Tag Archives: solitude

Alone, not Lonely

I’m fortunate to live a life surrounded by people I love and who love me. I don’t take this for granted, it truly is a blessing and a gift. I feel lucky to have this, and I know not everyone does.

I also feel fortunate that I have always enjoyed alone time. To me, moments of solitude are precious as well. As a kid, I spent a fair bit of time on my own. I shared this yesterday,

“I grew up on a dead end street, and there were no kids my age nearby. This was in Barbados, and my grandparents owned a motel (actually rental apartments) on our street. I had a few friends that visited yearly but a lot of summer days I spent either playing with my younger sister or an older cousin when he’d put up with me. Or, I played on my own. I had quite an amazing imagination and could entertain myself for hours.”

I was often alone and never felt lonely.

My grandparent’s house was across the street and I probably spent more waking hours in that house than in my own. It was like their house was the main house and ours was our sleeping quarters. I remember driving my grandmother crazy. I’d go to her dining room table on one end of her huge kitchen, a massive table that could easily seat 12, and often did for dinner, and I’d pace around it.

Flat footed, I’d walk circles around it, my feet slapping against the tiles. Twenty, thirty, fifty times I’d circle the large table in a meditative state of imagination. Like an autistic child stimming, I’d find pleasure in the repetition of motion and sound as I circled the table. Externally I was in a monotonous or boring behavioural loop. Internally I was in an imaginative world far removed from my stimming body.

Alone, not lonely. By myself and fully enthralled, even entertained. Until my grandmother interjected. “Boy, what’s the matter with you?”

She wasn’t being mean, she was concerned. I’m sure she was thinking, ‘What’s my grandkid doing, stuck in an en endless loop, mindlessly circling my table?’

“Stop that boy, why don’t you go outside and play?”

“I’m fine.”

“Go play outside. It’s nice out.’

So, I’d go outside and find somewhere else to be comfortably alone. But I’d often find my way back to circle the big table. A place of comfort, shaded from the hot sun, and feeling the cool kitchen tiles with my bare feet.

I may not take being surrounded by family and friends for granted, but I have always known that solitude is comfortable for me. Nowadays I tend to fill my alone time with audio books and podcasts. This is partly because I have tinnitus and quiet time is no longer quiet, it is interrupted by a continuous tone in my ears. So, I fill the quiet with external input. It’s also because I love to learn and find joy in learning on my own time.

So now I have less true ‘empty’ time compared to when I was a kid. I’ve come to realize that my writing time is my quiet time. This is my time of solitude, just me and my thoughts. Me in silence, alone every morning. Thinking. Writing. Absorbed in my own words, my own world. Alone. At peace, and very comfortable. I love that I never feel lonely when I’m by myself. This, like being surrounded by loved ones, is a blessing and a gift, and I cherish it.

Alone time

I just had a few days with a lot of alone time. I enjoyed it, but was really not focussed on anything I hoped to do. It reminded me of how much I rely on my habits and routines to keep me ‘in check’. I don’t necessarily use free time well, I get distracted and I’m easily entertained.

I never get lonely, and can spend time on my own without being bored or needing company… but I also need goals and tasks or I can just get lost in my own world. A perfect example is today I learned about Ed Witten, and then I spent almost two hours watching videos, most of which explained things beyond my full comprehension, but I was both engaged and lost… and again I was fully entertained.

It’s the power of being an introvert… even when I’m on my own, I never feel alone.

Social Battery

I’m often mistaken as an extrovert. Because I’ve been blogging for about 18 years now, and putting my thoughts and my work ‘out there’, that is often mistaken as being an extrovert. Because I can get up in front of a group of people and do a presentation, I am obviously an extrovert.

But I’m not.

Putting my work ‘out there’ is a solitary thing. I’m writing this in the silence of my house, before 6am, when everyone else here is sleeping. Presenting in front of people makes me a bit nervous, but it also is a solitary act. It’s not a group conversation. Ask me to act a scene out and a freeze. Give me 5 lines to memorize and perform, and I’m a mess.

Social gatherings of more than 6 people are a stressful situation for me. I’d rather sit and chat with one person all day than be in a party with 12 people I know very well. And in bigger groups, or with people I don’t know that well, I’d rather crawl under a rock.

For me, large groups are where my social battery runs out. I get tired, I disengage. I feel the need to isolate myself. I never feel that way when I’m on my own, or in a one-on-one conversation. I’m never bored when I’m by myself.

My battery gets drained when I have to be in large groups for long periods of time, and especially over several days. It’s an introvert’s life for me. My focus is inward, my connections are individual rather than group oriented. And my battery gets charged when I’m having a conversation with one other person, or maybe two, rather than in a group.

I’m often mistaken as an extrovert, and while that’s not a bad thing, it can be hard on my social battery. And after a while I need a bit of solitude in order to recharge. And solitude time doesn’t drain my battery at all… it’s like during that time I’m remaining plugged in, keeping myself fully charged.

Eating Alone

Every now and then I used to enjoy eating out on my own. I would be alone with my thoughts. Now I’m not alone even when I’m eating by myself. My phone connects me to others, to work, to news, and to entertainment.

Now it seems that I’m always connected to others. Alway ‘on’. The next time I eat out alone, my phone is staying in my pocket.

What alone time has your phone robbed you of? What did you used to do alone that you no longer allow yourself to do alone anymore?