Tag Archives: quotes

Friendtegrity

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Just to be clear, friendtegrity isn’t a word. I just smashed friend and integrity together. That said, it is likely you read the word and knew what I was going to talk about.

I’m listening to Trevor Noah on Steven Bartlett’s podcast, Diary of a CEO. In it they are discussing friendship and Steven asks Trevor, “How do you define a bad friend?… How do you spot one?”

Trevor says, “I don’t think you spot them, I think you feel it… And I think it’s a lot easier for us to spot than you think it is. One of the easiest ones is, can you be yourself? You know, sometimes they’re not a bad friend, they’re a bad friend for you, because you are not revealing yourself to them. And so they are being friends with the idea of you but they are not being friends with you. And then you leave thinking, I don’t feel good. But they don’t even know you, so you can’t blame them for being a bad friend.”

Trevor goes on to say, “I almost think there is no such thing as a bad friend, you are just in a bad friendship… because they could be a good friend to somebody else… this is just a bad friendship for you.”

When I think of my connections to good friends, I see that my own integrity is intact. I feel comfortable enough around them that I am revealing my true self. I am comfortable with them, we can have pauses without having to fill the silence. I can be vulnerable. I can tease and joke without there being concern for harm or defensiveness, and in fact laugh at myself when the teasing is directed at me.

It’s a lot different with a bad friend, a friend with whom I feel I can’t be my true self when I’m with them. That is a friendship that doesn’t have integrity, it doesn’t let me reveal myself and so the bond is only a surface level bond. The chemistry of good friendship goes beyond that.

When you have friendtegrity, that’s really special. You can spend hours together, because you don’t have to fill the time. And equally, you can spend months or even years apart and when you meet again it’s like the time gap disappears. That’s the power of a good friendship. When you have it, you can feel it. And if it’s truly authentic, the feeling isn’t just yours, you and your friend feel it, because you are both revealing your true selves to each other.

Information abundance requires pattern recognition

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What a fantastic quote by Adam Grant,

“The hallmark of expertise is no longer how much you know. It’s how well you synthesize.

Information scarcity rewarded knowledge acquisition. Information abundance requires pattern recognition.

It’s not enough to collect facts. The future belongs to those who connect dots.”

Pattern recognition and synthesis are the path to innovation, ingenuity, and invention. The collection of knowledge is not enough. Wisdom comes from recognizing how to make connections across different fields, how to make meaning out of relationships that not everyone sees.

Artificial Intelligence can give us the knowledge we seek. It can dumb down the ideas to our level of understanding, and even teach us with relevant examples when we are stuck. More information won’t be what we seek. Instead we will seek new connections, patterns, and relationships.

The desired experts of tomorrow are probably not the siloed experts we once sought. Instead they will be information generalists who understand how to take information from different fields, identify relationships others don’t see, and synthesize information such that they can tell a story others won’t know to tell.

How are we preparing the next generation of learners for this new future? How will schools need to change to help students prepare for the future in a world of abundant and easily accessible information? It certainly won’t be by feeding them content. Instead, the future of education lies in creating challenges where students need to synthesize information and recognize connections and patterns across different fields of study.

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Related: My ‘Transforming Our Learning Metaphors’ Ignite Presentation from almost a decade ago.

Be Safe, Be Smart

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Today my youngest daughter leaves the house for 6 weeks. It will be the longest time that my wife and I won’t have a kid in our house since our first daughter was born almost 25 years ago. It really makes me question, ‘Where does the time go?’

On the note of time flying by, I have no memory of when I started this, but for much of their teen and all of their young adult lives, I’ve had a little tradition for when I see my daughters off. Be it for a trip like this or even for a night out. In addition to ‘Love you,’ I always say, ‘Be safe, be smart.’

The response I enjoy hearing is, “Always.”

Four simple words of advice that probably give me more comfort than they give my daughters, but they both receive the advice and respond with polite grace… and at this point in my life, I think they will be living in their houses with their own families and I might still keep this tradition going.

And for anyone out there that needs to hear it, as you head out of the house and onto new adventures, be it a night out or a trip around the world, let me share a little advice: Be safe, be smart!

Promises to keep

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One of my favourite poems is Robert Frost’s ‘Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening’, and my favourite stanza from that poem is the final one:

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.”

I love that idea of honouring your promises, and understanding that there is more in life to do. I especially value the idea of keeping promises you’ve made to yourself.

In my 10Lessons on Atomic Habits, specifically Lesson 8 – Habit Tracking, I say, “The calendar doesn’t lie. You be honest to the calendar, and when you look at the calendar, it’s honest right back at you.”

In this Instagram Reel, Chris Williamson says, “Stop breaking promises to yourself. When you say, I’m going to… wake up tomorrow at 7am, and when the option comes to hit the snooze button… don’t do it. There’s one win you’ve got for the day.”

How many times have you done everything in your power to ensure that you keep your promises to other people… and compare that to how often you will break a promise to yourself, and sacrifice your own personal commitments in order to fulfill promises and commitments to others. You stay late for work and then miss a workout. You worry about your kids eating a healthy lunch at school but don’t share the same concern for your own lunch. You cancel social plans to attend a meeting… compare the frequency of that versus postponing a meeting to do something social with friends.

The most important promises to keep are the promises you make to yourself.

Put your own oxygen mask on first

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Arianna Huffington is 74 years old and she just recently started a new AI business. She started the Huffington Post at age 55 and sold it 6 years later for 315 million dollars. In this The Diary of a CEO podcast interview with Steven Bartlett she shares this gem of a story.

The moral of the story is simple: Leaders need to take care of themselves, and get enough sleep, in order to be at their best. She says, “All the science now makes it very clear that when we are depleted we are going to make bad decisions.”

Then quoting Jeff Bezos, “I sleep 8 hours a night… I’m judged by the quality of my decisions, not the quantity of my decisions.”

As the new school year begins, take this as a reminder to take care of yourself first, if you really want to take care of your staff and students. It’s not good enough to only exercise, and eat well, and get enough sleep when you are not busy. You owe it to yourself, those you serve, and your job, to treat yourself well. It’s not selfish to put on your oxygen mask first, it’s how you get enough air to take care of others.

Build good habits and take the time to care for yourself first, when you are busiest, and it will become very easy to do so all the time. You will benefit as a person, as a friend, as a partner, as a parent, as an employee, and as a leader. It starts with you taking care of you.

Competence builds confidence…

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I love this statement by Dr. Alize Pressman,

“Competence builds confidence, not praise.”

So much pushback from kids comes from the frustration, or fear, of failure. Celebrate the path to little wins, focus on what they can do on their journey to doing more difficult things… and students start to shine.

Praise builds expectations of repeat performances. When students can’t hit those targets they lose confidence, or they stop trying… because it was so hard to get that praise and they aren’t convinced they can work that hard again. Or worse, they did work harder but didn’t hit the mark worthy of praise anyway. How disheartening is that? It’s definitely not a confidence builder.

“How did that make you feel?” is a question that fosters a student’s confidence. “That looks amazing, good job!” is a statement that puts pressure on repeated performance, and fosters performance anxiety.

“Competence builds confidence, not praise.”

AI and the collapse of a shared reality

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TikTok has introduced me to some very interesting content creators. One such person is Morten Rand-Hendriksen, who goes by the username @mor10web.

He shared this insight recently:

@mor10web

#AI image generation, the destruction of our shared perception of reality, and the inevitable collapse of democracy. Inspired by posts on the same topic from @Paige | AI Ethicist

♬ original sound – The Mor10 of the Web

After discussing the fact that people stuck in an echo chamber of like-minded people start to call a real photograph an AI generated fake… he says,

“Here’s what keeps me up at night: We’re converging on a point where it is easier to claim that real images are fake than it is to prove that images are generated using AI, or manipulated using AI. And that means we have no reasonable expectation of any image or any video or any audio being real. And we don’t have the tools or the media literacy to really do this analysis.

…and we are in the situation we’re in now where people can choose their own reality and live in a reality dysfunction. And AI provides the tools and capabilities to make that reality disfunction into our lived reality.”

Indeed, our shared reality has collapsed. AI generated fakes spread like wildfire through echo chambers of like-minded groups, and even when discovered to be fake, there is no effort to make corrections if the fake fits the group’s narrative… and any real media that doesn’t fit that same reality is easily dismissed as a fake.

Maya Angelou said, “We are more alike, my friends, than we unalike.” I would agree with that when we had a common shared reality, but I question it now in a world filled with AI generated fakes, and a lack of media savviness to determine what really is real. The collapse of a shared reality is a threat to our world, whether the split is socioeconomic, political, or religious. We are increasingly growing unalike.

Persistence and Patience

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I like images and graphics that make you think, and especially ones that are motivating. But sometimes for the sake of an image trying to tell a story, another narrative can either be missed or take over from the intended message. That’s something that immediately occurred to me when I saw this ‘inspirational’ image.

To me, the intended message is that we always need to keep learning, but it suggests a uniformity of practice and process that’s just plain wrong. To the person who posted it, Steven Bartlett, the message was about relentless consistency. He said,

For anyone frustrated with how long something is taking you right now…

Remind yourself of this.

Relentless consistency is usually the answer. I’m not talking about a sprint, I’m talking multi-decade.

What’s one thing you do to remain consistent?

But that uniformity between LEARN and APPLY in the image really bugs me no matter what the intended message. While other commenters mentioned positive interpretations like, ‘Consistency is key’, and ‘Focus on the long game’, I commented:

I think my greatest learning is that application always takes longer than you think. Persistence needs to be tempered with patience.

I wish learning was that easy. I wish I could apply everything I learned so consistently and effortlessly. I can’t. And I don’t think anyone can. There are hours of practice, there are mistakes made, detours and distractions. There is never the consistency and uniformity off application of learning seen in the image.

Is the message of relentless consistency over a long period of time important? Absolutely! But I really think this image misses the mark in sharing what relentless consistency looks like. The hardest part of relentless consistency is when application of learning does not go smoothly and application of what you’ve learned takes months to accomplish. And yes, sure that also often means more learning, but the grunt work of making things work can often be the times when consistency really matters, and isn’t so evenly worked through as suggested in the image.

Persistence needs to be tempered with patience. If constant results and application of learning are expected, this will lead to disappointment and frustration… neither of which inspires consistency.

If I’m not learning…

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I’ve had a connection on LinkedIn invite me into some conversations that he hosts. So far I’ve declined. In writing this. I was planning on sharing my full correspondence, but really it’s the last sentence I wrote that inspired sharing. Here it is:

If I’m not learning something new, I’ve got more important things to do!

The full, 2-sentence paragraph was:

“Sounds selfish, but I’m too old and too far into my career to waste my time:) If I’m not learning something new, I’ve got more important things to do!”

I don’t want the sales pitch, I want to see excellence and learn from people doing good work. I don’t want the conference session that’s about inspiration, I want to learn about the perspiration and the hard work that got results. I don’t just want the showcase of results, I want to understand the messy failures that helped get you there.

If I’m not learning something new, I’ve got more important things to do!

Trade your expectation with appreciation

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I was listening to The Tim Ferriss Show today and heard this great quote from Tony Robbins: “You want to change your life fast then trade your expectation for appreciation and you have a whole new life.”

(Listen to the full gratitude & appreciation quote by Tony Robbins here.)

It’s easy to forget sometimes how blessed we are. It can be all consuming as we seek and want more, while forgetting how much we have already.

Possible future you robs happiness from the present you.

Don’t let future you steal your happiness today.

Bask in appreciation of what you have: Family, friends, health, work, hobbies, food, health, wealth… you might not be exactly where you want future you to be, but if you take stock right now, you probably have a lot to appreciate and be happy about.