Tag Archives: neighbour

In the neighbourhood

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Had a buddy drop by today while on a bicycle ride. It was wonderful to get an unexpected visit. An unscheduled visit just isn’t something that happens anymore.

I grew up in a house where the front door was almost never locked. There were days that I would come home from school and a friend would be waiting in the basement for me. They’d open the door and announce that they were there to visit me. My mom wouldn’t even come down the stairs, she’d just tell them I’m not home yet and to go to the basement. A couple of them would even help themselves to milk and cookies before going down the stairs. My mom wouldn’t think twice of feeding them dinner as well. For years we thought my mom’s favourite part of the chicken was the wings, but she just always took them to make sure we had enough food for our unexpected guests. ❤️

I had an older cousin who would drop by unexpectedly and see what’s for dinner. If she didn’t like what she saw, she just left. Other times she’d call and tell my mom, “Don’t cook, I’m making dinner tonight.” That meant that we were having Kentucky Fried Chicken. We loved her visits whether she was bringing food or sitting with us to have what we were having.

I miss the days of unexpected visits, of people dropping by because ‘I was in the neighbourhood’. There was the spontaneity of hanging out and/or breaking bread when it wasn’t at all part of the day’s plan. Even today, my buddy texted before knocking on the door… back in the day there was no opportunity to call if you were in the neighbourhood unless you made an effort to find a payphone. Today, we’d know days in advance before one of our kids brought a friend over just for a visit, much less a meal. And almost nothing is planned on the same day.

Nowadays if there’s an unexpected knock on the door your mind immediately goes to either a package delivery or someone soliciting something. I miss the delight of opening our front door and having a friend there without a plan being made well in advance. Today, I was treated with that again, and it was wonderful.

Working through our differences

Let’s play a little game of ‘Have you ever?’ It’s a quiet game that you play inside your head, no one but you needs to know your answers:

Have you ever planned to buy something locally (at a farmer’s market or local lumber store or specialty shop) and then when you saw the price you decided to go to the cheaper big chain or online store?

Have you ever lied to someone because the truth was too hard to tell?

Have you ever done anything that went against your religious or core beliefs, knowing it was wrong, but you did it anyway?

Have you ever chosen to make sacrifices in order to align more with your religious or core beliefs, even though you’d rather not make those sacrifices?

Have you ever done something not because you wanted to, but because you feared other options or outcomes?

Have you ever looked at people different than you and unfairly judged them (regardless of whether you felt justified or you realized you made a mistake later)?

Have you ever made a decision that was not based on what you really wanted, but on what was in your opinion the lesser evil?

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We all make compromises. We all make choices that do not align perfectly with our values and/or we all make sacrifices because they do align with those values. We are not perfect. We don’t always make perfect choices.

We can and do hold different values than other people. And while we can hold other people accountable for doing unjust things that harm us or others, we should not judge another for simply making decisions we would not make. We don’t always know what drives others to those decisions, what personal compromises they had to make, what values they chose to focus on or to ignore. We can challenge ideas, but we do not gain anything from the judgement of others simply because they made choices we would not make.

“Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.” Edmund Burke

We live in a pluralistic society. In such a society we will have neighbours with different values than us. We can not both celebrate their differences and also judge our neighbours for not thinking the same as us. A fair and just society relies on us working through our differences, not condemning others for being different.