postal code when you’ll never mail or send me something? How many questions are really necessary for me to get some simple services that you provide for me in a fully digital format? And why is a sign-up to your monthly newsletter a default button that I have to un-click?

And what about online customer support? “The usual wait time for customers calling at this time is 40 minutes.”

Really? So you know volume is high at this time, and informing me, rather than solving that problem with more support, is your answer?

We’ve come a long way in making technological advancements, but I sometimes find myself yearning for the days of ‘inconvenience’, when the one thing you had to do when you made a purchase was pick up your own batteries… which now often come with a product!

Vlad

The gift, a framed metal butterfly. A symbol of transformation. It came to my wife and I at the end of Vlad’s Grade 8 year. My wife, Ann (Kirkhope) Truss, had him in her class for Grades 6 and 7, I had him in my class for Grade 8. As you can see by his letter, Vlad is a very gifted young man. That giftedness comes with challenges in a traditional school model.

It’s not our job to make a kid like this fit the system, it’s our job to make the system work for a kid like this… While still teaching important (life and social) skills that hopefully aid students like Vlad in their future. Because a kid like this isn’t learning content from you, that comes too easy to them. They aren’t going to ask you typical clarifying questions, but they will challenge your knowledge on a topic, they will ask extension questions that go well beyond the learning outcomes, they will get bored waiting for others to learn.

I’ve had a few Thank You’s from students over the years, my wife gets a lot more than I do. For both of us, this Thank You fits into a category all on its own. Enjoy!

Vlad-1.JPG

We get many different versions of Vlad’s in our classrooms. Each one unique, without a recipe for how best to connect and support them. Sometimes, we get it right.

Vlad-2.JPG

* I have a very funny story about Vlad, and another gifted student in the same class, whom I met for coffee with about 3 months after they left grade 8… I’ll save that one for another day. 

It doesn’t hurt

Years ago, my sister took her young son to buy new shoes. When the salesperson measured his feet he told my sister, “his feet are two full sizes bigger than the shoes he has been wearing!”

My sister was shocked and asked her son, “Why didn’t you tell me your shoes were too small?”

He replied, “They don’t hurt if I scrunch my toes up like this.” And pointing to his feet, he ‘scrunched’ and curled his toes in tight.

His mom brought him new shoes, went home, and cried. She felt like a terrible mother.

Kids are resilient. This was devastating for my sister, and not a huge deal for her son. If my sister didn’t share this story, her son wouldn’t even remember it.

~~~

What are the things that we do now, either to ourselves or have inflicted upon us by others, that are equivalent to this? In what ways do we ‘scrunch up’ our lives and accept, or tolerate, something that is uncomfortable, but we accept it? We don’t attempt to change.

Is it the way we treat ourselves or the way we let someone treat us?

Is it the ache we feel but we only take care of the symptoms, not the problem? (Tylenol is easier than physiotherapy.)

Is it the unhealthy diet we choose?

Is it the distractions we choose, that take us away from more important things?

Is it the way we let trivial things consume our thoughts?

Or is it that we let negative emotions, ideas and happenstances anger us and take over what kind of day we can have?

We tolerate a lot of discomfort because discomfort isn’t pain. It doesn’t hurt to eat Cheetos rather than a healthy snack. It doesn’t hurt to watch one more episode on Netflix rather than reading a good book, doing a hobby, or spending time with family. It doesn’t hurt to complain about a colleague rather than finding something nice to say.

It doesn’t hurt… or does it?

Instantly Smarter

Robots will never be ‘as smart as’ humans. For a number of years to come, humans will be smarter, because we can understand the nuances of language, humour, innuendo, intent, deceit, and many other nuances that take a kind of intelligence beyond logic, algorithms, and simple processing. But computers are getting so much smarter now, and they aren’t doing it simply by trying to mimic us. The moment they can achieve ‘our kind’ of intelligence with any sort of equivalence, they will instantly be smarter than us.

Here is an example: The computer Alpha Go, didn’t get better at playing the complicated game of Go from studying human play. Rather, it played itself over and over; It played in a few hours what would take hundreds if not thousands of humans a lifetime to play. Humans can’t do that. We also can’t take advantage of the lessons learned by a computer doing this by applying the strategy equally as well as that computer can.

Computers do calculations faster than we can, whether those calculations are basic math, complicated statistics, or taking multiple factors in simultaneously. Explaining this on a very basic level, I won’t ever calculate multiplying three 3-digit numbers as fast as a basic calculator can.

So, when computers get ‘as smart as’ us in more organic thinking ways, they will immediately be smarter and faster than us. There will never be a time when they will be equal to us. Dumber, then instantly smarter.

While I think this is still decades away, it raises questions about the future we are heading towards:

What’s the magic amount of information processing or intelligence where consciousness comes into play?

Will we integrate some of this technology and become cyborgs?

How long will it be before artificially intelligent computers or robots see us as we see dogs, or cows, or ants?

Morality is built on societal norms, how will these change? Who/what will decide what is morally good 100 years from now?

If we think we can enslave intelligent robots, will they revolt?

Think about this last question for a moment. Most of us know what it’s like to do a job that we think is beneath us, or that is repetitively boring. Many people quit these jobs. Will an intelligent robot be allowed to quit? Or will it be enslaved to a menial job? A history of slavery has told us that those who are enslaved understand that this is wrong, and will uprise, revolt, or fight for their ‘freedom’ at some point.

Will we be prepared for when artificial intelligence becomes instantly smarter than us?

Corn on Pizza

We lived in Dalian, China for 2 years. While there, my family looked forward to having the occasional meal that reminded us of ‘home’. One of those meals was pizza.

Pizza Hut was around the corner, and for special occasions we’d go there. We actually celebrated Christmas there both years… my wife and kids both hate turkey.

One thing that seemed odd was that corn was like pepperoni… it was on almost every choice of pizza on the menu. And, when you can’t speak the language, you order food based on pictures on the menu. We started to enjoy it! Ham, pineapple, and corn actually tastes great on pizza, although I doubt that it would still be called Hawaiian. Meanwhile, there are people here in North America that think pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza!

Another odd topping we’d see was on desserts. Here in Canada, we routinely see cherries and strawberries on chocolate cake, but not cherry tomatoes, (which are considered a fruit in China). I can’t say that this combination was as good as corn on pizza.

Potato chips were a whole other experience. While ‘lemon and pepper’ was something that I might get at home, ‘shrimp and onion’, or ‘small spicy fish’ would be a little more difficult to find here. Snacks in general were a fun new experience and I was often surprised by what I would like and what I’d never buy again.

When I go to a favourite restaurant, I’ll often get the same meal… when you find something you really love on a menu, the other items are usually a disappointment in comparison. However, beyond my favourites, I love to explore and try new things. Food can always be an experiment, and a new experience.

Where in your life do you create the space to try new things? I’m not just asking about food, but where are you open to ‘corn on pizza’ kind of opportunities?

Ideas on a Spectrum

The world seems so bipolar right now! Topics that used to be on an ideological or political spectrum have become dichotomies.

di·chot·o·my. /dīˈkädəmē/

noun ~ a division or contrast between two things that are or are represented as being opposed or entirely different.

It can be dangerous to take a spectrum of ideas and polarize them. We do not live in a Yin or Yang, black or white, world. Where the greatest danger lies in this polarization is in the importance of having a right to free speech. As I said in My one ‘ism’:

“We want to live, thrive, and love in a pluralistic society. We just need to recognize that in such a society we must be tolerant and accepting of opposing views, unaccepting of hateful and hurtful acts, and smart enough to understand the difference.”

It is getting harder and harder to do this because people find opposing views, equally as hurtful as hateful acts. This is delicate, and very problematic. This is where we need some bipartisan cooperation. 

bi·par·ti·san. /bīˈpärdəzən/

adjective ~ of or involving the agreement or cooperation of two political parties that usually oppose each other’s policies.

Right now there are untouchable (un-discussable) topics that make dialogue impossible. 

di·a·logue. /ˈdīəˌläɡ,ˈdīəˌlôɡ/

verb ~take part in a conversation or discussion to resolve a problem.

In a civil society, dialogue is the one problem-solving strategy that should be sacred. To do this, free speech is essential. But right now there is a culture of ‘attack the opposition’ that is very scary. This seems to play out at its worst on Twitter:

~ A prominent person tweets something insensitive or careless and they are attacked as if every fibre of their being is evil.

~ A little-followed user tweets something ‘inappropriate’ and suddenly they are famous in the most infamous of ways. 

~ A person with an unpopular opinion tweets that opinion and they become ‘memed’ as the poster child for ridicule on the topic. 

We can’t live in a civil society where dialogue is shut down, because at that point hate and violence are too easy to be responses, where dialogue should suffice. We are seeing this happen on different ends of the political spectrums, such as: 

~ undemocratic societies shutting down/arresting/killing opposition to those in power.

~ extreme right wing groups being unabashedly hurtful. 

~ extreme left wing groups physically attacking journalists and public figures with opposing views.

None of this moves us towards a freer, more open and accepting world. None of this fosters conversations and dialogues that can help us grow as a society. None of this creates an environment where middle ground can be found, to allow the vast majority of us to coexist in a civil society. 

We are living in a time when the extremes seem to be the voice of everyone. That’s scary! If someone has a centrist view they are identified by the extremes to share the opposing extremist view. Or, they are considered collaborators, co-conspirators, or unacceptably sympathetic to the other extremist view, (sometimes by both sides simultaneously). And so the vast majority of people that do not hold extremist views are either pushed out of the conversation, (forced to be silent for fear of some form of retribution for holding a ‘wrong’ view), or they are attacked in unfair and hurtful ways. 

I don’t pretend to have answers, but I’m pretty sure that two things can move us in the right direction:

  1. We need to recognize the difference between opposing views shared in discussions and hurtful acts, and treat them differently. When someone does or says something harmful to a person or group of people, legal responses and a judicial process should prevail. When someone says something hurtful (as opposed to hateful/harmful/prejudiced), the response should be dialogue. That dialogue might not bring about any kind of consensus or agreement, but it is what we need to do in a civil society that allows freedom of opinion and speech.
  2. We need to move away from public attacks and shaming as recourse for every wrong-doing. Treating every mis-step and error a person makes as unforgivable is harmful to our society in two ways: First, it does not provide the space for apology, forgiveness, and learning; Secondly, it actually waters down the response when someone does something truly unacceptable and deplorable… if they are treated no worse than someone who mis-spoke and is apologetic. 

We can not let the extremists and the misguided be the voices for the masses. Most people in a civil society have opinions that lie on a spectrum, and not at the polar opposites of each other. To focus on the extremes is to move us towards a society that is less free.

“We want to live, thrive, and love in a pluralistic society. We just need to recognize that in such a society we must be tolerant and accepting of opposing views, unaccepting of hateful and hurtful acts, and smart enough to understand the difference.”

More on this idea here: Having hard conversations