Tag Archives: praise

Competence builds confidence…

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I love this statement by Dr. Alize Pressman,

“Competence builds confidence, not praise.”

So much pushback from kids comes from the frustration, or fear, of failure. Celebrate the path to little wins, focus on what they can do on their journey to doing more difficult things… and students start to shine.

Praise builds expectations of repeat performances. When students can’t hit those targets they lose confidence, or they stop trying… because it was so hard to get that praise and they aren’t convinced they can work that hard again. Or worse, they did work harder but didn’t hit the mark worthy of praise anyway. How disheartening is that? It’s definitely not a confidence builder.

“How did that make you feel?” is a question that fosters a student’s confidence. “That looks amazing, good job!” is a statement that puts pressure on repeated performance, and fosters performance anxiety.

“Competence builds confidence, not praise.”

All Around Wonderful

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Last night our school put on a spring formal for our senior students. The event was a huge success. I had a chuckle at the end of the night when I got feedback from three students. The first from a gushing student telling me what an amazing night it was. “It was so wonderful, I didn’t know what to expect, but this was such an amazing night, thank you!”

The second was a student who thanked us and said how impressed she was. One of my teachers said, “See, start with low expectations and things always turn out great.” The student replied, “Actually I had pretty high expectations, I knew it was going to be good, and it still exceeded my expectations.”

The third one I’d like to share was actually said to me between these two. This student, who always calls me by my last name with no ‘Mr’ (which I don’t mind) said, “You know, Truss, any time you do something the first time, you can expect things to go wrong, but I have to say that tonight was pretty good. You got so much right, and I can’t think of anything I’d change. Good job.” Now that’s from a kid who understands radical candour and isn’t afraid to give hard feedback, especially to me, because he knows I want to hear it.

But the reality is that the event was the success that it was because of the wonderful team I work with. Every teacher and one of my secretaries was there helping to make the night a huge success. This event was the vision of one of our counsellors, who wanted the kids at our school to have an event like students at bigger schools. And the entire team stepped up to make the event something our students wanted… and enjoyed.

A student prepared a welcoming toast. Another one did a full ten minute speech that had everyone laughing and repeating quotes he said. Not platitudes, but humour that resonated with our entire community of students and staff. And a parent raised so much in gifts and prizes that most kids left with a gift card that was at a minimum 2/3rds the cost of the ticket, and many students left with a lot more.

I feel blessed to work in such an amazing environment with a fantastic team, and wonderful students, who all understand and appreciate that an event like this is a lot of work… and appreciate the effort it takes to do it right.

Habits vs Distractions

The kids that are perfectionists, work for hours on something that was good enough long before they consider the work to be finished.

The kids who loves to do research collect so much of it that it becomes overwhelming.

The kids who are easily distracted spends too much time catching up on work that should already have been handed in, and are perpetually putting off work that should be done now.

The kids that stress about the class they don’t like, spend less time and energy on the classes they enjoy.

The kids that work on more than one thing at once end up doing less of everything as they bounce from task to task.

The kids that should ask the most questions ask half as many as the kids that really don’t need to ask, but want to make sure they understand, or are doing things correctly.

It’s not always a lack of trying, it’s not always a lack of effort. It’s the lack of the understanding of where to put effort, what to do next, when to ask for help, and when to either remove distractions or remove themselves from distraction.

But the good news is that habits are learned. Success can provide as much serotonin and reward stimulus as distractions do… but only if the habits are in place to make the rewards consistent. Otherwise, video games, social media, and the illusion that multitasking is actually a thing, trump the rewards of good habits.

Sometimes we give kids too much choice, too much time, too many extensions. Sometimes what they need are high expectations, and hard deadlines. Sometimes they need a teacher checking in on them, asking to see work in progress, and giving timely and precise feedback. Sometimes kids need teachers to help them with their plan of action, and then hold them accountable to the plan.

Because sometimes the appeal of distractions are too strong, and giving a kid time to choose what they should do next isn’t really giving them a choice. Because sometimes distractions are too strong, and kids are not really choosing, they are falling back in the habit of doing the things that feed their brains with serotonin. They don’t get the same rewards from hard work, because they don’t have the habits to ensure that hard work pays off. Sometimes we need to make the choice for them, then instead of praising the work, we need to ask them how they feel getting the work done. Sometimes we need to help build good habits for them, because the alternative is to let the distractions win.