Exercise, writing, meditation, diet… even vitamins… my schedule and routines are completely out of whack, and I’m feeling the struggle. I don’t mind a few days off, but I’ve been off of a regular schedule for over a month now and it’s getting to me. My back is achy, I have less energy, and I’m not sleeping well.

I often talk about this, and I get comments like, ‘Don’t be so hard on yourself.’ But the reality is that it’s not about me beating myself up or not giving myself a break. Rather it’s that I get huge benefits out of maintaining my routines, and I am not as energetic and vital when I let things slip.

Furthermore, when I lose my routines on holidays, I spiral a bit and end up missing things that are well within my ability to schedule. For example, I’ve only meditated twice in the last week, but I’ve definitely had at least 10 if not 20 minutes each day that I could have used to meditate. Also, I’m writing this when I should already be sleeping.

So, once again I’m sharing my complaints, but neither for sympathy nor for comments about not being so hard on myself. Rather I’m sharing because outwardly discussing this, putting it ‘out there’ is a way I hold myself accountable. And so I’m just saying that I need to do better… and tomorrow I’ll make things better.

This is my way of manifesting the behaviours I want for myself. And I’ll feel better both physically and mentally.