Tag Archives: Calm App

Meditation and a drifting mind

I’ve struggled with my morning meditation recently. My mind drifts and wanders, and I can’t seem to keep my thoughts on my breath for more than 30 seconds. Today was the 3rd day in a row that my mind wandered so much that I could barely call it meditation.

I like the Calm App, and use the 10 minute Daily Calm meditation. It starts with focussing on your breathing and for the last couple minutes there is always a lesson or topic that Tamara Levitt shares. Today’s was on Mudita. However I can’t tell you what that means despite the fact that I’m writing this immediately after meditating. I have no idea what Tamara spoke about? My mind had drifted for the entire lesson.

I know that bringing my focus back to my breath is meditation as much as staying focused. In the past couple years I’ve gotten better at doing this without being angry at myself, and understanding that this is a natural part of meditation. I’ve also started catching myself drift and bringing my thoughts back to my breath before Tamara reminds me. But my past few sessions have all seemed to involve my mind drifting, and me completely forgetting that I’m meditating. Then I catch myself and almost immediately drift again, unaware that I’m doing this. I’m hoping that writing this, and thinking about my intentions to stay focused will help… but I’m also open to suggestions.

Vulnerability can be a double edged sword.

This morning I did my second outdoor run (read light jog) since breaking kneecap at the end of February. I’m staying at my sister’s place down at the beeches near Queen Street, and jogged the board walk. It was early and fairly empty. Weird feeling to watch a man, a good 15+ years my senior, jog past me at a pace slower than I usually run. But I’ve been rehabilitating this knee for too long to do something stupid to acquiesce my ego.

After the jog I stopped at a bench to do my knee exercises with some other workout exercises in between and the walked up the hill home. At that point I decided to do my Calm App meditation while walking. At the end of each meditation Tamara Levitt always does a little lesson and today’s was about Vulnerability.

I enjoy these lessons and appreciate the insights Tamara shares, but today I struggled with the lesson. The main example Tamara gave was when someone at work asks how you are doing, and not giving the typical, ‘fine’, ‘ok’, or ‘busy’ response. Instead pause, and be willing to be vulnerable and share how you really feel.

While I appreciate how that could help someone who is struggling and feeling isolated, if this colleague is just an acquaintance, and not necessarily a true friend, it could make things worse.

We are all vulnerable in different ways, but to me vulnerability is not a good thing to share too openly. I’ve seen way too many bullying issues start because a student showed their vulnerability with the wrong kids, and grownups aren’t always much better.

It’s a double edged sword because if you hide your vulnerability and struggles from everyone, you are missing out on the love and support you could get in a time of need. However, if you are too open, the very vulnerability you are sharing could make you susceptible to being targeted, or the topic of gossip, and more in need of a real confident to share your vulnerabilities with!

Be vulnerable when you need to with those you trust and love… but beyond that, be thoughtful and careful.