Tag Archives: journaling

Fear to share

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I’m pretty honest when I write here. I have written about challenges with my headspace, about how hard it can be to write every day, and when things haven’t necessarily gone well for me. I’ve even ranted a few times about things that drive me nuts. But if you were to look back at my 1,600+ blog posts since I started writing daily, I think you’d see that I’m a pretty positive person.

And still I find myself struggling to share that today was a crummy day for me. Nothing bad happened, I didn’t get any bad news, I just had a crappy, unhappy day. I was in a funk and I couldn’t get out of it.

I recognized it enough to ask a friend to connect with me after work, and he gave me some good advice. So I stayed off my phone other than listening to a podcast in my hot tub. And I’m in bed at 9pm writing this so that I can set it to publish in the morning and sleep in a little later.

It bugs me that I wanted to hide this melancholy feeling and pretend that everything is ok. I am thinking about the problem with the happy lives of Instagramers, who put only the happiest, most perfectly posed photos on their stories, and who hide every blemish, ever disappointment, and every mundane experience or feeling. I don’t want to replicate that. I think it’s ok to say, ‘today sucked, I’m not feeling like I’m in a good place,’ without making people worry about me, or question my happiness at work or at home.

We stigmatize sharing mental health challenges and simultaneously glorify our best lives on social media. No one wants to be seen as ‘broken’. So a simple bad day gets tucked away. And a selfie with a pet and a smile goes online.

Today was not a good day. I’m privileged enough to be able to say that because I have 1,600 other things I’ve written that normalize me and don’t make me look fragile or weak. But how many people hide it? How many smiling Facebook and Instagram posts are masks hiding darker, unshared feelings? How many people would benefit from sharing but don’t have a friend or partner to rely on, or a space to share their feelings and feel safe rather than vulnerable and exposed.

Tomorrow will be a better day for me, I know this already. I’m lucky, I have good coping mechanisms figured out and I’m told by many I have an ‘even keeled’ disposition. Those who know me aren’t going to be concerned about what I’ve written.

But what about those who aren’t ok? Who don’t have good coping strategies, and who have a fear to share? How hard is it for them to see the happy, smiling social media posts, oblivious that some of those posts mask the same feelings they have?

Not everyone is as fortunate as me to be able to share a crappy day and not feel judged.

Public and private work

At Inquiry Hub students learn the difference between a working portfolio and a presentation portfolio. They don’t get electives in the same way a student in a large high school gets theirs. Instead of a Grade 9 looking at a large catalogue of courses to choose from, students get a couple ‘mandatory electives’… yet they end up with more choice and variety than students in big schools with many elective choices. This is possible because one of the mandatory courses is Foundations of Inquiry, where students get to choose their own topics.

Here is a Grade 10 student, Thia, describing her inquiries in her grade 9 year:

In Foundations of Inquiry, students create a working portfolio. Using OneNote, they share their documentation of work and progress with their teacher. They will include photographs, videos, and journaling, as well as reflections, progress reports, and copies of presentations done as part of the process. These notes are not public, beyond teacher access. In a way, these portfolios are the rough draft of what’s being done.

We also encourage students to publicly share their work. This can include on a blog or website, or a presentation beyond the classroom. It can include contacting mentors and experts and sharing what they have done. And it can include creating videos or doing presentations to family and community at school. These are public opportunities to share their portfolio, and this portfolio is polished and ready for sharing out in the open.

A daily journal like this is sort of a mix between the two kinds of portfolios. Writing every day, I don’t get to share polished work. I have no editors, I am generally sharing my first draft, looked over only by myself, once or twice, before scheduling the post to go live at 7:22am on most mornings… a random time I have selected and stick to on weekdays, when I’m up and writing before 5:30am. Weekends I publish later, and immediately after writing, rather than scheduling.

This is by all means a working portfolio. Some of my ideas are half baked. Some are fleeting thoughts expanded into a handful of sentences. Some are ideas like this where I give a long background before getting to the idea at hand. Some are thoughtful reflections that seem far more thought out than they actually are. And some really aren’t that good, and wouldn’t pass an editor, or even myself if I looked at it two days later.

A journal like my Daily-Ink is a constant work in progress, it is a working portfolio of ideas and thoughts. Yet, it is also very public. When I schedule a post, it automatically goes to RRS feeds, it gets put onto a Facebook page, and it is shared through Twitter and LinkedIn posts. It is put on public display on many fronts for anyone interested to see. It’s a glimpse into my mind, and it shows the rough edges. It is at once a draft and a final copy.

I don’t think many people would be comfortable doing this every day. I have to say that it is a huge commitment, but a rewarding one. Sometimes words flow and I feel an incredible sense of satisfaction. Sometimes I stare at a blank page with no idea what to write, questioning why I do this to myself? But, I wrote this one day and now share it as my blog tag line:

Writing is my artistic expression. My keyboard is my brush. Words are my medium. My blog is my canvas. And committing to writing daily makes me feel like an artist.

As I state in the post, “The act of writing makes me a better writer. The commitment to this act every single day is itself a reward, making me feel like I’ve accomplished something before I even start my work day.”

It’s not perfect, (in fact I found a typo in the quote above that I went back and changed). This is a working portfolio… it just happens to be one that I share publicly.

Documenting progress through journaling

When I restarted archery last December, I was told by my coach that I should be journaling after each practice. I don’t know why, but I decided that I’d do this using pen and paper. So when I come home from practice, I open my paper notebook and I reflect and journal. Then I take a photo of this and add it to an archery album on my phone, where I also add photos of my score cards.

At Inquiry Hub we are always telling students to document their journey. For some this is a natural thing that they do, for others it’s a challenge. I remember doing a presentation at a local conference, and I took along a few soon-to-be grads from our first year with iHub grads. An educator asked one of the grads, ‘What would you tell your younger self if you were to start back at Inquiry Hub all over again. (A great question.) One of my grads said, without missing a beat. “Oh that’s easy, I’d say, ‘document, document, document’.”

This student and his twin brother had done some amazing inquiries, however they didn’t journal along the way nearly as much as they should have. For example they assembled a very finicky 3D printer, and watched many amateur user videos to trouble shoot, but they didn’t make their own videos when they came up with clever fixes and hacks. Graduating and looking back, they could see what they missed out on.

Students can learn so much from regularly reflecting on both successes and failures. So too can adults. My journal today didn’t look at the frustration I had tuning my new bow. Instead I capitalized on the idea that, while my site and rest are still off, and I’m adjusting as I go, I can still focus on my shot process and do that well.

I know that keeping a learning journal has helped me with my progress as an archer. For some reason, I also feel that literally putting ‘pen to paper’ has helped me anchor in the lessons that a digital journal wouldn’t. And yet, I tend to look at the journal more because it is also available digitally on my phone. All this to say, that as part of a learning process, reflection and journaling are very effective.

Remember that along your learning journey, it’s a good idea to journal, reflect, and document, document, document.

Journaling Out Loud

There is something cathartic about writing a public daily journal, but there is also a sense of vulnerability.

On the one hand, I get to freely publish my thoughts and ideas, on the other hand I wonder if anything I share is worth reading.

On the one hand I get feedback on my writing, on the other hand people read these thoughts and I have know idea if they found any value in them?

On the one hand I get to share my ideas and thoughts, on the other hand I worry that I might be over sharing.

Imagine how impossible it would have been 50 years ago to have a daily diary being shared beyond a household. Or to have your own video channel, or to send public messages on social media websites.

I’m sure there are some people that wonder, ‘why would anyone want to do this anyway?’ That’s actually not a bad question. For me, I love to write and I wasn’t doing enough of it. The self-created obligation to do so inspires me to make the commitment.

Sometimes I write something that I love, and it barely gets read. Sometimes I write something I find ‘fluffy’ and it gets a lot of attention. And sometimes the worlds of personal and external appreciation connect and I see something that I created and feel good about get recognition. I can say the attention doesn’t matter at that point, but I’d be lying. Why does anyone take the time to write? Why are so many books published every year? What is it that compels people to share their words with others?

Maybe it’s just attention seeking, but I don’t think so. I think that we are thinking beings that have many ways to express those thoughts and while some people really like to chat, others prefer the pen… In was going to say ‘even if it’s a digital pen’, but should say ‘especially if it’s a digital pen’.

Digital ink has some unique qualities. So does public journaling. You can link to others’ ideas:

“For years, I’ve been explaining to people that daily blogging is an extraordinarily useful habit. Even if no one reads your blog, the act of writing it is clarifying, motivating and (eventually) fun.“ ~Seth Godin

You can hash out your own ideas. It’s an opportunity to think and share in the open. It gives voice to written words. And so if you’ve read to this point, thank you.

If you’ve seen a post that resonates with you, let me know. If you disagree with me, leave a comment, or send me a private one. Or, just keep reading… and I will keep writing.

Dear me, take my advice, it’s free!

I’ve been writing my daily posts for over 6 months now and some of them come off as if I’m writing some sort of advice column… like yesterday’s post on Undermining Self-Sabotage.

I say things like,

It’s the small thing that you can do today that move you to a bigger goal. Small, repeatable things that become habits. These small things undermine self-sabotage. When you surround yourself with small positive, incremental changes, your trajectory changes, and the people around you notice.

But despite addressing the writing to you, admittedly, I’m talking to myself. The book I shared in yesterday’s post, Atomic Habits by James Clear, was very influential to me. I read it at a time when I was making some really positive changes in some areas of my life, but not in others. I still have more work to do.

If I come off as preachy, or like I’m sharing some sagely advice, please know that I’m doing it from a position where I’m trying to take my own advice too. Atomic Habits is one of many great books I listened to last year. If I don’t actively reflect and write about what I’m learning, I won’t really have learned anything. And if I change the pronouns in the quote above to I/me/myself then to me my writing sounds self-centered, and even pretentious.

By the very nature of writing a public journal, I find myself talking to you, the reader, and you get to share my journey. So, when I give it, please feel free to take my advice, or to take my advice with a grain of salt. In reality, I’m talking to myself, and sharing it in the open. Free advice from me, to me, and as it turns out, for you too… if you find it useful.

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Oh, and by the way, if you think some of the things I say are full of crap, please let me know! It’s bound to happen. When I’m trying to pump out a different idea every day, at some point(s) I’ll be deluding myself in some way, but I’m probably too close to the idea to see the error in my thinking. That’s when I would most appreciate a comment or a question to help me learn and grow.

I’ll leave you with one last quote from James Clear,

“I didn’t start out as a writer. I became one through my habits“

Thank you for joining me in the practice of this daily habit.