I used to think, ‘I don’t understand how we got here?’ But I’m beginning to see a pattern.

Honour, respect, and decency are conventions. They are merely expectations, they are simply the way things are normally done in a caring culture. Decorum is upheld not by the roles of everyone, rather it is upheld by the usual lack of tolerance for people that don’t show decency. A key role for those with power and influence in a decent society is to demonstrate what’s acceptable, and when they don’t, conventions are not enough.

Conventions, decency , and decorum are expectations, not laws. To break them is not illegal, but rather just ugly. And sad.

Our collective tolerance has been too weak. The ‘paradox of intolerance’ is the problem on two fronts. First, in being too tolerant of the intolerant. But secondly and almost more importantly, because the tolerant are held to a higher standard. Those who hold decorum and decency within them expect of themselves to follow these conventions, and are upset but more tolerant of those who do not, in comparison to the expectations they place on themselves.

It’s a slippery slope because bad faith actors are given too much leeway to say and share things unbecoming of themselves and the roles they play in society. And so it takes a lot less effort to lack decency and decorum than it does to uphold it.