Tag Archives: habits

Promises to keep

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One of my favourite poems is Robert Frost’s ‘Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening’, and my favourite stanza from that poem is the final one:

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.”

I love that idea of honouring your promises, and understanding that there is more in life to do. I especially value the idea of keeping promises you’ve made to yourself.

In my 10Lessons on Atomic Habits, specifically Lesson 8 – Habit Tracking, I say, “The calendar doesn’t lie. You be honest to the calendar, and when you look at the calendar, it’s honest right back at you.”

In this Instagram Reel, Chris Williamson says, “Stop breaking promises to yourself. When you say, I’m going to… wake up tomorrow at 7am, and when the option comes to hit the snooze button… don’t do it. There’s one win you’ve got for the day.”

How many times have you done everything in your power to ensure that you keep your promises to other people… and compare that to how often you will break a promise to yourself, and sacrifice your own personal commitments in order to fulfill promises and commitments to others. You stay late for work and then miss a workout. You worry about your kids eating a healthy lunch at school but don’t share the same concern for your own lunch. You cancel social plans to attend a meeting… compare the frequency of that versus postponing a meeting to do something social with friends.

The most important promises to keep are the promises you make to yourself.

The slow road

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In the last 8-10 months I’ve seen some really positive results with my overall fitness. If I think about what I’m doing differently to see these results, there isn’t a lot that’s new. Rather it has been tiny shifts that I’ve made after years of building positive habits.

The journey started in January 2019. If I want to think about the positive results I’ve been seeing lately it stems from that long ago. People tend to want to see really fast results, and then one of two things happen: Either the unrealistic goals go unrealized (it’s probably unlikely you’ll drop 25 pounds in 2 months). Or the target is hit the first time then when the results are not repeated, it becomes disappointing, (you hit the 25 pound target but in another 2 months you only drop 5 more pounds and get discouraged).

Build good habits and consistent results are a natural byproduct. Then small tweaks really make a positive difference. I added 10 minutes to my cardio routine, and started doing the Norwegian Protocol once a week. This has improved my cardio (which I can see in my effort output increasing when I do the protocol). I also added a weighted vest to my incline walks on the treadmill, which I’m sure has helped improve my cardiovascular stamina.

I have also focused more on pushing myself to fatigue when I do weights, because I am trying to be more efficient in the morning since I have 10 less minutes to workout because of my added cardio. So, I’m not adding gym time, I’m just being more effective. Doing cardio, stretching, and training one muscle group really hard still only takes about 45-50 minutes, but that time is focused.

I couldn’t do this with a 2 month goal. If I was worried about instant results, if I had unrealistic ambitions when I started this journey more than 5 years ago, I probably wouldn’t still be doing what I’m doing. Now I’m not saying having goals and targets isn’t good. I know weight or muscle size targets can be fantastic motivators. What I am saying is that being willing to develop good habits shifts those goals to more long term ambitions.

I want to be as healthy as I am now in 20 years. To do that I need to keep improving, knowing full well that my body will not be able to sustain itself in the same way in 2 decades… into my late 70’s. So I’ll keep the small, positive changes going, with a focus on being consistent, and injury free.

Increasing my healthspan, not just my lifespan is my goal. And while improvements will be slow, the slow road is far more likely to get me to the results I desire, rather than creating big targets that are hard to accomplish and then taking psychological hits when I don’t hit my goals. I think too often we seek changes in our bodies that are either too great or too hard to sustain. A long term goal of a positive healthspan keeps me going at a pace and effort that I know I can maintain for a very long time.

Put your own oxygen mask on first

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Arianna Huffington is 74 years old and she just recently started a new AI business. She started the Huffington Post at age 55 and sold it 6 years later for 315 million dollars. In this The Diary of a CEO podcast interview with Steven Bartlett she shares this gem of a story.

The moral of the story is simple: Leaders need to take care of themselves, and get enough sleep, in order to be at their best. She says, “All the science now makes it very clear that when we are depleted we are going to make bad decisions.”

Then quoting Jeff Bezos, “I sleep 8 hours a night… I’m judged by the quality of my decisions, not the quantity of my decisions.”

As the new school year begins, take this as a reminder to take care of yourself first, if you really want to take care of your staff and students. It’s not good enough to only exercise, and eat well, and get enough sleep when you are not busy. You owe it to yourself, those you serve, and your job, to treat yourself well. It’s not selfish to put on your oxygen mask first, it’s how you get enough air to take care of others.

Build good habits and take the time to care for yourself first, when you are busiest, and it will become very easy to do so all the time. You will benefit as a person, as a friend, as a partner, as a parent, as an employee, and as a leader. It starts with you taking care of you.

Workout buddy

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I work out at home. Getting up and just having to go to my basement with no commute time to and from the gym is great. There is minimal resistance, I have no excuse, and I I’ve averaged working out more than 6 days a week over this year. If I had to travel to a gym, I wouldn’t keep that average up.

That said, it’s awesome to do a workout with a buddy. There are added motivations to really push when: you have someone next to you working hard; you know that they will spot you if you are struggling; and, admittedly it’s just easier to push yourself when you’ve got an audience.

I am doing a week long trail at my buddy’s gym and went for a workout this morning. We did a chest workout. It was fast, and yet it was more comprehensive than what I do at home, and I worked harder than I usually do at home. Realizing this is making me rethink my workout schedule. I don’t want to pay monthly fees for a gym I rarely use, I also don’t want to disrupt my morning routine or wake up even earlier to add 30 minutes commute time to my routine.

Not sure I can get the best of both worlds, but for at least a couple more times in the next week, I hope I get to work out with a buddy!

Alone time

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I just had a few days with a lot of alone time. I enjoyed it, but was really not focussed on anything I hoped to do. It reminded me of how much I rely on my habits and routines to keep me ‘in check’. I don’t necessarily use free time well, I get distracted and I’m easily entertained.

I never get lonely, and can spend time on my own without being bored or needing company… but I also need goals and tasks or I can just get lost in my own world. A perfect example is today I learned about Ed Witten, and then I spent almost two hours watching videos, most of which explained things beyond my full comprehension, but I was both engaged and lost… and again I was fully entertained.

It’s the power of being an introvert… even when I’m on my own, I never feel alone.

Winning is Everything

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We live in an era of participation awards and consolation prizes. Everyone is a winner… except that’s not true. It takes a special kind of attitude, one that requires you to believe that winning is everything, to get you to the headspace of a winner that actually wins more often.

Great athletes are not satisfied with second place, second place is the first loser. Dedicated athletes are pissed off when they are a fraction slower than their personal best time… Next time… I’m going to hit it next time. I’ve got to give more. The thrill of competing isn’t the the only thrill, it’s the path to the greater thrill of winning, of hitting a personal best… of giving everything you’ve got and being rewarded with success.

Sportsmanship is important, but winning is more important. My opponent is pissed off at me? Good. Let them be angry while I am focussed. Let them worry more about hurting me than on scoring. Let them fear what I’m willing to do that they are not. Anger is weakness and all weaknesses are to be exploited. Celebrate in their faces after scoring. Exude confidence. Boast. Win at all costs. Defeat them morally as well as on the scoreboard. Make them loath the thought of going up against you next time.

Some will vilify and hate you. Some will call you arrogant. Some will declare you a cheat, call you a dirty player, and claim you are overrated, overhyped. This will be your fuel, not a reward, winning is your reward, but the naysayers light a fire under you. Proving them wrong is part of what makes victory so sweet.

There is no consolation prize, no celebration for mere participation. No. There is simply the drive to win next time. Hours of practice lie ahead. More than any other competitor is willing to do… because that is what winners do.

Nike “Am I a bad person?”commercial: https://youtu.be/pwLergHG81c

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Update: See my post, Good pushback , for follow up to this post.

Keeping with it

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Habit versus motivation: habits win.

I am lazing around on holiday. There’s nothing outwardly wrong with that, if only I could feel better about it. Yesterday my wife and I did a walk up a big hill in 33° weather (91° for my Fahrenheit friends). It was hard, but rewarding. I was impressed with my wife who had us jogging down the hill, when I would have chosen to walk.

Today it feels hotter, but I procrastinated all morning and now I still haven’t worked out yet and it’s mid afternoon. I have no idea what I’m going to do for a workout, but I know I’m going to work out… it’s just that my motivation in this heat is very low. Our tent is a steam room, too hot to stay in, and I’m sticking to the chair, sweaty, as I write this in the shade.

I have no problem working out regularly at home, it’s a habit. I wake up, start my morning routine, and before going to work I’ve worked out, meditated, and written my blog post. Meanwhile I’ve been here 3 nights, missed one workout, and didn’t blog or meditate until after 9pm 2-out-of-3 nights so far.

It’s simple: Habits are easy, motivation is hard.

I’ll need to figure out some new routines because I’m spending a good part of my holiday thinking about and avoiding things I usually get done before 7am. As for right now, I’m going to do a meditation and push myself to complete a workout despite the heat. I want it to hurt today, to motivate me to not wait until this time tomorrow. In the world of motivation I’ve learned that I prefer the stick to the carrot… the avoidance of pain rather than the promise of reward.

With good habits, I can just avoid the need for motivation altogether.

Distraction versus Inspiration

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Parkinson’s Law states: “work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion”.

My morning write has been like that recently. I’m not writing more so much as I’m procrastinating getting started. Then by the time I get to this point here in my writing, I’m already going to need to rush some of my routine after writing. It’s a procrastination routine that doesn’t work for me and yet I go back to it. I allow myself to be distracted. I permit myself to not look at the blank page and pretend that distraction is actually inspiration.

Distraction is not inspiration. It has appeal, it seems like an attractive path to a new idea, but it is not. No, the quick email check isn’t going to inspire a good idea. Neither will the red notification on my phone app, nor will social media… All distractions.

How often do we do this? How often do we justify our distractions and lack of focus? We also allow ourselves to procrastinate by getting other stuff done that isn’t the task we really should be doing. The ‘To Do’ list gets smaller but the more immediate tasks still sit undone.

Work expands not just to fill the time allotted, but to just beyond that time. Then the pressure builds and suddenly I achieve more in less time than I thought possible. What just happened there? I had a lot of time and I got too little done, then I feel the time crunch and get it done anyway. Rushed, stressed, but done.

This isn’t my regular modus operandi, but rather part of my productivity cycle. Some days I’m flying through tasks feeling like I’m unstoppable. Other times I’m keeping busy, but not necessarily focused on what needs to be done next. But when I do this at work, I’m still getting stuff done. When I’m home, when I’m trying to get inspired to write, I’m actually just distracted. Other things aren’t getting done, nothing is happening except I’m losing time.

Inspiration can come when you don’t expect it. You can take a break and insights can hit you unexpectedly. But intentional distraction is the enemy of creativity, and choosing a distraction is never the seed of inspiration. Creativity does not strike evenly, but it does strike more frequently when avoiding distraction. If you are hiding from the work, creativity will be elusive. Distraction distracts you from inspiration and creativity.

What are you showing up for?

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I wrote this back in April 2022:

We live in a society now where there is so much pressure to do well; to be your best; to shine. It’s not easy. But sometimes the message doesn’t have to be ‘you are awesome’, ‘you have so much potential’, or ‘push yourself’. Sometimes the message of ‘just show up’ is all we need to hear.

  • Don’t plan an hour workout, just show up at the gym.
  • Don’t worry about how much you have to do, just start.
  • Don’t create a huge ‘to do’ list, pick 2-3 things you know you can get done and check those off… even if showing up is one of those things!

It’s easier to act your way into a new way of thinking, than thinking your way into a new way of acting. ~Richard Pascale

Just show up!

In a coffee shop with a friend today we were discussing the value of ‘Just showing up‘, and he asked the very rich question, “What are you showing up for?”

Two things come to mind and they are related:

  • For the habit; and
  • For the accomplishment.

When your attitude is ‘just show up’ you often end up doing more than you expect. A perfect example is exercise. “I don’t feel like working out today” is not showing up! But “I don’t feel like working out today so I’ll just walk on the treadmill for 10 minutes…” This is ‘just showing up’! And if you only do 10 minutes, that’s great! You weren’t feeling up to doing anything and you accomplished a short workout. Fantastic!

But what also might happen is you could finish that 10 minutes and add another 10 minutes because now you’re feeling pretty good about it. You could decide you’re just going to do a walk and then you end up doing a run. You could finish the 10 minutes and then do 15 or 20 minutes of stretching that you wouldn’t have done had you not got on the treadmill in the first place.

So instead of not showing up and skipping the workout you have both maintained the habit and you’ve also accomplished something to feel good about.

What are you showing up for? Consistency: Habit reinforced; Accomplishment achieved.

The Gaps

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They are the space in between. The gaps that separate knowing from doing.

It’s what allows you to be kind to others, but doesn’t allow you to be kind to yourself.

It’s the awareness of what you should eat and what you actually snack on without thinking.

It’s having great habits in one area of your life and not being able to duplicate them in other areas of your life.

It’s waning motivation when the job is almost done, which delays completion.

It’s getting too little sleep but delaying bedtime with unproductive distractions.

It’s not facing the most urgent thing by keeping busy with less important things.

It’s the gap. Sometimes it’s narrow and easy to cross, and other times it’s an impassable crevice. It’s the creator of guilt, and a point of self loathing, or disappointment.

It’s the yeast that gives rise to procrastination and excuses. It gets baked into your routines. It’s the stale crust that is unappetizing but still edible.

Take small bites.

Tiny steps forward.

Narrow the gap. You aren’t going to get rid of it, but you can reduce its impact. It’s easier to take baby steps than it is to try to leap across a chasm, but once you let the gap become a chasm, it feels like it’s too late. Baby steps, one foot in front of the other, and some gaps will slowly disappear… but more knowing/doing gaps will always appear. If they didn’t, life would probably be pretty boring.