Tag Archives: kindness

3 ways that people are digitally evil

I’m a huge fan of Twitter. I think it is a tool that has a challenging entry point, but with a little help and advice, it can be a powerful place to learn and build a great PLN.

It can also be used for evil.

Now, to be honest, I don’t see this very often because I don’t look for it. I see a whole lot of good in my Twitter feed, but here are 3 ways people use Twitter that are digitally evil, and would probably be less likely to happen in a face-to-face conversation:

1. Ad hominem attacks.

Ad hominem (Latin for “to the person”),[1] short for argumentum ad hominem, typically refers to a fallacious argumentative strategy whereby genuine discussion of the topic at hand is avoided by instead attacking the character, motive, or other attribute of the person making the argument, or persons associated with the argument, rather than attacking the substance of the argument itself.

Examples include making fun of someone’s weight, looks, background, or social position, rather than looking at the actual issues. If you think about this, by attacking the person, rather than their ideas, you actually diminish the points you make against their arguments. Let’s say you hate the ideas someone is sharing, and you call them fat and ugly on Twitter. Would their argument be better if they were skinny and handsome/pretty? Are you suggesting their ideas are dependent on their size and looks? That these things matter? Should you be judged on the merits of these kind of arguments? It is hurtful and derogatory, and insulting not just to the person you are attacking.

2. Sarcastic questioning.

This is a passive-aggressive move. It is the asking of a question that your question already suggests you understand what’s going on, but you ask it anyway.

“Is it just me or… ?”

“Why is it that… ?”

“Why on earth would… ?”

“Can you believe that… ?”

These openings can be fun and lighthearted, or they can be accusatory and underhanded. I used this strategy above by asking, “Should you be judged on the merits of these kind of arguments?” But it wasn’t an intentional attack, it wasn’t comedy at the expense of people.

3. Full on rants.

I will confess to ranting against poor customer service in Twitter. I don’t do it often, but I’m also not guilt free. That said, there seem to be a subset of Twitter users that use it as a venue to regularly rant. This seems unhealthy to me. It is something I try to avoid, but often angry tweets are retweeted, and so I might see them not because I follow the person, but because someone I follow retweets this person.

Sometimes I think digital conversations give rise, and permission, for ‘inside voices‘ to be externalized. The medium allows people that may not normally have a voice to be heard, to speak to (or at least at) a CEO, politician, or movie star. A hashtag gives anyone an audience. Someone might only have 5 followers, but #companyname, #election, #event, or #movie will find them readers of their tweets. For those that already have a large audience, there is an even greater responsibility not to be intentionally evil.

I try to be thoughtful. I pause before tweeting a complaint or a rant. I think about the point I want to make… and I’ll still make mistakes. But at least I‘m making an effort not to be mean, and I unfollow people that don’t seem to have this kind of filter. I filter my timeline as best as I can from digitally evil people.

PS. That doesn’t mean I ignore people with different opinions, or shy away from good, challenging questions.

Being intentionally kind

Be intentional with your kindness:

• Look a person in the eye and smile, as you hold the door open for them.

• Turn and listen, after asking ‘how are you?’

• Say ‘please’ to start your sentence, rather than as an ending afterthought.

It’s easy to confuse politeness with kindness, but while kindness is almost always polite, politeness isn’t always kind.

Being present, recognizing and acknowledging the person you are with, and showing genuine appreciation, is kind.

There is no mistake that you are being both polite and kind, when you are being intentionally kind.

appreciation

Appreciating this moment

We have so much to be thankful for. So much to appreciate. And so much to offer to others.

A smile.

A nod.

A pleasant greeting.

A hand.

A hug.

A patient ear.

We have so much to be grateful for. We are alive, we have a new day ahead of us that is filled with potential.

Yesterday is gone. It lingers only as much as we allow it. It can weigh upon us, or it can lift our spirits. It can take possession of our attitude in positive or negative ways, or it can be released to give us the freedom to enjoy the present.

Tomorrow can be a prison of anxiety and worry, or a reason to be excited; something to look forward to. But tomorrow is best left where it is, other than when making concrete plans.

That leaves us with now. The present is our present, our gift of being alive. It lets us seize possibilities if we allow it. We are so lucky to have this moment, right now… Thank you for sharing your present with me, for taking the time to read these words. Thank you for the good that you do to support others. Thank you for being kind.

I appreciate the moments you have shared with me. What comes next? What will you do with the gift of time that you have? How will you share that time with others? What can you do to seize the present moment? What can you now give that will also give you joy now?

Asking your kids the right questions

Here is a long, but interesting article in the Atlantic, “Stop Trying to Raise Successful Kids“.

In it the authors, Adam Grant & Allison Sweet Grant, say:

To demonstrate that caring is a core value, we realized that we needed to give it comparable attention. We started by changing our questions. At our family dinners, we now ask our children what they did to help others. At first, “I forget” was the default reply. But after a while, they started giving more thoughtful answers. “I shared my snack with a friend who didn’t have one,” for example, or “I helped a classmate understand a question she got wrong on a quiz.” They had begun actively looking for opportunities to be helpful, and acting upon them.

This reminds me of a post I wrote 11 and a half years ago when my kids were 6 and 8, “Who have you help today?

I used to ask my kids, “what was your favourite part of the day”, then I added “Who did you help today?” And as I mentioned in the post reflection:

It was only a matter of weeks before my oldest daughter’s ‘favorite part of the day’ was also the answer to ‘who did you help today’.

A question like this is so much more powerful than, ‘What did you do at school today?’, or ‘What did you get on your test?’, or ‘Did you have fun?’ Simply asking the question, “Who did you help today?” tells a kid what you value.

Super Powers

When I was younger, I wanted to be Spider-Man. He was the superhero I most connected to because he was a ‘normal’ kid that gained super powers. Unlike Superman, born on another planet, Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive spider and was thus transformed from normal to super human.

I think that was what I was most attracted to: I couldn’t become Superman, but I could become Spider-Man.

In reality, we all have superpowers.

We have the ability to be kind, make someone’s day, change people’s minds, help people learn, and even change their luck.

We can equally use our superpowers for evil.

How will you use your superpowers?

Words hurt more than you’ll ever know.

I’ve been pretty quiet on the topic of our loss of Amanda Todd. Mostly because things in the media are so polarized and everything about this story is complex, with interwoven issues that get lost in sensationalism.

But this is a beautiful song, inspired by a beautiful young spirit, whom we lost at too young of an age.

Words hurt more than you’ll ever know. Be kind, and when others are not kind, be brave and speak up.

 

Comment of the Day!

I’m reading over report cards and came across this comment:

“With a strong moral compass, he frequently does the ‘right’ thing and encourages others to do the same.”


What a wonderful thing to say about someone! It tells me a whole lot more about the kid than any letter grade ever could.