Tag Archives: kindness

Going the extra inch

I think this idea came from Terry O’Reilly’s book, ‘This I know’, but I listened to it a couple years ago and am not 100% sure? The idea is to go the extra inch, rather than the extra mile.

The easiest place to see this in customer service. The cashier who takes a little extra care in bagging your items. The waiter who tops up your water glass before you need to ask. The hot dog vendor who asks if you’d like your bun toasted. The hotel front desk clerk who asks if you’d like a city map with local restaurants, or who remembers your name the next time you see them.

So many people talk about going the extra mile, but really it’s just an extra inch that can make the difference, (or for that matter the extra centimetre). It doesn’t often take much work or effort to make someone’s day, to provide better than average service, or to simply be accommodating to someone you love and care about.

A kind gesture, a simple change in tone, a thoughtful question, a smile. It’s not about going terribly far out of your own way, it’s simply going the extra inch.

What I find interesting is that it’s often easier to do this with strangers rather than those you are around daily. We seem to take advantage of our relationships and not make the extra inch of effort with people we spend time with every day. Instead, we are quicker to snap a response, or to be snide, or just impatient. We feel like the extra inch is actually an extra mile.

It’s not. In this way, life is a game of inches, and it’s much more fun when we are able to see this and just go that extra inch for those that can do the same for us more frequently, because we are around them more often.

Kind eyes

I was having Pho (Vietnamese soup) with my daughter at a restaurant and I looked over at a table behind her. The closest man facing me was being served by the waitress and I noticed that his eyes looked so very kind as he smiled. I told my daughter to turn around and take a look at him and tell me what his eyes said to her, and she too chose the adjective ‘kind’.

My daughter then said, “I wish we lived in a world where we could tell people things like that, like just walk up to a stranger and say, ‘you have amazing hair’, without being creepy.”

And sure enough, I could not think of a way to tell this man, ‘Excuse me, I was sitting across from you and just wanted to say that you have the kindest eyes,’ in a way that wouldn’t just as equally creep him out as much as it would be taken as a compliment. The comment stayed unsaid. In fact, I’d completely forgot about it until after we left the restaurant.

I think it’s a bit sad that compliments like that are not socially accepted. Compliments don’t need to have an agenda. At the same time I can see how certain compliments can cross a line, ‘kind eyes’ is fine, but a ‘pretty nose’ might be weird. Still, my daughter got me thinking about this. If nothing else, we should at least take the time to notice the kindness in others, even if we are just projecting that kindness on them.

…And the next time you smile at someone, remember to start that smile with your eyes.

Good thoughts, good words, good deeds

For over a dozen years now my email signature has included the Zoroastrian mantra, “Think good thoughts, say good words, do good deeds.”

This 3,500+ year old religion is one of the oldest monotheistic religions (believing in just one supreme God) and likely had significant influence on Judaism, Christianity, and Islamic beliefs about a messiah, heaven, and hell.

As we head into the 20th year of this relatively new century, I wonder if the followers of some of these newer religions couldn’t take some time to pay respectful attention to the earlier beliefs in Yahweh… the supreme host, (God).

What if we started each day with good, kind thoughts?

What if we chose good, kind words before we spoke?

What if we chose good, kind deeds to do daily?

What if we were to nurture the good in any faith we have, be it a faith in God, a faith in humanity, or faith in ourselves to be loving, thoughtful, and kind. We are put on this earth for a relatively short time, how can we maximize the good that we do while we are here?

The winter solstice has past us, here in the northern hemisphere. As the days get longer and brighter, let us think of ways that we can shed our light on others.

Happy holidays!

Giving from the heart

I love this video:

I’ve consistently noticed that kids will be selfless when they have an opportunity to show their love and appreciation for family. I’ve also noticed that this generosity increases with students who have less than most. That’s worth reflecting on!

On the topic of giving, here is a wonderful story about how an Inquiry Hub student, Andrew, ended up raising an incredible amount of money for Covenant House.

Andrew is continuing to raise money for them this year. If you are inclined to support homeless youth and youth in need, please consider a contribution.

Thank you and happy holidays ahead!

3 ways that people are digitally evil

I’m a huge fan of Twitter. I think it is a tool that has a challenging entry point, but with a little help and advice, it can be a powerful place to learn and build a great PLN.

It can also be used for evil.

Now, to be honest, I don’t see this very often because I don’t look for it. I see a whole lot of good in my Twitter feed, but here are 3 ways people use Twitter that are digitally evil, and would probably be less likely to happen in a face-to-face conversation:

1. Ad hominem attacks.

Ad hominem (Latin for “to the person”),[1] short for argumentum ad hominem, typically refers to a fallacious argumentative strategy whereby genuine discussion of the topic at hand is avoided by instead attacking the character, motive, or other attribute of the person making the argument, or persons associated with the argument, rather than attacking the substance of the argument itself.

Examples include making fun of someone’s weight, looks, background, or social position, rather than looking at the actual issues. If you think about this, by attacking the person, rather than their ideas, you actually diminish the points you make against their arguments. Let’s say you hate the ideas someone is sharing, and you call them fat and ugly on Twitter. Would their argument be better if they were skinny and handsome/pretty? Are you suggesting their ideas are dependent on their size and looks? That these things matter? Should you be judged on the merits of these kind of arguments? It is hurtful and derogatory, and insulting not just to the person you are attacking.

2. Sarcastic questioning.

This is a passive-aggressive move. It is the asking of a question that your question already suggests you understand what’s going on, but you ask it anyway.

“Is it just me or… ?”

“Why is it that… ?”

“Why on earth would… ?”

“Can you believe that… ?”

These openings can be fun and lighthearted, or they can be accusatory and underhanded. I used this strategy above by asking, “Should you be judged on the merits of these kind of arguments?” But it wasn’t an intentional attack, it wasn’t comedy at the expense of people.

3. Full on rants.

I will confess to ranting against poor customer service in Twitter. I don’t do it often, but I’m also not guilt free. That said, there seem to be a subset of Twitter users that use it as a venue to regularly rant. This seems unhealthy to me. It is something I try to avoid, but often angry tweets are retweeted, and so I might see them not because I follow the person, but because someone I follow retweets this person.

Sometimes I think digital conversations give rise, and permission, for ‘inside voices‘ to be externalized. The medium allows people that may not normally have a voice to be heard, to speak to (or at least at) a CEO, politician, or movie star. A hashtag gives anyone an audience. Someone might only have 5 followers, but #companyname, #election, #event, or #movie will find them readers of their tweets. For those that already have a large audience, there is an even greater responsibility not to be intentionally evil.

I try to be thoughtful. I pause before tweeting a complaint or a rant. I think about the point I want to make… and I’ll still make mistakes. But at least I‘m making an effort not to be mean, and I unfollow people that don’t seem to have this kind of filter. I filter my timeline as best as I can from digitally evil people.

PS. That doesn’t mean I ignore people with different opinions, or shy away from good, challenging questions.

Being intentionally kind

Be intentional with your kindness:

• Look a person in the eye and smile, as you hold the door open for them.

• Turn and listen, after asking ‘how are you?’

• Say ‘please’ to start your sentence, rather than as an ending afterthought.

It’s easy to confuse politeness with kindness, but while kindness is almost always polite, politeness isn’t always kind.

Being present, recognizing and acknowledging the person you are with, and showing genuine appreciation, is kind.

There is no mistake that you are being both polite and kind, when you are being intentionally kind.

appreciation

Appreciating this moment

We have so much to be thankful for. So much to appreciate. And so much to offer to others.

A smile.

A nod.

A pleasant greeting.

A hand.

A hug.

A patient ear.

We have so much to be grateful for. We are alive, we have a new day ahead of us that is filled with potential.

Yesterday is gone. It lingers only as much as we allow it. It can weigh upon us, or it can lift our spirits. It can take possession of our attitude in positive or negative ways, or it can be released to give us the freedom to enjoy the present.

Tomorrow can be a prison of anxiety and worry, or a reason to be excited; something to look forward to. But tomorrow is best left where it is, other than when making concrete plans.

That leaves us with now. The present is our present, our gift of being alive. It lets us seize possibilities if we allow it. We are so lucky to have this moment, right now… Thank you for sharing your present with me, for taking the time to read these words. Thank you for the good that you do to support others. Thank you for being kind.

I appreciate the moments you have shared with me. What comes next? What will you do with the gift of time that you have? How will you share that time with others? What can you do to seize the present moment? What can you now give that will also give you joy now?

Asking your kids the right questions

Here is a long, but interesting article in the Atlantic, “Stop Trying to Raise Successful Kids“.

In it the authors, Adam Grant & Allison Sweet Grant, say:

To demonstrate that caring is a core value, we realized that we needed to give it comparable attention. We started by changing our questions. At our family dinners, we now ask our children what they did to help others. At first, “I forget” was the default reply. But after a while, they started giving more thoughtful answers. “I shared my snack with a friend who didn’t have one,” for example, or “I helped a classmate understand a question she got wrong on a quiz.” They had begun actively looking for opportunities to be helpful, and acting upon them.

This reminds me of a post I wrote 11 and a half years ago when my kids were 6 and 8, “Who have you help today?

I used to ask my kids, “what was your favourite part of the day”, then I added “Who did you help today?” And as I mentioned in the post reflection:

It was only a matter of weeks before my oldest daughter’s ‘favorite part of the day’ was also the answer to ‘who did you help today’.

A question like this is so much more powerful than, ‘What did you do at school today?’, or ‘What did you get on your test?’, or ‘Did you have fun?’ Simply asking the question, “Who did you help today?” tells a kid what you value.

Super Powers

When I was younger, I wanted to be Spider-Man. He was the superhero I most connected to because he was a ‘normal’ kid that gained super powers. Unlike Superman, born on another planet, Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive spider and was thus transformed from normal to super human.

I think that was what I was most attracted to: I couldn’t become Superman, but I could become Spider-Man.

In reality, we all have superpowers.

We have the ability to be kind, make someone’s day, change people’s minds, help people learn, and even change their luck.

We can equally use our superpowers for evil.

How will you use your superpowers?

Words hurt more than you’ll ever know.

I’ve been pretty quiet on the topic of our loss of Amanda Todd. Mostly because things in the media are so polarized and everything about this story is complex, with interwoven issues that get lost in sensationalism.

But this is a beautiful song, inspired by a beautiful young spirit, whom we lost at too young of an age.

Words hurt more than you’ll ever know. Be kind, and when others are not kind, be brave and speak up.