Tag Archives: writing

Waves and fluctuations

I’m an avid audio book listener, and I usually get through almost a book a week unless I am reading something that’s really long, then it could be two weeks. But I just took three weeks to listen to a 5-hour long book, and didn’t feel I got as much out of it as I had hoped.

One of my healthy living goals this year was to shoot arrows 100 days of the year. I’ve far exceeded that target, but last week I only shot once, and I think I might only get to shoot once this week. The long gaps have led me to be more inconsistent and two out of the last three outings have produced some of my lowest scores in months.

I’ve been doing really well in the gym and have added a few pounds in the past few months, but the past couple weeks I’ve been missing a few workouts or I’m working out, but not really pushing myself.

I’ve missed more meditations in the last 6 weeks than I’ve missed for the rest of the year. When I do meditate, it’s more like I am am having a quiet moment to think about random things. I can’t seem to focus on my breath any more than I could when I started my daily meditation routine almost 3 years ago.

I know that I can’t always be doing everything at my best, but usually the fluctuations vary and I am doing some things well while struggling in other areas. The only thing I’m still doing consistently is writing daily… but I’m finding that I’m quite slow and everything else in my morning routine needs to be rushed.

This isn’t some bigger issue that I’m aware of, I’m not feeling depressed or sad. I’m just in the wave trough of effort and enthusiasm of my routines, and hopefully going to move up to the crest soon. It’s just unusual to find myself ‘down here’ in so many aspects at once. I tend to find some balance that is missing. The question is, what do I do to get out of it? Do I focus on just one thing? Do I wake up earlier and give myself more time? Do I just accept the fluctuations and allow myself another week of going through the motions, knowing that I’ll find my way back, knowing that I can’t always bring my ‘A’ game to everything I do?

My indifference to trying to get out of this rut suggests to me that I need to allow myself this time. I’ll make sure that I don’t miss another meditation. I’ll try to see if I can get an extra session of shooting arrows in this week, even if it’s for half the time I usually shoot for. I’ll start a fictional novel even though I usually wait for the holidays to choose a book that I’m not learning from. None of these are huge steps, but each of them offer me an opportunity to move from trough to crest in one of these areas that I seem to be under-performing in.

More on writing every day

“When we stop worrying about whether we’ve done it perfectly, we can start working on the process instead. Saturday Night Live doesn’t go on at 11:30pm because it’s ready, It goes on because it’s 11:30. We don’t ship because we are creative, we are creative because we ship. Take what you get, and commit to a process to make it better.” Seth Godin, ‘The Practice’.

Seth has written over 7,000 blog posts on his daily blog, dating back to 2002. One interesting point that he makes is that no matter how many posts he writes, 50% of them are his worst 50%, and not as good as the other half. It’s impossible to do better than that. It’s not about doing great work every day, it’s about ‘shipping’ work every day. It’s about being creative every day, it’s about the process… the practice.

I’ve written pieces that I’ve thought were quite good, and no one will probably ever look back at them. I’ve knocked off a quick post with little thought, and it garnishes comments and positive feedback… and occasionally these two things coincide. But it’s not accolades or attention that matters to me nearly as much as the commitment to write every day. To do the creative work. To wordsmith, to ponder, to question, and to practice the art of writing.

So forgive the typos, the comma splices, the run on sentences. Indulge me when I intentionally break convention. Like this. This is my muse, and I do my best to ship every day. And exactly half of the time, you’ll get better than average work from me.

It comes down to this

I just deleted 3 paragraphs that led up to me writing this:

If you can’t take care of yourself during your busiest times, then you aren’t actually taking care of yourself.

That’s the whole post. No excuses, no postponing, no making up for it later. Take care of yourself. You’ll get more done and feel better doing it.

Thinking and sharing in the blogosphere

Yesterday I wrote about this quote, “Mindfulness is a pause – The space between stimulus and response: That’s where choice lies.” ~ Tara Brach

And Shiela Stewart shared a post she wrote with a similar quote, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”  ~ Viktor E. Frankl Man’s Search for Meaning

Sheila wrote this in July of 2014, over 7 years ago. Although I wasn’t blogging every day back then I had already been blogging for 8 years. In those early blogging years I was an avid reader of other blogs, including Sheila’s, and a whole host of other educators. We were all writing, and reflecting, and learning from each other. We were in a community that understood the power of sharing our thoughts out in the open.

But there were other people who didn’t understand why we would do this. There were those that questioned how we had the time. Those that thought we were self-indulgent and thought we were only writing for self promotion rather than self reflection and learning. That’s still around today but not as much.

The reality is that I enjoy writing. I’ve enjoyed it since high school. And I feel like a writer when I share my work publicly… when I share my work in a community of other writers. When I add to the blogosphere.

And I absolutely love when another blogger shares their work with me. I totally see why Sheila connected the two quotes above. I understand her ‘blogger’s mind’ that thinks, ‘Dave will appreciate me making this connection’. I love that the connection was to a 7-year-old post, and the Sheila was able to put the connection together so many years later. Bloggers can do that. They can pull an idea up from a decade ago and see how it relates all these years later. And they aren’t afraid to share those thoughts.

This is driven by an understanding that when we learn in the open we are exposed to more connections and ideas than when we keep our learning to ourselves. The idea of being an open and connected learner is one that I think can still be misunderstood, but it isn’t misunderstood by those who are doing it, only by those on the outside that don’t get it. This isn’t ‘insider information’, it’s not a secret. We happily share it out in the open, here in the blogosphere.

3am

I’ve got my screen dimmed and the tone of my phone’s light to warm colours, but I know the screen isn’t helping me sleep so this will be short.

I fell asleep sitting upright on a chair not too long after dinner and slept for a solid 4 hours in that position. Now I’ve been restless since before 2am. I’ve reached the point where I need to write and set my alarm later, because I don’t think I can wake up before 6am, and I’m not able to fall asleep right now.

It’s one thing to need less sleep than most, another to have insomnia, and still another to mess up my own sleeping patterns by napping before bedtime. So here I am at 3:10am with self-induced insomnia, feeling like I’ve had a crappy night and needing more unconscious time to have a productive day.

15 years ago I would have just started my day. But I can’t do that anymore. I know my limits and I need 3 more hours (hopefully uninterrupted) to have a good day ahead of me. I think writing this rather than laying down aimlessly staring at nothing will give me a sense of accomplishment, and I’ll fall asleep faster. And now that I’ve done my Daily-ink, I can set my alarm a half hour later.

I’ll end by wishing myself sweet dreams. This might be the first morning in weeks I’ll hear my alarm, rather than waking up 5-10 minutes before it. But before I wake up… I need to sleep.

2 years and a week ago

On July 6, 2019 I wrote ‘It’s Time…‘ and said,

“I tried over a decade ago, now I’m going to do it – a short daily blog.

It’s time…”

I don’t think I’ve missed a day since. It hasn’t always been easy. I sometimes don’t think I have anything worth sharing. But sometimes I write something that just feels right. Other times I just jot down a simple thought and it ends up getting more engagement from readers than I’d ever expect. I know I only have a handful of daily readers, but I have quite a few weekly readers that check out a post or two when it lands in their Twitter, LinkedIn, or Facebook feed.

I am thankful to have people read my writing, but I feel that I do my best writing when I forget my audience. I readily admit that I enjoy getting ‘likes’ and comments, and yet sometimes the simple act of hitting the ‘Publish’ button is all the reward I need.

My blog tag line now reads, “Writing is my artistic expression. My keyboard is my brush. Words are my medium. My blog is my canvas. And committing to writing daily makes me feel like an artist.”

As I state in the post where I originally wrote this, “The act of writing makes me a better writer. The commitment to this act every single day is itself a reward, making me feel like I’ve accomplished something before I even start my work day.”

Two years of public daily writing is a commitment that I wasn’t sure I could accomplish, and now I wonder how long I will keep going for? For right now, I feel that I have far more reasons to continue than to stop. So this blog will be continued every day until….

Public and private work

At Inquiry Hub students learn the difference between a working portfolio and a presentation portfolio. They don’t get electives in the same way a student in a large high school gets theirs. Instead of a Grade 9 looking at a large catalogue of courses to choose from, students get a couple ‘mandatory electives’… yet they end up with more choice and variety than students in big schools with many elective choices. This is possible because one of the mandatory courses is Foundations of Inquiry, where students get to choose their own topics.

Here is a Grade 10 student, Thia, describing her inquiries in her grade 9 year:

In Foundations of Inquiry, students create a working portfolio. Using OneNote, they share their documentation of work and progress with their teacher. They will include photographs, videos, and journaling, as well as reflections, progress reports, and copies of presentations done as part of the process. These notes are not public, beyond teacher access. In a way, these portfolios are the rough draft of what’s being done.

We also encourage students to publicly share their work. This can include on a blog or website, or a presentation beyond the classroom. It can include contacting mentors and experts and sharing what they have done. And it can include creating videos or doing presentations to family and community at school. These are public opportunities to share their portfolio, and this portfolio is polished and ready for sharing out in the open.

A daily journal like this is sort of a mix between the two kinds of portfolios. Writing every day, I don’t get to share polished work. I have no editors, I am generally sharing my first draft, looked over only by myself, once or twice, before scheduling the post to go live at 7:22am on most mornings… a random time I have selected and stick to on weekdays, when I’m up and writing before 5:30am. Weekends I publish later, and immediately after writing, rather than scheduling.

This is by all means a working portfolio. Some of my ideas are half baked. Some are fleeting thoughts expanded into a handful of sentences. Some are ideas like this where I give a long background before getting to the idea at hand. Some are thoughtful reflections that seem far more thought out than they actually are. And some really aren’t that good, and wouldn’t pass an editor, or even myself if I looked at it two days later.

A journal like my Daily-Ink is a constant work in progress, it is a working portfolio of ideas and thoughts. Yet, it is also very public. When I schedule a post, it automatically goes to RRS feeds, it gets put onto a Facebook page, and it is shared through Twitter and LinkedIn posts. It is put on public display on many fronts for anyone interested to see. It’s a glimpse into my mind, and it shows the rough edges. It is at once a draft and a final copy.

I don’t think many people would be comfortable doing this every day. I have to say that it is a huge commitment, but a rewarding one. Sometimes words flow and I feel an incredible sense of satisfaction. Sometimes I stare at a blank page with no idea what to write, questioning why I do this to myself? But, I wrote this one day and now share it as my blog tag line:

Writing is my artistic expression. My keyboard is my brush. Words are my medium. My blog is my canvas. And committing to writing daily makes me feel like an artist.

As I state in the post, “The act of writing makes me a better writer. The commitment to this act every single day is itself a reward, making me feel like I’ve accomplished something before I even start my work day.”

It’s not perfect, (in fact I found a typo in the quote above that I went back and changed). This is a working portfolio… it just happens to be one that I share publicly.

Cycles of energy and interest

This was the first weekend all year that I didn’t shoot arrows. I could have made the time but I didn’t. I’ve also been going through the motions for my workouts, getting my cardio in, but not doing a lot more. I think I need to change things up a bit. I am also finding my daily blog a lot harder to get started each morning, the blank page feels daunting.

I tend to be an even-keeled person who doesn’t hit extreme highs and lows, and so it can be hard to know when I’m feeling low. Often it’s only after I recognize my own lethargy towards the things I enjoy doing that I realize that I’m in a bit of a funk. While there are disadvantages to not feeling the high highs, there are advantages to not feeling the low lows… I can identify where I am and make small adjustments to unstick myself.

I’m going to wake up a bit earlier so I feel less rushed. I’m going to shoot arrows after school 3 times this week. I’m going to give myself a physical challenge that reinvigorates my workouts. I’ve hit a low cycle and I’ve realized it. I’m going to act my way into a new way of thinking, because that’s easier than thinking my way into a new way of acting.

I’m lucky that I’m able to do this, I know many who struggle to do the same, some who simply can’t. They get consumed by anxiety or depression and can not (as opposed to will not) move themselves out of it easily. For those that struggle in this way, we are unhelpful when we tell them to snap out of it, or just to think of something else, or to cheer up.

For them we can be helpful by listening, not judging, by acknowledging, not instructing, and by engaging in active conversations, going for walks, being outside, and being social. We can share our energy and time. I think too often we don’t give people we care about our time.

For me, I need to give myself the time to do things I enjoy… and I need to remind myself that I enjoy these things. It’s like I need a reminder that I get joy out of the things I enjoy. I like shooting arrows, even if my score doesn’t constantly get better. I enjoy writing daily, it’s a positive outlet, not a chore. I enjoy getting my heart rate up and feeling the endorphins of a good quick workout. And I’m blessed that I can cognitively make this shift simply by thinking about it.

And so my workout beckons. I’m going to try my new headphones on my treadmill, then do a light all-around workout keeping my heart rate up the whole time, rather than pushing any one muscle group. And I’ll put my current audio books on hold and listen to some music today.

It’s time to shift into a good cycle, and I’m already on my way simply by writing about it today.

A One Dot Day

Starting January 1st, 2019, I’ve been tracking my healthy living goals. Four goals each getting a sticker, on a year long calendar, when I do them each day. This year the stickers/goals are:

  • Red – workout: 20 minutes cardio (10 if rowing), and some strength, core, and/or stretching
  • Yellow – writing on this blog, and some audio book time (usually while working out or commuting or doing chores)
  • Blue – minimum 10 minutes meditation
  • Green – Archery, with an original goal of 100 days this year, now updated to 125.

On Saturday, I had a 1-dot day, (one sticker on my calendar), for the first time this year. Then forgetting to meditate again Sunday (yesterday), I had my first back-to-back miss of mediation in over 2 years.

This made me look back and find a pattern I don’t like. I’m getting lazy on weekends. I’m not waking up early to start my routine, then I no longer have a routine. When I started these goals, I intentionally started them at the end of a holiday break when I was going back to a job that was the busiest I’d ever been. I told myself that if I could maintain these habits when at my busiest, I could develop life patterns of staying healthy. Before this I always had the excuse of “I’ll start again when things slow down.”

Well now I’ve been able to maintain my healthy goals through the craziest of busy times, but I’m becoming a bit of a sloth on weekends/breaks when I have more time. It’s good to notice the pattern and learn from it. No more one dot days for me this year, and I’m going to endeavour to always have three dots on days off work. This isn’t a chore, it’s a lifestyle choice, and my lifestyle is going to include lots of daily dots.

Sharing my posts

I had a meeting yesterday morning where we did small breakout sessions, and we discussed a topic that I’ve talked about a few times here on my Daily-Ink. I wanted to share something I wrote, but decided not to. Then we met a second time but it ended up being me and just one other colleague in the room. We continued the conversation and afterwards, I shared a link to one of the pieces I wrote via email. I got a really positive response, and I’m glad I did share it, but I’m always hesitant to do this.

It’s kind of weird, I write every day, and my post is automatically shared to Twitter, LinkedIn, and my Facebook page, so I obviously don’t mind sharing my work publicly. Yet I always feel like sharing my own writing at work is like shameless self-promotion rather than sharing my thoughts. It feels like I’m trying to show off, or that I’m bragging. Sometimes I’ll use my writing as a reference to what I say, but don’t mention the blog post or share the link.

I think that part of the challenge is that on social media people can choose to read or ignore my posts, and there is no price to pay if someone chooses to ignore the post, However, if I share it directly with someone, well then I’m kind of expecting it to be read. I’m forcing it on someone. This is me just thinking ‘out loud’ about this. I don’t think I’ll change my habits. I think I’ll continue to be overly cautious about sharing my writing in conversations with colleagues.

It’s not that I’m shy, it’s that I’m trying to be respectful. I don’t want to push my writing on people. But sometimes I articulate things better in my writing than I do trying to formulate my thoughts on the spot. I’m a slow processor, a slow thinker, and work through things better through writing than speaking.

That said, I can be quite vocal and no one has ever accused me of not participating in a discussion. Maybe that’s part of issue? I am vocal enough, and spreading or sharing my writing is just ‘over the top’. I’ve spent a few years developing my listening skills, and redirecting my thoughts to what’s being said, rather than what I want to say next. This is a skill that needs to be practiced, especially since I tend to be a lateral thinker that sees connections to things rather than seeing a single track of a conversation. So my brain wants to bounce to related things, off topic things, and maybe something I’ve previously written. But is that thing I wrote truly relevant to the conversation, or is it just relevant to me?

I don’t think I’ll share my posts at work any more than I already do after writing this. I think it’s probably a good thing that I hold back, and I’ll continue to do so.