Tag Archives: martial arts

Egoless learning

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I got to participate in a small Jujitsu class today with a buddy who is a black belt. The great thing about going to your first class with an expert is that there is no ego present. I knew before going in that I knew nothing, and that athletic ability and strength were not going to give me the slightest edge against someone who isn’t only a master in his art but also very athletic and stronger than me. So I went it with the mindsets of an apprentice.

With just 4 of us in the class the instructor catered the class to me, and made the lessons very introductory. Then my buddy gave me some one-on-one time. With every escape that either I was practicing on him, or that he was practicing on me, it quickly ended with me in a compromised position. “The last place you want your opponent to be is on your back,” he wisely shared with me. Then we’d be on the floor, him in a headlock, he’d show me an escape, I’d try to counter… and then he was on my back. Every. Time.

It would have been easy to be frustrated, but I expected it. I took it in stride. I would try again, take his advice, and then ultimately lose position a few seconds later. And I’m not being humble, it was always a few seconds later. I marvelled at how easy he made it seem. But that’s what years of practice does. It takes being put into compromising situations hundreds of times to understand how to escape those situations.

If I was a couple decades younger, I’d probably take the sport up, but these days I’d struggle too much with back and neck issues to do more than train for an hour with a black belt, who is fully aware of my challenges, and who is going light on me. I deal with enough injury recovery in my everyday life to add a contact sport to my life routines. Still, I had an absolute blast today. I forgot just how much fun it is to be completely new at something, and to have that ‘beginner mind’ where your ego is parked and real learning happens.

The meaning of your communication

One of my favourite sayings, almost a mantra for me, is:

The meaning of your communication is the response that you get.

This message has two important parts:

1. It puts the responsibility of good communication on me as a communicator.

2. It focuses on the result of my communication.

If someone doesn’t understand my message (2 – result), then I didn’t communicate the message well enough (1 – responsibility).

It reminds me to be clear and concise. It reminds me to check for understanding. It reminds me to bite my tongue, and listen so that I understand the perspective of the other person. And it harshly reminds me that I’m imperfect at doing these things when I’m not understood and when I don’t take ownership of the miscommunication.

This is most important when dealing with difficult conversations.

I’m reminded of this coaching advice about verbal jujitsu:

It’s easy to blame someone else for poor communication, much harder to accept that we can control the narrative when we recognize that we are accountable and responsible for our good communication… And that in the end it’s the result matters. Not winning a point. Not blaming someone else for misunderstanding. Not getting the last word in.