The things that hold us back the most are usually invisible to other people. It’s a lack of confidence, a crippling amount of self doubt, a hesitation for fear of not being right, or valued, or heard. I see it a lot in students. These internal stressors are portrayed as avoidance, distraction, shyness, hesitation, and even self deprecating humour.
Don’t understand something? “I’m stupid.” Or just pretend to understand to avoid looking stupid.
Treated poorly by a fried? “I deserved it.”
Don’t know where to get started? Just do something else off topic rather than ask for help.
Sometimes it’s not a lack of work, but putting too much in that’s the problem… “It’s not good enough”, “It’s not my best work”, or “It’s not ready”… and all the while it’s better than what most students will submit. Perfectionism is crippling and sometimes “I didn’t try” is easier to face than trying hard and it not being up to par, or knowing just how hard it is to always do great work all the time.
We see a lot of undesirable behaviours, but we don’t see the hidden challenges, the internal struggles, the invisible hold of insecurities that are the root of the behaviours. We see the byproduct of the struggles but not the struggles themselves. Addressing the behaviours does not always address the problem.
This is why it’s important to teach students and not just subjects. Why relationships matter as much as content. Why it takes a village to raise a child. Helping students reduce the hold of their challenges and doubts is as important as any subject we might teach. The best thing we can teach is the wisdom to know themselves, and the confidence to know that they can be and are valued members of our community.
Hi Dave,
Loved reading this post that brought me back to research that I read about identity. Here is a quote from that research that makes this point: “Identity is at the core of adolescent social and emotional learning!” The need for each learner to know, understand and value their identity in who they are, how they learn and what they aspire is foundational in developing agency. Would be glad to meet up virtually to share more.
Always appreciate your input Kathleen! Let’s connect soon… I still feel like I’m in startup mode here though, perhaps in a couple weeks.
That would be great! Look forward to meeting up in a couple of weeks. I will send an email out for you to select a date.