Tag Archives: attention

Ask, seek, knock

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I am not religious, but I’ve read a fair bit of the Bible, both Old and New Testament, most of The Bhagavad Gita, a little bit of the Quran, the full Tao Te Ching many times, and I’ve dabbled in a few other scriptures.

Of these I’ve studied the Tao Te Ching the most, and at some point I want to explore this 81 verse text even more. But to me one of the most interesting verses from a religious text comes from the book of Matthew in the New Testament:

Matthew 7:7-8 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”

I think that this is more true than we think… and the challenge of this is in what we actually think. Yes, we all know that person that seems to be charmed, they walk through life like the world is their oyster and good things seem to happen to them all the time. And we also know an Eeyore, someone who seems to walk around with his or her own rain cloud, much like the gloomy character in Winnie the Pooh. In both cases these people seem to get what they want, although those things are drastically different from each other. But most people we know are not as extreme as these two characters.

Yet most of us inherently do spend much of our lives getting what we ask for. The thing we don’t realize is that:

We ask the wrong questions.

We seek the wrong things.

We knock on the wrong doors.

There is a lot of talk about the power of positive thinking, and I believe that the truth in it is that thinking positively allows you to ask the right questions, seek the right goals, and find the right doors to open up for you. Yet we often don’t ask the right questions. Have you ever wondered, “Why does stuff like this happen to me?” Ask and it will be given to you.

So often we want things that we don’t know how to properly ask for. We choose to look in the wrong places for luck, love, happiness, wealth, and success. We shut doors on ourselves, blocking opportunities because we don’t believe we are worthy, successful, capable, or even lucky enough to get through the metaphorical door.

This doesn’t mean we should blindly and blissfully go through life thinking positive and suddenly we will get everything we want. It does mean that we should question how we speak to ourselves, how we internalize the things that happen to and around us. When you think the world conspires against you, conspiracies continue to show up. When we wonder why other people are so lucky, we are unintentionally asking ourselves why we are not lucky? When we are bitter because someone else has an opportunity that we want our jealousy closes us off to finding our own similar opportunities.

It’s not magical. It’s not divine intervention. It’s our ability to open ourselves to opportunities and to see them as such. It’s recognizing how we limit ourselves in what we ask and seek… and allowing ourselves to find the right doors when opportunity knocks.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Meditation Journey

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I’ve been struggling to meditate recently. This is a cycle I go though, and I know it’s because I’ve never really and truly gotten into a meditative state. I intellectually understand that this is a journey that I’m on, and it’s the act of returning my attention to my breath or my point of focus that is the path. I understand that I have to be accepting of the journey I’m on, and to be open to the process.

I get it.

But I also don’t.

I still have yet to reach a state where I am not just redirecting my attention. Sure I’m more forgiving of myself while in the process, and I am quicker to return my attention than I was 4 or 5 years ago… but it’s not so much a meditation exercise as it is an attention exercise.

Every meditation session is a chance for my monkey brain to ‘try to’ quiet down for just a few minutes. That’s a positive thing, it’s not that I’m feeling like I’m wasting my time. I just feel like I’m not moving towards a truly meditative state. Maybe this is it for me? This is as quiet as my brain can get. Or maybe I need a retreat where I push myself for longer than a 15 minute guided meditation?

It just gets a little frustrating because it feels more like I’m on a giant learning plateau rather than a learning journey. It feels like I am working ever so slowly on an attention exercise and I really and truly don’t even know what meditation is? In any event, I’ll keep at it.

Phone Presence

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I’m writing this on my phone. My laptop is only 20 feet away from me and I’d definitely write faster on it, yet here I am on the couch tapping away with one finger at about 1/4 the pace of typing on a real keyboard. I could use voice to text but I find that I am not as reflective when I speak rather that type my thoughts. If I was writing more than a few hundred words, I’d probably head to my laptop, but I’ve gotten very used to writing my blog on my phone and will continue to do so most days.

Phones have become an essential part of our environment that we kind of live in as well as on. We’ve developed a sort of autopoiesis – a kind of a living system that allows it to maintain and renew itself by regulating its own composition and maintaining its own boundaries. It’s sort of a symbiotic relationship where we feed the phone with time and energy, and it self-perpetuates by giving us information, connections, entertainment and other functions.

Our phones help dictate how we interact with our environment and how the environment interacts with us. Phones have become ‘our environment’ that pulls us away from being present in the world beyond our phones. Case in point, there is a very high probability that you are choosing to read this on your phone.

I, for one, spend too much time on my phone. I am slowly learning to change that. I’m not checking email into the night, and I actually have all email notifications turned off. I am going to start keeping my phone on the counter instead of in my pocket for periods of time in the evening. And I’m going to continue to keep my phone on ‘Do not Disturb’ for most of the day, with my family and a handful of closest friends having the ability to ping me when it’s on this mode.

If I’m honest, I will still live in my ‘phone environment’ a fair bit, but I want more choice about when and how much time I live in its presence.

Petty things

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I was listening to Michaela Slinger’s break-up song, Petty Things, this morning while on my exercise bike and began to wonder, what are the petty things I worry too much about?

Here is one example: The bad driver that does something stupid, making me swear out loud while in my car. Then this festers in my brain for too long, perhaps even to the point of mentioning it to someone later in the day.

But I’m not writing this as an excuse to share my petty grievances. No, that’s literally complaining about them while simultaneously re-grieving them. Instead I’m questioning what underlies the petty things that make them feel more than petty?

What are those points of anger, frustration, hurt, and aggression that trigger a petty response in a way that is an obvious overreaction? What’s beneath the surface, waiting for a petty excuse to be shared?

And can we do the same with joy? Can we (naturally) look for those wonderful occasions of happiness and delight to spring out at any given moment. Can we foster inquisitiveness around joyful happenstance as easily as we sometimes trigger petty thoughts?

I think the animal in us sometimes overrides our humanity. We look for the dangers, the warnings, the things that make life challenging as a sort of animal self defence. But when an animal escapes danger, it literally and physically shakes it off and goes about its life. Humans remember, hold on to, and relive the experience.

If we want to change that, we need to be intentional. We need to seek the positive things we want to live in our minds rent free… petty things already reside there, it’s up to us to vacate those thoughts by filling our brains with things we know will be more enjoyable, more delightful. When we do this our petty grievances start to feel a lot more petty… we start charging rent for negative thoughts, while joy starts to live rent free.

Positive Observations

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Have you ever noticed people‘s affinity to focus on the negative?

You say what a beautiful day it is to a stranger outside a coffee shop, and the responses you get is, “I hear it’s going to rain tomorrow.”

You say what a great price for eggs, (🇨🇦), and the response is, “I can’t believe how high prices all are these days!”

At coffee with a friend this morning, he commented that my ‘observations’ recently have all been positive:

‘Workouts are going great, and I feel stronger than I ever have.’

‘Things have been running really smoothly at work, and I’m enjoying connecting with students the past few days.’

‘I’ve felt a lot more present recently than I have in the last few weeks.’

Where I used the word ‘observations’ above, very often the term tends to be ‘complaints’… things that I notice which are not going as well as they could be, or even if they are going well noting afterwards how this is fleeting.

I’m going to bask in these positive observations for a bit. Let them soak in and appreciate them… I had the funny urge to say, ‘while it lasts’ but as funny as that might be, it totally misses the point. I’m enjoying staying positive, and I look forward to this feeling continuing!

Time to read

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I haven’t been able to start a book in a couple months. I still listen to podcasts, but I usually also have a book on the go. Right now there isn’t a book that’s grabbing my interest. My last book was Revenge of the Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell, and I can’t tell you a single takeaway that I got from it.

Tipping Point was amazing. I read that shortly after it came out 25 years ago and I still remember things from it. Part of this is that the original was so much better than the sequel, but part of it is that I’m not listening to absorb right now. For the first time in 5 plus years I’m thinking of trying to read a paper book.

I love audio books. I find way more time to listen than to read, and while I used to read 3-5 books a year, I usually listen to 15-20+. But right now I can’t seem to stay focused on audio.

So maybe I put on my reading glasses and try paper again… but first I need a good book suggestion.

Full schedule

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For the last few days almost every minute of my day has been scheduled. It’s Friday morning and I’ve just decided to skip a breakfast meeting that I usually enjoy going to because instead of it felling like a good way to star the day, it feels like one more thing I have to run to and get back from. As it turns out, my weekend is almost as booked up as my week.

One simple indicator of a full schedule is when I’m constantly playing phone tag with people. When I’m having to constantly juggle trying to call people while listening to their messages and reading their texts, I know things have been busy. Less subtle is the fatigue, it sneaks up on me. I feel run down, my fitness routine goes into maintenance mode. My meditations are filled with distraction and a constant need to remind myself that I can think about the upcoming day later. And did I mention the fatigue? I feel tired and ready for bed before dinner, and the day is far from over.

I’m actually writing this at 6am, on my treadmill… One hand gripping the support rail, the other typing. I’m just skipping my meditation today, it won’t be meditative. Instead I’m going to listen to some soft music and really get a good stretch in. On the way to work I’m going to buy myself a triple shot Americano and maybe some egg bites.

I’m going to build in a slow start to my day, before my feet hit the metaphorical spinning hamster wheel, and I’m going to find my center. The more I think about it, the more relieved I feel about missing my breakfast meeting. My schedule is still a bit crazy for the next few days but at least this morning I have some control over it, and I’m grounding myself.

Then it’s head down and off I go!

It’s the little things

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Sometimes the path to a big goal gets in the way of the small moments along the way.

Sometimes the scheduled events in your calendar rob you of the time in between meetings.

Sometimes you have to just stop thinking about what’s next, and focus on what’s now… because sometimes the little things you do in a day, with others, are more important than anything coming your way.

Appreciate the little things happening now, don’t let them slip by while looking ahead. Those moments yet to come are not lost yet, but the little things you didn’t pay attention to earlier today… those are gone now.

Audio attention

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A few years ago I exclusively switched from reading books to listening to them. I was never a fast reader and always struggled with my attention when reading. I’d get lost in thought and read whole pages without absorbing any of the content. In fact, sometimes while reading I could turn back one page and not remember reading any part of it.

So for me, audio books were a blessing. I could just listen and absorb. However, I’m going through a phase now where I’m losing my attention while listening. My wondering mind becomes a wandering mind and I tune out the sound. When this happens, only one thing seems to get me out of it and that’s a good fiction book. By moving from learning content to enjoying an adventure, I start to tune back in.

So, I’ll put my current read on hold, I’ll skip my next planned read, and I’ll find myself a good fiction book to get lost in. Normally I save fiction for holiday time, but there’s no use listening to something informative now, if every few minutes I’m hitting the rewind button.

I need a good fiction audio book to remind me what it means to listen intently and pay attention.

Social media algorithm

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Sometimes I get sucked right into the death scroll. I am pulled into the vortex of swiping to the next video and being fully engaged entertained by what’s on my phone screen. I laugh out loud, I share with friends and family, I am amazed, I am enlightened. But mostly I’m entertained and distracted.

There is a love/hate relationship to this scrolling. I find it a healthy escape, better than watching a half hour TV show that has less than 22 minutes of actual show, and an often painful laugh track. Why watch something produced for the masses instead of a stream of vignettes that an algorithm caters to me? I also despise the time suck sometimes, wishing I got my butt off the couch because the 30 minutes I thought I was going to spend ends up being longer. Or worse yet, a quick check of the phone leads me into a direction I wasn’t planning on going.

I think my use is mostly healthy, but if I’m honest there are times when it’s really not. My week days are pretty manageable, with my scrolling primarily happening after dinner, but weekends tend to be a different story. Sometimes I can spend way too long staring at my phone. The algorithm figures me out and feeds me a continuous flow of entertaining distraction.

I don’t need to go on a social media diet, it’s not a problem, but it is something I need to pay attention to. Am I using the algorithm to provide a bit of entertainment, or is it merely a time-sucking distraction? Am I in control or am I letting the algorithm control me?