Tag Archives: social-commentary

No Authenticity Without Sincerity

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I was listening to the Modern Wisdom podcast with Chris Williamson and he said something that really struck a chord with me,

“…society is obsessed with authenticity and terrified of sincerity.”

For me it’s the perfect vacation photo, but it took 20 minutes to take because that’s how long it took to have a split second of time when the scene doesn’t look over-crowded.

It’s the beauty advice from people with injection enhanced lips and inch long false eyelashes.

It’s the made-to-look-candid moments that are completely contrived.

It’s the ‘I’m an influencer’ entitlement.

It’s the beauty filters that remove wrinkles and age lines while enhancing complexion.

… I could go on. The point being all this happens with an air or attempt to share an authentic moment, a real, ‘this is me’ connection’, or a ‘I’ve got what you want’ attitude, all the while masquerading as sincere.

It’s conveyed as authentic, yet there is pretence, deceit, and/or hypocrisy. It’s the promise that you can have it all: the beauty, the physique, the wealth, the perfect significant other, the happy and fulfilled life.

‘If I can do it, you can too.’

Never mind genetics, forget about privilege, disregard the challenges that are proclaimed as easy or simple to overcome. Leave behind sincerity.

Real authenticity comes with vulnerability. But vulnerability is seen as weakness. So everyone’s afraid of sincerity because theky don’t want their message, and more importantly themselves, to appear vulnerable and weak.

What are we left with?

“…society is obsessed with authenticity and terrified of sincerity.”

What do we see?

False authenticity thinly vailed as sincere but really just an illusion. It’s performative rather than practical. And yet somehow it gains traction, and social media algorithms just feed us more. More vapid messages pretending to be genuine but never sincere enough to be truly authentic.

What if forgiveness prevailed?

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I think the two most noblest of traits are compassion and forgiveness.
Compassion because it links us to others in a way that we lose ourselves.
Forgiveness because more than any other trait, it can not be faked
and true forgiveness is to see love even in the faults of others.
5 years ago I wrote about 7 sins:
  1. Gluttony
  2. Envy
  3. Pride
  4. Lust
  5. Wrath
  6. Greed
  7. Sloth

And in a concluding post I said that I was going to share 7 virtues. I haven’t done that yet, maybe one day I will. The virtues I chose at that time were:

  1. Love (including Chastity and Loyalty)
  2. Discipline (including Patience, not just Diligence or Temperance)
  3. Empathy (including Compassion)
  4. Integrity (including Honour and Courage)
  5. Kindness (including Charity),
  6. Humility
  7. Forgiveness

I remember intentionally putting Forgiveness last because I wanted to end with the noblest of virtues. I put Forgiveness on this pedestal because I think you can ‘go through the motions’ of the other virtues, but not forgiveness. You can virtue signal, intentionally or unintentionally, with the other virtues and have those virtues develop, but when it comes to forgiveness there simply isn’t an easy way to act it and have it grow. For example, you can do loving things towards someone, and eventually develop a love for that person. You can fake discipline and after a while that practice become disciplined. But if you aren’t truly forgiving, if you have hesitations, then they will be revealed… You can’t fake forgiveness. It doesn’t grow with time. You are either open to it, or you aren’t. You can half love someone, you can’t half forgive someone.

That said, I’ll hold off on discussing other virtues for a future date. Right now I am looking at a world where forgiveness is a lost art. Vengeance is everywhere. People want to say, ‘I told you so’. Social media is all over FAFO. Changing your mind (especially in US politics) isn’t met with compassion, nor forgiveness, but rather finger-waving and anger. The amount of variations of, “Oh sure, you only realize now that it affects your life”, that I’ve heard on social media posts is disconcerting. There is no room for forgiveness.

I understand why. Forgiveness is the ultimate virtue and not easy to attain. It requires love, empathy, and kindness. It is an affront to integrity, and the humility shared by those that did harm seldom seems like it’s enough to warrant forgiveness. Forgiveness is hard to fake and even harder to authentically give.

However, forgiveness is the best way to build a stronger bond than was there before. It is a place where real change can happen. The danger is that is also makes the forgiver more vulnerable to be hurt again. It requires trust. That’s what makes it so difficult to give.

Currently, I see a window of opportunity for real change to happen. I see hurt and disillusioned people openly admitting that they made a mistake. But I don’t see compassion. I don’t see forgiveness. I see hurt creating a gulf between the people who seek forgiveness and those who could, but do not forgive. And while I understand the hurt, while I see the fear of forgiving and being hurt again, I also see a golden opportunity being missed. Where there has been a great divide, there can be agreement. Where there has been opposing factions, there can be common ground. Where there has been arguments and yelling, there can be dialogue and discussion.

At this perilous time I have but one question: What if forgiveness prevailed?

Not the same mistakes

Before I share this, no, it’s not a reflection on my parenting. I’m not wallowing in worry about how I’m messing my kids up. This is just one of the most powerful comics I’ve ever seen, and I think about it a lot as a school principal. Also, profanity warning for the comic below.

Now that I’ve got the disclaimer out of the way, let me share that I think this is one of the most challenging times to grow up in the last few decades. More young adults are living longer with their parents, or committing long hours to be able to afford rent. Many have not hit 25 yet and they don’t see themselves ever owning a house, or having a back yard like the one they had as a kid. Many more are disillusioned by what they see in the news and on social media.

Meanwhile, parents are doing their best not to make the mistakes of their parents, and yet struggling to navigate what that looks like. Some parents are doing all they can to help a disengaged kid stay in school. Others are lost trying to figure out inappropriate behavior. Still others are doing everything to protect their child, but preventing them from learning from failure. And still others are doing everything ‘right’, which works for one kid and doesn’t work for another.

And those are the resourceful parents that are trying their absolute best. They aren’t the divorced parents who fight in front of the kids every time the kids are passed off. They aren’t the ones struggling with their own demons of abuse, drugs, or mental illness. Still doing the best they can with the skills they have, but just not skilled in ways that support their kids.

We don’t want to make the same mistakes our parents did. We don’t want to follow the same patterns. That can be, but probably isn’t, a disparaging complaint about our own parents. Rather it’s a recognition that we want to do better, be better.

But try as we might, family dynamics is challenging, the world we live in is challenging, and this comic sums up the parenting challenge perfectly.