I’ve been listening to Bitter Sweet Symphony by The Verve for about a month now, every time I do my chin-ups.

Sometimes I get a song in my head and I just want to hear it again and again when I’m doing a specific task. When I do plank workouts, it’s Eminem’s Lose Yourself. And when I write, it’s a lyric-less song called ‘Nerve Centre’ on the Calm meditation app. I’m listening to this now, too late on Thursday night, because I can’t sleep.

Tomorrow is bitter sweet. For the past 2 years I’ve been principal of 3 completely different schools: An online school, a small innovative, uniquely structured, but ‘regular’ school, and an alternate school. These schools have nothing much in common except for being in the same building… and having me as Principal. After tomorrow, I’m no longer in charge of the alternate school.

I’ve been needing a change. The role has been exhausting and 2 years in it hasn’t gotten easier. It has been too much, and I always feel I’m letting at least one school down. So, although I’ll be adding some additional responsibilities, I know after 2 years, I will have more balance. But more importantly, I know I can do more for my schools and feel good about that.

So why is this bitter sweet? Where is the bitter part? I’m leaving a school with students I’ve connected with; I’m leaving a school I wish I did more for. I feel guilt that I feel relieved.

But I felt ready to quit a year ago. I was at my ropes end (figuratively only). What kept me going was my early morning fitness and meditation routine, my audio book consumption, and my healthy time restricted eating routine. Last summer, I added this daily blog. With these routines I created something outside of my work schedule that encouraged self-care. They gave me sustenance when my work scheduled didn’t.

It seems counterintuitive, that adding a bunch of extra routines helped me manage my busy schedule better, but they have strengthened my skills as an educator and a leader. I’m fitter and have more energy. I’m listening to non-fiction books that I constantly connect to my job. I reflect on my learning and life lessons here on my blog. And, I’m sure my daily meditation is helping too, although I still can’t calm my monkey brain down and concentrate on my breathing for longer than a minute, even after trying daily for over a year.

I look forward to dedicating more time to my 2 schools after tomorrow. I know this is a good thing… But Friday… Friday is going to be bitter sweet.