Tag Archives: handyman

A five minute job it wasn’t.

Yesterday I changed a toilet seat. It’s a 5 minute job… until I tried to do it. Unfortunately for me one of the old metal screws was rusted and even though the head could take both a flathead and the Robertson square head, they were both stripped in a matter of minutes of trying to use them. Then the plastic bolt got shredded and I was stuck. Exasperating the issue, the toilet is in a tiny alcove and I had to use my phone like a mirror just to see the bolt.

I spent way too long trying to somehow grip the screw head and undo the bold, leaning over the bowl and messing with the bolt I couldn’t directly see. It was futile, but I’m stubborn and continued to waste my time. But it actually wasn’t a complete waste because I shredded the old washer and that provided a little room between the toilet top and the screw head.

What was my next step? I took a new hacksaw blade and stuck it between the toilet top and the screw, and with a tiny 2 to 3-inch back-and-forth motion I cut the screw. It was a process that took over 10 minutes to do. The whole process left an absolute mess to clean up behind the toilet, and from start to finish I was there for close to an hour and a half.

I seem to be cursed when it comes to doing anything ‘handy’. It doesn’t matter what the job is, I end up taking much longer than expected to complete it. Eighteen times longer in this case. I made about 7 or 8 trips to the basement. At least it was only one trip to the hardware store to buy the seat, usually it ends up being 2-3 visits. I always end the job just relieved it’s over rather than having any sense of accomplishment.

My rule of thumb is, don’t start a a quick handyman job unless I have at least two hours to get it done, because for me there is no such thing as a 5-minute repair.

The not-so-handyman curse

I have this curse on me. It goes like this: Whenever I do a repair job, I will never go to the hardware store just once. More often than not, it’s three times per job.

Last weekend I replaced the insides of one of my toilets. Hardware store visit 1: buy the replacement items. Visit 2: a pair of pliers large enough to remove a large, seized nut and pick up a replacement flexible water hose that I should have bought in the first place. Visit 3: replace the flexible water hose with the same length hose but a wider screw nut… I thought it was a universal size, it wasn’t and I lost the 50/50 chance of picking the right size the first time.

Today it was replacing the silicone seal around the kitchen sink. I asked the guy at the store what I needed, and he recommended the best sealant to get. After doing all the prep I decided to look up how to get the best bead on my silicone line on YouTube. The last time I did this years ago, it was messy. Three videos later, the secret was obvious: use non-ammonia glass cleaner after putting the bead down, then the excess silicone won’t stick to my finger or smear on the counter or tiles. So, back to the store a second time to get the glass cleaner. I almost count this second visit as a win, since it was only two visits and not three.

I remember replacing a faucet not too long ago. I was so proud of myself for only needing one visit to the store, but once I started the water up, it constantly leaked. I purchased a faulty faucet. Back to the hardware shop I went and had to repeat the entire replacement a second time.

Cursed.

I am not a handyman. I know that attitude sucks. I know I should believe in myself. But I believe in the curse.., and the curse has got me. If anyone knows any voodoo to reverse the curse, I’m open to trying it.