I’ve been listening to Bitter Sweet Symphony by The Verve for about a month now, every time I do my chin-ups.
Sometimes I get a song in my head and I just want to hear it again and again when I’m doing a specific task. When I do plank workouts, it’s Eminem’s Lose Yourself. And when I write, it’s a lyric-less song called ‘Nerve Centre’ on the Calm meditation app. I’m listening to this now, too late on Thursday night, because I can’t sleep.
Tomorrow is bitter sweet. For the past 2 years I’ve been principal of 3 completely different schools: An online school, a small innovative, uniquely structured, but ‘regular’ school, and an alternate school. These schools have nothing much in common except for being in the same building… and having me as Principal. After tomorrow, I’m no longer in charge of the alternate school.
I’ve been needing a change. The role has been exhausting and 2 years in it hasn’t gotten easier. It has been too much, and I always feel I’m letting at least one school down. So, although I’ll be adding some additional responsibilities, I know after 2 years, I will have more balance. But more importantly, I know I can do more for my schools and feel good about that.
So why is this bitter sweet? Where is the bitter part? I’m leaving a school with students I’ve connected with; I’m leaving a school I wish I did more for. I feel guilt that I feel relieved.
But I felt ready to quit a year ago. I was at my ropes end (figuratively only). What kept me going was my early morning fitness and meditation routine, my audio book consumption, and my healthy time restricted eating routine. Last summer, I added this daily blog. With these routines I created something outside of my work schedule that encouraged self-care. They gave me sustenance when my work scheduled didn’t.
It seems counterintuitive, that adding a bunch of extra routines helped me manage my busy schedule better, but they have strengthened my skills as an educator and a leader. I’m fitter and have more energy. I’m listening to non-fiction books that I constantly connect to my job. I reflect on my learning and life lessons here on my blog. And, I’m sure my daily meditation is helping too, although I still can’t calm my monkey brain down and concentrate on my breathing for longer than a minute, even after trying daily for over a year.
I look forward to dedicating more time to my 2 schools after tomorrow. I know this is a good thing… But Friday… Friday is going to be bitter sweet.
David, I share your experience witha mind that never seems to quiet down…music…for ne music, I will email you another playlist that is surely 5 years more mature vs. your formative music times, but in sure they overlap again for ne…it is the best add to calm my thoughts. In sure your regular writing adds great value here too.
Couple more thoughts…
On the bittersweet reference..your honest real feeling here is an example of strength…proudly, I tell you this!
On connecting with students….50 years or so ago..ny grade one teacher taught us to sing Goodbye Yellow Brick Road written by Elton John and Bernie Taupin….I still remember and can sing it perfectly minus a few bad high notes…making a difference in anyone’s life…especially as a teacher can with a student..is a gift for a lifetime. Not knowing any of them directly…I can 100% state you made, are making a difference, regardless of the school or number of schools you are involved with..I applaud your awareness to adjust here. Bittersweet, yes, but lots of sweet too.
L
PS..my grade one teacher was Miss Mee, Cedar Drive PS…near Eglinton Avenue East and Kingston Rd. in Scarborough…she called me Leon and only sometimes Lee (like all the kids did) as she knew of our connection to LB through a parent teacher conference where my dad spoke of your Papa B and our connection.