Tag Archives: introvert

Alone time

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I just had a few days with a lot of alone time. I enjoyed it, but was really not focussed on anything I hoped to do. It reminded me of how much I rely on my habits and routines to keep me ‘in check’. I don’t necessarily use free time well, I get distracted and I’m easily entertained.

I never get lonely, and can spend time on my own without being bored or needing company… but I also need goals and tasks or I can just get lost in my own world. A perfect example is today I learned about Ed Witten, and then I spent almost two hours watching videos, most of which explained things beyond my full comprehension, but I was both engaged and lost… and again I was fully entertained.

It’s the power of being an introvert… even when I’m on my own, I never feel alone.

Social Battery

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I’m often mistaken as an extrovert. Because I’ve been blogging for about 18 years now, and putting my thoughts and my work ‘out there’, that is often mistaken as being an extrovert. Because I can get up in front of a group of people and do a presentation, I am obviously an extrovert.

But I’m not.

Putting my work ‘out there’ is a solitary thing. I’m writing this in the silence of my house, before 6am, when everyone else here is sleeping. Presenting in front of people makes me a bit nervous, but it also is a solitary act. It’s not a group conversation. Ask me to act a scene out and a freeze. Give me 5 lines to memorize and perform, and I’m a mess.

Social gatherings of more than 6 people are a stressful situation for me. I’d rather sit and chat with one person all day than be in a party with 12 people I know very well. And in bigger groups, or with people I don’t know that well, I’d rather crawl under a rock.

For me, large groups are where my social battery runs out. I get tired, I disengage. I feel the need to isolate myself. I never feel that way when I’m on my own, or in a one-on-one conversation. I’m never bored when I’m by myself.

My battery gets drained when I have to be in large groups for long periods of time, and especially over several days. It’s an introvert’s life for me. My focus is inward, my connections are individual rather than group oriented. And my battery gets charged when I’m having a conversation with one other person, or maybe two, rather than in a group.

I’m often mistaken as an extrovert, and while that’s not a bad thing, it can be hard on my social battery. And after a while I need a bit of solitude in order to recharge. And solitude time doesn’t drain my battery at all… it’s like during that time I’m remaining plugged in, keeping myself fully charged.

Introvert at a party

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Sometimes the introvert in me really comes out… or rather shuts me in. In a social setting I can find comfort in a one-on-one conversation, but feel totally removed from a larger group discussion. It’s like a switch goes off and suddenly I’m no longer a participant but a distant observer of everything happening around me.

I don’t feel isolated or secluded. It’s not like I’m trapped somewhere I don’t want to be. I’m not suddenly feeling left out or alone, I am simply not fully engaged in what everyone else is doing. It’s not sad, it’s a comfortable place that is just one step removed from the present, or rather presence of everyone else.

A joke is told, I hear the laughter, I smile. It’s like I’m watching a sitcom, and I’m not part of the laugh track. I get and appreciate the humour, it just doesn’t hit me like something that would make me laugh. If someone asks me a question, I’m right there to respond, but it feels like it is filtered through a vail from the outside, remote yet not far away. I answer politely but I’m not fully engaged.

This is not a place I choose to go. It doesn’t happen all the time. It’s just a consequence of being an introvert. A loud and busy gathering is not a comfortable place, so I recede to a place inside myself that is more comfortable and I engage with the outside world from there.

Still happy to be with people I like. Not fully disengaged, but also not fully present. A slightly distant observer rather than full participant. An introvert in an extraverted world.

No vs Know

Sharing some wisdom from George Couros and his mom, who always told him ‘it never hurts to ask, because the dreams you have are sometimes just a question away’. Here is the quote, and I really love it:

“It’s better to hear ‘no’ than to never know.”

When people meet me, they don’t often know that I’m an introvert. I used to spend hours living in my own head, and I still go there too often. Solitude is my friend, and I’d rather hang out with one friend, maybe 2, but I tune out crowds and would rather be alone than be in a group.

As a kid, and early into adulthood, I would build scenarios in my head about what could happen, but I wouldn’t speak up. I’d turn down opportunities that would have been great. And I’d not ask a simple question that could have opened doors for me, or provided my with opportunities. I’m still learning how to ask for help rather than doing a lot of work myself.

It’s not even that I fear the ‘no’, it’s the idea of asking that holds me back. So, maybe that’s why I love this so much… because I can think of many times in my life that hearing ‘no’ would have been better than not knowing.