Tag Archives: society

Kind eyes

I was having Pho (Vietnamese soup) with my daughter at a restaurant and I looked over at a table behind her. The closest man facing me was being served by the waitress and I noticed that his eyes looked so very kind as he smiled. I told my daughter to turn around and take a look at him and tell me what his eyes said to her, and she too chose the adjective ‘kind’.

My daughter then said, “I wish we lived in a world where we could tell people things like that, like just walk up to a stranger and say, ‘you have amazing hair’, without being creepy.”

And sure enough, I could not think of a way to tell this man, ‘Excuse me, I was sitting across from you and just wanted to say that you have the kindest eyes,’ in a way that wouldn’t just as equally creep him out as much as it would be taken as a compliment. The comment stayed unsaid. In fact, I’d completely forgot about it until after we left the restaurant.

I think it’s a bit sad that compliments like that are not socially accepted. Compliments don’t need to have an agenda. At the same time I can see how certain compliments can cross a line, ‘kind eyes’ is fine, but a ‘pretty nose’ might be weird. Still, my daughter got me thinking about this. If nothing else, we should at least take the time to notice the kindness in others, even if we are just projecting that kindness on them.

…And the next time you smile at someone, remember to start that smile with your eyes.

7 Sins, Part 5 – Wrath

There is a distinct line between justice and vengeance. You wouldn’t learn this from watching movies. Moviemakers love to romanticize the idea of vengeance and wrath. Anger permits an eye-for-an-eye retaliation and wrath is accepted as a just and fair response to an injustice. But in real life does wrath provide solace and resolution?

Doesn’t anger beget anger? Doesn’t wrath produce wrath? How do we respond to hurtful people? This is not easy to answer.

I see much anger and wrath these days being pointed towards ignorance and ignorant people.

“You should know better.”

“What’s the matter with you?”

“You are a condescending jackass.”

And I also see far worse behaviour and wrath from ignorant people. Racism and intolerance is worse when coupled with wrath.

“You people are so… ”

“Your culture is so rude.”

“Why don’t you just go back home.”

I understand the nuance of how these examples differ, how the first examples can seem justifiable while the latter example seem inexcusable. My examples do not seem to be comparable, not deserving of equal footing. They are indeed not equal but my point is simply that wrath, no matter where it comes from, does not move us forward in a positive way.

Wrath is ugly. Responses can bring rage and retaliation or they can foster resolution. Wrath and anger do not solve problems. Wrath and vengeance does not bring peace. Wrath and vindictive behaviour does not inspire civility and neighbourly love.

When we are seething and seeing red, we can lash out in ways that are unbecoming of us. Wrath does not elicit resourcefulness. It does not inspire qualities we want to share, or that we want shared with us. Wrath is not a response we want, even to wrath itself.

Wrath can be fed, or wrath can be diffused. The power we have lies in our ability to respond in civil ways, that invite conversation and understanding rather than anger. However angry responses to wrath are easy, and compassion and forgiveness take effort. The effort is worth it if you do not want the wrath outside you to become wrath within you.

7 Sins Series

  1. Gluttony
  2. Envy
  3. Pride
  4. Lust
  5. Wrath
  6. Greed
  7. Sloth

Resilience #OneWord2020

If I were to pick 2 words for 2020, I might pick “Growth Mindset”, but if I’m only choosing a single word, it would be:

Resilience

The world needs this word right now. Here are some specific places I see a need to pay attention to this #OneWord in 2020.

In Schools:

Student anxiety seems to be on the rise, and anxiety lowers resilience and the willingness to try new things. Words seem to ‘injure’ students in ways that victimize them rather than make them stronger. This is not to say that students should tolerate bullying or inappropriate language or slander, rather they should speak up, defend themselves, and report poor behaviour. Instead it seems that they feel wounded and do not act. This is a sensitive topic, but one where I’ve seen a greater awareness of adults who want to support students and at the same time I see students allowing words to hurt them deeply, giving too much power to the transgressor.

In Politics:

I said this in Ideas on a Spectrum, “In a civil society, dialogue is the one problem-solving strategy that should be sacred. To do this, free speech is essential. But right now there is a culture of ‘attack the opposition’ that is very scary.“ – We need to be resilient when hearing opposing views, and understand that, “…we must be tolerant and accepting of opposing views, unaccepting of hateful and hurtful acts, and smart enough to understand the difference.” When we can’t have conversations with people that have different political views, we don’t grow as a culture or as a society.

In Online Spaces:

People will make mistakes online. They will say things that are unintentionally hurtful, or blindly offensive. This is different than someone being intentionally biased and rude. If the slander is intentional, it should be reported. If it is unintentional, even to the point of ignorance, we need to be more resilient about what our responses are. When every transgression is treated with an attack, the most severe/bigoted/rude/biased transgressions are not given the heightened alarm that they deserve. With lesser errors and mistakes, we need to let people have a venue to recognize their errors and invite conversation rather than damnation.

Growing up, I heard the playground retort to taunts, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never harm me.” We are past the era of letting nasty people say whatever nasty things they want, and just turning the other cheek to pretend we are not hurt. This is a good thing. We want to live in a world where that behaviour is not acceptable. But it does not serve us well to treat the attacker like they can not repent or be sorry. It does not serve us to let the words said hurt us too deeply. By being resilient we can speak up, clarify our perspective, and engage in conversations that help us feel empowered rather than victimized.

Resilience allows us to be strong, flexible, and engaged in a society that is the kind of society we want to live and thrive in.

Doing the math when trying to do better

If you are dealing with machinery, there comes a point where the cost of more efficiency or productivity can become too exorbitant to justify improvement. But is this true in the same way for tweaking social systems?

Making a car go 10% faster, or making it 10% more efficient on gas or battery life can prove to be too expensive to be worthwhile. It can be a simple cost/benefit equation. But what about improving teamwork or relationships?

What’s the price of a team not working well, but not trying to make it better? What’s the price of poor communication continuing without working to improve communication channels and clarity? What’s the price of maintaining unfairness, inequality, or injustice?

When does the cost of positive social change become inefficient?

If you ask me, unlike the simple math when dealing with machinery, we can’t do the math in improving social change until we’ve done more to make things right. The costs we can’t tolerate here sit on the extremes. They are the costs of ignorance, hate, and blame. They are also the costs of retaliation, shaming, and sweeping generalizations.

What is the cost of social change for good? My simple math tells me the effort is worth the price we need to pay. Because the value we get always exceeds the price we pay, when we are striving to make the world a better place.

Having choice

There are billions of people in our world that are constrained by not having enough choice.

How many people in the world don’t have a choice of what their next meal will be? How much they will get? How nourishing it is?

How many children must work, and do not have the opportunity to go to school?

How many children do not have a choice of more than one thing to wear? Or are forced to wear something for religious reasons?

How many people pray to an unjust and cruel God, for fear of the wrath of their own family or community, (and not God), to ask questions?

How many people are not given the chance to speak out against their ruling government for fear of imprisonment or death?

Basic human and civil liberties are something that have improved over the past 50 years, and simple metrics like reductions in poverty and in deaths by malnutrition tell us this. But in an ever shrinking world brought together by the internet, inequalities are far more visible. And the sensitive nature of some of these topics are such that people speaking out can face ridicule, harassment, and might even fear for their lives.

Some people are given less choice about how they get to live their lives: The language they speak, their geography, their ethnicity, their gender, their sexual orientation, their parents, their social and economic status, all these can in some way limit or privilege the choices a person has. But for many, they are not limited in their ability to see what others have, and even show off, that they do not have. Affluence and privilege is flaunted openly and excessively. This creates an even bigger divide, because the rich and the famous so obviously have choices that others do not. Agency feels relative when comparing those who have much of it from those that do not.

How important is the right to basic survival (food and shelter)?

How important is the right to a good education?

How important are civil rights and freedoms?

These are all vitally important when they are not available, and easy to undervalue when they are readily available. When we are given the freedom and choices others are not, what is our obligation to speak up and to help the less fortunate?

What obligation should the wealthiest people of the world, those with the most choice, have towards those with less choice?

If you earned $1,300.00 a day for 2,000 years, you still wouldn’t be a billionaire. If you spent $36,000.00 a day for 75 years, you still would not have spent a billion dollars. How is it that the number of billionaires in the world are growing? What does this small group of people need this much money for?

Inequalities are so blatantly obvious in our world today. Some of these are being addressed in amazing ways, but globally inequalities are being exaggerated. Geography, wealth, culture, and history matter significantly and these all factor into the choices people have and, in many cases, the choices people don’t have. I think the most powerful choice we can make is to choose what we value, and devote time, effort, and compassion to those with less choice than us… and not valuing fortune, fame, and financial affluence. This is a choice we can all make.

How long until we are all cyborgs?

We already have cyborgs living among us. Glasses and contact lenses are not built into us, but they allow those with poor sight to do more than if they didn’t have them. My uncle had a mechanical heart. My friend’s dad has had a pacemaker for decades now. Some diabetics have sensors embedded in them, either fixed or temporarily. These are not enhancements as much as accommodations to aid a deficiency, but how long will it be until we are all cyborgs in some way?

Imagine sensors in your eyes identifying someone from 150 feet away and letting you know their name before they come into focus. Imagine hearing a phone message from within your ear. Imagine a sensor telling you that you are having a mild heart attack before your body gives you any sensory indication of the oncoming issue.

There are apps that exist that can already tell you when people you know are nearby. Bluetooth let’s you have voices go privately to your ears without your phone being close to your head. Fitbits and Apple watches monitor your health regularly and more closely than we’ve ever been able to be monitored before. Apple watches are already saving lives.

How long until these external tools are embedded in us? Part of us? Enhancing us? We will be cyborgs in the future, because to choose not to be will be to choose to have a deficiency compared to those around us.

Metrics for a truly prosperous future

What if…

• Shareholders were Careholders?

• Profit was Pro-employee?

• Progress was Pro-human?

What if…

• News Agencies downplayed Violence?

• Social Engagement was less valued than Social Wellbeing?

• Joyful Memes spread faster and farther than Viral Anger?

How do we put our 5-star ratings on good ideas rather than just on good products? What metrics do we need to measure, and to value, to create a truly prosperous future?

The great divide

I make a commitment as an educator to promote people doing their civic duty and voting, and so I choose not to publicly share who I vote for. I want people to exercise their right, and participate in the democracy that they live in, and I’d rather promote that than promote any one party.

That said, I must say that I’m saddened by the story told by voters in yesterday’s election:

  1. The news leading up to the election focused on dirty tactics and the ‘ugliness’ of the attacks by parties on other parties.
  2. The Bloc Québécois had a resurgence, suggesting the return of separatist attitudes in Quebec.
  3.  While the Liberals won, the Conservatives had the popular vote.
  4. #Wexit was trending during the election, with Albertans wanting to start their own separatist movement for Western Canada.

The story being told is one of a divided nation. Head south of the border and the story, while quite different, also speaks of divisiveness in their upcoming election as well. Head ‘across the pond’ and Brexit tells yet another story of a country divided.

How does our media promote this? News headlines need to be catchy to gain clicks and advertising, or to keep people glued to their television. Social media sites are slow to respond to hateful comments and trolling. Hate and divisiveness spreads quickly. False information is easily shared. Memes that attack and ridicule get more likes and shares compared to newsworthy items on issues that really matter.

Why are democracies becoming so polarized, separatist, and adversarial? Why do we identify on the extremes rather than recognize that our ideas and opinions sit on a spectrum? Why do these extremes define our politics?

I don’t have answers to these questions. I have concerns about how great a divide we are seeing, and I wonder what can be done to promote a democracy that can be defined by unity rather than polarization?

Vote. It matters!

Today is Election Day in Canada. 🇨🇦

I’ve already written that ‘Voting is a civic duty‘.

Now it is up to you! Every vote matters. It matters not because your one single vote is likely to make a difference. It matters because living in a democracy matters. Freedom matters. The opportunity to vote matters.

…And if it matters, then do your part.

Vote!

Voting is a civic duty

We live in a democratic society. We are given the privilege of being part of the system of rule in our country. We ought to be obligated to fulfill our civic duty.

What should the penalty be for not voting? I believe that people who do not vote should be taxed a min. of $150, or 0.5% of your taxable income, which ever is greater. Proceeds go to supporting the delivery of our next election.

There are many excuses not to vote:

“My vote doesn’t matter.”

“It won’t make a difference.”

“All politicians are corrupt.”

“The person I want to vote for is going to lose anyway.”

“Who cares, nothing changes anyway.”

“I can’t be bothered.”

None of these excuses are better than living in a country where you don’t have the opportunity or choice. None of them make you a better citizen, a more valued member of your community. They are excuses that come from apathetic people.

Do your civic duty and vote!

Here is a website created to help you compare policies and put your vote behind the party and people that most align with your own views:

VoteMate.org