Tag Archives: vulnerability

No Authenticity Without Sincerity

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I was listening to the Modern Wisdom podcast with Chris Williamson and he said something that really struck a chord with me,

“…society is obsessed with authenticity and terrified of sincerity.”

For me it’s the perfect vacation photo, but it took 20 minutes to take because that’s how long it took to have a split second of time when the scene doesn’t look over-crowded.

It’s the beauty advice from people with injection enhanced lips and inch long false eyelashes.

It’s the made-to-look-candid moments that are completely contrived.

It’s the ‘I’m an influencer’ entitlement.

It’s the beauty filters that remove wrinkles and age lines while enhancing complexion.

… I could go on. The point being all this happens with an air or attempt to share an authentic moment, a real, ‘this is me’ connection’, or a ‘I’ve got what you want’ attitude, all the while masquerading as sincere.

It’s conveyed as authentic, yet there is pretence, deceit, and/or hypocrisy. It’s the promise that you can have it all: the beauty, the physique, the wealth, the perfect significant other, the happy and fulfilled life.

‘If I can do it, you can too.’

Never mind genetics, forget about privilege, disregard the challenges that are proclaimed as easy or simple to overcome. Leave behind sincerity.

Real authenticity comes with vulnerability. But vulnerability is seen as weakness. So everyone’s afraid of sincerity because theky don’t want their message, and more importantly themselves, to appear vulnerable and weak.

What are we left with?

“…society is obsessed with authenticity and terrified of sincerity.”

What do we see?

False authenticity thinly vailed as sincere but really just an illusion. It’s performative rather than practical. And yet somehow it gains traction, and social media algorithms just feed us more. More vapid messages pretending to be genuine but never sincere enough to be truly authentic.

Vulnerability can be a double edged sword.

This morning I did my second outdoor run (read light jog) since breaking kneecap at the end of February. I’m staying at my sister’s place down at the beeches near Queen Street, and jogged the board walk. It was early and fairly empty. Weird feeling to watch a man, a good 15+ years my senior, jog past me at a pace slower than I usually run. But I’ve been rehabilitating this knee for too long to do something stupid to acquiesce my ego.

After the jog I stopped at a bench to do my knee exercises with some other workout exercises in between and the walked up the hill home. At that point I decided to do my Calm App meditation while walking. At the end of each meditation Tamara Levitt always does a little lesson and today’s was about Vulnerability.

I enjoy these lessons and appreciate the insights Tamara shares, but today I struggled with the lesson. The main example Tamara gave was when someone at work asks how you are doing, and not giving the typical, ‘fine’, ‘ok’, or ‘busy’ response. Instead pause, and be willing to be vulnerable and share how you really feel.

While I appreciate how that could help someone who is struggling and feeling isolated, if this colleague is just an acquaintance, and not necessarily a true friend, it could make things worse.

We are all vulnerable in different ways, but to me vulnerability is not a good thing to share too openly. I’ve seen way too many bullying issues start because a student showed their vulnerability with the wrong kids, and grownups aren’t always much better.

It’s a double edged sword because if you hide your vulnerability and struggles from everyone, you are missing out on the love and support you could get in a time of need. However, if you are too open, the very vulnerability you are sharing could make you susceptible to being targeted, or the topic of gossip, and more in need of a real confident to share your vulnerabilities with!

Be vulnerable when you need to with those you trust and love… but beyond that, be thoughtful and careful.